well you do get eroctic books but the same can be said for porn, its just a video on a screen or a picture in a book, but everyones different and disgustingly get their kicks from weird things!
That's true, but I dont think the issue here is what turns people on, but where the boundaries of online behaviour are.
The OP's other half is trying to excuse what he did by saying it's just harmless flirting, whereas in fact he is blatantly cheating.
Cheating comes in many forms, it isnt necessarily physical.
I've lost count of the number of people who are extremely upset over their partner's behaviour on all these social networking sites.
People who are in a relation and who think cybersex is "just a bit of harmless fun" need to get their heads checked.
People who are in a relation and who think cybersex is "just a bit of harmless fun" need to get their heads checked.
Cybersex is deeply dull actually (did I just confess too much there)
If you are in a relationship you don't even think about doing it with anybody
Personally i think the crux of the originally point is not that he is chatty with some Canadian woman but the fact the L word was used to someone other than his partner
Hi NannyOgg (you like Terry Pratchett too eh? lol)
I'm not going to knock you for giving him another chance especially as i'm in the middle of giving my my man another chance - (failing miserably with it though!) but I will say that if he thinks there was nothing wrong with it then there's more chance of him doing it again, he really needs to reconize that there IS something wrong with telling another woman he loves her (fantasy or no fantasy!), perhaps you could go to 'Relate' marriage/partner counselling, at least they would be someone you could both talk things out with and have advice from who's neutral to you both, and work it out that way?
I'm not going to quote and reply directly to any of the posts above because I don't want to think that I'm aiming the response at any one poster in particular. The advice I would have given the OP was to talk to their partner and work out what was going on, all I can say now is to keep talking, try and get trust back in him and that takes constant communication.
I think the discussion turned slightly away from what he did into how evil technology is, and that's what I think is wrong. You just need to look at the posts on here "How did you meet your partner" and you'll see a fair few from people who met the love of their lives online. What the difference is between the two situations is the people involved; technology has not made the partner disrespect the relationship, the partner did that all by themselves. Sure it can make it a bit easier to meet someone to flirt with than just going down the pub, but that doesn't make a strong person weak, it just highlights the weakness within them.
My opinion is to blame the person, not the methods that allowed them to do these things. Forgiveness is a different ballgame however
Forgiveness is a different ballgame however )quote neale
It is very hard to forgive ,but if you think it is something worth saving then it's worth it.
If it's something that has never happened before then you should give him a chance.
Everyone is entitled to one mistake.
I think the discussion turned slightly away from what he did into how evil technology is, and that's what I think is wrong. You just need to look at the posts on here "How did you meet your partner" and you'll see a fair few from people who met the love of their lives online. What the difference is between the two situations is the people involved; technology has not made the partner disrespect the relationship, the partner did that all by themselves. Sure it can make it a bit easier to meet someone to flirt with than just going down the pub, but that doesn't make a strong person weak, it just highlights the weakness within them.
My opinion is to blame the person, not the methods that allowed them to do these things. Forgiveness is a different ballgame however
Not just a bit easier - one hell of a lot easier!
You are right of course about the technology not being the "evil" thing.
If someone has the intention to cheat it does not matter what medium they choose. It just annoys the hell out of me that some people think their behaviour is perfectly acceptable because they're on the net "and that doesnt count because it's not real innit".
Forgiveness is a different ballgame however )quote neale
It is very hard to forgive ,but if you think it is something worth saving then it's worth it.
If it's something that has never happened before then you should give him a chance.
Everyone is entitled to one mistake.
By "a different ballgame" I meant it's a personal decision and there is no way as an outsider I can even start to know enough about what would be the right decision for the people involved.
I do agree that if there is something worth saving then it should be worked at. As a once-free doctor said, "nothing good in this life comes easy" *.
I think as already mentioned, communication is key here.
Gotta sit down and find out why he felt the need to do this. Is he finding that your relationship isn't sparky enough? Do you both need to spice it up a bit? That sort of thing. I mean I agree with others, he may have felt it was harmless but why did he feel the need to do it anyway?
Anyway I've done it again, ok let's start a petition
Message to Nanny Ogg's fella, we the undersigned really think you need to have a long hard think about you're internet "habits" because let's be honest I bet that the Canadian bint (like somebody said who is probably some hefty lumberjack called Earl) ain't anywhere near Nanny Ogg. So delete the account and pack it in !!
Matthew - 10th February 2008
LOL thank you for your petition !! it made me laugh !!
Back on topic he has agreed to delete his facebook account which is cool with me but I still wont be able to trust him with the internet. But I have decided that our family is worth fighting for and I not going to let some complete and utter *************************** (insert as many offensive words as possible for HER), split us up, we still have a lot of things to talk about before its going to get any better but hopefully we will get there.
Thank you all very much for your advice I do appreciate it !
Hope you make him suffer nanny og, I I can't believe he thinks its harmless. I wonder however how he would feel were the boot on the other foot. I don't think he would call it harmless flirting if he found messages on facebook from you to some fit bloke!
Nanny Ogg, I think you're very brave - I think I'd find it easier to chuck him, but I do understand that you have your kids to think of too and it's very easy for us to all say chuck him, however, on the up side, 1) your internet bill will go down and 2) Valentine's day is around the corner, so what's the bet you get a GOOD pressie this year - good luck - I hope it all works out well for you.
LOL thank you for your petition !! it made me laugh !!
Back on topic he has agreed to delete his facebook account which is cool with me but I still wont be able to trust him with the internet. But I have decided that our family is worth fighting for and I not going to let some complete and utter *************************** (insert as many offensive words as possible for HER), split us up, we still have a lot of things to talk about before its going to get any better but hopefully we will get there.
Thank you all very much for your advice I do appreciate it !
Good luck to you and i hope it all turns out well for you and your family. x
matthew - i think you need to shave your legs - what I can never understand about these c'sex rooms is how do they type and do whatever they do at their own end aswell??
Well if you really want me to I wouldn't be uncomfortable with doing that :cool:
Oh btw Nanny congrats on the deleting account thing
off you go, but you MUST use a pink razor!!!
Nanny Ogg, we are now thinking of humiliating things for your OH to do to prove himself to you - what's he most attached to - if it's his hair, he needs to shave it off.....if it's his iPod, let's see if it can swim..........
matthew - i think you need to shave your legs - what I can never understand about these c'sex rooms is how do they type and do whatever they do at their own end aswell??
Ah, I'm glad I'm not the only one who noticed...Matthew you really need to shave those legs, mate!
LOL thank you for your petition !! it made me laugh !!
Back on topic he has agreed to delete his facebook account which is cool with me but I still wont be able to trust him with the internet. But I have decided that our family is worth fighting for and I not going to let some complete and utter *************************** (insert as many offensive words as possible for HER), split us up, we still have a lot of things to talk about before its going to get any better but hopefully we will get there.
Thank you all very much for your advice I do appreciate it !
Turning your anger against this woman is just avoiding the situtation between you and your partner. You have no idea what he said to her to make her think that they had a life together - apart from 'I love you', of course. He may have been stringing her along for ages, badmouthing you and making her feel that she was saving him from you.
Your partner is at fault, not her. He is in a relationship with children. If neither of you can see the fault rests with him, you really don't have much chance of surviving in the long run.
Comments
That's true, but I dont think the issue here is what turns people on, but where the boundaries of online behaviour are.
The OP's other half is trying to excuse what he did by saying it's just harmless flirting, whereas in fact he is blatantly cheating.
Cheating comes in many forms, it isnt necessarily physical.
I've lost count of the number of people who are extremely upset over their partner's behaviour on all these social networking sites.
People who are in a relation and who think cybersex is "just a bit of harmless fun" need to get their heads checked.
Cybersex is deeply dull actually (did I just confess too much there
If you are in a relationship you don't even think about doing it with anybody
Personally i think the crux of the originally point is not that he is chatty with some Canadian woman but the fact the L word was used to someone other than his partner
Think about it that is one very strong word
I'm not going to knock you for giving him another chance especially as i'm in the middle of giving my my man another chance - (failing miserably with it though!) but I will say that if he thinks there was nothing wrong with it then there's more chance of him doing it again, he really needs to reconize that there IS something wrong with telling another woman he loves her (fantasy or no fantasy!), perhaps you could go to 'Relate' marriage/partner counselling, at least they would be someone you could both talk things out with and have advice from who's neutral to you both, and work it out that way?
I think the discussion turned slightly away from what he did into how evil technology is, and that's what I think is wrong. You just need to look at the posts on here "How did you meet your partner" and you'll see a fair few from people who met the love of their lives online. What the difference is between the two situations is the people involved; technology has not made the partner disrespect the relationship, the partner did that all by themselves. Sure it can make it a bit easier to meet someone to flirt with than just going down the pub, but that doesn't make a strong person weak, it just highlights the weakness within them.
My opinion is to blame the person, not the methods that allowed them to do these things. Forgiveness is a different ballgame however
It is very hard to forgive ,but if you think it is something worth saving then it's worth it.
If it's something that has never happened before then you should give him a chance.
Everyone is entitled to one mistake.
Not just a bit easier - one hell of a lot easier!
You are right of course about the technology not being the "evil" thing.
If someone has the intention to cheat it does not matter what medium they choose. It just annoys the hell out of me that some people think their behaviour is perfectly acceptable because they're on the net "and that doesnt count because it's not real innit".
Saying "I love you" on the net = cheating.
Cybersex = cheating.
It is that simple.
Oh and yes you did reveal a bit too much Matthew
By "a different ballgame" I meant it's a personal decision and there is no way as an outsider I can even start to know enough about what would be the right decision for the people involved.
I do agree that if there is something worth saving then it should be worked at. As a once-free doctor said, "nothing good in this life comes easy" *.
*may or may not be a correct scrubs quote, sue me
Gotta sit down and find out why he felt the need to do this. Is he finding that your relationship isn't sparky enough? Do you both need to spice it up a bit? That sort of thing. I mean I agree with others, he may have felt it was harmless but why did he feel the need to do it anyway?
LOL thank you for your petition !! it made me laugh !!
Back on topic he has agreed to delete his facebook account which is cool with me but I still wont be able to trust him with the internet. But I have decided that our family is worth fighting for and I not going to let some complete and utter *************************** (insert as many offensive words as possible for HER), split us up, we still have a lot of things to talk about before its going to get any better but hopefully we will get there.
Thank you all very much for your advice I do appreciate it !
Good luck to you and i hope it all turns out well for you and your family. x
maybe you are doing it with the wrong person?
You'll be asking what I'm wearing next :eek:
(Typed just before Matthew runs to the hills)
NPs Nanny, can't help noticed nobody else signed it though so it's more of a post-it than a petition
I suggested it so I'm on for a group sh1tkicking!
Well if you really want to I wouldn;t be uncomfortable in doing that :cool:
BTW Nanny congrats on the delete account thingy, it's a start
off you go, but you MUST use a pink razor!!!
Nanny Ogg, we are now thinking of humiliating things for your OH to do to prove himself to you - what's he most attached to - if it's his hair, he needs to shave it off.....if it's his iPod, let's see if it can swim..........
Ah, I'm glad I'm not the only one who noticed...Matthew you really need to shave those legs, mate!
Get a (chat)room!
Turning your anger against this woman is just avoiding the situtation between you and your partner. You have no idea what he said to her to make her think that they had a life together - apart from 'I love you', of course. He may have been stringing her along for ages, badmouthing you and making her feel that she was saving him from you.
Your partner is at fault, not her. He is in a relationship with children. If neither of you can see the fault rests with him, you really don't have much chance of surviving in the long run.
Hmmmm ok anybody got a tissue ??
No I've not been on my cam