Can bad parenting be disguised as autism?

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  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 3,562
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    I think autism is such a wide umbrella term for so many different behaviours and difficulties that it's hard to tell. My daughter has autism and is one of the most pleasant, well behaved children you could ever meet but her communication is virtually non existent. She cannot main eye contact or interact and her language is very repetitive (she will repeat things she has heard on tv or in a book word for word but when asked a question that requires a spontaneous answer she just cannot do it)

    She also has cerebral palsy and I expected other things to come to light as she got older so the diagnosis of autism wasn't a shock to anyone and certainly not a result of parenting issues.

    However I do think it's entirely possible that some children diagnosed with autism could simply not have been 'nurtured' enough. And in turn some children could be viewed as having bad parents when there is actually an underlying cause that has been missed - my daughter has severe brain damage and remained undiagnosed with autism until this year.

    It's such a vast spectrum it's really difficult to tell.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 17,060
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    I think autism is such a wide umbrella term for so many different behaviours and difficulties that it's hard to tell. My daughter has autism and is one of the most pleasant, well behaved children you could ever meet but her communication is virtually non existent. She cannot main eye contact or interact and her language is very repetitive (she will repeat things she has heard on tv or in a book word for word but when asked a question that requires a spontaneous answer she just cannot do it)
    She also has cerebral palsy and I expected other things to come to light as she got older so the diagnosis of autism wasn't a shock to anyone and certainly not a result of parenting issues.

    However I do think it's entirely possible that some children diagnosed with autism could simply not have been 'nurtured' enough. And in turn some children could be viewed as having bad parents when there is actually an underlying cause that has been missed - my daughter has severe brain damage and remained undiagnosed with autism until this year.

    It's such a vast spectrum it's really difficult to tell.

    My son came up with a method of dealing with spontaneous chat. He went through a stage of writing scripts and presenting them to visiting family and friends when they arrived. As he knew everything that would be said he was perfectly confident. When the scripted conversation came to an end he left the room:D
  • mildredhubblemildredhubble Posts: 6,447
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    Jerrica09 wrote: »
    My son came up with a method of dealing with spontaneous chat. He went through a stage of writing scripts and presenting them to visiting family and friends when they arrived. As he knew everything that would be said he was perfectly confident. When the scripted conversation came to an end he left the room:D

    LOL I like that one.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 3,562
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    Jerrica09 wrote: »
    My son came up with a method of dealing with spontaneous chat. He went through a stage of writing scripts and presenting them to visiting family and friends when they arrived. As he knew everything that would be said he was perfectly confident. When the scripted conversation came to an end he left the room:D

    :D:D:D:D

    It's quite hard for me because as she has cerebral palsy also it's hard to know whether her occasional anger and frustration is caused by her physical limitations or down to her autism. And because her communication is so limited she can't actually tell me.

    It's quite sad - I never feel like I have an actual conversation with her. Just a repeat of things she has heard or seen. But that does sound like a good idea. Preparation for whats coming next seems to be key to dealing with autism.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 17,060
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    :D:D:D:D

    It's quite hard for me because as she has cerebral palsy also it's hard to know whether her occasional anger and frustration is caused by her physical limitations or down to her autism. And because her communication is so limited she can't actually tell me.

    It's quite sad - I never feel like I have an actual conversation with her. Just a repeat of things she has heard or seen. But that does sound like a good idea. Preparation for whats coming next seems to be key to dealing with autism.

    I think everyone who has a child diagnosed should be told that last sentence. Thinking ahead and having contingency plans in place for anything unexpected makes life with an autistic family member so much easier.

    Does your daughter see a Speech and Language therapist?
  • BerBer Posts: 24,562
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    trevalyan wrote: »
    my dad wasn't the best parent but i am an excellent driver

    Not on mondays though
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1
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    Hogzilla wrote: »
    I have one autistic child and 4 non. They have been brought up by the same parents, have the same everything. Autism isn't 'bad behaviour'. You should educate yourself before you say negative/damaging things.

    Did you even read what he put or do you WANT to be offended? He asked if in CERTAIN CASES not ALL whether autism could be used as an excuse by bad parents. he did NOT say all autism is caused by bad parents which he stressed TWICE! Yet you still decided to completely ignore that and take offence. Could it be a little too close to the truth in your case so you feel compelled to shout everyone who dares even question anything?
  • annette kurtenannette kurten Posts: 39,543
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    Psychosis wrote: »
    Yes! This is what I mean!

    I suppose what I'm saying is... is it likely that all children with diagnoses such as autism and ADHD are actually people who have autism/ADHD, or do a minority of parents try to get them diagnosed to excuse their own "failings"?

    Personally in one of these cases I was flabbergasted by their insistence that she had to be tested for autism, just because she was violent, brattish, and naughty. I was disappointed that "ah, she must be autistic then, let's get her tested" was the first thing to come to mind when she started attacking people.

    i tried for years to get my youngest child assessed for adhd but for one reason and another we couldn`t access the services, fast forward to his psychiatric assessment as an adult and guess what the dx is. i fear many more children are failed than falsely diagnosed.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 6,924
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    Did you even read what he put or do you WANT to be offended? He asked if in CERTAIN CASES not ALL whether autism could be used as an excuse by bad parents. he did NOT say all autism is caused by bad parents which he stressed TWICE! Yet you still decided to completely ignore that and take offence. Could it be a little too close to the truth in your case so you feel compelled to shout everyone who dares even question anything?

    You didn't read the thread did you? I will withhold my welcome to DS for the meantime. With an attitude like that, first post?, you might not be around long. Now apologize to Hogz and play nicely.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 8,916
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    avasgranny wrote: »
    You didn't read the thread did you?

    I'm sure they must have, given they have had almost five years to read it.
  • .Lauren..Lauren. Posts: 7,864
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    I think ADHD would be apt to what you are describing, OP.

    That's not saying that ADHD isn't a real diagnosis.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 6,924
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    I'm sure they must have, given they have had almost five years to read it.

    Oops time to go to Specsavers I think. Can I use getting old as an excuse? :D:D
  • annette kurtenannette kurten Posts: 39,543
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    avasgranny wrote: »
    Oops time to go to Specsavers I think. Can I use getting old as an excuse? :D:D

    step back, it`s jane_wattie`s fault for bumping :D.

    [no offence to jane].
  • neelianeelia Posts: 24,186
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    Hogzilla wrote: »
    I have one autistic child and 4 non. They have been brought up by the same parents, have the same everything. Autism isn't 'bad behaviour'. You should educate yourself before you say negative/damaging things.

    Seems to me the poster is attempting to educate himself - thus the question.
  • AnnieBakerAnnieBaker Posts: 4,266
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    Psychosis wrote: »
    Yes! I, too, work in schools. The comment above about the vicar's child is an interesting point. We're encouraged to forward a child to the SEN department for review if we suspect that they might have a condition like autism/Asperger's syndrome. As staff, we do that with no knowledge at all of what that child's home life is like.

    Then again, there's the other extreme of parents who are ashamed to have children on the SEN roll and won't allow them the extra support :(

    I remember the SEN staff coming round to my department constantly when I was a teacher. They were like vultures looking for "different" children they could take away and diagnose with one of these special needs.
    I think they in turn are encouraged to label as many children as possible to get the school additional funding. Some parents also welcome this as they get more emotional support and the blame for bad behaviour is taken away from them.

    Genuinely autistic children are easy to spot. There's one in my son's class and he is completely different to the other children. He does not play with them. He likes to lie on the cold wet ground and stare at the clouds. Yes, he is difficult but it's clear that he sees the world differently and finds it hard to communicate.

    My son also had a boy in his class whose parents died of a drug overdose. He was aggressive and angry and had to be removed from the school. He has special needs but they are purely emotional.
  • HogzillaHogzilla Posts: 24,116
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    avasgranny wrote: »
    You didn't read the thread did you? I will withhold my welcome to DS for the meantime. With an attitude like that, first post?, you might not be around long. Now apologize to Hogz and play nicely.

    Avas, I'm just having a laugh here and wondering if all PBUs are just 'raised sloppily' or some are genuinely born that way?:D;-)
  • PrinceOfDenmarkPrinceOfDenmark Posts: 2,761
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    For those of you who don't know that much about autism, it is a spectrum that is as wide as you could possibly imagine and no two people on the spectrum display exact characteristics of the other.

    This makes me wonder whether it's even a reasonable, or useful, diagnosis at all.
  • stoatiestoatie Posts: 78,106
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    Did you even read what he put or do you WANT to be offended? He asked if in CERTAIN CASES not ALL whether autism could be used as an excuse by bad parents. he did NOT say all autism is caused by bad parents which he stressed TWICE! Yet you still decided to completely ignore that and take offence. Could it be a little too close to the truth in your case so you feel compelled to shout everyone who dares even question anything?

    Wow, nothing like jumping right in there.
  • HogzillaHogzilla Posts: 24,116
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    stoatie wrote: »
    Wow, nothing like jumping right in there.

    No, be fair - she's been here since last May and took months to post. Must find this issue really compelling to trawl through and zombify a 5 year old thread as a first post.;-)

    Probably forgot which name it was posting under. :kitty:
  • stoatiestoatie Posts: 78,106
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    Hogzilla wrote: »
    No, be fair - she's been here since last May and took months to post. Must find this issue really compelling to trawl through and zombify a 5 year old thread as a first post.;-)

    Probably forgot which name it was posting under. :kitty:

    Wow, I didn't even notice the age of the thread...

    Perhaps she's been SO ANGRY that it's taken her this long to calm down enough to type.
  • ElectraElectra Posts: 55,660
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    Hogzilla wrote: »
    Avas, I'm just having a laugh here and wondering if all PBUs are just 'raised sloppily' or some are genuinely born that way?:D;-)

    I think you might have hit on something there ;-) :D
  • stoatiestoatie Posts: 78,106
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    Hogzilla wrote: »
    Avas, I'm just having a laugh here and wondering if all PBUs are just 'raised sloppily' or some are genuinely born that way?:D;-)

    Surely being born as a PBU is essentially reincarnation?
  • HogzillaHogzilla Posts: 24,116
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    stoatie wrote: »
    Surely being born as a PBU is essentially reincarnation?

    That... or it's parthenogenesis? It's original incarnation laid an egg. Or something.:cool:
  • Fairyprincess0Fairyprincess0 Posts: 30,038
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    my brother was wrongly diagnoised as autistic. my parents are good people deep down but my mother has a very strong (sometimes extreme) view on 'normalicy'.

    my dad is also the survivor of an extreme childhood. all he wants is a quite life. he never wanted to look to deeply into life.

    either way. i love them, but they were ideal parents....
  • Wee TinkersWee Tinkers Posts: 12,782
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    stoatie wrote: »
    Wow, I didn't even notice the age of the thread...

    Perhaps she's been SO ANGRY that it's taken her this long to calm down enough to type.

    Mm-hmm. I've been that angry.

    Get ready for the deluge of capitalised Creme Egg posts come 2020. :(
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