I wouldn't say buying her flowers is really a good idea. If it's out of character for you & from what you've said about her in this thread, it will just be cringeworthy & will make things even more awkward. I think a casual apology with a bit of self piss taking should be enough. Even if she doesn't accept, you've apologised & that's the end of it as far as you're concerned.
I'm not so sure. If the rest of the team wasn't there would it be wise to bring it out into the open with a public apology?
IMHO a quiet word, perhaps brokered by the Team Leader who already knows what is going on, might be better than risk people (workmates or even HR) poking their noses in and possibly making the situation worse.
Fully agree - need to assess the situation tomorrow at work first and see if anybody actually knows. If people are being a bit 'offish' with me or it feels awkward, I'll know that things have been said and can take it from there.
If everything appears to be normal, then I might just pull her aside and clear the air or wait until she mentions it....
All I know is that my team leader became very aggressive that night too, when breaking up the row, and said things that he definitely shouldn't have too, so he's pretty keen to keep things 'off the record' as he knows that if she squeals, and higher management find out, I'll be telling them my side of the story too, which he clearly doesn't want...
I'm guessing he's urged her to keep it out of the office, as he's claimed to me.
Your going to have to bite your tongue and apologise. You may not agree with her and you are probebly both in the wrong but be the bigger person and apologise. I know that when I drink and especially as you have had shots and absinth that your temper can flare. If she was very drunk she probebly said thing she didn't mean to so talk it out. If you choose to do it in private I would have your team leader with you who already knows the situation and they can diffuse anything. Doing it in a public way might come across as if your ganging up in her
Good luck
Ha, forgive me for being dumb but what does this phrase mean?
you are never gonna be buddies and she will always be a thorn in your side and if you think you had attitude before you will have more now.
It seems to me, and anecdotal evidence supports it, that men on the whole find it easier to deal with people they dislike on a purely professional basis than women do.
EDIT... I've just read the bit about the rest of the team not being present... in which case my advice stands with the following change... apologise to her in front of the team leader and leave it at that.
You could buy her a coffee and a muffin rather than flowers or how about donuts for the whole team and just say sorry if you offended anyone when you were drunk!
You could buy her a coffee and a muffin rather than flowers or how about donuts for the whole team and just say sorry if you offended anyone when you were drunk!
I like the doughnut idea - everyone loves a doughnut!
(and you could say it's to apologise for acting like one )
This happened out of work. She sounds like an irritating prat who had it coming. If you apologise you are admitting you did something wrong.
She played the pathetic victim and started crying, whereas I would have just given it you back with interest added. That would probably have been the end of it. When we got back to work, it would have been "OK, no hard feelings, we were both pissed" and move on.
Just face it down and let her stew in her own juice.
But I do agree with the moral of the story: don't go on to late night parties with colleagues.
If I were you, because the person you had the argument with isn't related to you, I wouldn't really waste any time worrying about it all, try to put it out of your mind completely, and just be very grateful indeed that your boss didn't issue any disciplinary action against you regarding the incident.
My team leader has the hots for her, so she's come out of this as the angel and he won't say a bad word about her, or acknowledge her faults (e.g harsh attitude/miserable persona). However, he stuck up for her on the night and we ended up in a row about it too - we've talked it over, and laughed it off, and he's agreed to do the best that he can to sweep this under the carpet, so on that note I've sucked it up and kind of agreed to take the wrap for this one, even though we'll never really know who was in the wrong....
It sounds as though your manager is being a bit of a shit-stirrer here and, if you're correct about him having the hots for her, he's hardly an impartial observer either.
Go for that apology, watch your step with the pair of them and try for a transfer to another team. Managers leching on the staff is unprofessional and never ends well for anyone.
Well, quite. However, it's a bit more complicated than that:
It sounds as though your manager is being a bit of a shit-stirrer here and, if you're correct about him having the hots for her, he's hardly an impartial observer either.
Go for that apology, watch your step with the pair of them and try for a transfer to another team. Managers leching on the staff is unprofessional and never ends well for anyone.
Oh for sure - he always pulls her off the floor at work for private 'meetings' which sometimes go on for an hour or so whilst we're all working. It's been complained about by others.
My manager has also slept with one of our team, went to Amsterdam with another girl on the team as 'friends' and has admitted to fancying at least two more....He's also admitted to me personally that he saw his 'promotion' to team leader as the perfect tool to shag his female staff and was disappointed in his lack of success so far...
Ultra professional right!?
As I mentioned before, these type of incidents have happened before with our staff members due to these boozy 'team nights' out, and judging by his reaction before, and from what he's said to me off the record, it seems he quite enjoys the drama even though he'll try to remain 'professional' in front of an audience....
You've already apologised to her and she ungraciously snubbed it, I think I'd leave it there. I would just go back to work and carry on as normal. Just don't be tempted by any more booze filled work do's.
The rest of our team had left by this point, and it was me, her, my manager and two of his housemates (I could kick myself for not leaving with my team mates) - so although nobody saw from work, I'm more than sure she's going to tell at least a few people in the office about it - who wouldn't!?
I'd honestly love to know how it actually started, as it's all just a blur, but the girl does think she's a 'cut above' the rest and has a rather mean attitude at times (earlier on in the pub, an unwanted drunken guest was talking rubbish at our table and she was quick to start telling him to piss off and 'walk away' in a threatening and aggressive manner, which was uncalled for in my opinion). I'm guessing I said something stupid/controversial, she jumped down my throat with a cutting comment, and I went mad and tore her down....that's my guess anyways.
My team leader has the hots for her, so she's come out of this as the angel and he won't say a bad word about her, or acknowledge her faults (e.g harsh attitude/miserable
persona). However, he stuck up for her on the night and we ended up in a row about it
too - we've talked it over, and laughed it off, and he's agreed to do the best that he can to
sweep this under the carpet, so on that note I've sucked it up and kind of agreed to takthe wrap for this one, even though we'll never really know who was in the wrong....
You were in the wrong when you shouted and swore and mocked her. Your main worry seems to be what other people think of you now, not the distress you have caused your colleague. If there is one thing worse than no apology, it's a fake apology, and you really aren't sorry for what you've done, are you? If you were, you would be less determined to justify yourself by listing her faults and paying more atfention to your own.
You have issues with her; she will have written you off as a mean drunk. Only you know if you habitually drink too much and turn nasty or if this was a one off. Since you have already apologised , albeit through Facebook, I'd leave it lying there. I suspect she's well aware of what you think of her anyway and 'sorry' won't mend things.
You were in the wrong when you shouted and swore and mocked her. Your main worry seems to be what other people think of you now, not the distress you have caused your colleague. If there is one thing worse than no apology, it's a fake apology, and you really aren't sorry for what you've done, are you? If you were, you would be less determined to justify yourself by listing her faults and paying more atfention to your own.
You have issues with her; she will have written you off as a mean drunk. Only you know if you habitually drink too much and turn nasty or if this was a one off. Since you have already apologised , albeit through Facebook, I'd leave it lying there. I suspect she's well aware of what you think of her anyway and 'sorry' won't mend things.
I get where you're coming from and some of what you're saying has some truth in it - it's hard to feel sorry for her when it's not really clear what her role in the argument was or how much she provoked the situation to begin with. I do remember her shouting at me too so it certainly wasn't one sided....
However, I'm quite embarrassed/ashamed of having a drunken outburst like that and if I could take it back, I would.
Yes, I am very concerned of what co workers may think about this and if it gets spread, as I've spent the last year keeping my nose ultra clean and trying my best to avoid getting involved in anything like this.
Also, I've never had any real issues with her in the office. Earlier on in the night, she was inviting me and my colleague on a night out with her and some of her pals for the weekend ahead. We were getting on fine. Even 20 minutes or so before the row we were having a laugh and a joke. Things went from good to bad in what seemed like a split second and it's all rather bizarre.
I've been through similar with a neighbour. The problem is I let my mouth run off and what I really thought of her came out - the sort of thing we often think about people but never say . I know she dwells on things and know that nothing I say can take back what I said. But of course your situation is a work one and the issue is not so much what she thinks of you but what your colleagues think. So get her a bottle of wine or something and make sure everyone knows. If she doesn't come round you will seem the bigger person. Then watch your back. Because truces are sometimes very superficial. ;-)
I'm not a fan of the idea of sending an apology to someone using Facebook I just don't think it's the right way of doing it.
You could get her a sorry card and possibly a small box of chocolates. Wait for there to be some other people around apologize for talking to her the way you did give here the card and chocolates firmly leaving the ball in her court to accept the apology and move on.
This happened out of work. She sounds like an irritating prat who had it coming. If you apologise you are admitting you did something wrong.
She played the pathetic victim and started crying, whereas I would have just given it you back with interest added. That would probably have been the end of it. When we got back to work, it would have been "OK, no hard feelings, we were both pissed" and move on.
Just face it down and let her stew in her own juice.
But I do agree with the moral of the story: don't go on to late night parties with colleagues.
Oh, you got in with the alternative view before I did! I was about to say, brazen it out, go in, dont mention a word to her, she sounds really annoying!
Comments
Fully agree - need to assess the situation tomorrow at work first and see if anybody actually knows. If people are being a bit 'offish' with me or it feels awkward, I'll know that things have been said and can take it from there.
If everything appears to be normal, then I might just pull her aside and clear the air or wait until she mentions it....
All I know is that my team leader became very aggressive that night too, when breaking up the row, and said things that he definitely shouldn't have too, so he's pretty keen to keep things 'off the record' as he knows that if she squeals, and higher management find out, I'll be telling them my side of the story too, which he clearly doesn't want...
I'm guessing he's urged her to keep it out of the office, as he's claimed to me.
Good luck
you are never gonna be buddies and she will always be a thorn in your side and if you think you had attitude before you will have more now.
It seems to me, and anecdotal evidence supports it, that men on the whole find it easier to deal with people they dislike on a purely professional basis than women do.
EDIT... I've just read the bit about the rest of the team not being present... in which case my advice stands with the following change... apologise to her in front of the team leader and leave it at that.
Go home, have a glass of wine or two and then wait until Monday to find out what went on.
I've heard enough stories to make me realise staying out late with work colleagues is not good.
(and you could say it's to apologise for acting like one
She played the pathetic victim and started crying, whereas I would have just given it you back with interest added. That would probably have been the end of it. When we got back to work, it would have been "OK, no hard feelings, we were both pissed" and move on.
Just face it down and let her stew in her own juice.
But I do agree with the moral of the story: don't go on to late night parties with colleagues.
Well, quite. However, it's a bit more complicated than that:
It sounds as though your manager is being a bit of a shit-stirrer here and, if you're correct about him having the hots for her, he's hardly an impartial observer either.
Go for that apology, watch your step with the pair of them and try for a transfer to another team. Managers leching on the staff is unprofessional and never ends well for anyone.
Oh for sure - he always pulls her off the floor at work for private 'meetings' which sometimes go on for an hour or so whilst we're all working. It's been complained about by others.
My manager has also slept with one of our team, went to Amsterdam with another girl on the team as 'friends' and has admitted to fancying at least two more....He's also admitted to me personally that he saw his 'promotion' to team leader as the perfect tool to shag his female staff and was disappointed in his lack of success so far...
Ultra professional right!?
As I mentioned before, these type of incidents have happened before with our staff members due to these boozy 'team nights' out, and judging by his reaction before, and from what he's said to me off the record, it seems he quite enjoys the drama even though he'll try to remain 'professional' in front of an audience....
I get where you're coming from and some of what you're saying has some truth in it - it's hard to feel sorry for her when it's not really clear what her role in the argument was or how much she provoked the situation to begin with. I do remember her shouting at me too so it certainly wasn't one sided....
However, I'm quite embarrassed/ashamed of having a drunken outburst like that and if I could take it back, I would.
Yes, I am very concerned of what co workers may think about this and if it gets spread, as I've spent the last year keeping my nose ultra clean and trying my best to avoid getting involved in anything like this.
Also, I've never had any real issues with her in the office. Earlier on in the night, she was inviting me and my colleague on a night out with her and some of her pals for the weekend ahead. We were getting on fine. Even 20 minutes or so before the row we were having a laugh and a joke. Things went from good to bad in what seemed like a split second and it's all rather bizarre.
You could get her a sorry card and possibly a small box of chocolates. Wait for there to be some other people around apologize for talking to her the way you did give here the card and chocolates firmly leaving the ball in her court to accept the apology and move on.
Oh, you got in with the alternative view before I did! I was about to say, brazen it out, go in, dont mention a word to her, she sounds really annoying!
(Im not sure Im being serious)