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One in three Britons would refuse to take in an elderly parent
Danny_Silver
Posts: 902 Forum Member
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A third of Britons would refuse to let their elderly parents move in with them if they needed full-time care, a report revealed yesterday.But the overwhelming majority would not be so welcoming, with a third (32 per cent) saying they ‘would not let their parents move in’ and just over a third (36 per cent) admitting they ‘would have to seriously think about it’.
However when asked how they would feel if their parents went into a care home, responses included ‘sad, guilty, concerned or emotional’.
The report, by care home provider Care UK, touches on one of the biggest social problems facing Britain – the future of pensioners at a time when many are living longer than ever before.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-2711433/One-three-Britons-refuse-elderly-parent-But-number-taking-lodgers-doubles-five-year.html
They are having a phone in about this on LBC radio and a lot of the callers feel the same. I'm surprised by this but I can understand why people will refuse.
This is not the case in other countries/Cultures..
What are your views?
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Or the space/extra room.
i imagine asian families would be like 0% there. any stats on that? just curious.
It is in Japan, actually. Increasingly, families are refusing to take their elderly parents into their care. The majority of elderly people live alone, or in retirement villages, independent support housing or care homes. Many don't see their children for years either.
My gran still lives at her house here in London, but with a live-in carer. She doesn't want to live with Dad or his siblings. Apparently, she would rather kill herself than be a 'burden' on them. We all financially support and visit her regularly, so her preference isn't an issue.
Mum cared for her mother during the last eight years of her mother's life, and it converted her to a believer that no child should ever look after their elderly parent full time. She says that when her time comes, she'll insist on living in a care home.
Here's a question - how many elderly parents would want to move in with their grown up children & family? I know in my own family, the idea was floated a few years ago when my nan was unwell, but it was my nan who said no - she didn't want to be a burden on her son & his wife & children.
Also - there are a lot of people who simply don't have great relationships with their parents - those who were abused as children for instance I certainly don't think we should be shaming such people for not wanting to take in an abusive parent.
Deciding to have an elderly parent move in with you can't be a decision to be taken lightly, and factors need to be weighed up for all parties concerned - the elderly parent, the grown-up child, their own family, cost, space, logistics.. I imagine many of the 33% would refuse not out of selfishness but out of practical or other considerations and aren't rejecting the idea out-of-hand.
Besides, lets look on the bright side - the majority of people surveyed would take in an elderly parent into their home - surely that says a lot?
If I'm fortunate enough to live long enough where care would be required, I will not be a burden to anyone, as I'll be self euthanising (is that even a word!?)
It's all too easy to stick your Parents in a home and trust some low paid stranger to take care of them. I don't think our elderly should go into a home unless absolutely necessary (e.g needs 24 hour medical care which would be better coming from a trained nurse, or becomes a danger to themselves or loved ones through dementia)
Disgusting ? how many of those families have no spare room so the parent could have privacy , dignity and comfort and how many could not afford to give up work to provide full time care ? If a person gave up their job they would forgo any benefits for a period as they have given up work by choice and any carer allowance they get eventually would not match their wages, you could be talking a case where they cannot pay the mortgage and end up having to sell . Also you have many who may be elderly themselves and just could not cope.
Its not always as clear cut as it is made to sound.
So do I. I sold my house, and moved in with my Mum after my Dad died. No way is she ever going in a home, unless I am physically unable to take care of her myself.
Not that they want that at the moment, they've made their issues on the subject abundantly clear. It's straight to Quit when they can't fend for themselves but I think that could change in the future.
My 93 year-old grandmother still lives on her own. She has cancer, vertigo and diabetes and still takes three buses to get thruppence of a pint of milk. Hope they're still like that at that age.
Can't say any of this sounds too surprising or outrageous to me. As for being different to other countries, perhaps this is partly because we pay big money for relatively small homes.
Exactly, and then how many people live in flats, money and time to one side how many people who say live above ground floor level in a one bed flat could take in a parent , alterations to accommodate say an elderly infirm or disabled person aside they would just not have the space .
My Dad took My Nan in after she developed alzheimers, and it took it's toll on everyone in the house. She would often try to do the same thing several times a day, and would become quite angry if you told her not to feed the dog (she would have already fed the dog 5 times that day). In the end she had to go into care after she got up in the night to bake a cake, and nearly gassed everyone by leaving the gas on.
Different people have different family values.
I think the vast majority of people would not be prepared to take in an elderly relative who needed a lot of care.
It just can't be viewed as clear cut as that, it just can't be described as "too easy" to put your parents into a care home. I can't see at all how you think that's an easy decision to make, I'm sorry
When I worked in pharmacy there were a few regular customers I remember who would be absolutely torn apart by the very idea of putting their parents into a home, but just could not cope with caring for them 24/7, they just didn't know how to look after them to the extent they needed, or else they couldn't afford to give up their jobs or otherwise. Carers aren't just low-paid strangers, they're trained, they know what they're doing. Just because you're their child does not mean you can give your parent the adequate care that they need all the time, sometimes it's for the best that they're with someone who knows what they're doing and it's a gut-wrenching decision to have to make, it's not nice at all. You want the best for them but you have to be able to recognise when you aren't able to give them the best.
I would similarly not want or expect my own children to look after me. I think it is selfish.
From my own experience, having my elderly and disabled Dad live with me for a while, I can say it was one of the most stressful times of my life that nearly broke us as a family. It wasn't his fault and he didn't mean to cause any stress, and actually felt bad about being in my house. But circumstances dictated that he needed to for about 12 months.
As we don't have a lot of space, my daughter (who is 21) had to move out to make way for my Dad.
He cannot walk far, struggles with steps so needs assistance with all this.
Duties that you would think would be carried out by a nurse, actually need to be carried out by me (as a nurse would only be available should he live on his own). He is embarrassed that I have to do this for him and to be honest, it is not pleasant for me either!
He sleeps all morning and is awake all night. Because he is deaf (and won't wear his hearing aids) the TV in on full blast, which keeps us awake all night.
he has memory issues and forgets to switch the cooker off if he makes himself something to eat. So I have a pre-prepare all his meals so I can go to work, fairly safe in the knowledge that he won't burn down my house.
We have to hide food, otherwise he will just eat it all - whole packets of biscuits, chocolates, sweets.
I constantly pick up after him, shoes, clothes, towels, orange peelings, cherry pips - it just goes round and round and round.
I can't afford to give up work, so I constantly worry about what he is up to and if he is safe. He will call me out of meetings at work to tell me that chicken is on special offer in Tesco. I worry that I will get that call to say he wandered into the road without looking.
He's my Dad and I love him. I want him to get better and I will help him do that, but it is really, really hard. It would test the patience of a saint and I do question whether the care I gave him was adequate. So feelings of guilt start and the whole cycle starts again.
Before he became ill, I would have been astonished that someone wouldn't want to look after their parents. Now, having walked that road, I would never question anyone's decision not to.
PS - He even took over my husbands 'man drawer' which nearly caused world war 3!
guess i am lucky i had a great upbringing then.