Lack Of Confidence

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  Raquelos. Posts: 7,734

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  08/07/14 - 23:20 #2

  Remember that everyone feels nervous or anxious at times, the best way to approach it is to do things anyway. Eventually you will come to accept that feeling a lack of confidence doesn't mean you can't do stuff or ultimately enjoy situations that you felt dread about. To put it another way fake till you make it. Best of luck.

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  Apple22over7 Posts: 698

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  08/07/14 - 23:40 #3

  Confidence breeds confidence.
  
  One trick I use is "10 seconds of courage". I have found with myself that I overanalyse every possible outcome, and get very anxious and nervous about the whole process of {task}. However, once I've started the process for {task}, everything else slots into place and I realise there wasn't a lot to get worked up about. So I take 10seconds, grit my teeth and just do the first thing I need to do. Once the wheels are in motion, it gets a lot easier.
  
  For instance, I needed to book an appointment with a physiotherapist recently. I had no idea what this would involve, and even making the initial call was nerve-wracking. However, I screwed up some courage and just dialled the number. Once I'd dialled the number, that was it. I was committed to the process. The phone was answered and I had to speak to the receptionist, I had no choice. So I made the appointment. Similarly when it came to attending the appointment, 10 seconds is all it took to walk through the front door of the clinic. Then I had no choice but to tell the receptionist I was there for my appointment and the rest just fell into place.
  
  Essentially, I do the bare minimum that I need to do, before I have no real choice but to continue with the task at hand.

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  thaliafan Posts: 704

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  09/07/14 - 02:15 #4

  Apple22over7 wrote: »

  Confidence breeds confidence.
  
  One trick I use is "10 seconds of courage". I have found with myself that I overanalyse every possible outcome, and get very anxious and nervous about the whole process of {task}. However, once I've started the process for {task}, everything else slots into place and I realise there wasn't a lot to get worked up about. So I take 10seconds, grit my teeth and just do the first thing I need to do. Once the wheels are in motion, it gets a lot easier.
  
  For instance, I needed to book an appointment with a physiotherapist recently. I had no idea what this would involve, and even making the initial call was nerve-wracking. However, I screwed up some courage and just dialled the number. Once I'd dialled the number, that was it. I was committed to the process. The phone was answered and I had to speak to the receptionist, I had no choice. So I made the appointment. Similarly when it came to attending the appointment, 10 seconds is all it took to walk through the front door of the clinic. Then I had no choice but to tell the receptionist I was there for my appointment and the rest just fell into place.
  
  Essentially, I do the bare minimum that I need to do, before I have no real choice but to continue with the task at hand.

  
  Indeed. Most valuable tip is to think before you speak

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  David Mills Posts: 742

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  09/07/14 - 03:46 #5

  I don't really know what advice I could give that you'd use. But what I would say is you get what you focus on in life, whatever is on your mind becomes what you live, so focusing on all the failure of yourself will make that true, doing the opposite and focusing on being confident will make it happen.
  

  Apple22over7 wrote: »

  Confidence breeds confidence.
  
  One trick I use is "10 seconds of courage". I have found with myself that I overanalyse every possible outcome, and get very anxious and nervous about the whole process of {task}. However, once I've started the process for {task}, everything else slots into place and I realise there wasn't a lot to get worked up about. So I take 10seconds, grit my teeth and just do the first thing I need to do. Once the wheels are in motion, it gets a lot easier.
  
  For instance, I needed to book an appointment with a physiotherapist recently. I had no idea what this would involve, and even making the initial call was nerve-wracking. However, I screwed up some courage and just dialled the number. Once I'd dialled the number, that was it. I was committed to the process. The phone was answered and I had to speak to the receptionist, I had no choice. So I made the appointment. Similarly when it came to attending the appointment, 10 seconds is all it took to walk through the front door of the clinic. Then I had no choice but to tell the receptionist I was there for my appointment and the rest just fell into place.
  
  Essentially, I do the bare minimum that I need to do, before I have no real choice but to continue with the task at hand.

  
  Really good idea!!! Interesting to read it.
  
  You're basically saying make a choice to do something and go for it which is the best way to let go of indecisiveness.

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  frisky python Posts: 9,737

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  09/07/14 - 11:07 #6

  pjw1985 wrote: »

  How do you gain a bit more confidence and become a bit more assertive and a bit less of a wimp? I am constantly inhabited with nerves and anxiety. Thinking about things and wanting to do them and then feeling too scared to even try. It gets me down and it is getting ridiculous now. I could sit here all night typing out some of the opportunities i have missed out on and let go by. It makes me feel sick, depressed and frustrated at myself. I always worry too much about things going wrong but while spending all the time worrying about it and not attempting things life is zooming past and i'm missing out. I feel like i'm just stuck with my personality traits. I'm 29 in less than two weeks and i've had this battle with confidence all my life. I feel i got screwed up a lot in my childhood, at school and all that and i feel like you get a lot of your personality traits in your childhood and teen years and they seem to pretty much stay with you after that. It's hard to suddenly change it once you're in your late 20s, it seems ingrained into me.
  
  But do i really have to live life with this lack of confidence constantly holding me back?! never taking any risks? It's boring and frustrating and i'm fed up

  
  If you think this is down to anxiety/depression have you asked to access counselling at all? This may help you address the issues as to why you are the way you are and accept yourself.
  
  It's a struggle for me too, so I sympathise hugely. I'm currently seeing a psychotherapist as I don't want to be like this either.

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  [Deleted User] Posts: 60

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  09/07/14 - 20:15 #7

  I was in a very similar situation, in my late 20's and seriously lacking confidence, making me feel just paralysed and not really knowing how to move forward in life.
  If you haven't already spoken to your GP about it then I cannot recommend this enough. Since then i've had therapy and medication and now i'm doing brilliantly.
  Can be scary at first but so very worth it.

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