Home› Archived Forums› General Discussion

silly jokes

[Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 226
Forum Member
✭
in General Discussion #1
very bored in work so i thought i'd see if anyone had some silly jokes to share?

did a quick search and couldnt find any threads just for jokes

here are some of mine

whats ET short for?

coz hes got wee legs


whats grey and cant swim?

a carpark


whats white and if it fell out a tree would kill you?
a fridge


whats white and blue and if it fell out a tree would kill you?
a fridge wearing a denim jacket
«1

Comments

  • LisaB599LisaB599 Posts: 2,588
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    #2
    i dont know how to do spoilers :(
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 226
    Forum Member
    ✭
    #3
    theres a little S just above where you write if you wanna do something in a spoiler. and if you mean you cant see the spoilers, just highlight over the grey bit and you'll see whats written!
  • LisaB599LisaB599 Posts: 2,588
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    #4
    missrae wrote: »
    theres a little S just above where you write if you wanna do something in a spoiler. and if you mean you cant see the spoilers, just highlight over the grey bit and you'll see whats written!

    ah i see the s now :)


    what do you call a man 6ft under?
    pete

    what do you call a man under a car?
    jack

    what do you call a womam with a pint of beer on her head?
    beatrix
    :D
  • cosmocosmo Posts: 26,840
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    #5
    How do you know that ET is a feminist?
    Because he looks like one.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 226
    Forum Member
    ✭
    #6
    cosmo wrote: »
    How do you know that ET is a feminist?
    Because he looks like one.

    actual LOL:D
  • AppleJuice:)AppleJuice:) Posts: 3,033
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    #7
    Why did the man paint the train in spots?
    Because he wanted to go train spotting hahahahahahahahahahahahhaha:D

    Why did the crab go to jail?
    Because he kept pinching things!!!!:Dhahhahahahahahah

    What do you call a Reindeer without eyes?
    No-I-DEEER!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH

    What do you call a Reindeer without eyes and no legs?
    Still No-I-DEEEER!!! HAHAHAHAHAHAH

    What do you call a witch without a wand?
    Not-A-Magical Witch HAHAHAHAHAH

    I'm sooooooo funny hahahahhahahahahhahaha! :D

    I'm sooooooo good at making up jokes hahahahahhahahah :D
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 226
    Forum Member
    ✭
    #8
    what do you call a womam with a pint of beer on her head?
    beatrix
    :D[/QUOTE]

    just got that one :D
  • cosmocosmo Posts: 26,840
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    #9
    Bloke goes in the butcher's and asks, "Have you got a sheep's head?"

    "No," said the butcher, "It's just the way I comb my hair."
  • Jason100Jason100 Posts: 17,222
    Forum Member
    ✭✭
    #10
    missrae wrote: »
    very bored in work so i thought i'd see if anyone had some silly jokes to share?

    did a quick search and couldnt find any threads just for jokes

    here are some of mine

    whats ET short for?

    coz hes got wee legs


    whats grey and cant swim?

    a carpark


    whats white and if it fell out a tree would kill you?
    a fridge


    whats white and blue and if it fell out a tree would kill you?
    a fridge wearing a denim jacket

    I can't wait to pull the Christmas crackers tomorrow! :D
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 226
    Forum Member
    ✭
    #11
    why did the monkey fall out the tree?

    coz it was dead.

    why did the second monkey fall out the tree?

    coz it was dead.

    why did the third monkey fall out the tree?

    it thought the other 2 were playing a game.

    why did the 4th monkey fall out the tree?

    peer pressure.
  • SlowRapSlowRap Posts: 1,928
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    #12
    edit.
  • cosmocosmo Posts: 26,840
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    #13
    What's green & brown, got eight legs and would kill you if it fell out of a tree?
    A snooker table.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 226
    Forum Member
    ✭
    #14
    whats pink and fluffy?
    pink fluff

    whats blue and fluffy?
    pink fluff holding its breath

    whats white and fluffy?
    cotton wool
  • cosmocosmo Posts: 26,840
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    #15
    What's green and hard?
    A frog with a knuckle duster.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,502
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    #16
    How do monkeys toast their bread?
    With a goriller.
  • LeehamLeeham Posts: 4,795
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    #17
    My mother in law is SO fat...
    She hates herself and cries until she falls asleep
  • Cme2007Cme2007 Posts: 499
    Forum Member
    ✭
    #18
    Whats brown and sticky?
    A stick

    Whats brown and runny?
    Usain Bolt
  • Cme2007Cme2007 Posts: 499
    Forum Member
    ✭
    #19
    What do you call a frenchman with a sandal on his head?
    Phillippe Philloppe
  • excelentsexcelents Posts: 1,384
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    #20
    Lesbian next door Neighbour came round and asked what I wanted for Christmas which I thought was lovely, I told her what I wanted and she returned with a gift wrapped Rolex.

    I thought this was great and quite a nice model but I thik she misunderstood me !

    Although in all fairness I did say to her
    "I wanna watch"
    :D
  • MrsceeMrscee Posts: 5,271
    Forum Member
    ✭
    #21
    a silly scottish type joke

    what do u call a man with wee feet?
    wee shooey

    What do u call a man with wee feet and no dog?
    wee shooey douglas

    favs from when I was young
    what's big yellow and eats stones?
    a big yellow stone eater

    what's yellow and swings through the jungle?
    tarzipan

    what's black and sails the seven seas?
    binbag the sailor
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 6,687
    Forum Member
    ✭
    #22
    What do an apple and an orange have in common?
    neither one can drive a tractor
  • NestNest Posts: 1,869
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    #23
    cosmo wrote: »
    What's green and hard?
    A frog with a knuckle duster.

    What's Pink and hard?
    A pig with a flick knife
  • cosmocosmo Posts: 26,840
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    #24
    What's pink and hangs out your underpants?
    Your mum
  • Syntax ErrorSyntax Error Posts: 27,783
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    #25
    I went to an Italian restaurant & there was a fat woman stood in the doorway blocking the entrance; I couldn't get pasta!
  • cosmocosmo Posts: 26,840
    Forum Member
    ✭✭✭
    #26
    Syntax Error wrote: »
    I went to an Italian restaurant & there was a fat woman stood in the doorway blocking the entrance; I couldn't get pasta!

    I once went out with a fat woman.

    When we finished I said to her, "I'll never get over you - I'll have to get up and go 'round."
Sign In or Register to comment.