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Sibling DNA test

[Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 8,418
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in Advice #1
I was wondering if anyone has had one done, and if they could offer some advice?

I want to test myself and my sister to see if we have the same father. Our 'father' passed away when I was 3, I've done some research and it seems that siblings can be tested to determine whether they are full or half siblings. I'm aware it's not as conclusive, but I think it's the only test I can do.

Can anyone recommend a reputable company for this? I have googled but there are loads of results and I'm not sure where to start.

Thanks :)

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    ErrodielErrodiel Posts: 4,479
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    #2
    Ring NHS Direct, 0845 46 47. They have a list of half a dozen or so companies that do DNA testing (though no info on prices, etc) and will be happy to give you the numbers/web addresses :-)
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 126
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    #3
    What does your sister think about all this, or haven't you asked her yet??
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 12,881
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    #4
    It seems to me it is not just the science of the test you need to consider. Is mum still alive? How would she feel if she knew you had done this? Would you feel differently about your sister if you knew she was only your half sister? How would you feel about Mum is it turned out she had had an affair?

    And even when you get the results, how would you know if the man you thought was your father was the father of neither of you?

    I would think carefully about all of this to be honest.
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    Hayley HoneypotHayley Honeypot Posts: 217
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    #5
    Ring Jeremy Kyle.
    You need to have a reason though surely? Is it over a will or because your mother has said something?
    You'd have to seriously ask why you would need to know and will it improve your sisters, your mothers life for you to have this info
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    MAWMAW Posts: 38,777
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    #6
    Hayley Honeypot wrote: »
    Ring Jeremy Kyle.
    You need to have a reason though surely? Is it over a will or because your mother has said something?
    You'd have to seriously ask why you would need to know and will it improve your sisters, your mothers life for you to have this info

    I expect he can organise it cost free, as long as you have lots of facial piercings, and your mum looks like a fat slapper. Otherwise,I think I'd give that a miss.
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 8,418
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    #7
    It's quite a complicated story which is why I didn't post it in my OP.

    When I was 10 my Mum told me that my Dad (who died when I was 3, who is named on my birth certificate) is probably not my real Dad. My biological father is actually her ex-boyfriend who lived 20 minutes down the road from us, but he wanted nothing to do with me.

    My Mum was separating from her husband around the time she fell pregnant with me, she didn't cheat, this other guy was a friend who supported her through the break up and they eventually became more than friends.

    It played on my mind for years, until I was 18. I contacted her ex and asked why he didn't want to know me all those years. He claimed he didn't have a clue I could be his (not sure if I believe that) and said he'd be willing to get to know me and welcome me in to his family, but 'just to be sure' we had a DNA test done (which cost me £800). It turns out he wasn't my father. I was devastated, all those years of thinking he was just down the road from me, when my father was actually dead. My sister is not my half sister, but a full sister.

    However, my sister is so different from me. She is the spitting image of my Mum's husband (there is no question of her paternity) his family are Swedish and all look very alike, they have distinct facial features, blonde hair and fair skin. I don't look like anybody. I am brunette, olive skinned, very short (my sister is very tall like her father). She has learning difficulties - as both her parents had mild LDs. I have always been a high achiever. We are complete polar opposites, it just doesn't compute that we have the same parents.

    I know that sisters often don't look alike, but this goes deeper than that. Even before I was told my father might not be my father, his side of the family refused to have anything to do with me. Even as a child I was rejected for being different. Everyone was questioning my paternity. My own mother came to the conclusion that I was her ex boyfriend's child.

    My sister is aware of the whole story and she's happy to take a test if I want one done. It won't change anything, we have always been close, since I was 10 we thought we were half sisters anyway. I just want a bit of closure, if we're not, we're not. I won't lose anything for finding out.

    My Mum is a very secretive person, I always get the feeling there's a lot I don't know about her. She swears blind that my father was one of the two. But I need to do this for my peace of mind.

    Thank you to those who offered constructive advice. I will try my luck with NHS direct in the morning. :)
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    ErrodielErrodiel Posts: 4,479
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    #8
    No need to wait - their health information team is available 24/7 (although I'm aware that it's now morning, so this is redundant!). Just explain that you're looking for info on DNA testing and you'll be put in the appropriate queue for a callback (or put straight through if it's quiet). The testing obviously won't be available through the NHS, but they'll be happy to give you those contact details.

    Best of luck, I hope you get some kind of closure whatever the outcome :)
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    [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 12,881
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    #9
    OP. I understand now. That must be so hard for you. I do with you all the very best. It is very wrong for your mum not to speak to you about this. Did you tackle her about it after the DNA test showed the second man was not your Dad?
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    cdtaylor_natscdtaylor_nats Posts: 816
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    #10
    And what happens if you find out you are half-siblings? Who do you think your father will be then, or her father?
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    ShrikeShrike Posts: 16,609
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    #11
    Genes are strange things - they can lie dormant for a long time. I suspect your looks come from a few generations back on your mums side - a spanish sailor would be a good bet if her family is from the west country;)
    I think you should get the test done, but my worry is what will you do if it shows your sister is only a half sister? The temptation will be to brow beat your mum and that could end badly.
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