If this is a genuine thread, and if you are as self-centred and hell-bent on wreaking havoc as you appear to be; ask yourself this. What if he recoils at the prospect and tells you that he loves your sister and her sexual activities are an agreed arrangement between them? What if he says he didn't know about her affairs, but is willing to try and work through the problems in their marriage?
I have resisted and will do so. But then there is the thought of making his life better. Because I can make him happy. I am pretty sure he isn't happy right now and there isn't anyone that can think of him. Should be my sister but she is too busy doing her stuff. As far as my thinking goes, he is only with her because of his child. If they separate he might lose that too. Because he is disabled himself and unable to care for a child. Whereas I could. It's just a thought.
The tragedies that have occurred should have affected my sister the same - if not more. She just chose an easy but dangerous way of coping I guess. I don't feel angry towards her. I just think she should try and offer him a happier life. If she can't then she should let someone else.
There is one other potential angle to this. I am getting evicted soon from my flat and my brother-in-law has said I can move in with them until I sort myself out. It is the best, and only offer, I have had. I will have to take it but am scared as to what might happen when living together.
Hi OP,
If this is a real thread and not some made up BS then I think you are being completely selfish and hellbent on destroying a family. You are not thinking at all of your sister, your neice or your BIL. You have feelings for him and you are throwing yourself at him. I hope you have not forced/ pressured him to commit Zina. That would be unforgivable in Islam. I know you are a Muslim. Please try to stay out of your sisters life and let them get on as they want to.
Where was your mother living before she passed away? And why should you move in with with your sister? Don't you have a job where you can afford your own place? Too many questions. Your story sounds completely implausible. It shows clearly that you want to destroy a family as long as you get what you want. You blame your sister for being selfish yet your are equally if not more , selfish then her.
Butt out of their lives and do something constructive with yours.
I understand what some posters are saying about being selfish and messing around with my niece's life. I will never do anything to hurt anyone intentionally. It's just that my sister is being such a cow with all this. She has such a great caring loving guy and yet she is not satisfied. She even told one of the men she is with that I'm waiting until he (my husband) dies. Then I will marry you. I guess he proposed to her. I hate that she is thinking like this about her husband.
So you're angry at your sister for cheating and as a proposed solution to this you want to cheat? That's a recipe for disaster all round. If you really feel the need to get involved then the best way to do so is in the open -Take mellybumps advice, speak to your sister, tell her how unfair you think she's being - but really I would advise to keep out of it.
It's their relationship and only they can sort it out. You can't control how they act, but you *can* control your own actions. If you really think cheating on a partner is so awful, how can you be proposing to do the same?
I understand what some posters are saying about being selfish and messing around with my niece's life. I will never do anything to hurt anyone intentionally. It's just that my sister is being such a cow with all this. She has such a great caring loving guy and yet she is not satisfied. She even told one of the men she is with that I'm waiting until he (my husband) dies. Then I will marry you. I guess he proposed to her. I hate that she is thinking like this about her husband.
(assuming that isn't BS)
and you know this how exactly? your sister tell you did she? or do you just happen to know the other man?
i had a friend whose husband was left paralysed by a motorbike accident and no longer able to have sex. she slept with other men and he knew about it, he believed he had no right to deny her sex for the rest of her life
frankly it's hard to believe you're 25 as you're coming over like a love struck 15 year old.
you don't have the first idea of what it takes to care for someone with disabilities or frankly a child
do your self a favour and get some help to deal with your bereavement and stop thinking that "saving" your brother in law will magic your pain away, it won't!
If you really care for him and want his life to be better, why don't you speak to your sister (NOT about your feelings for him!) but to point out what a good man she has and ask her what the hell she's playing it. I don't understand why you don't confront her about her behaviour towards him if you are that concerned.
and you know this how exactly? your sister tell you did she? or do you just happen to know the other man?
i had a friend whose husband was left paralysed by a motorbike accident and no longer able to have sex. she slept with other men and he knew about it, he believed he had no right to deny her sex for the rest of her life
frankly it's hard to believe you're 25 as you're coming over like a love struck 15 year old.
you don't have the first idea of what it takes to care for someone with disabilities or frankly a child
do your self a favour and get some help to deal with your bereavement and stop thinking that "saving" your brother in law will magic your pain away, it won't!
That must have been doubly horrific for your friends husband, how did he feel about her cheating on him after what he'd been through already?
So after all the heartbreak with deaths in the family, your sister is looking forward to the next one, her husband's. Sorry but this does not seem like something anyone would say who has had so much grief.
Or possibly he gets off on it. We don't know what his motives are.
Given that she said "he believed he had no right to deny her sex for the rest of her life", not "he got off on it so it's all good",
I think we have a fair idea...
I understand what some posters are saying about being selfish and messing around with my niece's life. I will never do anything to hurt anyone intentionally. It's just that my sister is being such a cow with all this. She has such a great caring loving guy and yet she is not satisfied. She even told one of the men she is with that I'm waiting until he (my husband) dies. Then I will marry you. I guess he proposed to her. I hate that she is thinking like this about her husband.
Seems like the OP is only interpreting things in a way that fits her own selfish wants rather than objectively. I don't think she gives a stuff what impact it would have on the child if she acted on her feelings. I suspect though if she does she's in for a very nasty wake up call and will be totally alone, losing her last remaining family when she gets shunned.
So after all the heartbreak with deaths in the family, your sister is looking forward to the next one, her husband's. Sorry but this does not seem like something anyone would say who has had so much grief.
:D None of this story is real. Someone is entertaining herself making up a melodrama.
Comments
Where does that leave you?
Think of the young child, for god's sake. :mad:
Hi OP,
If this is a real thread and not some made up BS then I think you are being completely selfish and hellbent on destroying a family. You are not thinking at all of your sister, your neice or your BIL. You have feelings for him and you are throwing yourself at him. I hope you have not forced/ pressured him to commit Zina. That would be unforgivable in Islam. I know you are a Muslim. Please try to stay out of your sisters life and let them get on as they want to.
Where was your mother living before she passed away? And why should you move in with with your sister? Don't you have a job where you can afford your own place? Too many questions. Your story sounds completely implausible. It shows clearly that you want to destroy a family as long as you get what you want. You blame your sister for being selfish yet your are equally if not more , selfish then her.
Butt out of their lives and do something constructive with yours.
How do you know OP is a Muslim? She hasn't mentioned that anywhere as far as I know
It's their relationship and only they can sort it out. You can't control how they act, but you *can* control your own actions. If you really think cheating on a partner is so awful, how can you be proposing to do the same?
(assuming that isn't BS)
and you know this how exactly? your sister tell you did she? or do you just happen to know the other man?
i had a friend whose husband was left paralysed by a motorbike accident and no longer able to have sex. she slept with other men and he knew about it, he believed he had no right to deny her sex for the rest of her life
frankly it's hard to believe you're 25 as you're coming over like a love struck 15 year old.
you don't have the first idea of what it takes to care for someone with disabilities or frankly a child
do your self a favour and get some help to deal with your bereavement and stop thinking that "saving" your brother in law will magic your pain away, it won't!
This is good advice (much better than mine)
That must have been doubly horrific for your friends husband, how did he feel about her cheating on him after what he'd been through already?
they agreed it as a couple; I'm not sure giving your wife permission to sleep with other men counts as cheating
it was difficult for both of them obviously, they were both in their late 20's and both confronted with never having sex again.
I'm not saying it's the solution for everyone but it works for them
and I've not been in their situation so who am I to judge?
It counts as f-ing awful.
It works for one of them, & the other one puts up with it because otherwise they'll be on their own.
As I said I don't judge them because its their marriage and their lives. I guess there are 3 scenarios
1. The situation they've arrived at
2. They both live without sex
3. They split up
Hopefully ill never have to be in the situation where my husband and I would have to decide what scenario we'd choose.
Or possibly he gets off on it. We don't know what his motives are.
Get out and grab life by the balls before you do something you regret for the rest of your life.
If yo still feel the same way then just go for it.
Seriously you'd have to think about it?
My husband rides (races) motorbikes, if he were paralysed I'm not going to go & shag someone else.
What's wrong with people?
Given that she said "he believed he had no right to deny her sex for the rest of her life", not "he got off on it so it's all good",
I think we have a fair idea...
well, I could not judge such a situation
Convenient huh?
Seems like the OP is only interpreting things in a way that fits her own selfish wants rather than objectively. I don't think she gives a stuff what impact it would have on the child if she acted on her feelings. I suspect though if she does she's in for a very nasty wake up call and will be totally alone, losing her last remaining family when she gets shunned.