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Mourning an old friend
I just found out that an old school friend of mine committed suicide a few weeks ago.
I hadn't seen him since school but whilst we there, we were good friends and he was such a nice guy. We used to call him The Bear because he was a giant and built like a house. He had an absolute heart of gold and I really had a lot of time for him.
He moved away shortly after school so, as it often happens, we lost touch (waaaaay before Twitter and Facebook). However, he moved back to where I live (I didn't know, I'm sad to say) and he committed suicide recently.
I feel so sad by this. a) that I had allowed us to drift apart and b) that he felt there was no other way out.
I have missed his funeral and wouldn't feel right going after all this time, but I feel so sad. I just don't know what to do.
I feel really zoned out and confused.
I hadn't seen him since school but whilst we there, we were good friends and he was such a nice guy. We used to call him The Bear because he was a giant and built like a house. He had an absolute heart of gold and I really had a lot of time for him.
He moved away shortly after school so, as it often happens, we lost touch (waaaaay before Twitter and Facebook). However, he moved back to where I live (I didn't know, I'm sad to say) and he committed suicide recently.
I feel so sad by this. a) that I had allowed us to drift apart and b) that he felt there was no other way out.
I have missed his funeral and wouldn't feel right going after all this time, but I feel so sad. I just don't know what to do.
I feel really zoned out and confused.
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A similar thing happened to me recently and advice from a few friends helped me enormously.
The best things were creating a good, safe, calm, relaxing place and then writing a letter telling all of your thoughts, regrets and memories.
If writing a letter is too complicated, then i would suggest you do the same, as above but talk the whole thing through out aloud. Its best to light a candle and sit awhile to gather your thoughts, then speak. Im sure your friend will hear you and be honoured by your words.
No matter if you have no religious belief, the power of prayer is enormous.
I have arranged for a small group of us to go the local beach and have a little memorial service of our own. Nothing too major, just a little send off for him.
It's just so surreal. Poor guy.
I feel for you too Kiviraat & Dozyrosie. It's so awful.
xxx
That sounds like a lovely thing to do. I hope it gives you a little bit of closure, and I'm sure your friend would be so chuffed that even though you hadn't seen each other for so long, that you still remember him fondly. I've no idea what we're going to do (if anything) for our friend. Maybe get a group of us together and do a big dog walk on the beach as he loved them so much.
I hope so - he obviously had his demons and perhaps didn't realise that even though we all didn't see each other much, we were all still there for him.
I just had a good hour's chat with another friend who knew The Bear and we were in fits of laughter telling stories about him. That's made me happier - remembering the good times - there were so many.
A dog walk is a lovely idea too - if he loved dogs then it's perfect.
xx
It is natural that people change friends and drift apart. It doesn't mean that you did not value your friend at the time but circumstances change and make it hard to maintain friendships - it is on realistically possible to have time for a certain number of close friends.
It is very sad that your friend ended his own life but the fact you had lost touch does not mean you should feel guilty. But do as you are doing and take time to remember him and to come to terms with his death.