When you do one which is quiet or not loud enough to be heard, you think you've got away with it until you realise it stinks and that invisible cloud will reach the people around you quite shortly - do you remain silent and pretend you haven't noticed or do you get in there first and perform a theatrical act of revulsion to it and throw accusatory glances around?
And if you fart in bed, do you dive under the covers to sample the aroma?
I was in the pub yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me.
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
I've waited a long time to post in a thread like this! Now, the loudest (and longest) fart I ever did was in an English lesson at school - I was 16 so that's 24 years ago!. I didn't think it was going to be anything special so I leant forward slightly and just gave a little push - and it rattled really loudly against the plastic chair (remember those) that I was sitting on. The whole class burst out laughing
Does anyone else (I admit to this) fart and then sort of 'waft' it up to find out how bad the smell is? Has anyone ever retched at the smell of thier own? It doesn't happen often I know but I have once or twice!
When you do one which is quiet or not loud enough to be heard, you think you've got away with it until you realise it stinks and that invisible cloud will reach the people around you quite shortly - do you remain silent and pretend you haven't noticed or do you get in there first and perform a theatrical act of revulsion to it and throw accusatory glances around?
And if you fart in bed, do you dive under the covers to sample the aroma?
To the first question i generally get in there first and loudly say "cor who's farted?"
I was in the pub yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me.
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
When you do one which is quiet or not loud enough to be heard, you think you've got away with it until you realise it stinks and that invisible cloud will reach the people around you quite shortly - do you remain silent and pretend you haven't noticed or do you get in there first and perform a theatrical act of revulsion to it and throw accusatory glances around?
And if you fart in bed, do you dive under the covers to sample the aroma?
My advice is to do this, but it is essential not to overdo your reaction. Don't, for heaven's sake, say anything; just look down your nose at your chosen 'victim'.
To answer your final question, yes. I also like to be magnanimous and share the experience with my wife. Unfortunately, she is less than grateful for my generosity.
I've waited a long time to post in a thread like this! Now, the loudest (and longest) fart I ever did was in an English lesson at school - I was 16 so that's 24 years ago!. I didn't think it was going to be anything special so I leant forward slightly and just gave a little push - and it rattled really loudly against the plastic chair (remember those) that I was sitting on. The whole class burst out laughing
Does anyone else (I admit to this) fart and then sort of 'waft' it up to find out how bad the smell is? Has anyone ever retched at the smell of thier own? It doesn't happen often I know but I have once or twice!
I'm sure i'm going to get kicked off here soon!
Never. I find my own are invariably quite pleasant (I do hope that I'm not alone here), usually a savoury sort of smell although I suppose that varies according to what I have been eating.
I once thought about doing a PhD on this topic: the reasons why one's own farts smell nice, whilst those belonging to other people smell disgusting.
I once let one go in a large Data Centre (a large room full of IT equipment which is temperature controlled).
It was a really vicious hot fart - the product of a chilli-sauce laced kebab and ten pints of guinness the night before. I knew as it left my arse that the fall-out would be lethal.
The air conditioning fans got hold of it and spread it's overwhelmingly foul stench around the whole room. I heard people who were working some 30 metres away from me cry out a variety of blasphemous and panicked shouts before running for the exits.
Comments
When you do one which is quiet or not loud enough to be heard, you think you've got away with it until you realise it stinks and that invisible cloud will reach the people around you quite shortly - do you remain silent and pretend you haven't noticed or do you get in there first and perform a theatrical act of revulsion to it and throw accusatory glances around?
And if you fart in bed, do you dive under the covers to sample the aroma?
I was in the pub yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately needed to fart. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my farts with the beat.
After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my pint and noticed that everybody was staring at me.
Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.
You might be interested to know, that the world's longest continuous fart lasted 2 minutes and forty two seconds.
As for the worlds longest Richard, that was an incredible twelve feet two inches. :eek:
It's known as a 'shart' around here.
Does anyone else (I admit to this) fart and then sort of 'waft' it up to find out how bad the smell is? Has anyone ever retched at the smell of thier own? It doesn't happen often I know but I have once or twice!
I'm sure i'm going to get kicked off here soon!
To the first question i generally get in there first and loudly say "cor who's farted?"
To the second question... yes!
Someone text me that the other day
My advice is to do this, but it is essential not to overdo your reaction. Don't, for heaven's sake, say anything; just look down your nose at your chosen 'victim'.
To answer your final question, yes. I also like to be magnanimous and share the experience with my wife. Unfortunately, she is less than grateful for my generosity.
Never. I find my own are invariably quite pleasant (I do hope that I'm not alone here), usually a savoury sort of smell although I suppose that varies according to what I have been eating.
I once thought about doing a PhD on this topic: the reasons why one's own farts smell nice, whilst those belonging to other people smell disgusting.
2. Why am I finding all the replies so damn funny and actually have tears running down my face? :eek:
Suppose it's the kid in me escaping once again as I do love this kinda thing!
I hope you are alone there.
I'd hate to think you would be inflicting your odours on someone else.
The dirty look it would give afterwards made us feel as if we were the guilty ones.:)
It was a really vicious hot fart - the product of a chilli-sauce laced kebab and ten pints of guinness the night before. I knew as it left my arse that the fall-out would be lethal.
The air conditioning fans got hold of it and spread it's overwhelmingly foul stench around the whole room. I heard people who were working some 30 metres away from me cry out a variety of blasphemous and panicked shouts before running for the exits.
I had to get out of there myself it was so bad.
Come off it Mrs T. I bet you can fart with the best of them.
Go on, we've been cyber-familiar for a while now so you can do a cyber fart in front of me if you like.
Moi
I beg to differ
Paaaaaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrppppppppppppppp
Scuse me