God the judgemental backseat parenting on here is ridiculous. Sometimes kids need to be told off. Sometimes that might involve raised voices. The best people to assess when that is necessary is usually the parents. If you see that happening do the decent thing and mind your own business.
That is exactly what I thought. When he shouted that and in that manner, i was very concerned for the child. I had images going through that he is a very domineering man. Thankfully as a male myself I do not get intimidated by men who act like that.
That is largely part to the way I was brought up, mainly, by my Grandfather. Now he was strict and firm on discipline but he was not a bully. He just gave it to you straight from the shoulder if you stepped out of line. He fought in WW2 and if he or any man from that particular generation saw a man speak like that to his young daughter in that manner he would make mince meat of him.
I think male discipline is different to a women's which I think is a good thing. I think a man can lose his temper for the right reasons and it has to be a balance. Of course if a child does something that endangers their safety or the safety of another child then a parent has right to hit the roof. But not because a young girl accidently could not find the right road to walk up and meet her Dad who was waiting in a car.
Perhaps he'd been sitting waiting in the car thinking that their safety had been endangered as they were late. Do not underestimate how worrying it is when you are expecting your child home (or wherever) at a set time and they are late ...........all sorts of things go through your head.
God the judgemental backseat parenting on here is ridiculous. Sometimes kids need to be told off. Sometimes that might involve raised voices. The best people to assess when that is necessary is usually the parents. If you see that happening do the decent thing and mind your own business.
I agree there have been in the past few years too many parents trying to be mates to their kids and not parents. Thats why they ended up running rings round them. Someone I know was spoilt and treated like a mate by his parents. He is now in prison as he had spent his life getting what he wanted. He didnt bother at school ended up in the wrong crowd.
I try not to judge other parents. I dunno, I try to be a good parent but sometimes the kids let me down and sometimes I let them down. I once shouted in a fishwifey fashion at my daughter's boyfriend. School had rang me to say she'd absconded after lunch, I spent the afternoon worrying myself stupid and I'm afraid I saw red when I saw her sauntering up the garden path with her boyfriend, I flung open the front door, she took one look at my face and scarpered upstairs and he casually walked off so I chased him down the street shouting all the while.
We all have a breaking point, maybe the dad you saw had reached his, you don't know what had gone on, you don't know the whole story. Maybe he's just a tw*t of a man or maybe she'd been pushing the boundaries and he lost his cool.
I'd only involve myself in other families battle if it was getting violent.
Perhaps he'd been sitting waiting in the car thinking that their safety had been endangered as they were late. Do not underestimate how worrying it is when you are expecting your child home (or wherever) at a set time and they are late ...........all sorts of things go through your head.
Possibly, but the way I read the situation was that he was in a rush to go somewhere. Hence the way he shouted 'when I say move, you move.' Also, if you were that concerned about the whereabouts of your child or in 'his case children' why not either accompany them to the shop she wanted to go to as it serves as a purpose in that he could have hurried her along.
Another aspect, could have been that he was double parked and did want to leave his vehicle in case of getting a ticket. In which case that is still his fault because as he is the adult, he should have organised the time better so it would have allowed for everyone to do what they wanted or pay to go in the shopping centre car park.
I was about 35 yards away from the point in which he suddenly turned round the corner and spotted his son and daughter and once he saw her he just ballistic. She tried to explain why she was late, he just shouted over her.
Possibly, but the way I read the situation was that he was in a rush to go somewhere. Hence the way he shouted 'when I say move, you move.' Also, if you were that concerned about the whereabouts of your child or in 'his case children' why not either accompany them to the shop she wanted to go to as it serves as a purpose in that he could have hurried her along.
Another aspect, could have been that he was double parked and did want to leave his vehicle in case of getting a ticket. In which case that is still his fault because as he is the adult, he should have organised the time better so it would have allowed for everyone to do what they wanted or pay to go in the shopping centre car park.
I was about 35 yards away from the point in which he suddenly turned round the corner and spotted his son and daughter and once he saw her he just ballistic. She tried to explain why she was late, he just shouted over her.
Maybe his wife/mum/ is ill in hospital and they were late for visiting hours ? Maybe they had an important appointment ? Maybe his daughter had a habit of letting him down and was on her last warning. Maybe he was unable to accompany them. Maybe he was just a dick.
I was walking through the high street and at a certain point I was coming towards a crossing when a father came from round the corner and started having a right go at his daughter who was with a young boy (i assume her younger brother).
He was telling her off about meeting him late. I assumed he was parked up the road and got irate about waiting. The girl ( who was about 11 or 12 was trying to explain that she got lost) but the Dad was having none of it and was just bellowing over her. He then concluded his rant by shouting 'when I say move, you move.'
Now I am not a parent, but I certainly would not communicate with my daughter or son of that age in that manner and definitely not in public. If I was very angry with my child I would wait until I was either in the car or at home and then deal with the issue. I always think it is better to deal with any family problems 'in house.'
It was uncomfortable to see and listen to this as I walking past it. Other people felt uncomfortable as well and there was a man behind me who uttered under his breath 'oh do shut up', as the man continued to rant.
Ha anyone else seen an occurrence of this nature before? Are there any Mother's of Fathers who approve or disapprove of these sorts of reprimands on their children? Are you a child who had a parent like the one in this story?
As a mother of teenagers I hear what you are saying and without doubt I would always try and handle any situation privately rather than in public. That said I hold my hands up and say i am not the perfect parent. Parenting is the only responsible job that they let anyone do without training and so sometimes parents get it wrong. Teenagers and pre teens can be a total nightmare to parent and it can be extremely stressful. In my experience the times I have lost it and shouted at them in public it has usually been because I have been worried about them and that has certainly involved times when they have been late to a pick up. By the time they arrive I have imagined the worst and am both relieved they are ok but angry that they have put me through an emotional wringer. You don't know the circumstances of the incident but if the daughter was late poor old dad may have sat there waiting imagining her in a body bag. Not trying to play the parent card here but I would say that if you don't have kids it can be easy to judge a situation in a way that you would not if you had kids.
The comedian Louis CK does a bit where he says that before he became a parent he'd see some mum yelling at a child and feel sorry for the child and hate the mum.
Since he became a parent, when sees the same thing he thinks 'what the hell did that little sh*t do to its poor mum?'
I don't shout in public, but if my son is acting up or displaying some sort of attitude, I will put him in his place, public or not and I don't care who overhears.
Grey area... if they've done something wrong/silly I could understand (i.e. too close to road, misbehavior etc)
But when you see a parent go off on their kid for something absolutely trivial (i.e. the parent is clearly wound up about something else) you just cringe and feel awkward
Like seeing them get chewed out for dropping a crisp or a chip, I mean really..
Unless they are going completely off the rails and the child is in actual danger not much you can really do its their child after all
I'm not condoning it but we live in a very PC society
I think you can tell a lot from how the children are acting when the parent goes off on one.
If they look terrified then maybe the parent is violent. If they seemed unconcerned its just how the parent is with them all the time, and is all mouth and bluster. If they look a bit shocked and worried then its probably not something they see very often.
Im normally a very calm person I have never shouted (unless scared for them) or hit my children
I was feeling unwell the other day and got cross with my granddaughter, she just looked at me and said "what's the matter nanny" and come gave me a hug Awww Made my heart melt.
Au contraire, I find it refreshing to see a parent verbally discipline their child in public, provided there is no profanity or physical violence involved. If that means raising their voice, so what?
I completely respect what you are saying here, and you are correct past generations experienced worse wether it might had been harsher displine from parents or school caning etc.. but in the same breath (it could be argued) for better or worse we live in a different era/time and the goalposts change
for me shouting does no good with my son - however he would walk into every road regardless of cars so I have to bar his way with my arm.
He has autism adhd and dyspraxia - shouting just brings on meltdown.
I do think though that things like road sense in a child without learning disabilities can be helped by a stern talking to. But you don't need to raise your voice.
Au contraire, I find it refreshing to see a parent verbally discipline their child in public, provided there is no profanity or physical violence involved. If that means raising their voice, so what?
I'm a child of the '70s. We saw much worse then.
I was a parent in the 70s. I never hit my children never shouted at them either.. I can remember loads of kids getting a wallop ( I was hit as a child) I dont remember the total disrespect that some parents seem to have for their kids these days. "come here you little f-ing wan*ker"
That is nasty.
We seem to have two opposite opinions on what went on in the "old days" Two people on here talk about "old school" discipline, one saying I'm old school and would never see that without saying something.. Another saying their old granddad and his army comrades would eat these people alive for what they do to their kids. Funny as in those days kids were beaten and it was normal.
Those days have thankfully gone. But some parents still dont have the hang of discipline and boundaries.
That is what they have to learn. Its not about beating, its not about letting kids do what they want.
Its about letting them know that your word is final and you will not be pushed into backing down. Not in a dictatorship kind of way.
Not in a kind of "I cant be bothered to let you do that" kind of way. But in a fair way that doesn't hurt them in mind or body.
I have never shouted at a child. It is intimidating.
They are not deaf.
They are selectively deaf and sometimes do invariably need shouting at, teens are far more likely to find it funny that you are going off on one than be intimidated. Very few kids are actually intimidated by their parents because in the main their parents worship them.
If I shout at child number one he will stop and listen and will not get run over or whatever other stupid thing he is doing in that moment, shouting is not really my thing.
if I shout at number 2 he will carry on regardless may turn to look at you or go with the deaf bit so he will generally need some kind of physical restraint to stop him doing something blooming stupid
To be honest many kids probably aren't shouted at enough
Don't get me wrong, I'm absolutely against 'corporal punishment', but as a result I think it's even more important parents can exercise a loud and commanding voice.
When I'm out and about too many kids seem to do what they want and the parents say nothing, do nothing, which seems weird to me.
That is because the parents are too frightened to do anything in public in case people like the OP make threads about their politically incorrect behaviour and make up all kinds of scenarios which label the parents as being bad parents and that they abuse the kids in the home.
I shout at my kids some of the time eg if they are in danger. Sometimes when they are fighting and won't stop, I have been known to shout at them. I wouldn't dream of shouting at them in public though. Iv heard parents shouting at their children and it's embarrassing. I heard a women call her child a fu**ing bast***! While out shopping. Shocking behaviour.
I shout at my kids some of the time eg if they are in danger. Sometimes when they are fighting and won't stop, I have been known to shout at them. I wouldn't dream of shouting at them in public though. Iv heard parents shouting at their children and it's embarrassing. I heard a women call her child a fu**ing bast***! While out shopping. Shocking behaviour.
slightly different than shouting though, is there a distinction between shouting or raising your voice to be heard as I can often be heard yelling for my children to stop or come back as they have gone on too far ahead racing around. Technically I suppose that is shouting for your children not at your children, well I seem to be shouting a lot lately then - I am sure some public busybody will term it as abuse.
I would rather yell at my kids and make them behave where necessary whether it upsets other peoples sensibilities in public than be one of those parents that keeps on asking them in a nice voice to do as they are told for the 60th time and for the kids not to listen and have the same members of the public roll their eyes and tut that I cant control my kids.
YOu are making a lot of assumptions OP - that the boy was her brother for a start.
The papers are full of stories of girls going missing and found dead, any parent whose child disappears and doesn't turn up at the pre-arranged time starts to think about these stories, worrying about the child - more so if they are a girl. You give them some freedom after a certain age, any kid pushes the envelope though and tries it on, turns up late - and most parents worry if the child is 5 minutes or 5 hours late.
A scared parent often becomes an angry parent, even a loud one.
If this girl was arriving at a pre-arranged meeting place late, her father would have had a million different scenarios in his head by then. She turns up with a boy in tow (not necessarily her brother), that would concern him even more.
Fear and anger are often expressed in the same way. Grown-ups
As for his 'when I say you move, you move' ... this isn't a sign of an abusive parent, just an angry or frustrated one. For all you know, he was getting lip.
I think you did the best thing and kept your own business to yourself.
It makes me think of my Mum in the supermarket the other day, getting annoyed at the screaming kids with their parents - I reminded her that the parents were no less annoyed than she was, it's not like they prefer their kids to misbehave whilst in the shop! It embarrasses the parents no end (most of the time)
But not because a young girl accidently could not find the right road to walk up and meet her Dad who was waiting in a car.
You saw a snapshot. What if this girl was perfectly capable of meeting her father on time, but had chosen not to, repeatedly over the preceding month, imagining she was more worldly and safe than she actually was. In that case, the girl would have been being disrespectful to her father, not abiding by family rules, arrogantly prioritising her own time over others (ignoring how rude lateness is and can hold you back in life), lying to her father with excuses of poor navigation, perhaps most importantly she was putting herself in danger. In that case it would seem more reasonable to have chastised her strongly, with an immediate reaction to try to get the importance of the message through (finally, as in this scenario she's been doing this for a month). And then when they got home she'd have had time to consider her error and then participate in a family conversation about timelines, safety, respect, and lying. If he'd taken too soft an approach the behaviour would likely continue and escalate until the power dynamic in the family was upturned and she turned into an uncontrollable teenager, making more dangerous decisions that could irreparably impact her life, as she had no respect for following family rules.
You can't tell from a snapshot, so unless I saw something that was definitely abusive, I would refrain from judgement.
Whilst stood at a bus stop, i witnessed a chav mother aggressively shouting at her 2 year old son to keep up with the pushchair that had his baby brother in as he dawdled behind. The poor child was so young, he looked like a walking baby and I remember thinking 'there's a 50/50 chance he'll be in prison before he reaches 18.
Comments
I agree there have been in the past few years too many parents trying to be mates to their kids and not parents. Thats why they ended up running rings round them. Someone I know was spoilt and treated like a mate by his parents. He is now in prison as he had spent his life getting what he wanted. He didnt bother at school ended up in the wrong crowd.
We all have a breaking point, maybe the dad you saw had reached his, you don't know what had gone on, you don't know the whole story. Maybe he's just a tw*t of a man or maybe she'd been pushing the boundaries and he lost his cool.
I'd only involve myself in other families battle if it was getting violent.
Possibly, but the way I read the situation was that he was in a rush to go somewhere. Hence the way he shouted 'when I say move, you move.' Also, if you were that concerned about the whereabouts of your child or in 'his case children' why not either accompany them to the shop she wanted to go to as it serves as a purpose in that he could have hurried her along.
Another aspect, could have been that he was double parked and did want to leave his vehicle in case of getting a ticket. In which case that is still his fault because as he is the adult, he should have organised the time better so it would have allowed for everyone to do what they wanted or pay to go in the shopping centre car park.
I was about 35 yards away from the point in which he suddenly turned round the corner and spotted his son and daughter and once he saw her he just ballistic. She tried to explain why she was late, he just shouted over her.
Maybe his wife/mum/ is ill in hospital and they were late for visiting hours ? Maybe they had an important appointment ? Maybe his daughter had a habit of letting him down and was on her last warning. Maybe he was unable to accompany them. Maybe he was just a dick.
Could be many reasons, many that you don't know.
As a mother of teenagers I hear what you are saying and without doubt I would always try and handle any situation privately rather than in public. That said I hold my hands up and say i am not the perfect parent. Parenting is the only responsible job that they let anyone do without training and so sometimes parents get it wrong. Teenagers and pre teens can be a total nightmare to parent and it can be extremely stressful. In my experience the times I have lost it and shouted at them in public it has usually been because I have been worried about them and that has certainly involved times when they have been late to a pick up. By the time they arrive I have imagined the worst and am both relieved they are ok but angry that they have put me through an emotional wringer. You don't know the circumstances of the incident but if the daughter was late poor old dad may have sat there waiting imagining her in a body bag. Not trying to play the parent card here but I would say that if you don't have kids it can be easy to judge a situation in a way that you would not if you had kids.
Since he became a parent, when sees the same thing he thinks 'what the hell did that little sh*t do to its poor mum?'
I think that sums it up!
They are not deaf.
But when you see a parent go off on their kid for something absolutely trivial (i.e. the parent is clearly wound up about something else) you just cringe and feel awkward
Like seeing them get chewed out for dropping a crisp or a chip, I mean really..
Unless they are going completely off the rails and the child is in actual danger not much you can really do its their child after all
I'm not condoning it but we live in a very PC society
If they look terrified then maybe the parent is violent. If they seemed unconcerned its just how the parent is with them all the time, and is all mouth and bluster. If they look a bit shocked and worried then its probably not something they see very often.
Im normally a very calm person I have never shouted (unless scared for them) or hit my children
I was feeling unwell the other day and got cross with my granddaughter, she just looked at me and said "what's the matter nanny" and come gave me a hug Awww Made my heart melt.
Thought I would just share that with you
I'm a child of the '70s. We saw much worse then.
I completely respect what you are saying here, and you are correct past generations experienced worse wether it might had been harsher displine from parents or school caning etc.. but in the same breath (it could be argued) for better or worse we live in a different era/time and the goalposts change
He has autism adhd and dyspraxia - shouting just brings on meltdown.
I do think though that things like road sense in a child without learning disabilities can be helped by a stern talking to. But you don't need to raise your voice.
I was a parent in the 70s. I never hit my children never shouted at them either.. I can remember loads of kids getting a wallop ( I was hit as a child) I dont remember the total disrespect that some parents seem to have for their kids these days. "come here you little f-ing wan*ker"
That is nasty.
We seem to have two opposite opinions on what went on in the "old days" Two people on here talk about "old school" discipline, one saying I'm old school and would never see that without saying something.. Another saying their old granddad and his army comrades would eat these people alive for what they do to their kids. Funny as in those days kids were beaten and it was normal.
Those days have thankfully gone. But some parents still dont have the hang of discipline and boundaries.
That is what they have to learn. Its not about beating, its not about letting kids do what they want.
Its about letting them know that your word is final and you will not be pushed into backing down. Not in a dictatorship kind of way.
Not in a kind of "I cant be bothered to let you do that" kind of way. But in a fair way that doesn't hurt them in mind or body.
They are selectively deaf and sometimes do invariably need shouting at, teens are far more likely to find it funny that you are going off on one than be intimidated. Very few kids are actually intimidated by their parents because in the main their parents worship them.
If I shout at child number one he will stop and listen and will not get run over or whatever other stupid thing he is doing in that moment, shouting is not really my thing.
if I shout at number 2 he will carry on regardless may turn to look at you or go with the deaf bit so he will generally need some kind of physical restraint to stop him doing something blooming stupid
That is because the parents are too frightened to do anything in public in case people like the OP make threads about their politically incorrect behaviour and make up all kinds of scenarios which label the parents as being bad parents and that they abuse the kids in the home.
slightly different than shouting though, is there a distinction between shouting or raising your voice to be heard as I can often be heard yelling for my children to stop or come back as they have gone on too far ahead racing around. Technically I suppose that is shouting for your children not at your children, well I seem to be shouting a lot lately then - I am sure some public busybody will term it as abuse.
I would rather yell at my kids and make them behave where necessary whether it upsets other peoples sensibilities in public than be one of those parents that keeps on asking them in a nice voice to do as they are told for the 60th time and for the kids not to listen and have the same members of the public roll their eyes and tut that I cant control my kids.
The papers are full of stories of girls going missing and found dead, any parent whose child disappears and doesn't turn up at the pre-arranged time starts to think about these stories, worrying about the child - more so if they are a girl. You give them some freedom after a certain age, any kid pushes the envelope though and tries it on, turns up late - and most parents worry if the child is 5 minutes or 5 hours late.
A scared parent often becomes an angry parent, even a loud one.
If this girl was arriving at a pre-arranged meeting place late, her father would have had a million different scenarios in his head by then. She turns up with a boy in tow (not necessarily her brother), that would concern him even more.
Fear and anger are often expressed in the same way. Grown-ups
As for his 'when I say you move, you move' ... this isn't a sign of an abusive parent, just an angry or frustrated one. For all you know, he was getting lip.
I think you did the best thing and kept your own business to yourself.
It makes me think of my Mum in the supermarket the other day, getting annoyed at the screaming kids with their parents - I reminded her that the parents were no less annoyed than she was, it's not like they prefer their kids to misbehave whilst in the shop! It embarrasses the parents no end (most of the time)
You saw a snapshot. What if this girl was perfectly capable of meeting her father on time, but had chosen not to, repeatedly over the preceding month, imagining she was more worldly and safe than she actually was. In that case, the girl would have been being disrespectful to her father, not abiding by family rules, arrogantly prioritising her own time over others (ignoring how rude lateness is and can hold you back in life), lying to her father with excuses of poor navigation, perhaps most importantly she was putting herself in danger. In that case it would seem more reasonable to have chastised her strongly, with an immediate reaction to try to get the importance of the message through (finally, as in this scenario she's been doing this for a month). And then when they got home she'd have had time to consider her error and then participate in a family conversation about timelines, safety, respect, and lying. If he'd taken too soft an approach the behaviour would likely continue and escalate until the power dynamic in the family was upturned and she turned into an uncontrollable teenager, making more dangerous decisions that could irreparably impact her life, as she had no respect for following family rules.
You can't tell from a snapshot, so unless I saw something that was definitely abusive, I would refrain from judgement.