What do I do with my friend who is a compulsive liar?

[Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 6,204
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Hi

I have this friend who is always lying and just can't seem to stop and it appears to be for attention, its so infuriating and can be upsetting.

Do I gnore her?

Do I go along with pretending to believe her?

Do I confront her?

Any suggestions?

thanks :)

Comments

  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 584
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    I have a friend who does this and she also does this for attention. I have known her a long time and can now tell when she is lying to me, which to be honest is an awful lot of the time. I did just go along with it for a while but now do not. I know when she's lying to me so I tell her I know she is not telling me the truth. She hardly has any friends anymore and people who lived in the same street as us just thought she was a joke a lot of the time and would encourage her to elaborate on these lies to see how far she would go.

    Oddly enough my husband used to be married to a compulsive liar who told people no end of weird stories. She would lie about small things and then went so far as to invent siblings with whole other lives and eventually lied about having cancer when she didn't.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 907
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    I had a friend like that and she was pretty harmless but slightly annoying, but I also made friends with a girl on the internet and she turned out to be bloody nuts and caused all sorts of trouble for me.
    I spoke to her nearly every day for 2 years and thought she was a real friend . I listened to her, although I knew she was making things up for attention, but I still liked her. But in the end she dropped me and moved on to other people and told all sorts of lies about me and I ended up getting banned from the Losptpedia forum because of her lies.
    I truly believe she has mental issues of a sort, because she lied about being married and then her " husband " was cheating on her and she said this just to get people to have sympathy for her and talk to her on the forum :yawn:
    So my advise would be, just take care and don't let people use you because you can never trust a liar, despite how harmless they seem.
  • burton07burton07 Posts: 10,869
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    Simi89 wrote: »
    Hi

    I have this friend who is always lying and just can't seem to stop and it appears to be for attention, its so infuriating and can be upsetting.

    Do I gnore her?

    Do I go along with pretending to believe her?

    Do I confront her?

    Any suggestions?

    thanks :)

    How do we know you're not lying about your lying friend?
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 6,204
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    I have nothing to gain from lying about her. I don't appreciate you post.

    You have no idea what my friend has put me through but I am there for her because I know she has various issues but it has come to breaking point now. Thank you Meanbugger and Brit1chick for your helpful replies.
  • SproggSprogg Posts: 16,160
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    I have a friend who is always lying - about the most ridiculous of things and usually some connection to money. He lies about what he gets paid an hour - I know it's £6 an hour but he says it's £8; he's always moving addresses, applying for credit like bank account overdrafts and catalogues, buggers up paying for them (probably intentionally) and then has to move when debt collectors get on to him. He's moved into another place now and totally kitted it out. He's got a massive TV - I asked him how he paid for it, he says he saved for it but then I found a Brighthouse catalogue in his bedroom. :D He also makes out his mum is really well off when she clearly isn't.

    It's all really trivial and I couldn't give a toss about anyone's financial situation but my own but then you wonder how far he'd be willing to go with the lies. He was arrested a few months ago for credit card fraud which he told me was his 'friend' who's in and out of prison who did it.. he did get off but I don't think he had nothing to do with it. He went to put petol in his car, his friend went to pay on what turned out to be a stolen credit card. They arrested him because they got his number plate from the CCTV. Now, OK, he didn't use the card but the petrol went into his car and I don't believe for one second he thought his friend was putting £50 of petrol in his car through the goodness of his heart.

    You have my sympathies OP, wish there was some actual advice I could give you.
  • robtuk06robtuk06 Posts: 4,561
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    Simi89 wrote: »
    I have nothing to gain from lying about her. I don't appreciate you post.

    I think it was a joke....

    Anyway, you hit the nail on the head with your first post - it is for attention. So therefore don't go along with it, just ignore it.

    Although to be honest I would ignore her full stop and not contact her, life is too short for people like that.
  • Mr FunnyMr Funny Posts: 262
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    I so know what you mean.

    I have a friend and he even lies about being ill.

    Can you give me an example of what she would lie about ?
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 6,204
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    Sprogg wrote: »
    I have a friend who is always lying - about the most ridiculous of things and usually some connection to money. He lies about what he gets paid an hour - I know it's £6 an hour but he says it's £8; he's always moving addresses, applying for credit like bank account overdrafts and catalogues, buggers up paying for them (probably intentionally) and then has to move when debt collectors get on to him. He's moved into another place now and totally kitted it out. He's got a massive TV - I asked him how he paid for it, he says he saved for it but then I found a Brighthouse catalogue in his bedroom. :D He also makes out his mum is really well off when she clearly isn't.

    It's all really trivial and I couldn't give a toss about anyone's financial situation but my own but then you wonder how far he'd be willing to go with the lies. He was arrested a few months ago for credit card fraud which he told me was his 'friend' who's in and out of prison who did it.. he did get off but I don't think he had nothing to do with it. He went to put petol in his car, his friend went to pay on what turned out to be a stolen credit card. They arrested him because they got his number plate from the CCTV. Now, OK, he didn't use the card but the petrol went into his car and I don't believe for one second he thought his friend was putting £50 of petrol in his car through the goodness of his heart.

    You have my sympathies OP, wish there was some actual advice I could give you.

    Well the friend in question it almost seems like she has something like Munchausen's syndrome. Because they are usually big lies about her health. Like at the moment I am having a difficult time with my mum who is ill and I am the sole carer, and the friend adds further stress by telling me she is seriously ill in hospital and I find that she isn't and is fine. She just doesn't seem able to help it. And I feel very aware of the whole the boy who cried wolf thing so I find it difficult to ignore incase she really is in trouble, ignoring her is difficult because she likes to make herself heard.
    If its not something to do with her health then its huge lies about her family and other friends who have been great to her.

    It's got to the point now where I am thinking what is for the best for my friend and myself. When she isn't being this way she is a good friend but basically when she starts with her lying she can't stop.

    Sorry for the rant.:o
  • SystemSystem Posts: 2,096,970
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    Just be blunt and tell them you know they're lying and to stop doing it as, after all, you're supposed to be friends. If they continue to lie to you then frankly I'd just let them fade into my past and move on.
  • FranglaisFranglais Posts: 3,312
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    I recently raised very similar thread.

    It's very sad but also awkward as you don't know what to do. It's possibly a mental illness but I'm not qualified to assess the remedy.

    :(
  • SproggSprogg Posts: 16,160
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    Simi89 wrote: »
    Well the friend in question it almost seems like she has something like Munchausen's syndrome. Because they are usually big lies about her health. Like at the moment I am having a difficult time with my mum who is ill and I am the sole carer, and the friend adds further stress by telling me she is seriously ill in hospital and I find that she isn't and is fine. She just doesn't seem able to help it. And I feel very aware of the whole the boy who cried wolf thing so I find it difficult to ignore incase she really is in trouble, ignoring her is difficult because she likes to make herself heard.
    If its not something to do with her health then its huge lies about her family and other friends who have been great to her.

    It's got to the point now where I am thinking what is for the best for my friend and myself. When she isn't being this way she is a good friend but basically when she starts with her lying she can't stop.

    Sorry for the rant.:o

    I do think it's a mental illness and even the hard word won't fix it. I think it might be best to not speak to them about your mum's illness because it will encourage her to lie about being ill herself.

    If she's calling you saying she's in hospital when she's not then I think you'll just have to say you've enough to worry about caring for your mum and she'll have to find someone else to help her through her 'illness'. I think if you totally refused to acknowledge her lies she'd probably realise she's wasting her time lying to you about it.

    It's attention seeking but in a really devious, pretty nasty way. I know it's easier said than done though.
  • fluffybunyipfluffybunyip Posts: 4,909
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    I don't know what to say, apart from to ignore it. My biological sister is also a compulsive liar, among several lies she also told me she has grade 3 cancer which I later found out to be a complete fabrication. It's very frustrating but I guess they only do it for attention.
  • Mr FunnyMr Funny Posts: 262
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    What I want to know is why they do it ?

    I have a mate and his lies are unbelievable. Some of them are so stupid you just know he is lying.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 3,146
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    get them to join up to DS forums - there seems to be a fair amount of compulsive liars on here :(



    seriously though i would confront them about it, i had the same thing about 10 years ago and in the end my mate told his wife that i was to blame for some things, he didnt realise i heard him talking on the phone about it so i confronted the pair of them over it and he just lied more and more to get out of it. It got to the point where everyone realised what he was doing and fell out with him. Hes actually an OK guy now....
  • REDBUSREDBUS Posts: 2,318
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    start telling massive obviouse lie's to her, every time you speak to her,but be seriouse as hell,go way way over the top,she will get the message,she won't challenge you at all but will know every word is bullshit,let her see how it feel's,then blank her for a bit,once you see her again be totally strait with her until she tell's a blatant lie,every time she lie's,you tell 2 out and out porkies that she know's for a fact are bull but cannot prove.

    If she doesn't stop after a while then start to keep your distance and don't be shy about not being able to see her,or if you bump into each other make your lying excuses and let her know your not going to accept bull every time you see them.
  • 2shy20072shy2007 Posts: 52,577
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    Mr Funny wrote: »
    What I want to know is why they do it ?

    I have a mate and his lies are unbelievable. Some of them are so stupid you just know he is lying.

    They do it for attention, plain and simple, my ex was a compulsive liar, he lied about everything, from his age to his birthday, to gain sympathy( early on in the relationship we had a tiff and he said to me 'and on my birthday too!' then I felt guilty and we made up and I bought him some drinks to make up for it, later found out hid b/d was in July, not the December we were in then) He lied about his age so I would go out with him, knocked nearly 10 years off his real age.
    Then he had to live the lie, and it was 2 or 3 years until I found out the truth from his brothers wife.


    In the 16 year I was with him, he lied continuously, swearing on my kids lives even when I knew he was lying.

    Compulsive liars and selfish , and they think that the world should revolve around them, if I was the OP I would dump the friend as they never change, they are tedious and a waste of time.
  • FieldfareFieldfare Posts: 2,739
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    I think the problem with challenging it is that people who do this can often believe their own lies to a large extent. By that I mean they create an alternative world for themselves which is very hard to unpick. As unsavoury as it is, there are reasons why your friend does it. If you think that underneath at all they are worth the effort then there are things you can do to help. On the other hand if your gut feeling is that they do it because they are self-centred, selfish or manipulative then you may just have to back away.

    We all lie to ourselves everyday, we believe things about ourselves that are untrue. Mostly we do ourselves down (too fat, too stupid, too bitchy etc) but sometimes we'll exaggerate in a more positive way, some people will routinely take a few years off their age for example and then struggle for a moment to work out how old they really are. I always pretend to be more extrovert and interesting than I really am at parties etc and occasionally I believe it! But these are just the complications of being human and pretty harmless. For some people this gets a bit out of control.

    I've been through it, one person I stuck with another friend I "dumped" for a lot of reasons but lieing in a damaging way was a big factor.

    What would you like to do Simi - help or move on?

    PS Will be away all day, so can't contribute again until this evening.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 907
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    People who lie like that are just pathetic, I would hate for people to feel sorry for me, but they seem to thrive on it and want to be the centre of attention.
    At the end of the day, your friend is disrespecting you and the whole friendship is a sham . If you can't trust or believe someone, there is really nothing there. Maybe I am just bitter about my own experience, but believe me , i wouldn't be taken in or waste anymore of my time on a liar.
  • alfiewozerealfiewozere Posts: 29,508
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    For some people, the reasons for lying are beyond just a fear of repercussions or to make someone feel better. Some people lie because they need to, because they experience a thrill, because they feel a sense of achievement and because a perfectly delivered lie which fools everyone, however trivial, gives them a high. An obsessive compulsive liar refuses or is unable to tell the truth even when confronted with hard facts. For them lying is not only a way to get out of trouble, it is a way of life. It is a habit and part of their psychology. In case of an obsessive compulsive lying disorder, a person unconsciously lies without knowing about themselves, because lying has become an irreversible part of their life.
  • gazdeegazdee Posts: 341
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    Simple answer to this would be, this person is obviously not a friend.
  • asp746asp746 Posts: 7,286
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    my dd has a girl in her class who's a compulsive liar. I've just explained it that the girl maybe is having a tough time at home and feels the need to 'brag' to maybe fit in?

    its mainly over materialistic things and weird and wonderful places she's visited over the weekend.

    incidently, the kid has lately confided in a girl she's gone into care and believe it or not she was telling the truth - she's in foster care - and my dd says she's never seen her cleaner and with proper school equipment etc.

    its really sad.
  • Miss C. DeVilleMiss C. DeVille Posts: 6,025
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    It's hard to admit but my son's a compulsive liar. He's over 30 now but he's lied about things since he was a little boy.
    His dad and I can't understand why - he had a loving and stable upbringing.
    He lied to his school telling them that his dad had cancer - we only found out when someone saw his dad and asked how he was!
    He mostly lies to get money apparantly for things that are broken ie. car parts needed, things for the house etc. These can be large amounts of money.
    When my ex-husband and I talk we realise we've both been conned for some non-existant thing.
    We've spoken to him loads of times about his lies. Sometimes it stops for a short while but then starts again - we never know when to believe him.
    We were worried incase he was trying to get money for drugs but this doesn't seem to be the case he just fritters the money we've given him on going out etc.
    It's sad that although we love our son, and he is quite nice natured we've got to the stage of not liking him because of the financial problems we are now in because of him.
    It's so difficult because people like him can be so convincing with their lies and you keep thinking what if he's telling the truth about something and we turn our back on him we'd never forgive ourselves.
    If he was just a friend I think I would have walked away from him by now but as it's my son I can't. He won't get counselling. He was counselled once when he was at school but he's so good at lying that even the counsellors believed him.
    It's awful but now I have to joke about it with my ex about the money and call it "mugging with a smile". Neither of us are now in a position to give him anymore money but we just hope he doesn't take other people in too much and con them out of their money.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 4
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    Hi.

    First post on here - and I've got a feeling it's going to be a long-winded rant ;)

    My OH had a "friend" at work whose lies came to a head the weekend just gone.

    A night out had been organised for my OH and his "friend" for their birthdays, and at quarter past 6 Saturday night, this "friend" texted my OH to say he wasn't coming out as he'd just got back from a football match to find a note from his mum. This note said his dad had been rushed into hospital and, to quote the "friend", it was "something to do with what it was before". Last time his dad was in hospital, it was for heart surgery.

    Obviously, my OH (being the nice person he is) texted him back and said he was sorry to hear that and he hoped his dad was ok.

    Me being cynical about this "friend" (it's not the first time he's backed out of going out at the last minute) suspected there was something else going on. So after we'd had a few drinks later on, my OH called his "friend's" house and asked to speak to his dad. His dad was at home. Now surely, if his dad had been rushed into hospital for heart problems, he wouldn't have been let out of hospital that night. Feel free to tell me I'm wrong!

    But anyway, the "friend" hasn't been in touch since, despite my OH trying to contact him trying to find out why he's been lying.

    Pretty low to lie about something like that tho'!

    Sorry for the rant!

    Kelly
    xx
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