I've never really got the 'only child is a lonely child' thing, but I guess it depends on circumstance. There were plenty of other children around to play with growing up, so I don't think I really missed out. The road I grew up in was full of kids and we were all together a lot , I had my cousins. I used to love hanging out with my pals and made friends easily but also time by myself doing my own thing - I was pretty independent. Might be different if it's just you and your parents in the Outer Hebrides though! I do think it's important for kids to be able to spend time with other kids.
That said, must admit I didn't particularly like the realisation that everyone else had brothers and sisters and I didn't, especially when it became clear that one or two of the adults felt sorry for me because of it. On the other hand, I can't imagine what a bond with a brother or sister would be like really. I do have a lot of other only children friends - it's not conscious but maybe there are certain things we just 'get' about one another. That sole responsibility for parents thing is huge as we get older.
Stereotypes of only children can be really irritating though, and sometimes hurtful. They are almost invariably bad.
It's not just about growing up, I mean, yeah my older sister used to buy me and my friends booze And me and my younger brother are close, had many great nights out with him when friends are being unreliable! Having someone who you feel no nerves around whatsoever is a great thing. I don't see why anyone would like being an only child.
I am an only child, my father was also an only child and my mother left when I was a baby so I had no cousins etc either. Was I lonely I would say yes but it taught me to look after myself and to only rely on myself. Now as an adult I am very independent and prefer my own company if I am honest, not a big people person.
I am married and have kids, my wife has a big family (5 siblings) and is very family orientated and it has caused issues between us as family really means nothing to me, it seems like one can't go to the toilet without notifying another, and her mother is never done fussing around.
Truth be told I would survive quiet happily on a desert island with never having any human contact again.
It's not just about growing up, I mean, yeah my older sister used to buy me and my friends booze And me and my younger brother are close, had many great nights out with him when friends are being unreliable! Having someone who you feel no nerves around whatsoever is a great thing. I don't see why anyone would like being an only child.
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Well, because we're used to it? you don't miss what you haven't had and a healthy person will see the positives of their situation as is rather than worrying that the grass is greener on the other side.
And of course it's not just about growing up. Adults have friends too, y'know - I've never lacked for any - and many onlies are less likely to feel freaked out by spending time alone when friends aren't around. I can see if you've always had siblings you can't imagine, but it's not a competition about who has it best; it's just different. I don't judge people who have siblings so why judge those of us who don't? So bizarre.
If you get on with your sister and brother that's great - but plenty of people don't get on with their siblings into adulthood.
I have two older brothers, we had great fun as kids. It all went a bit pair shaped in the teen years as they were a year or two older and I kept getting it on with their mates which caused a bit of friction. I get on with my oldest brother and we're close, the other brother I don't see much, he's a bit up himself these days.
I am an only child and it's never been a problem and I've never wanted otherwise. I've never been lonely, I've always had plenty of mates and when I was a teenager my mum always let one of my mates come on holiday with us and things like that. I had a great childhood and never once wished I had a sibling.
• No competing for parents attention
• No sibling rivalry
• Less arguing
• Own space
• No sharing
• More money spent on you
• Less time around children, likely to mature quicker
• Having to amuse your self makes for a vivid imagination and creativity
As an adult
• No unhealthy judgment and comparison of who's the more successful sibling
• Less likely to be clingy
• More likely to be able to cope on your own
• Enjoy your own company better
• No competing for parents attention
• No sibling rivalry
• Less arguing
• Own space
• No sharing
• More money spent on you
• Less time around children, likely to mature quicker
• Having to amuse your self makes for a vivid imagination and creativity
As an adult
• No unhealthy judgment and comparison of who's the more successful sibling
• Less likely to be clingy
• More likely to be able to cope on your own
• Enjoy your own company better
&c.
A lot of those child ones sound very selfish and spoilt reasons! I think children need to learn to cope with others, so I don't agree at all that only children mature faster or are more creative. That's quite the arrogant statement to make to be quite honest. I also never felt like I didn't have my own space, I mean I had my own room. Perhaps if several children are sharing a room with siblings, I could see your point.
The adult ones you've listed are a load of rubbish too. Why would you think people with siblings are more clingy? I don't think about who is most successful or who isn't. I'm not even sure how I'd begin to judge it. In terms of career though, if my brother / sister got an extremely well paid job, I'd be happy for them. Are you quite a jealous person, because you sound it a little.
I also don't get your last two reasons. Parents are the ones that are going to mollycoddle their children if anything and make them less able to cope on their own, and as for enjoyimg your own company, I don't see how this relates either. Surely if brothers and sisters were so bad, you'd appreciate your time alone and away from them even more! Not that I think that is true anyway.
I was the middle of three, so I didn't get my own room until I left for uni (my sister inherited the shared room as her own and my brother had always had one). My abiding memory of moving out was closing the door behind me after I'd said goodbye to the parents and damn well locking it. It was an amazing feeling.
Yes, and I have to say I would have liked sibling(s).
It's morbid to think about it but when my parents pass away I will be alone, sure I will have friends and maybe a partner to support me but it won't be the same as having a sibling there to share the grief with. It scares me.
I also do feel pressure to have kids as I am my parents only chance to have grandchildren.
When someone thinks being an only child makes them less clingy, they shouldn't be surprised if someone pulls them up over it.
Well, only children do in general tend to be more comfortable with their own company than people who grew up surrounded by siblings. So that could be seen as less clingy, yeah.
The real question is why you should feel the need to pull only children up on anything? Perhaps your superior upbringing didn't socialise you all that well...
Well, only children do in general tend to be more comfortable with their own company than people who grew up surrounded by siblings. So that could be seen as less clingy, yeah.
The real question is why you should feel the need to pull only children up on anything? Perhaps your superior upbringing didn't socialise you all that well...
Oh...wait.
Middle child? Attention-seeking?
Classic.
I've never noticed that. To be honest, I've never noticed consistent differences between people who do or don't have siblings either, I think everyone is different.
Someone said they were an only child and 'thank god they were grateful for it', so I was just asking why, because I wondered why they had such a strong opinion, and then I didn't agree with their list of 'advantages'.
I certainly don't think for one second I am any better than anyone or that poster either, it was just a question.
I've never noticed that. To be honest, I've never noticed consistent differences between people who do or don't have siblings either, I think everyone is different.
Someone said they were an only child and 'thank god they were grateful for it', so I was just asking why, because I wondered why they had such a strong opinion, and then I didn't agree with their list of 'advantages'.
I certainly don't think for one second I am any better than anyone or that poster either, it was just a question.
Fair enough. I think we only children get a bit too used to the stereotypes and fed up of people feeling sorry for us or making negative judgements when mostly, it's really not bad at all Like anyone's circumstances, it has its ups and downs.
Beyond the stereotypes, there are meant to be some 'features' of different birth orders though. Have a look here for example.
Youngest of 5. Growing up it was always bedlam in our house (only 8 years between my eldest brother and me) so much so that when I was old enough to be on my own for a bit I loved the peace and quiet.
Fair enough. I think we only children get a bit too used to the stereotypes and fed up of people feeling sorry for us or making negative judgements when mostly, it's really not bad at all Like anyone's circumstances, it has its ups and downs.
Beyond the stereotypes, there are meant to be some 'features' of different birth orders though. Have a look here for example.
Well you already told me one. Middle child, attention seeking was it? ;-):p
You know, I really don't believe in all this sort of stuff about how your month of birth or order of your family or the shape of the moon in the sky (whatever ) 'shapes' your entire life.
I think if these are factors, they are very minor! As I said, I personally have never noticed any consistent factors about anyone based on things like whether they have siblings or not, otherwise I'd be able to guess every time.
This kind of thing seems to be big business with the media. I sometimes think articles like that are aimed at people who want some sort of question answering, or something to blame something in their life on, that in actual fact had way more to do with them (and they don't want to admit it!) Btw, I'm not saying that's you at all.
It's like a form of soul searching. It's nicer to say you're a dick because you're the youngest child than to just admit you're a dick
Well you already told me one. Middle child, attention seeking was it? ;-):p
You know, I really don't believe in all this sort of stuff about how your month of birth or order of your family or the shape of the moon in the sky (whatever ) 'shapes' your entire life.
I think if these are factors, they are very minor! As I said, I personally have never noticed any consistent factors about anyone based on things like whether they have siblings or not, otherwise I'd be able to guess every time.
This kind of thing seems to be big business with the media. I sometimes think articles like that are aimed at people who want some sort of question answering, or something to blame something in their life on, that in actual fact had way more to do with them (and they don't want to admit it!) Btw, I'm not saying that's you at all.
It's like a form of soul searching. It's nicer to say you're a dick because you're the youngest child than to just admit you're a dick
Yeah 'attention seeking' is the not v nice stereotype of middle children, like 'selfish weirdo' is the only child one.
But you are quite right with your last sentence. At the end of the day, it shouldn't really matter.
(That said, and appreciate it's the DM (!) but birth order studies by psychologists do have a bit more behind them than astrology and stuff like that - it's more about general: group dynamics. But obviously set ups differ from family to family)
Yeah 'attention seeking' is the not v nice stereotype of middle children, like 'selfish weirdo' is the only child one.
But you are quite right with your last sentence. At the end of the day, it shouldn't really matter.
(That said, and appreciate it's the DM (!) but birth order studies by psychologists do have a bit more behind them than astrology and stuff like that - it's more about general: group dynamics. But obviously set ups differ from family to family)
You're right, I just tend to avoid it, mainly because I like to think I'm in control of my own life and I do think some people read way more into this type of thing than is healthy, much like astrology, even if there is some psychology there to back it up.
It's like with a lot of psychological studies. They give you a basic grounding in human behaviour, but as with anything, it doesn't mean everyone will react in the same way. Authority ****ed up most of the people in the Zimbardo experiment granted, but not all of them, not everyone in the Milgram experiment went up to the highest voltage. Not everyone who had an abusive childhood becomes abusive themselves.
Individuals still shine through, regardless of their backgrounds, and of course these are all way more extreme examples than just, which order you happened to be born in
I'm the oldest of 9, some on my mum's side and some on my dad's. Some may think that's alot but I love having a big family, I couldn't imagine being an only child.
I'm the oldest of 9, some on my mum's side and some on my dad's. Some may think that's alot but I love having a big family, I couldn't imagine being an only child.
I once worked with someone who came from a family of sixteen
I'm an only child. I don't feel strongly either way about it. Never felt lonely growing up. I suppose its like being a twin or something, you don't know anything different.
I think the only thing is when there is a family emergency, illness of a parent, etc it would be nice to have someone to deal with it with....
Comments
It's not just about growing up, I mean, yeah my older sister used to buy me and my friends booze
I am married and have kids, my wife has a big family (5 siblings) and is very family orientated and it has caused issues between us as family really means nothing to me, it seems like one can't go to the toilet without notifying another, and her mother is never done fussing around.
Truth be told I would survive quiet happily on a desert island with never having any human contact again.
Well, because we're used to it? you don't miss what you haven't had and a healthy person will see the positives of their situation as is rather than worrying that the grass is greener on the other side.
And of course it's not just about growing up. Adults have friends too, y'know - I've never lacked for any - and many onlies are less likely to feel freaked out by spending time alone when friends aren't around. I can see if you've always had siblings you can't imagine, but it's not a competition about who has it best; it's just different. I don't judge people who have siblings so why judge those of us who don't? So bizarre.
If you get on with your sister and brother that's great - but plenty of people don't get on with their siblings into adulthood.
Because being an only child has many positives.
Such as?
As a child
• No competing for parents attention
• No sibling rivalry
• Less arguing
• Own space
• No sharing
• More money spent on you
• Less time around children, likely to mature quicker
• Having to amuse your self makes for a vivid imagination and creativity
As an adult
• No unhealthy judgment and comparison of who's the more successful sibling
• Less likely to be clingy
• More likely to be able to cope on your own
• Enjoy your own company better
&c.
A lot of those child ones sound very selfish and spoilt reasons! I think children need to learn to cope with others, so I don't agree at all that only children mature faster or are more creative. That's quite the arrogant statement to make to be quite honest. I also never felt like I didn't have my own space, I mean I had my own room. Perhaps if several children are sharing a room with siblings, I could see your point.
The adult ones you've listed are a load of rubbish too. Why would you think people with siblings are more clingy?
I also don't get your last two reasons. Parents are the ones that are going to mollycoddle their children if anything and make them less able to cope on their own, and as for enjoyimg your own company, I don't see how this relates either. Surely if brothers and sisters were so bad, you'd appreciate your time alone and away from them even more! Not that I think that is true anyway.
End of.
You're trying to start an argument over nothing.
When someone thinks being an only child makes them less clingy, they shouldn't be surprised if someone pulls them up over it.
It's morbid to think about it but when my parents pass away I will be alone, sure I will have friends and maybe a partner to support me but it won't be the same as having a sibling there to share the grief with. It scares me.
I also do feel pressure to have kids as I am my parents only chance to have grandchildren.
Well, only children do in general tend to be more comfortable with their own company than people who grew up surrounded by siblings. So that could be seen as less clingy, yeah.
The real question is why you should feel the need to pull only children up on anything? Perhaps your superior upbringing didn't socialise you all that well...
Oh...wait.
Middle child? Attention-seeking?
Classic.
I've never noticed that. To be honest, I've never noticed consistent differences between people who do or don't have siblings either, I think everyone is different.
Someone said they were an only child and 'thank god they were grateful for it', so I was just asking why, because I wondered why they had such a strong opinion, and then I didn't agree with their list of 'advantages'.
I certainly don't think for one second I am any better than anyone or that poster either, it was just a question.
Fair enough. I think we only children get a bit too used to the stereotypes and fed up of people feeling sorry for us or making negative judgements when mostly, it's really not bad at all Like anyone's circumstances, it has its ups and downs.
Beyond the stereotypes, there are meant to be some 'features' of different birth orders though. Have a look here for example.
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-1351567/First-born-Piggy-middle-Or-baby-How-place-family-rules-life.html
Well you already told me one. Middle child, attention seeking was it? ;-):p
You know, I really don't believe in all this sort of stuff about how your month of birth or order of your family or the shape of the moon in the sky (whatever
I think if these are factors, they are very minor! As I said, I personally have never noticed any consistent factors about anyone based on things like whether they have siblings or not, otherwise I'd be able to guess every time.
This kind of thing seems to be big business with the media. I sometimes think articles like that are aimed at people who want some sort of question answering, or something to blame something in their life on, that in actual fact had way more to do with them (and they don't want to admit it!) Btw, I'm not saying that's you at all.
It's like a form of soul searching. It's nicer to say you're a dick because you're the youngest child than to just admit you're a dick
Yeah 'attention seeking' is the not v nice stereotype of middle children, like 'selfish weirdo' is the only child one.
But you are quite right with your last sentence. At the end of the day, it shouldn't really matter.
(That said, and appreciate it's the DM (!) but birth order studies by psychologists do have a bit more behind them than astrology and stuff like that - it's more about general: group dynamics. But obviously set ups differ from family to family)
You're right, I just tend to avoid it, mainly because I like to think I'm in control of my own life and I do think some people read way more into this type of thing than is healthy, much like astrology, even if there is some psychology there to back it up.
It's like with a lot of psychological studies. They give you a basic grounding in human behaviour, but as with anything, it doesn't mean everyone will react in the same way. Authority ****ed up most of the people in the Zimbardo experiment granted, but not all of them, not everyone in the Milgram experiment went up to the highest voltage. Not everyone who had an abusive childhood becomes abusive themselves.
Individuals still shine through, regardless of their backgrounds, and of course these are all way more extreme examples than just, which order you happened to be born in
I once worked with someone who came from a family of sixteen
Now that, I can't imagine. Different universe!
I think the only thing is when there is a family emergency, illness of a parent, etc it would be nice to have someone to deal with it with....