Failing college and future opportunities
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Without wanting to create a wall of text I'll keep it as short as possible.
I signed up for college after school because I didn't know for sure what I wanted to do so I thought I'd try it, I originally applied for computing as it's my only interest but wasn't allowed as had a D in Maths, they wouldn't let me do both at the same time. On the spot I decided to do A Levels in subjects I thought I'd enjoy. Not long into starting I realised this kind of education isn't for me, the amount of work and things to remember was impossible! I hated it, I didn't enjoy the subjects at all and couldn't remember things even when I revised for days. However, my Mum wouldn't let me leave, I was threatened with being kicked out. Given the choice I would have left a couple of months in, had time off to recover, re-evaluate what I wanted to do and probably beg them to let me do computing and resit GCSE Maths at the same time.
Fast forward 2 years and I came out with 2 half A Level passes and mostly complete fails. Failing gave me a chance to get out of it and move somewhere else so did, and I decided I'll look for work because I didn't have it in me to do full-time higher education again, I stayed there too long and grew to detest it.
Now I've just been made to feel extremely guilty for not pursuing education, I had personal reasons. Sure, I didn't work as hard as I could have, but I struggled with what I did do, never mind the rest. I was deeply unhappy and, not wanting to use it as an excuse, I've been suffering from bad depression for the past 7 years which I still can't get out of. My motivation has been at a low, I don't enjoy anything and most days don't want to leave the house, I'm just so exhausted no matter what... Attending college full time and having so much work to keep up with pushed me over the edge. I only just passed my GCSEs despite being somewhat intelligent and I genuinely hate myself for feeling this way when I was productive and had a good work ethic only 2 years previously...
If I were to go back into education in a couple of years, what would be my options given that I'd be early-mid 20s, and would be in a job and would have to leave?
Just curious.
Oh look I failed on the not creating a wall of text part.
I signed up for college after school because I didn't know for sure what I wanted to do so I thought I'd try it, I originally applied for computing as it's my only interest but wasn't allowed as had a D in Maths, they wouldn't let me do both at the same time. On the spot I decided to do A Levels in subjects I thought I'd enjoy. Not long into starting I realised this kind of education isn't for me, the amount of work and things to remember was impossible! I hated it, I didn't enjoy the subjects at all and couldn't remember things even when I revised for days. However, my Mum wouldn't let me leave, I was threatened with being kicked out. Given the choice I would have left a couple of months in, had time off to recover, re-evaluate what I wanted to do and probably beg them to let me do computing and resit GCSE Maths at the same time.
Fast forward 2 years and I came out with 2 half A Level passes and mostly complete fails. Failing gave me a chance to get out of it and move somewhere else so did, and I decided I'll look for work because I didn't have it in me to do full-time higher education again, I stayed there too long and grew to detest it.
Now I've just been made to feel extremely guilty for not pursuing education, I had personal reasons. Sure, I didn't work as hard as I could have, but I struggled with what I did do, never mind the rest. I was deeply unhappy and, not wanting to use it as an excuse, I've been suffering from bad depression for the past 7 years which I still can't get out of. My motivation has been at a low, I don't enjoy anything and most days don't want to leave the house, I'm just so exhausted no matter what... Attending college full time and having so much work to keep up with pushed me over the edge. I only just passed my GCSEs despite being somewhat intelligent and I genuinely hate myself for feeling this way when I was productive and had a good work ethic only 2 years previously...
If I were to go back into education in a couple of years, what would be my options given that I'd be early-mid 20s, and would be in a job and would have to leave?
Just curious.
Oh look I failed on the not creating a wall of text part.
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Comments
Yeah I thought about that. I'll consider it.
I've always been the least productive from home though, I just shut down and completely change into a sloth haha... Although I guess I'd put more effort into it what with not wanting to fail again!
Since then my depression was diagnosed and started to be treated and two years ago I started doing a level 2 college course in digital photography, followed by the level 3 course this year and I plan to do a HNC which starts in a couple of weeks
So it's never too late to give education another go
The OU is good, and you're not just left on your own at home, they have tutorials and study days and you can be as involved as you want to be, there are a lot of online forums for each course too.
You can do an OU course, or evening course at a local college while working, it can be done.
And give yourself a break and take one day at a time. get out for walks etc even if you don't feel like it, take an mp3 and listen to music, not everybody is suited to academic courses, you'll be working for a long time, make sure it's something you really want to do. This is the best time to be thnking like this befoe you have a mortgage and family and responsibilities.
Good luck
I don't mean to be rude, and I do appreciate that you have had personal difficulties that have affected your studies in the past, but really the key to any kind of further education is self-motivation and self-discipline. If you can't motivate yourself to work hard, no matter what your circumstances, you will be wasting your time. It is not something you should go into in a half-arsed way.