Is this acceptable?
hownwbrowncow
Posts: 6,188 Forum Member
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Basically, there was just a huge bust-up between my me and my dad this evening...
It started in a stupid way, but turned nasty quickly... So, there are two TVs in my house. I was going next door to watch Big Brother, which my parents seem to have a problem with me watching, but then I noticed the card had been taken out of the TV so I couldn't watch it.
I went through to my dad and asked about it, and he said he didn't want me watching big brother ( I AM SIXTEEN), and so i asked why completely calmly, np swearing, although i didn't say please! (:eek: *rolleyes*).
He started ranting about how i had an attitude problem. Now im wise enough to acknowledge that i do swear a bit, but when i asked jim about it, to defend myself, he couldn't think of anything specific.
He then said, 'Im gonna go f*cking crazy with you in a minute!' He got out if his chair and i knew he was going to get physical, and i warned him that i was holding freshly made coffee (not because i was going to throw ir ar him, bur i could have spilt it over myself), and he said 'I don't f*cking care!'
He grabbed my arms, and shouted in my face, causing me to spill mu coffee over the floor, and i pushed him away and burst into tears
Then ir basically turned into a shouting match, with him telling mw how bad my attitude was, and this was in front of the whole family, and my mum wouldn't even defend me against his behaviour, and so i basically just told him he was a terrible father, and stuff like that!
I just feel its so unjust that he can treat me, a sixteen year old like that?... Yes, he pays the bills, hut there's a difference between having authority and being a complete dictator, and getting physical.
What do people think?
It started in a stupid way, but turned nasty quickly... So, there are two TVs in my house. I was going next door to watch Big Brother, which my parents seem to have a problem with me watching, but then I noticed the card had been taken out of the TV so I couldn't watch it.
I went through to my dad and asked about it, and he said he didn't want me watching big brother ( I AM SIXTEEN), and so i asked why completely calmly, np swearing, although i didn't say please! (:eek: *rolleyes*).
He started ranting about how i had an attitude problem. Now im wise enough to acknowledge that i do swear a bit, but when i asked jim about it, to defend myself, he couldn't think of anything specific.
He then said, 'Im gonna go f*cking crazy with you in a minute!' He got out if his chair and i knew he was going to get physical, and i warned him that i was holding freshly made coffee (not because i was going to throw ir ar him, bur i could have spilt it over myself), and he said 'I don't f*cking care!'
He grabbed my arms, and shouted in my face, causing me to spill mu coffee over the floor, and i pushed him away and burst into tears
Then ir basically turned into a shouting match, with him telling mw how bad my attitude was, and this was in front of the whole family, and my mum wouldn't even defend me against his behaviour, and so i basically just told him he was a terrible father, and stuff like that!
I just feel its so unjust that he can treat me, a sixteen year old like that?... Yes, he pays the bills, hut there's a difference between having authority and being a complete dictator, and getting physical.
What do people think?
0
Comments
Tune into any news channel and you'll get a taste of really important issues.
anyway, it's of course unacceptable for a parent to get physical with you to that degree.
what might have been a better course of action would be to have said "ok sure" and left the room when he initially said he didn't want you watching the show.
staying there and questioning him as to why he feels you've got an attitude problem may well have seemed to you as defending yourself, but it could well have come across to him as you wanting a confrontation.
i'd be inclined to try and talk to him maybe first thing in the morning. sit down with him and assure him you just want to chat.
if you feel you can't do that, then maybe write him a letter and sit there and wait until he reads it.
www.youtube.com/watch?v=FC3y9llDXuM
Whether he's out of order or not? Well, to me it sounds silly to restrict a 16-yr-old from watching Big Brother, and, if you genuinely were calm (and not 'gritted teeth' calm), then his reaction is surprising. However, he might have been waiting for the confrontation and been all geared up for you being a git with him, and that's the reaction you got. You say you've been sweary with him before now, so maybe it's that that's got his back up with you in general. I know I never liked it one bit when my sons got like that with me.
There isn't that much you can do, though. It's your parents' house, therefore their rules. I don't watch BB so I've no idea what it's like with regard to adult material but like I said you're 16. Your mum wasn't necessarily out of order for not siding with you in front of your dad, because parents should keep a united front unless it's really bad treatment from one of them. You can bet she'll have said something once you've left the room, though.
So, there are a couple of options:
1. Ride it all out until you've got your own place, then you can watch what you want, but that'll take a while yet.
2. Back down, chill out, don't swear at him and try to get a better atmosphere going at home.
One question: you said they seem to have a problem with you watching, and now they've taken the card out of the TV - that sounds like a 'last resort' type of thing to stop you watching. Have you had previous arguments about it, then?
Thankyou for your reply
It sounds strange but I actually swear a lot more in my mothers company because I feel more comfortable around her, and I only swear ar my father when I'm seething.
And I must admit it was a gritted teeth calm. We'd already had a run-in about it on Monday - he came in while I was watching it and turned it off in the middle of the climax, and very forcefully told me to go to bed. I politely declined, and turned ir back on and he left. However, to prove a point, he deleted all the BB I had recorded (I've been away since Monday), and them, when I got back he'd taken the card out, just to prove a point, and ensure that I was unable to watch it, and so that really got my back up, but I had to remain calm, because I knew if I were to get through ir at all, it would have to be with a calm approach.
With regards to your options, I discovered that I fan still get the first five channels without the card so I actually still got to watch it!
I bet Dad sees BB as symptomatic of a much wider issue.
Good to hear you're relaxed about bad language in front of Mum .
I wouldn't grin, he probably has...and he will be removing the TV shortly.
Emm..no I don't think he did, otherwise he'd have come in ar the time.
Numerous threads?... Not really. Two, three at most, and each was conceding a different issue.
And why do you think I didn't take ir on board? Although, tbf, there's normally about one in ten replies that are sensible / useful.
2. Pick your battles with your father - is it really that vital that you watch inane BB rubbish? Is it worth all this fuss to get your own way? Compromise - think about who pays for TV..?
3. Hi-five Relly for such sensible advice
4. How to move on - Do chores for TV privilages? Agree Father doesnt get physical as long as you stick to rules etc.. Unless you pay for TV he can delete what he likes whether it's to prove a point or not
I remember my dad and brother having a bad argument when he was 17 (I was 16 at the time), and my dad was yelling at him, and lunged at him - had never been physical before with him, and my mum launched in front of my brother, yelling, "you touch him and I'll tear your f&£@:!g head off!!" And that was that, he calmed right down, my mum barely swears and is pretty intense when she wants, but really motherly protection kicked in.
I'd be upset she just did nothing, that aside, speak to him, tell him that it frightens you when he acts like that, you don't want a dad that would hit or physically threaten you, if he gives a damn, then he'll speak to you about it. After all it's a stupid tv show, if he gets this irate, well the pair of you, over something so trivial, it'd worry about the altercations in the future, over things that actually matter.
The op has issues with his dad I remember his I resent my parents marriage thread, he has a chip on his shoulder, feels entitled and believes his lack of a better dad turned him gay, though he is supposedly still in the closet, he has real resentment for him
you will be happy you can watch it & he is none of the wiser.
I hope he isn't one of these monitor kids online & child lock fathers and you can do that.
I remember being 16 though he is in charge so to speak at that age you are old enough to make decisions on viewing habit etc , what does he expect you to watch cartoons & cbeebies.
You should be able to make your own mistakes now you are at this age , you are bound to clash with him & go against what he wants. That is part of being a teen which some posters seem to be forgetting a bit.
I was lucky growing up my parents were very open - parenting can be sensible but sometimes borders on suffocation.
Watching BB will hardly scar you for life unlike these rows which are more damaging.
Going by past issues it seems i think the tv argument is just the surface of issues between you both.
i hope you can sort it out
If I knew the answer to that question, why would I have posted this thread?
I competelu disregard this - all you want to do is make me look and feel bad, and stir things up.
oh, hi Natalie!
Thanks for your reply. It makes sense
BB's not worth falling out over though.
And as usual you are only happy to accept posts that chime with what you want to hear.
I remember the thread about your parents' marriage and how you wished he'd leave so you could have your Mother to yourself.
Typical teenage selfishness but still not very edifying.