I think the basis of the expression would be that if someone cheats on you and you take them back and continue in the same relationship then you are enabling them to do it again knowing you don't have the guts to get rid of them.
It takes no account of the fact that the reasons for cheating can be repaired, cheaters often feel great remorse and wouldn't do it to themselves again, let alone their partner and also that the cheater will move onto another relationship which he/she values far more than the first.
I once made the mistake of 'cheating' on a girl I was still with but waiting for the right time to end things with. That doesn't mean I'm about to cheat on my wife of 7 years or that I'd do anything to disrupt my baby son's life.
Thats all well and good saying that people who cheat once wouldn't necessarily cheat again but how could you possibly trust someone who had cheated before? Even if it was with a previous partner i would never be able to trust someone 100% if they were/had been a cheat.
Thats all well and good saying that people who cheat once wouldn't necessarily cheat again but how could you possibly trust someone who had cheated before? Even if it was with a previous partner i would never be able to trust someone 100% if they were/had been a cheat.
Maybe because there are different types of relationships. I have cheated on blokes I was not living with but never with the 2 men I have had long term serious relationships with. It's a different type of commitment
without wishing to sound twee but that is a very profound post
thank you
I think Ninecrimes that you need to stop punishing yourself for how you feel and make the break.
You truely sound like you have already made your decision.
All I would say is to find your own place (dont move in with other woman just yet) so that you have your own space and allow yourself time to grieve over the loss of your marriage.
Alot of people expect to feel better after breaking up with someone but actually it can be worse. Its almost like somebody has died. And you need to remember this and allow yourself to feel the pain that will inevitably come.
Looking at your answers to skolastika's questions you dont want to save your marriage. Be honest with yourself and admit that. If you did, your job would not get in the way and you would drop the other woman like a stone.
I hope all goes well and you find a way forward.
Make your plans and tell your wife your going. perhaps the kids could be with grandparents for a couple of days? (obviously not clued in - just to let yourself and your wife become more calm) and then you should tell them together.
Be strong untill you have the space to let yourself go to bits. and dont go back out of guilt. towards your wife or your family. You DESERVE to be happy.
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Thats all well and good saying that people who cheat once wouldn't necessarily cheat again but how could you possibly trust someone who had cheated before? Even if it was with a previous partner i would never be able to trust someone 100% if they were/had been a cheat.
Maybe because there are different types of relationships. I have cheated on blokes I was not living with but never with the 2 men I have had long term serious relationships with. It's a different type of commitment
I think Ninecrimes that you need to stop punishing yourself for how you feel and make the break.
You truely sound like you have already made your decision.
All I would say is to find your own place (dont move in with other woman just yet) so that you have your own space and allow yourself time to grieve over the loss of your marriage.
Alot of people expect to feel better after breaking up with someone but actually it can be worse. Its almost like somebody has died. And you need to remember this and allow yourself to feel the pain that will inevitably come.
Looking at your answers to skolastika's questions you dont want to save your marriage. Be honest with yourself and admit that. If you did, your job would not get in the way and you would drop the other woman like a stone.
I hope all goes well and you find a way forward.
Make your plans and tell your wife your going. perhaps the kids could be with grandparents for a couple of days? (obviously not clued in - just to let yourself and your wife become more calm) and then you should tell them together.
Be strong untill you have the space to let yourself go to bits. and dont go back out of guilt. towards your wife or your family. You DESERVE to be happy.
Arsenic x