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Is he trying to win me back?
I went through absolute hell (as some of you may know) with the love of my life at the beginning of this year. He totally betrayed me and our relationship as far as I was concerned was finished.
We didn't see each other for a good few weeks but since then have been out a couple of times to the cinema and some drinks. He says it's because he'd miss me dearly as a friend - I saw him because I'm still in love with him; yes stupid I know. Nothing's happened between us sexually but when we have been out we've got on great which has really confused me.
Anyway, he's now told me he's booked us a holiday in the US for us for 6 days. Which has just made me :eek: Part of me desperately wants to go to see if we can salvage something from the mess, the other part says he's just being manipulative and a coward.
If I go am I being a complete fool and also why would he do this?
We didn't see each other for a good few weeks but since then have been out a couple of times to the cinema and some drinks. He says it's because he'd miss me dearly as a friend - I saw him because I'm still in love with him; yes stupid I know. Nothing's happened between us sexually but when we have been out we've got on great which has really confused me.
Anyway, he's now told me he's booked us a holiday in the US for us for 6 days. Which has just made me :eek: Part of me desperately wants to go to see if we can salvage something from the mess, the other part says he's just being manipulative and a coward.
If I go am I being a complete fool and also why would he do this?
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You never know it may work out.
I'm not sure what to tell you
But go with your gut...
I agree and following you heart
But also as said go with what feels good for you, I don't know your past situation.
See this is the problem - since everything that happened in the New Year I have been asked out buy a couple of fellas but I just can't go out with them if it's obviously a date.
I still have feelings for ex-Mr G and I just "know" that nobody could come close to him. Totally irrational but now that he's making overtures in my direction - and booking a holiday is a biggie in my book - I really don't know what to do.
I would have been quite happy living the rest of my life (or at least the next few years) being single but he's thrown a big spanner in the works.
In my heart of hearts (oh the irony) this is what I know I should do ie follow my heart.
Funny how I'm so great at dishing out the logical advice to other people yet when it comes to me I'm a total failure.
My mad idea is to go and pin him down on the plane where he can't escape and ask him the difficult questions. But that's nasty and not what I'm about.
Where's 13 year old goonst when you need her. Meh.
Also, accepting the holiday will put you under some sort of obligation to him, or at least he may think it does.
I haven't got that far - I'm totally flabbergasted to be honest.
And as you said in a relationship it is romantic and something he used to do so that's why I'm confused.
But part of me thinks I could use the situation to my advantage and force him into answering questions which he's not wanted to answer before. But I'm not a bitch and never have been especially when it comes to him but ...
I believe we're all the same when it comes to matters of the heart - it's very easy to dish out the advice when you're removed from the situation
I do agree with this post though, maybe try asking what his expectations are beforehand, lay down your own ground rules and take some control
That being said though... Being in love makes you throw sensible reasoning out the window. :rolleyes:
I've experienced a similar situation and have to say that you should tread carefully. He will know you still have feelings, and if he of a mind to will use that against you. He didn't come across well in the New Year thread, and you are the one who is vulnerable in this.
Take care with it.
I might be wrong but didn't it all happen straight after you had such a fantastic time in the U.S? the thread was pretty heated with people arguing and debating whether it was true or not, if it was true then it's pointless getting back together especially after all of that, especially after the way he treated you in regards to the abortion.
But end of the day it's your choice and your gamble!!
You say he's talking about going away with you to the U.S, we all know there's no way of going back in time and reversing things, but there could be the slight possibility in some way he wants to go back to that fantastic time and come back a fresh start if you get what i mean.
Personally i'd say the both of you need to go separate ways, but like I said, it's your choice!
To me, booking a holiday so soon is a step way to far. I don't know him, and maybe he realises how wrong he was before and is trying to mend things, but this should be taken slowly, going away on holiday puts you in an unreal situation, far away from any problems that caused the original bust up, it won't solve anything.
Personally, and if you really want to mend this, I'd say no to the holiday, but insist you sit down together and really thrash out what went wrong before, as I remember it he never actually told you why he acted as he did, and when you get some straight answers take it from there.
Good luck gadders, the above are just my feelings on the subject, you know him, you know yourself, just make sure you're doing the right thing for you
If I were you Gadders I wouldnt be going anywhere with him not even for drinks.....until you get proper explanations for everything that went on at New Years, but some of the things that you described back then I personally just don't think are forgivable.
I hope at the very least that he has apologised profusely for some of the things he said to you.
What happens if you go, ask him a question he dislikes on the plane out, and then you still have to spend a week with him in a hotel room abroad? I can see it becoming a holiday from hell...
Gadders I can only give advice based on what I myself have experienced - my OH and I had a very similar situation to you and yours which we consequently had a very messy breakup over - but slowly kept in contact and sorted things out.* Edit - and I have to say it was a situation which endeared neither of us to the others friends/families! So be careful about taking others opinions on bored, they might have a point, but we all make mistakes and do/say things that in hindsight are awful.
It was make or break for us I suppose and forced us to be completely honest and open about who/what we were, what we wanted and what we could compromise on. Love is important, but often you need more than that - I have to say 6 years down the line it's worked for us.
I understand still loving him, but imo you need to be careful and analyse the situation as coldly as you can to get the plain hard facts. Start as you mean to go on and all that.
Maybe he thinks he's made a grand gesture when you think he's over stepping the mark and been controlling. Wasn't lack of communication and presumption about the others actions one of your issues before?
Learn from your mistakes and experiences, encourage him to do the same. There's no point in repeating scenerios that ended badly less than 3 months ago.
Follow your heart hun, only you know how much you're prepared to put into this, and don't forget to listen to your head occasionally.
I'd like to see what he did before I give any advice on what you should do now.
As others have said, feelings can change so much good advice - only you know what you want and maybe if you don't take the risk you'll forever be thinking 'what if'? I have been the same in the past - moved on and been happy on my own but the ex gets back in touch and all my feelings for him come flooding back.. a couple of months down the line and we're always back to square one.. even now I still won't give up on him cause I think about what could be between us.. vicious circle!! Having said that though, he's never done anything too bad to me.
http://www.digitalspy.co.uk/forums/showthread.php?t=720752
The culled version, a lot was deleted.
Having said i don't think its a great idea, if it were me and the love of my life, i would go without a doubt but i know he will never even try which definately makes part of me feel like you should jump at the chance but if you do want to go, set the ground rules - make him book a seperate room for you... say if you go, you ARE going to talk about january (if he refuses during the holiday, uve got a long plane ride back to make him talk) and make it clear that he cannot control you. Don't let him keep hold of your plane ticket/passport/money or anything like that incase it goes wrong and you need to get home.
So id say follow your heart, but protect it until hes proven hes worthwhile to be let back into it.