Paying rent to parents on a part-time job

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  • AquajaneyAquajaney Posts: 518
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    I think the problem with young people living with parents is they don't seem to realise whilst they were in full time education their parents received £20 a week child benefit plus tax credits.

    Leaving school means that money stops but having another person in the house the expenses don't.

    Brilliant if your parents have good jobs then they can afford to subsidise you but for those that aren't that lucky tough you have to pay your way.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 8,783
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    Aquajaney wrote: »
    I think the problem with young people living with parents is they don't seem to realise whilst they were in full time education their parents received £20 a week child benefit plus tax credits.

    Leaving school means that money stops but having another person in the house the expenses don't.

    Brilliant if your parents have good jobs then they can afford to subsidise you but for those that are that lucky tough you have to pay your way.

    Yep...they will stop. Also as a single parent I get a reduction on council tax. Once my kids are adults this will stop too.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 242
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    I really don't see the point your trying to make here. Why would someone be depressed for the rest of their lives if they left home at 16?:confused: I'm sure if they are having a tough time at home for example they'd be bloody relieved to get away from their families. Even if that means sleeping on someone's couch.

    Because almost everyone on this board is saying things like "when you get in the real world", "life's tough, get used to it", blah blah, it makes it sound like they are incredibly depressed and bitter. That's how it comes across to me anyway.

    Edit-to they like to get in there early with the fear-mongering, telling perhaps 5 year olds how tough life will be? Seems they like telling people that. If it's so damn tough don't have kids and inflict it on them aswell then.
  • Babe RainbowBabe Rainbow Posts: 34,349
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    jules2010 wrote: »
    Because almost everyone on this board is saying things like "when you get in the real world", "life's tough, get used to it", blah blah, it makes it sound like they are incredibly depressed and bitter. That's how it comes across to me anyway.

    Not bitter - just realistic :)
  • Vodka_DrinkaVodka_Drinka Posts: 28,740
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    jules2010 wrote: »
    Because almost everyone on this board is saying things like "when you get in the real world", "life's tough, get used to it", blah blah, it makes it sound like they are incredibly depressed and bitter. That's how it comes across to me anyway.

    They do not sound depressed and bitter at all. Why do you think that?:confused: They are just sharing a few home truths! Life is tough!
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 165
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    jules2010 wrote: »
    Because almost everyone on this board is saying things like "when you get in the real world", "life's tough, get used to it", blah blah, it makes it sound like they are incredibly depressed and bitter. That's how it comes across to me anyway.


    Maybe it's because we have experience living off our own means and understand what it is like to do so. We are just trying to offer advice based on this.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 14,284
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    EmilyJEG wrote: »
    Keeping up with responses was difficult - every time I refreshed there was another long response about why I should be grateful. I admit though, I could have responded in a more mature way.

    I may come across as spoiled, but I'm not. My Mum has always been great, even though she's been a single parent for 16 years. I still don't like paying £25 a week to live at home, but my issue isn't so much with my Mum asking for it (although I do still object when I'm not in the house, regardless of the valid points people have made :p), but with the amount I earn. I am quite an intelligent person, whatever assumptions people have made about me, and I feel I've not got anywhere with life. I'm hoping to turn that all around in the next few months - hopefully I will be moving to Sheffield with my boyfriend, which will enable me to take a few courses and get myself on the career ladder (fingers crossed!).



    Now that I'm less upset, I've realised something.







    I apologise to everybody else!

    Emily, I hope you don't that I am patronising, but maybe you have set your expecations too high. You are only 20 and you are doing things that a zillion Western 20 year olds are doing-- working, living at home and in education. You are doing just fine. I'm 32 and I think that too much pressure has been placed on kids that were born in the 90s.

    As hard as it is for you, it's harder for your mum. You haven't mentioned siblings, but you are her baby and you are thinking of moving away. I don't think you are ready and if it has been you and your mum since you were 4, she doesn't want you to go. We mums can be selfish! My eldest is nearly 7, and I cried my face off when he started school. The hardest words to hear from your kids aren't "I HATE YOU!," they are "Mummy, I can do it all by myself."

    It's breaking her heart, but she is preparing you by making you pay your way now. Give her a break.:)
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 242
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    henners278 wrote: »
    Maybe it's because we have experience living off our own means and understand what it is like to do so. We are just trying to offer advice based on this.

    Ok yeh I get that. Some people have been over the top harsh with Emily though I think-she's already mentioned being called a moron etc. I agree that she's got it good and probably needs to be told that.

    Someone called her creepy for living at home at 20. There must be a very large proportion of people still living at home at that age-if they didn't go to uni especially. What's creepier is if she was living on the streets-which she probably would be if she'd been kicked out!
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 4,218
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    A third it totally fair.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 4,218
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    hrh7 wrote: »
    I remember in my son's gap years he started moaning a bit about paying money when he only earned x and that only left y to spend on himself. At the time I was working p/t and his dad f/t, both working long hours and we would have loved to have had y to spend on ourselves. At the time he didn't have to pay tax so just looked at our income and thought we should be loaded by comparison! Anyway, he soon bit the dust about it and was very good, is now in his first "proper" job and is really good about managing money. What I'm trying to say is that it costs an awful lot to live - as others have said rent/mortgage, council tax, NI, tax, utilities, food, cleaning materials etc etc. Most of us don't have much left over to be able to go out much or indulge ourselves, which, when you're single and living with mum and dad, at least what's left is yours.

    It sounds as if his mum is being very fair. He still has some left for himself. I used to feel really sorry for a young guy in my office who lived at home - he was the boss's stepson so every time he got a payrise his dad knew and put the rent up! I thought that was so unfair! He certainly didn't get any priveleges.

    I worked for my stepdad. I used to get exactly what the lowest paid staff on YTS got, I also had to do the longest hours and I also used to get it in the neck from the staff who thought I was spying on them and then telling tales on them - I wasn't. Also if I stuffed up in anyway, not only did the staff take great delight in giving me a hard time but I used to get a hard time from my stepdad for screwing up too, at home.

    It's like doing something wrong at work and then your boss turning up on your front doorstep to have a go at you about it as well.

    No wonder I was was so hard on toogoodfortv for her whinging post about her job.
  • LaChatteGitaneLaChatteGitane Posts: 4,184
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    jules2010 wrote: »
    Because almost everyone on this board is saying things like "when you get in the real world", "life's tough, get used to it", blah blah, it makes it sound like they are incredibly depressed and bitter. That's how it comes across to me anyway.

    Edit-to they like to get in there early with the fear-mongering, telling perhaps 5 year olds how tough life will be? Seems they like telling people that. If it's so damn tough don't have kids and inflict it on them aswell then.

    No one is saying here 'life is tough' (even though it can be from time to time)
    The only bitter comments made, have been from indignant posters who think they don't have to contribute to the household once they get a job and/or become of age.
    That sounds like a selfish attitude with little thought of how parents cope with an extra mouth to feed and all extra costs, while children stay at home and live the life of riley.
    You cannot expect to get everything served to you on a silver platter forever.
  • DeniseDenise Posts: 12,961
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    As a single mother here, I would love to have £50 a week, or even month, to spend on myself how I like. Clothes for my child and school trips etc eat into bill money, rare anything for myself.
  • Apple_CrumbleApple_Crumble Posts: 21,748
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    A third is fine.

    My parents started charging me rent at the age of 16, I'm glad they did! Helped me learn the art of budgeting.
  • EmilyJEGEmilyJEG Posts: 539
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    Emily, I hope you don't that I am patronising, but maybe you have set your expecations too high. You are only 20 and you are doing things that a zillion Western 20 year olds are doing-- working, living at home and in education. You are doing just fine. I'm 32 and I think that too much pressure has been placed on kids that were born in the 90s.

    As hard as it is for you, it's harder for your mum. You haven't mentioned siblings, but you are her baby and you are thinking of moving away. I don't think you are ready and if it has been you and your mum since you were 4, she doesn't want you to go. We mums can be selfish! My eldest is nearly 7, and I cried my face off when he started school. The hardest words to hear from your kids aren't "I HATE YOU!," they are "Mummy, I can do it all by myself."

    It's breaking her heart, but she is preparing you by making you pay your way now. Give her a break.:)

    I'm not at university at the moment - I ended up quitting because my course made me very unhappy. That's why I feel like I've got nowhere. I also have some problems at work, and will probably be leaving soon, meaning I'll have to desperately look for another job. I've signed up with some agencies though, so hopefully I'll find something.

    I have a brother, he's 4 years younger than me.

    I think my Mum does miss me when I'm away - when I went to university, I lived with my Nana (partly to keep her company after my Dad died because he'd been living with her) and she often rang up to talk to me. If I didn't phone for a week, she'd moan about how I'd forgotten about her!

    In a way, moving to Sheffield would be scary because I know very few people there. But I think if I was "thrown in at the deep end", I'd actually manage easier. If I was living close to my Mum, I'd wonder what the point was when I could live at home :o Obviously I'd hope to have a better job, and I would pay my Mum more! :p (Then we'd both be better off rather than paying for two separate houses)... But yeah, Sheffield - I'd have to make my own way (my boyfriend has a flat there, so he'd be paying the mortgage - I'd just have to help with the bills). And I could manage it! People think I'm obviously stupid with money, etc, but I'm not that bad. I've never not paid a bill or anything like that. I'm not good at saving, but I don't really have enough money to save at the moment. I try not to spend so much on unnecessary things, but the money I save in that sense is always used for something else.

    I hope things change a lot this year. I don't want to spend another year not really getting anywhere! I do intend to go back to university though (hopefully next year) so that should help :)
  • EmilyJEGEmilyJEG Posts: 539
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    No one is saying here 'life is tough' (even though it can be from time to time)
    The only bitter comments made, have been from indignant posters who think they don't have to contribute to the household once they get a job and/or become of age.
    That sounds like a selfish attitude with little thought of how parents cope with an extra mouth to feed and all extra costs, while children stay at home and live the life of riley.

    Some people have been going on about "the real world", as though people who live at home still are living on a completely different planet. I left uni and started looking for a job around the same time the recession hit. I had no experience, except for a retail job I had at 16. It means I've been stuck in retail - something I'm not very good at - since then. I'm trying to move into "the real world" - but it's very difficult at the moment.

    As for people saying they have no money to spend on themselves - if I had children, I'm sure I'd be in a similar situation. However, I wouldn't mind so much - I think they would be worth every penny! The difference is, right now I need a bit of money for myself - to spend on things which will help me in life, like driving lessons, saving for a car, a house, etc. I'll never get to the stage of having children if I don't have some money for myself now. I'm not being selfish - just realistic. I've never inherited money, I've never won money. The only way I get money is by working, and when it's almost all disappearing straight away, then I'm getting nowhere.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 8,783
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    EmilyJEG wrote: »
    I'm not at university at the moment - I ended up quitting because my course made me very unhappy. That's why I feel like I've got nowhere. I also have some problems at work, and will probably be leaving soon, meaning I'll have to desperately look for another job. I've signed up with some agencies though, so hopefully I'll find something.

    I have a brother, he's 4 years younger than me.

    I think my Mum does miss me when I'm away - when I went to university, I lived with my Nana (partly to keep her company after my Dad died because he'd been living with her) and she often rang up to talk to me. If I didn't phone for a week, she'd moan about how I'd forgotten about her!

    In a way, moving to Sheffield would be scary because I know very few people there. But I think if I was "thrown in at the deep end", I'd actually manage easier. If I was living close to my Mum, I'd wonder what the point was when I could live at home :o Obviously I'd hope to have a better job, and I would pay my Mum more! :p (Then we'd both be better off rather than paying for two separate houses)... But yeah, Sheffield - I'd have to make my own way (my boyfriend has a flat there, so he'd be paying the mortgage - I'd just have to help with the bills). And I could manage it! People think I'm obviously stupid with money, etc, but I'm not that bad. I've never not paid a bill or anything like that. I'm not good at saving, but I don't really have enough money to save at the moment. I try not to spend so much on unnecessary things, but the money I save in that sense is always used for something else.

    I hope things change a lot this year. I don't want to spend another year not really getting anywhere! I do intend to go back to university though (hopefully next year) so that should help :)

    You really shouldn't leave your job until you have found another
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 8,783
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    EmilyJEG wrote: »
    Some people have been going on about "the real world", as though people who live at home still are living on a completely different planet. I left uni and started looking for a job around the same time the recession hit. I had no experience, except for a retail job I had at 16. It means I've been stuck in retail - something I'm not very good at - since then. I'm trying to move into "the real world" - but it's very difficult at the moment.

    As for people saying they have no money to spend on themselves - if I had children, I'm sure I'd be in a similar situation. However, I wouldn't mind so much - I think they would be worth every penny! The difference is, right now I need a bit of money for myself - to spend on things which will help me in life, like driving lessons, saving for a car, a house, etc. I'll never get to the stage of having children if I don't have some money for myself now. I'm not being selfish - just realistic. I've never inherited money, I've never won money. The only way I get money is by working, and when it's almost all disappearing straight away, then I'm getting nowhere.

    That's life unfortunately.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 13,717
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    Emily, I'm glad to hear that you do help out, but you can't really complain about people's response to you (I love the word "mardy" - my frend from Nottingham uses it a lot :D) when your first post about your Mum's expectations came across as one childish whine. When I read the post that included the line "But yeah. I'm absolute scum" it just felt like "Childish Whine - The Re-match". At least you've realised those posts weren't your finest moments. :D

    I'm glad jules2010 posted what s/he pays in this thread - they have less take-home pay than you, give mum a greater proportion of it than you do which leaves them less to spend than you have, yet their posts on this seem so much more positive than yours. How much life is getting you down is largely due to how you approach it in the first place. It's natural to feel frustrated at not being able to do the things you want to, but no matter who or what else you think is responsible for your situation, the only person who can help you is you.

    When people tell you you're lucky, be thankful etc, they're not being bitter, they're just being honest. As much as you might think you'd be better off living with your boyfriend, try meeting half the costs (including for things that seem to magically appear at home now, like washing-up liquid, soap, toothpaste) & you'll soon see why people advising cutting back isn't them trying to make your life even more miserable, it's them trying to show you that the costs don't stop once you're the one responsible for paying. It might seem a horrible way to live to you, but I price-check our shopping online every month before I do the big shop because I have to - there's usually at least £10 difference betwen the stores, sometimes up to £20 depending on what I'm getting, & that's a big difference to me because that's money that can go to something else - it doesn't go to me for a new lipstick, or towards a new pair of shoes, it goes on home & what we need. If I wanted driving lessons, my OH would probably have to sell the van to pay for them. :D They're not a priority - what I personally want gets dealt with when everything else has been taken care of, & some months I don't buy anything more than a magazine for myself. I don't moan, because that's life. I think it was your moaning about what you give your mum yet not apparently doing without yourself & wanting to do more for yourself that got to people.

    As to the more personal comments made to you, I'll address the "creepy" one. You didn't like someone using that word about you, & that's fair enough - I wouldn't have liked it said about me either. But the very first person to use that word in this thread was you, here, so maybe it was your use of it that caused someone else to use it later on. :)
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 242
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    No one is saying here 'life is tough' (even though it can be from time to time)
    The only bitter comments made, have been from indignant posters who think they don't have to contribute to the household once they get a job and/or become of age.
    That sounds like a selfish attitude with little thought of how parents cope with an extra mouth to feed and all extra costs, while children stay at home and live the life of riley.
    You cannot expect to get everything served to you on a silver platter forever.

    You don't think calling a poster a "moron" is not bitter? Or at least insulting and offensive. No one's said they don't think they should have to contribute either, they are saying they shouldn't have to pay as much as they do with the money that they earn. Having kids in the first place is selfish, and especially if you're just going to have them so you can get child benefit, then turf them out on their own the second they turn 18.
  • EspressoEspresso Posts: 18,047
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    EmilyJEG wrote: »
    I've never inherited money, I've never won money. The only way I get money is by working, and when it's almost all disappearing straight away, then I'm getting nowhere.

    That's the way it is for practically everyone, you know. Whether you're 20 or 50 and whatever line of work you are in and however much you earn doing it - rent/mortgage and bills eat up most of it.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 14,284
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    EmilyJEG wrote: »
    I'm not at university at the moment - I ended up quitting because my course made me very unhappy. That's why I feel like I've got nowhere. I also have some problems at work, and will probably be leaving soon, meaning I'll have to desperately look for another job. I've signed up with some agencies though, so hopefully I'll find something.

    I have a brother, he's 4 years younger than me.

    I think my Mum does miss me when I'm away - when I went to university, I lived with my Nana (partly to keep her company after my Dad died because he'd been living with her) and she often rang up to talk to me. If I didn't phone for a week, she'd moan about how I'd forgotten about her!

    In a way, moving to Sheffield would be scary because I know very few people there. But I think if I was "thrown in at the deep end", I'd actually manage easier. If I was living close to my Mum, I'd wonder what the point was when I could live at home :o Obviously I'd hope to have a better job, and I would pay my Mum more! :p (Then we'd both be better off rather than paying for two separate houses)... But yeah, Sheffield - I'd have to make my own way (my boyfriend has a flat there, so he'd be paying the mortgage - I'd just have to help with the bills). And I could manage it! People think I'm obviously stupid with money, etc, but I'm not that bad. I've never not paid a bill or anything like that. I'm not good at saving, but I don't really have enough money to save at the moment. I try not to spend so much on unnecessary things, but the money I save in that sense is always used for something else.

    I hope things change a lot this year. I don't want to spend another year not really getting anywhere! I do intend to go back to university though (hopefully next year) so that should help :)

    No point in staying on a course you hated. You have soooo much time to pull things back. You sound like you have a good head on your shoulders and you'll be okay.
  • LaChatteGitaneLaChatteGitane Posts: 4,184
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    jules2010 wrote: »
    Yes which is why I'm saying-why not stay comfortable for as long as possible? I'm not taking advantage of my parents or anything. I pay them rent, probably not enough by you people's standards but I take home £48 a week at the moment (yes I might as well be on benefits but I don't want to do that) and pay my mum £20 a week board. Which doesn't leave a whole lot.

    If you're going to tell me how hard the "real world" is over and over, you're just going to make me want to stay at home longer! I can struggle along and be all like "when you get in the real world" to teenagers for the next 30 years, so I'm staying put for as long as possible thanks. Don't want to end up all bitter just yet.

    I don't care if you live for another 30 years with your parents or not, but if you do, make sure you pay your way.

    I am not bitter at all. I have no children, and my husband and I live comfortably.
    If I did have children and they lived with us after they finished studying and started a job (part time or otherwise), they would have to pay their way and help with the daily chores.
    A hotel this is not.
  • EmilyJEGEmilyJEG Posts: 539
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    As to the more personal comments made to you, I'll address the "creepy" one. You didn't like someone using that word about you, & that's fair enough - I wouldn't have liked it said about me either. But the very first person to use that word in this thread was you, here, so maybe it was your use of it that caused someone else to use it later on. :)

    I meant it was "creepy" that I was in almost exactly the same situation. Maybe I should've said "spooky". I certainly wasn't being offensive.
    You really shouldn't leave your job until you have found another

    I know, but I don't think I'll be getting a say in that :o
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 13,717
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    Hypnodisc, I think you can tell your friend that so far most people in this thread think what he pays is fair. :D
  • LaChatteGitaneLaChatteGitane Posts: 4,184
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    EmilyJEG wrote: »
    Some people have been going on about "the real world", as though people who live at home still are living on a completely different planet. I left uni and started looking for a job around the same time the recession hit. I had no experience, except for a retail job I had at 16. It means I've been stuck in retail - something I'm not very good at - since then. I'm trying to move into "the real world" - but it's very difficult at the moment.

    As for people saying they have no money to spend on themselves - if I had children, I'm sure I'd be in a similar situation. However, I wouldn't mind so much - I think they would be worth every penny! The difference is, right now I need a bit of money for myself - to spend on things which will help me in life, like driving lessons, saving for a car, a house, etc. I'll never get to the stage of having children if I don't have some money for myself now. I'm not being selfish - just realistic. I've never inherited money, I've never won money. The only way I get money is by working, and when it's almost all disappearing straight away, then I'm getting nowhere.

    In a way you are living on another planet as you don't seem to grasp the concept of the 'cost of living' (I mean that in a financial way)
    Just spare a thought for your mother, eh and the financial stress she must be under.
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