Yours was lovely and a little more precised... but I liked my slightly more raw, and honest version.
Perhaps we should have a limirick off....
keep your paws off my awful work. I don't hate Emilie it was just a joke. And I don't like your PC Version It was too nice.
Emilie fans. honestly
No no ...noooooo - let's be raw and honest.:D
Let us be honest and raw
Some enchant us – but some we think poor
When the Dorothys sing
Do we clap – do we cringe
We make comment on that which we saw
This one is for Stephanie Davis rather than the utterly gorgeous Steph Fearon - 'Stephanie' is much harder to scan in a limerick
Steph's mouth has a life of of its own
On each programme it seems to have grown
Each phrase is a dud
Like a cow chewing cud
Or a rottweiler gnawing a bone
Let us be honest and raw
Some enchant us – but some we think poor
When the Dorothys sing
Do we clap – do we cringe
We make comment on that which we saw
To be a limirick the first sentence should really ryme with the second. You loose points, and must now face the panel's judgement.
John. It was your best limerick to date.
Charotte. I thought you wrote it well, but were lacking emotional warmth.
Sheila. I think you should try and imagine you were writing to your great uncle frank.
Alw. You could paint the thread red one day Ignazio
To be a limirick the first sentence should really ryme with the second. You loose points, and must now face the panel's judgement.
John. It was your best limerick to date.
Charotte. I thought you wrote it well, but were lacking emotional warmth.
Sheila. I think you should try and imagine you were writing to your great uncle frank.
Alw. You could paint the thread red one day Ignazio
The judges were very concise
Constructive and oh so precise
I'll take upon board
The words of the Lord
Thank the panel for all the advice.
Then I'll stand, head held high and unbowed
And acknowledge the clamouring crowd
I'll stay for a while
Blow a kiss, smile a smile
Oh great uncle frank will be proud
To those who would bid me adieu
I'd just like to say 'back achoo'
If I sit on that moon
Anytime soon
I'll be chucking my shoe straight at you.
This one is for Stephanie Davis rather than the utterly gorgeous Steph Fearon - 'Stephanie' is much harder to scan in a limerick
Steph's mouth has a life of of its own
On each programme it seems to have grown
Each phrase is a dud
Like a cow chewing cud
Or a rottweiler gnawing a bone
Emilie's teeth have a gap
And her voice is a shade worse than crap
But the public have kept her
For torture (not lecher)
If it's bad they will still scream and clap
That last limerick is kinda mean
For her Mum I'm sure Emilie's the queen
But this aint BGT
Where's the buzzer? Search me
Em will not reach the City of green
Aw thanks Ignazio for the honourable mention! Loving your work too, and everyone else's for that matter!
Not a limerick as such, but inspired by tonight's opening number....
We could while away the series
With conspiracy theories
But my bias will remain
For we all have our favourites
But you'd vote for Steph Davis
If you only had a brain
So she wears a lot of lipstick
But that we have to nitpick
Means she's made a great start
With her welly from the belly
She'd be kept on the telly
If you only had a heart
Every week, the stage they're storming
It must be tough performing
For flak they don't deserve
And to those who are snotty
Just think - you might be Dottie
If you only had the nerve
Now let's keep on with the rhyming
With wit and perfect timing
Before the results start
And we'll coo over Toto
But who'd you give your vote to?
Only one can have the part!
Tonight was the best
I totaly never guessed
That Danielle could sing that well
Although I always hoped so
It didn't always come across though, when she shouted and rang like a bell.
Last week was poor
But I really am sure
That next week she'll deffenately raise hell.
So Sheila's a hard one to please.
She moans at whatever she sees.
"You should have done that", or
"You're voice was too flat".
It's enough to make anyone freeze.
It's how they interpret the song.
But for Sheila it always seems wrong.
"You should have been lusty,
But you were just rusty".
She'll get on your wick before long.
The search for Toto is on,
A labrador seems to be wrong,
And so does a pug,
Or a dog like a rug
The list could go on and on.
The dog must be small, sharp and pretty
To enter the Emerald City
And not be so past it
it could not sit in a basket
And converse and be terribly witty.
It must beg on demand and be slick
Jump through hoops and be everso quick
Please audition a cat
Cos I'd really like that
To travel on the witches broomstick.
Who will be cast as the witch
Which actress will Lloyd Webber pick
Would it be a great shock
To cast Sheila Hancock
The right boxes she definitely ticks.
So sweet little Emilie has gone
And has waved goodbye with a song
I wish her good luck
As she had grit and pluck
But the role for her was just wrong.
She should believe in herself and work hard
Not give up for she was our wildcard
Young Niamh did not fake it
And to the West End she made it
And now she is famous - tarrah!
So sweet little Emilie has gone
And has waved goodbye with a song
I wish her good luck
As she had grit and pluck
But the role for her was just wrong.
She should believe in herself and work hard
Not give up for she was our wildcard
Young Niamh did not fake it
And to the West End she made it
And now she is famous - a star!
Em did not reach the famed Emerald City
Though she was so sweet and so pretty
But like others before
She will leave the Stage Door
As the lead and not needing pity.:D
The last 8 and there’s no disguising
The strain and the tension were rising
Nerves were under attack
If they started to crack
It was hardly a shock or surprising
They’ve been through the mill from the start
They sing every note from the heart
Every rendition
Fuelled with ambition
If only they all won the part
First Jenny – she took the train
To say “Baby never again
You hurt me – it’s true
So goodbye to you”
But did she epitomise pain?
Vivacious Emilie’s the one
Who fancied a walk in the sun
Her mind’s all a twirl
She loves being a girl
And girls just wanna have fun.
Stephanie who could forget ‘er
Is there anyone who can upset ‘er
The girl from the ‘pool
Grabs attention – she’s cool
Can anyone else do it better?
Now Lauren – she surely could pose
A threat – so much talent she shows
The judges they praise
But does she amaze
Is she Dorothy – nobody knows.
Then the girl from Welsh Wales came along
Refusing to write a love song
Although she’s a beauty
Our red headed cutie -
Was her stagecraft sincere – was it strong
Jessie – what’s her strategy?
She’s quirky and fun you’ll agree
She’s a belter, she’s thorough
(It’s down to the borough)
And when voting she hopes “There you’ll be.”
Danielle caused the judges to shiver
With her tone as she cried them a river
The girl on a swing
Knows how to sing
But as Dorothy can she deliver?
Last up and Steph comes into view
She’s hoping that “Someone Like you”
Will pick up the phone
‘cos she’s hoping she’s shown
That she can be Dorothy too.
Then the girl from Welsh Wales came along
Refusing to write a love song
Although she’s a beauty
Our red headed cutie -
Was her stagecraft sincere – was it strong
Jessie – what’s her strategy?
She’s quirky and fun you’ll agree
She’s a belter, she’s thorough
(It’s down to the borough)
And when voting she hopes “There you’ll be.”
Danielle caused the judges to shiver
With her tone as she cried them a river
The girl on a swing
Knows how to sing
But as Dorothy can she deliver?
Last up and Steph comes into view
She’s hoping that “Someone Like you”
Will pick up the phone
‘cos she’s hoping she’s shown
That she can be Dorothy too.
Oh my god you are so good at these. That was Funny.
Oh my god you are so good at these. That was Funny.
Thank you so precisely - for saying it so nicely.;):D
As the Deadwoods came over the crest
Of the hill they were givin’ their best
Thigh slappin’ – wahey
And whip crack away
Those long legged gals sure impressed
Emilie’s legs I declare
Reach to her armpits - I swear
No other lass
Could ever outclass
Those pins – wow and phew what a pair
As the warm wind swept over the plain
Oklahoma gals just missed the rain
They grew their own veg
Did that give them the edge
Seems to me that the judges were slain
With their verve and their vivacity.
Though they looked pretty average to me
But then who am I
To discount or decry
That what the judges must see.
Charlotte's hair looked a horrible mess
And as dry as a bone I'll confess
Was she in a rush
She could not use a brush
It resembled a back-combed bird's nest
It was brittle and had lost all its gloss
The condition was gone: what a loss!
To much heat, too much dye
To much frizzle and fry
Bet she don't give a fig or a toss.
The mash up gave all a fair chance
To let down their hair and Just Dance
Some of them couldn’t
Some of them wouldn’t
Some failed to find A Romance
Then Charlotte and girls - such delight
Was it the act of the night
Yeah she’s got an edge
But I think there’s a hedge
Through which Charlotte’s been dragged – am I right?
To thunderous approval and cheers
They assured us there’ll be No More Tears
But something was wrong
‘cos despite the song
It didn’t allay sing off fears
The sing off - can anyone tell
Who’ll bring the Lord under her spell
Both Emilie and Sophie
Begged “Andrew please save me”
Which of them knew him so well?
When the Lord set out on this mission
Which girl did Andrew envision
To hand back her shoes
Who would he choose
It was Emilie – end of – decision.
Sweet Emilie – take heart, just you wait
From thousands you made the last eight
I bet that pot of gold
Ain’t that hot – maybe cold
And the end of the rainbow ain’t great
The mash up gave all a fair chance
To let down their hair and Just Dance
Some of them couldn’t
Some of them wouldn’t
Some failed to find A Romance
Then Charlotte and girls - such delight
Was it the act of the night
Yeah she’s got an edge
But I think there’s a hedge
Through which Charlotte’s been dragged – am I right?
To thunderous approval and cheers
They assured us there’ll be No More Tears
But something was wrong
‘cos despite the song
It didn’t allay sing off fears
The sing off - can anyone tell
Who’ll bring the Lord under her spell
Both Emilie and Sophie
Begged “Andrew please save me”
Which of them knew him so well?
When the Lord set out on this mission
Which girl did Andrew envision
To hand back her shoes
Who would he choose
It was Emilie – end of – decision.
Sweet Emilie – take heart, just you wait
From thousands you made the last eight
I bet that pot of gold
Ain’t that hot – maybe cold
And the end of the rainbow ain’t great
If I ever try this again - somebody shoot me.
Another brilliant rhyme
You dish them out all the time
We will never say "no"
to Ignazio
To shoot you would just be a crime.
Poor Sid would be lost and just cry
If by the bullet you happened to die
In a clear, concise way
You manage to say
what we can't however we try.
I think you should get an ovation
A plaque, or a lengthy citation
We all applaud
The Limerick Lord
Don't give up your poetic dictation.
Mr. Orange talks rubbish and bosh
All cliche, claptrap and such tosh
I just want to laugh
It's all cr@p and farce
And to think he is paid loadsa dosh.
I wonder what does "snap it out" mean
It's such gobbledeygook - its obscene
Charlotte interrupts John
Cos he goes on and on
And I don't think that he is her scene.
Steph isn't "fierce" - she's a talented girl
She likes diamonds and dancing and pearls
O Orange talk sense
Cos you sound really dense
Just shut up and give us a twirl.
Danielle is perfect for Dot
It is true I like her a lot
Dont ditch her completely
I say this so sweetly
No moon ride cos she's hot.
Please vote for her - she shines from the rest
And though all the others impress
She has the edge
Please don't sit on the hedge
Vote for her - she's pure magic - the best.
Spending far too much time with the lunatics
On that thread that we know as Politics
But cut me some slack
‘cos here I am back
Where I belong in The Limericks.
Comments
Let us be honest and raw
Some enchant us – but some we think poor
When the Dorothys sing
Do we clap – do we cringe
We make comment on that which we saw
Steph's mouth has a life of of its own
On each programme it seems to have grown
Each phrase is a dud
Like a cow chewing cud
Or a rottweiler gnawing a bone
To be a limirick the first sentence should really ryme with the second. You loose points, and must now face the panel's judgement.
John. It was your best limerick to date.
Charotte. I thought you wrote it well, but were lacking emotional warmth.
Sheila. I think you should try and imagine you were writing to your great uncle frank.
Alw. You could paint the thread red one day Ignazio
I don't want a bloody pear tree
I would get a cartridge
and shoot that old Patridge
From here to eternity.
The man talks such drivel and dross
And comes over lovey and posh
Where are his awards
when he trod the boards?
WHO IS HE, I know - it's all tosh!
To others he seems rather dumb
Down the Yellow Brick Road
Where he gaily strode
He fell off his heels on his b*m
Constructive and oh so precise
I'll take upon board
The words of the Lord
Thank the panel for all the advice.
Then I'll stand, head held high and unbowed
And acknowledge the clamouring crowd
I'll stay for a while
Blow a kiss, smile a smile
Oh great uncle frank will be proud
To those who would bid me adieu
I'd just like to say 'back achoo'
If I sit on that moon
Anytime soon
I'll be chucking my shoe straight at you.
seriously i'm in stitchs
And her voice is a shade worse than crap
But the public have kept her
For torture (not lecher)
If it's bad they will still scream and clap
That last limerick is kinda mean
For her Mum I'm sure Emilie's the queen
But this aint BGT
Where's the buzzer? Search me
Em will not reach the City of green
Not a limerick as such, but inspired by tonight's opening number....
We could while away the series
With conspiracy theories
But my bias will remain
For we all have our favourites
But you'd vote for Steph Davis
If you only had a brain
So she wears a lot of lipstick
But that we have to nitpick
Means she's made a great start
With her welly from the belly
She'd be kept on the telly
If you only had a heart
Every week, the stage they're storming
It must be tough performing
For flak they don't deserve
And to those who are snotty
Just think - you might be Dottie
If you only had the nerve
Now let's keep on with the rhyming
With wit and perfect timing
Before the results start
And we'll coo over Toto
But who'd you give your vote to?
Only one can have the part!
xxxx
I totaly never guessed
That Danielle could sing that well
Although I always hoped so
It didn't always come across though, when she shouted and rang like a bell.
Last week was poor
But I really am sure
That next week she'll deffenately raise hell.
She's really improved.
She moans at whatever she sees.
"You should have done that", or
"You're voice was too flat".
It's enough to make anyone freeze.
It's how they interpret the song.
But for Sheila it always seems wrong.
"You should have been lusty,
But you were just rusty".
She'll get on your wick before long.
A labrador seems to be wrong,
And so does a pug,
Or a dog like a rug
The list could go on and on.
The dog must be small, sharp and pretty
To enter the Emerald City
And not be so past it
it could not sit in a basket
And converse and be terribly witty.
It must beg on demand and be slick
Jump through hoops and be everso quick
Please audition a cat
Cos I'd really like that
To travel on the witches broomstick.
Who will be cast as the witch
Which actress will Lloyd Webber pick
Would it be a great shock
To cast Sheila Hancock
The right boxes she definitely ticks.
And has waved goodbye with a song
I wish her good luck
As she had grit and pluck
But the role for her was just wrong.
She should believe in herself and work hard
Not give up for she was our wildcard
Young Niamh did not fake it
And to the West End she made it
And now she is famous - tarrah!
So sweet little Emilie has gone
And has waved goodbye with a song
I wish her good luck
As she had grit and pluck
But the role for her was just wrong.
She should believe in herself and work hard
Not give up for she was our wildcard
Young Niamh did not fake it
And to the West End she made it
And now she is famous - a star!
Em did not reach the famed Emerald City
Though she was so sweet and so pretty
But like others before
She will leave the Stage Door
As the lead and not needing pity.:D
The strain and the tension were rising
Nerves were under attack
If they started to crack
It was hardly a shock or surprising
They’ve been through the mill from the start
They sing every note from the heart
Every rendition
Fuelled with ambition
If only they all won the part
First Jenny – she took the train
To say “Baby never again
You hurt me – it’s true
So goodbye to you”
But did she epitomise pain?
Vivacious Emilie’s the one
Who fancied a walk in the sun
Her mind’s all a twirl
She loves being a girl
And girls just wanna have fun.
Stephanie who could forget ‘er
Is there anyone who can upset ‘er
The girl from the ‘pool
Grabs attention – she’s cool
Can anyone else do it better?
Now Lauren – she surely could pose
A threat – so much talent she shows
The judges they praise
But does she amaze
Is she Dorothy – nobody knows.
Episode 2 to follow – maybe ………….
Refusing to write a love song
Although she’s a beauty
Our red headed cutie -
Was her stagecraft sincere – was it strong
Jessie – what’s her strategy?
She’s quirky and fun you’ll agree
She’s a belter, she’s thorough
(It’s down to the borough)
And when voting she hopes “There you’ll be.”
Danielle caused the judges to shiver
With her tone as she cried them a river
The girl on a swing
Knows how to sing
But as Dorothy can she deliver?
Last up and Steph comes into view
She’s hoping that “Someone Like you”
Will pick up the phone
‘cos she’s hoping she’s shown
That she can be Dorothy too.
Oh my god you are so good at these. That was Funny.
As the Deadwoods came over the crest
Of the hill they were givin’ their best
Thigh slappin’ – wahey
And whip crack away
Those long legged gals sure impressed
Emilie’s legs I declare
Reach to her armpits - I swear
No other lass
Could ever outclass
Those pins – wow and phew what a pair
As the warm wind swept over the plain
Oklahoma gals just missed the rain
They grew their own veg
Did that give them the edge
Seems to me that the judges were slain
With their verve and their vivacity.
Though they looked pretty average to me
But then who am I
To discount or decry
That what the judges must see.
The mash up and farewell might follow.
And as dry as a bone I'll confess
Was she in a rush
She could not use a brush
It resembled a back-combed bird's nest
It was brittle and had lost all its gloss
The condition was gone: what a loss!
To much heat, too much dye
To much frizzle and fry
Bet she don't give a fig or a toss.
To let down their hair and Just Dance
Some of them couldn’t
Some of them wouldn’t
Some failed to find A Romance
Then Charlotte and girls - such delight
Was it the act of the night
Yeah she’s got an edge
But I think there’s a hedge
Through which Charlotte’s been dragged – am I right?
To thunderous approval and cheers
They assured us there’ll be No More Tears
But something was wrong
‘cos despite the song
It didn’t allay sing off fears
The sing off - can anyone tell
Who’ll bring the Lord under her spell
Both Emilie and Sophie
Begged “Andrew please save me”
Which of them knew him so well?
When the Lord set out on this mission
Which girl did Andrew envision
To hand back her shoes
Who would he choose
It was Emilie – end of – decision.
Sweet Emilie – take heart, just you wait
From thousands you made the last eight
I bet that pot of gold
Ain’t that hot – maybe cold
And the end of the rainbow ain’t great
Another brilliant rhyme
You dish them out all the time
We will never say "no"
to Ignazio
To shoot you would just be a crime.
Poor Sid would be lost and just cry
If by the bullet you happened to die
In a clear, concise way
You manage to say
what we can't however we try.
I think you should get an ovation
A plaque, or a lengthy citation
We all applaud
The Limerick Lord
Don't give up your poetic dictation.
*types this on knees in a begging position*
All cliche, claptrap and such tosh
I just want to laugh
It's all cr@p and farce
And to think he is paid loadsa dosh.
I wonder what does "snap it out" mean
It's such gobbledeygook - its obscene
Charlotte interrupts John
Cos he goes on and on
And I don't think that he is her scene.
Steph isn't "fierce" - she's a talented girl
She likes diamonds and dancing and pearls
O Orange talk sense
Cos you sound really dense
Just shut up and give us a twirl.
The moon took her up to the sky
The Lord preferred Steph
He must have been deaf
And I think I'm going to cry
It is true I like her a lot
Dont ditch her completely
I say this so sweetly
No moon ride cos she's hot.
Please vote for her - she shines from the rest
And though all the others impress
She has the edge
Please don't sit on the hedge
Vote for her - she's pure magic - the best.
On that thread that we know as Politics
But cut me some slack
‘cos here I am back
Where I belong in The Limericks.