Some of this sounds hard to believe and contradictory. She seems very possessive, stressing what 'soul mates' they were and how they wanted his last months alone together (then objecting to them being alone in their grief compared to others getting on with their lives). But what about his sons? Surely he would have wanted to see them, not just his wife?
It doesn't add up, and we only have her version of events. Whatever really is going on, one thing that is pretty sure is that to publish this in a newspaper is a mistake which she will come to regret unless she has an ulterior motive for doing so.
Some of this sounds hard to believe and contradictory. She seems very possessive, stressing what 'soul mates' they were and how they wanted his last months alone together (then objecting to them being alone in their grief compared to others getting on with their lives). But what about his sons? Surely he would have wanted to see them, not just his wife?
It doesn't add up, and we only have her version of events. Whatever really is going on, one thing that is pretty sure is that to publish this in a newspaper is a mistake which she will come to regret unless she has an ulterior motive for doing so.
I think she may come to regret venting her feelings quite so publicly and that this is a time where she will need friends around her who might not be there now. I don't think there is anything to be gained from telling friends this now and perhaps she should have been a little more assertive at the time and asked them to leave.
I wholeheartedly agree with her. Had I been in her shoes, however, when the strong hints didn't work I would have been rude enough to say to people. Please leave.
I wholeheartedly agree with her. Had I been in her shoes, however, when the strong hints didn't work I would have been rude enough to say to people. Please leave.
Why not just set visitor hours? As a nurse she must have been aware of that option.
Grief or not she sounds like a bitter attention seeker with a hidden agenda.
This, she'll probably get her 15 minutes on the This Morning sofa that she's after.
After all, you’d given up time from your busy schedules to sit with him and entertain him with stories of your own happy and fulfilled lives.
Our home, a Victorian lodge near Chulmleigh, set in 12 rural acres, in which our animals — alpacas, geese, ducks and chickens — roamed freely, was our haven.
This is such a sad story but I think the widow is still in that angry stage of grief and lashing out. If she had said to people that they weren't up to having visitors I'm sure they would've respected that and stayed away. People want to show support but sometimes they don't know how. If the situation had been different and people had avoided her and her husband after his diagnosis I think she would be equally upset and angry at the lack of support! This is where hospice staff are helpful as they can intervene but this man had decided he wanted to be nursed at home and I guess the wife just didn't know how to be firm with these people and set the boundaries.
I can see where the woman is coming from; I get why she feels the way she does to a certain extent. People don't know what to say. They want to feel like they have done their bit. They want to feel as if they have perhaps helped a little, been there in adversity. Basically, make themselves feel better during an awful time. So yes, I get that she recognises and is resentful of that potentially self-serving behaviour. Thing is, it's a perfectly normal and human reaction, one that is easily recognised and understood, and, in my opinion, not something to be annoyed or resentful about. We try to do what we think is the "right thing", even when in some part it may be viewed as the "right thing" for ourselves, but ultimately it comes from a good place.
The woman dealt with it badly. She could have been more direct and people would undoubtedly have been understanding. Probably glad to be off the hook, while we're being completely honest.
I think the letter is more a reflection of her own dismay at handling the situation badly rather than a genuine grievance at those who visited. If I'm wrong, and she really feels that way, well, she should take responsibility for her own part in allowing it to continue. Both she and her husband were perfectly capable of making such important decisions, especially when it came down to not just precious time, but also medical treatment and comfort.
So yeah, all in all I think she is maybe just a little pissed off at herself.
ETA: just thought of something else. When my husband was very poorly and the future was unclear, we both liked nothing more than to hear stories of our friends' lives. All the trails and tribulations, all the good stuff, too. Made us feel part of normality, and that in itself was precious.
I do agree for the most part, only 8 days together alone out of 150 takes the piss and whilst all the visitors wanted to see their friend or family, to have so many visits is a bit much.
Comments
It doesn't add up, and we only have her version of events. Whatever really is going on, one thing that is pretty sure is that to publish this in a newspaper is a mistake which she will come to regret unless she has an ulterior motive for doing so.
I agree.
I wholeheartedly agree with her. Had I been in her shoes, however, when the strong hints didn't work I would have been rude enough to say to people. Please leave.
Grow up>:(
Why not just set visitor hours? As a nurse she must have been aware of that option.
This, she'll probably get her 15 minutes on the This Morning sofa that she's after.
OK then.
I can see where the woman is coming from; I get why she feels the way she does to a certain extent. People don't know what to say. They want to feel like they have done their bit. They want to feel as if they have perhaps helped a little, been there in adversity. Basically, make themselves feel better during an awful time. So yes, I get that she recognises and is resentful of that potentially self-serving behaviour. Thing is, it's a perfectly normal and human reaction, one that is easily recognised and understood, and, in my opinion, not something to be annoyed or resentful about. We try to do what we think is the "right thing", even when in some part it may be viewed as the "right thing" for ourselves, but ultimately it comes from a good place.
The woman dealt with it badly. She could have been more direct and people would undoubtedly have been understanding. Probably glad to be off the hook, while we're being completely honest.
I think the letter is more a reflection of her own dismay at handling the situation badly rather than a genuine grievance at those who visited. If I'm wrong, and she really feels that way, well, she should take responsibility for her own part in allowing it to continue. Both she and her husband were perfectly capable of making such important decisions, especially when it came down to not just precious time, but also medical treatment and comfort.
So yeah, all in all I think she is maybe just a little pissed off at herself.
ETA: just thought of something else. When my husband was very poorly and the future was unclear, we both liked nothing more than to hear stories of our friends' lives. All the trails and tribulations, all the good stuff, too. Made us feel part of normality, and that in itself was precious.
Everyone is different.