What advice would you give to your younger self?

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  • Summer BreezeSummer Breeze Posts: 4,399
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    pineapple wrote: »
    As per the title really, I'm still reasonably young at 25 I guess but I do feel like time is passing by very quickly & it's fair to say I'm not very happy with the world right now.

    I live alone, have a decent job with reasonable prospects, managed to save 15k, own my car outright, holiday often so I have a lot to be thankful for but... I'm not having a lot of fun and am feeling very lonely. Suppose a recent nasty break up has a lot to do with it but it's very hard to meet people where I live that I click with. Believe me I have tried but all I seem to be able to find is fun in the bedroom which I don't want. I have joined groups but

    Just intrigued really, if you look back what would you have done differently?

    I'm thinking about giving everything up and jumping on a plane, well aware that could make me feel even more lonely and I'd have to come home one day, probably to nothing but maybe the experience would be worth it and who knows what could happen.

    Right now I get up, go to work, come home... I'm 25!!


    That last sentence was just what one of mine said to me a while ago at your age.
    I said 'welcome to the real world'.
    Life can get a bit routine at times and repetitive, but that can change at a drop of a hat you know.

    I think you have done well for yourself at that age and are to be commended for that.
    The break up will be making you feel a bit funny I am sure, but that will pass in time.

    I have had a lot of silly things happen to me over the years, most not of my own making either.
    I learned lessons from them and to be honest even some of the experiences were not good, they have framed me to be the person I am today, which I hope is a well balanced caring sort of woman.

    My only advice to myself (and others now) would be not to stay in a loveless marriage for so long just for the sake of it and the thought that I could not make it alone.
  • kippehkippeh Posts: 6,655
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    Be adventurous with your hairstyles, because you'll miss it when it's gone.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 233
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    You are in no way fat - you'll know what fat is when you've had two kids!

    Oh, and when the boy you fancy at 14 tries to snog you, do not push him away and say 'yuck' because you're embarrassed! Go for it! You'll end up regretting it for about 2 years after when you enter 'the friend zone'. :)
  • vivelamourvivelamour Posts: 240
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    I wish I'd know that everyone else lacked confidence just as much as I did - and that people were far more worried about what others thought of them than they were worried about what I was doing. I think I would have been a little less self conscious had I known that.

    I wish I hadn't gone through my 20s wishing I was thinner, taller, better looking or whatever - I look back on photos now and realise I looked great (and much thinner than I felt!).

    I'd tell myself that it's mostly the things that I didn't do that I had the most regrets about - fear is temporary, regrets can last forever - so I would have advised myself to go for it and take every opportunity that came my way.


    The only area where this isn't true is with relationships. I look back at my younger self and wish I'd been a little less selfish and a bit more caring with my family. I wish I'd recognised the value of having great family to support me. Fortunately I've made up for it since! It wouldn't have done my teenage self any harm to have had a stronger sense of duty to my family.

    The thing is though that you can't know these things - you acquire this knowledge through experience and there's no short cut. There is this myth out there that the days of your youth are the best of your life. I don't think that's true. These days I am happier in my own skin, I know who I am (and what I'm not), I am more confident, I care less about what other people think and about trivial stuff (like whether I've gained a few pounds). I have greater financial security and better relationships with my friends and family. I've learned how to compromise and manage my frustrations. I've learned how to take pleasure in small things (a sunny day, a nice glass of wine, a beautiful piece of music). So my main message to my younger self would be that life gets richer and more enjoyable as you get older so stop worrying and enjoy it.

    I agree. I spent year thinking I was fat and not very pretty. When I see pictures of when I was younger I say to myself : "idiot, you should have worried less and had more fun".

    In general, I worried lots about what other people thought. As I got older, I got more confident and so I worry less.
  • BellaRosaBellaRosa Posts: 36,512
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    kippeh wrote: »
    Be adventurous with your hairstyles, because you'll miss it when it's gone.

    The amount of times I cried at that one ...
  • BellaRosaBellaRosa Posts: 36,512
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    I would have travelled more.
  • JumbobonesJumbobones Posts: 1,814
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    Get qualified in a proper profession instead of piddling about.
  • BoselectaBoselecta Posts: 1,640
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    I'd tell me this.......Just cos you're bombarded with media/ads/stories suggesting everyone else is having a ball and lots of sex/whatever; the fact is they are not at all. Live your life by your standards and not by some ad agency's manifesto.
  • hrh7hrh7 Posts: 5,794
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    I always remember thinking if they ever invent a time machine in the future I hope my older self would come back and tell me everything will work out fine...and maybe give me the lottery numbers too ;)

    Again i'm only slightly older than you OP and I know people will offer advice that sounds great or advice you'll just ignore. What you need to try to do is live your life for you and no one else. Forget everyone else's opinions on what you should or shouldn't do (even mine if you so choose), you only get one life so why spend it worrying. Find those things and those people you love and focus on that for now. Things almost always fall into place eventually, but you'll be very happy and very lonely many times in your life.
    Exactly. I'd tell my younger self to trust my gut feel and not listen to others' opinion, they probably have their own agenda. I married a man against the flow of friends' etc opinions, I just knew it was right, still married to him after 34 years, he is wonderful even after all the ups and downs we've had. And it's the ups and downs that have made us. And I still fancy the pants off him!:blush:

    Oh and get some decent therapy before you spend too many years worrying about things that don't matter, like others on here have said.
  • GroutyGrouty Posts: 33,943
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    Mine would be.

    Don't bother, it doesn't get any better than this.

    :D
  • EmmersonneEmmersonne Posts: 4,532
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    If you follow your star and believe in your dreams, if you trust in fate, and hold out hope...

    ...you'll be beaten by the people who worked hard and learned things and weren't so lazy.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 3,234
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    I would say to my mch younger/25 year old self -

    1) You deserve to be happy, to be loved, to be respected; take no notice of all the people who've made you out to be a rubbish inferior person who never will.

    2) there are nice people out there who will treat you well, but you have to brush off the horrors to find them, (see number 1).

    3) don't think people are necessarily much wiser than you are, even if they seem much more experienced and much more sophisticated. Often, it is the other way around; drastically the other way around! You are far wiser than you think, and have had many deep experiences other people haven't had.

    4) don't expect to be liked by and bond with more than a minority of people, as being from an ill family, having suffered a lot, being poor, and being eccentric, you will always be seen as an unacceptable outsider who makes most people uncomfortable, and is misunderstood. So, dismiss all the constant advice to seek help with your problems from other people, as it will never lead to anything, (it's advice meant for somebody else - as people like you simply don't exist outside of fairytales ...)

    I would say OP to concentrate first of all on simple pleasures you can enjoy from day to day. The way to a happy life is more through enjoying the simple things and making every day count, rather than looking on travelling or a new home or relationship or anything as the holy grail which will lead to bliss. It could be that a complete change, will lead to what you need, as right now your life sounds so unfulfilling. But I wouldn't rush into things but see if small changes help first, as you are no doubt fragile right now as most would be in your position, (I send my sympathy). Always remember that whatever you're going through, others are going through too, so in that sense you're never alone.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 38
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    Tell a certain person how you feel about them before it's too late, otherwise you are going to regret it for the rest of your life.
  • squeekycheekssqueekycheeks Posts: 150
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    Trust your gut instinct, be true to yourself....
  • ravensboroughravensborough Posts: 5,188
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    I'm 28, so I'm not that much older than you, but I'd probably tell my younger self, stop being so scared all the time and try and make the best of every opportunity. If you mess up or things don't go to plan, it doesn't matter as everything will sort itself out eventually. Take chances. Be bold and believe in yourself (it's something which I find difficult to do but am trying my hardest to achieve.)

    As others have said, do not believe that all those posts on Facebook or Twitter from people who want you to believe that they are having a whale of a time. They have their insecurities, their fears and their own problems. Live life by your own rules and do not let anyone fool you into thinking that the only way you can be happy is by having anyone else validate your existence. You are responsible for your own happiness.
  • Judge MentalJudge Mental Posts: 18,593
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    I'm 28, so I'm not that much older than you, but I'd probably tell my younger self, stop being so scared all the time and try and make the best of every opportunity. If you mess up or things don't go to plan, it doesn't matter as everything will sort itself out eventually. Take chances. Be bold and believe in yourself (it's something which I find difficult to do but am trying my hardest to achieve.)

    As others have said, do not believe that all those posts on Facebook or Twitter from people who want you to believe that they are having a whale of a time. They have their insecurities, their fears and their own problems. Live life by your own rules and do not let anyone fool you into thinking that the only way you can be happy is by having anyone else validate your existence. You are responsible for your own happiness.

    This is probably the most important life lesson to learn young - you are responsible for your own happiness.

    It can save you from negative patterns of thinking, playing the victim or the blame game and all sorts of other self-defeating behaviour. It can spur you into action and help to guide your decision-making.

    It is your life to shape as you choose (within the opportunities available to you) and if you are not happy with it the power to change it is in your own hands, nobody else's. Never give your power away to others by caring too much what they think. Never substitute anyone else's judgement for your own. Travel in hope.

    Yes, these are cliches - but there is truth in them.
  • stoatiestoatie Posts: 78,106
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    Don't get your hopes up.
  • GiraffeGirlGiraffeGirl Posts: 13,619
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    I'm 27 (as of this week). What advice would I give to my younger self?
    - Dance more often. There was a period of time between about 19 and 23 when I didn't go out much. I regret that.
    - Don't be as suspicious of people. Be more open and fun; nobody likes a miserable cynical teenager.
    - Be a bit bolder and do things which scare you. They almost never end irrevocably badly.

    To OP, I'm only 2 years older, but it gets better. I remember being desperately unhappy at 24 and 25, thinking life was passing me by and needing to compare myself to everybody. Since then I've focused more on what makes me happy and been almost more ruthless in cutting out what doesn't. The quarter-life crisis is a ridiculous concept but I almost buy into it!
  • SpotSpot Posts: 25,118
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    Take more photographs - though when I was young you had to pay for every single one, and if you took a lot it could get pretty expensive.
  • eluf38eluf38 Posts: 4,874
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    1. Life is too short to spend every day doing something that makes you miserable.
    2. No one will respect you unless you respect yourself.

    They were lessons I'd learnt by the time I reached 25 - if I'd followed my instinct three years earlier and quit a profession I hated, it would have saved me a whole world of depression. Now I wouldn't put up with a third of the crap that I did back then, because I have a belief that I deserve to be treated better than a verbal punch bag.

    3. Be proud of who you are.

    Stop looking for faults, stop feeling you're unattractive and stop feeling that you aren't good enough. It's what's inside that really counts; and as Audrey Hepburn said, 'Happy girls are the most attractive'.
  • fanfanfanfan Posts: 7,189
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    Don’t determine your worth and value by how others treat you. You are not greater than the thoughts you think about yourself. Always think positive thoughts about yourself.

    Don’t depend on ANYBODY to convince you of your worth and value. You are already value no matter what anyone says or does to you. As long as your happiness depends on something or someone outside of yourself, your happiness is in another person’s hands.

    A large majority human beings depend so much on others to make them feel good about themselves, fix them, love them, compliment them, feel beautiful etc. I have learnt not to rely on anybody to make me feel beautiful etc. Don’t give anybody that power over you to make you feel loved, happy etc. Be secure in yourself; don’t look to others to give you something that you ought to give your own self. Because deep down you already have those nice qualities, it is just for you to see it and develop it by yourself. .

    I wish I knew this during my early teens and mid-twenties. It would have saved me from a lot of low self-esteem. But now in my late twenties, I am very confident in myself that I don’t need anybody to validate my worth and value.
  • Poppy99_PoppyPoppy99_Poppy Posts: 2,255
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    Have a social media detox. All those pointless updates about the fantastic time they are having, all lies. If it was so great and fantastic posting about it just would not occur. Read a great book or inspirational website instead.

    Sometimes the wisest person in the room might be you. Don't assume that the big mouth and the uber confident know it all. They are just know it alls, not quite the same thing.

    No, your bum does not look big in that. And if it does, so what. Looks are not the most important thing in life.

    You are given a gut instinct for a reason, don't ignore that inner voice.

    Remember that all things pass (that's both the good and the bad times).

    Walking away is not a sign of weakness, sometimes it is the most sensible course of action.

    Be careful what you say and to whom. Does it need saying, does it need saying now and most importantly, does it need saying by you. Most of the times the answer is no and I could have saved myself a whole heap of trouble if I remembered that.

    Do not put all your eggs in one basket.

    Save a bit, spend a bit. Everything in moderation.

    Don't try and copy anybody, be the best you that you can.

    Have at least one dance a day and really go for it. Laugh a lot, a lot of life is ridiculous so there is a lot to laugh at.

    That fluorescent high viz yellow that is in the shops at the moment - suits nobody. Buy what suits you rather than just what is in fashion.

    Be interested and being interesting will be a side effect.

    Walk with confidence, head up, shoulders back.

    Don't let anyone rain on your parade.

    Don't be jealous of other people. Their lives aren't so perfect either.

    Stop worrying, you are doing great. (Most of the things we worry about never happen.)
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 134
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    Don't meet your ex...he is a con man and will steal thousands off you before you have the strength to leave :(
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 3
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    I have really enjoyed reading through these posts, I am really down at the moment for a number of reasons but I know it's me who can change things around.

    I hardly use social media, worked out already its not all that & I am a really private person so my page was dull as dishwater - if I am out I don't feel the need to tell the world essentially showing off in my eyes (if it's constant)

    I just want some friends to share my time with, it's my birthday in the week and you know what, I'm embarrassed to say it but it will be no different to any other day. I lost a lot through the break up and the ones I do have, I have distanced myself from as I am so unhappy and can tell they have started to pick up on my negativity. I wouldn't really want to know me at the moment :blush:

    I really do need a change, where I live is really not suited to me. Hopefully for my next birthday things will be different
  • Summer BreezeSummer Breeze Posts: 4,399
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    pineapple wrote: »
    I am really down at the moment for a number of reasons but I know it's me who can change things around.

    I just want some friends to share my time with, it's my birthday in the week and you know what, I'm embarrassed to say it but it will be no different to any other day. I lost a lot through the break up and the ones I do have, I have distanced myself from as I am so unhappy and can tell they have started to pick up on my negativity. I wouldn't really want to know me at the moment :blush:

    I really do need a change, where I live is really not suited to me. Hopefully for my next birthday things will be different


    That was quite sad to read for me.
    At least you recognise that you need a change in direction and can hopefully steer towards that over the next few months.

    A birthday is just another day, but I do realise that it can also be a significant day if you are alone, like spending Christmas day alone sort of thing.
    If I was you i would take the bull by the horns and maybe tell a couple of people at work which day is your birthday is, do that thing that some do at the work place and take sweets and cakes in for all to share..
    Just a little thing really but if may be a good happy thing to do.

    One thing I have come to know over my years is that things can change in your life just like that, sometime without if trying to make them change.

    What day is your birthday then?
    i just had a big one and only two of my kids remembered it......nay mind...he will be made to suffer :D
    Happy Birthday from me to you Pineapple.
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