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Is shouting and swearing at children child abuse?
Natgar
Posts: 2,925 Forum Member
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i know that I have started a thread previously that I don't like children but want no harm to come to them. we have new neighbours, a young couple who are probably in their 20s with two young preschool sons.
Since they have moved in I have heard the mum shouting and swearing at her kids and occasional slapping sounds. She also shouts a lot at her male partner to the degree that I know his and the kids names and that one of the kids are not his.
Their fighting is so bad the police have been involved twice and have taken him away, but to what I hear she is the one hitting and stabbing him.
What I am concerned about is how violent and loud the screaming matches are, I can hear them and they are not that close. I know the children are there and am concerned because it kinda makes me feel stressed never mind the children. she actually does sometimes scream that the children will be taken away from her and that she cannot cope without them.
Yesterday during a screaming match her partner told her that she calls her son the C""" name and slaps them a lot. this really worried me because I can't imagine how bad this must be for the kids.
The fighting whilst the kids are home is not just shouting it's serious swearing, shouting that he will never see the kids agin, that she hates her one son and he keeps on yelling at her about her hitting him and the kids.
My husband got really cross with me saying that I am too involved because think it s child abuse but I called the child helpline anyway. I just don't know if this behaviour is normal these days.
my parents had 3 big fights when a I was a kid and certainly nothing like calling me names or saying those sort of things. is this normal these days and is it child abuse.?
Since they have moved in I have heard the mum shouting and swearing at her kids and occasional slapping sounds. She also shouts a lot at her male partner to the degree that I know his and the kids names and that one of the kids are not his.
Their fighting is so bad the police have been involved twice and have taken him away, but to what I hear she is the one hitting and stabbing him.
What I am concerned about is how violent and loud the screaming matches are, I can hear them and they are not that close. I know the children are there and am concerned because it kinda makes me feel stressed never mind the children. she actually does sometimes scream that the children will be taken away from her and that she cannot cope without them.
Yesterday during a screaming match her partner told her that she calls her son the C""" name and slaps them a lot. this really worried me because I can't imagine how bad this must be for the kids.
The fighting whilst the kids are home is not just shouting it's serious swearing, shouting that he will never see the kids agin, that she hates her one son and he keeps on yelling at her about her hitting him and the kids.
My husband got really cross with me saying that I am too involved because think it s child abuse but I called the child helpline anyway. I just don't know if this behaviour is normal these days.
my parents had 3 big fights when a I was a kid and certainly nothing like calling me names or saying those sort of things. is this normal these days and is it child abuse.?
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Perhaps but our neighbourhood being a seaside town is very mixed from the uber rich holiday mansions to the small beach cottages and council places. I have never experienced this previously so am still not used to it.
Sounds like Folkestone.
I've never witnessed an occasion where my parents used swear words, even when they were arguing, much less towards me and my siblings. They didn't even raise their voices or shouted at us ever.
They said they would pass it onto social and that i was right to call. I don't think their parents don't love them, I am just worried about what they hear and because the fights are so loud you van hear It down the street. the children are always completely silent during the fights but cry a lot afterwards and scream a. Lot too. the mother , in one fight, stated that one of the children hits the other.
So I'd say yes
People like these sicken me, not only for behaving like low-lifes in front of their kids but affecting others' lives too. My neighbours downstairs are the same (no small kids though). I lost it a few weeks ago and confronted them at 05.45am (their screaming, banging and thudding through the flat woke me up), it died down for a while but it's slowly building up again
I know, they seem to fight almost every weekend , I think alcohol is involved and it is loud the live a bit away but the fights are so loud I can hear them, it makes my pet dog whine as he cannot handle arguments or loud voices. it makes me feel really stressed as I am not used to that in my relationship so I feel really bad for how stressed the kids must be.
They slam doors, Rev their car, shout swear etc...
I think it's because it's a breach of the peach/public order offence.
I have it every day - door slamming, furniture sounds as though it's being flung against the walls, I swear but bloody hell some of the things they come out with are bad. The '"fun" really starts when family members come round scrounging money and the like. They don't go on holiday or anything so I don't even have that to look forward to.
Scummy people tick me off - no consideration for other people. I'd keep on reporting them to the authorities, perhaps this may scare them into changing their behaviour. Something needs to be done by the sounds of it.
It is stressful Natgar.
The type of people who think it's fine to physically attack a child, are quite frightening. You are either a wum or someone to avoid.
Fair enough.
Having said that, it may be the mother who needs help. If she is maltreating (I will avoid the word "abuse". Subtle difference, but an important one where fine distinctions sometimes need to be made) her children then it's important to find out why, and to work out a way of resolving that situation so the children's home environment is stabilised.
Bringing up children is stressful. Goodness knows I struggled at first. There were many times when I wasn't sure if I was doing the right thing, or couldn't figure out why the baby wouldn't stop crying. My mother in law put it all in perspective one afternoon when she came over. "You can't know everything straight away. You've never been a mother before, have you?" Then she soothed the baby, told me I was doing fine and once the baby had gone to sleep, she got the kettle on.
I wonder if the mother in the case of this thread has any support? Does she have a mum of her own, or mother in law, or a sister with children living nearby..? Somebody who "knows the ropes" and can give her the right advice, and tell her she's doing fine and it's all going to be OK. You'd be surprised how the stress can just evaporate when somebody competent, confident and - crucially - close at hand is there to do those things. Even a helpful neighbour can be a godsend if there is no family. "Somebody.... ANYBODY... help me. Please."
Sounds like a cry for help to me.
Being a mother is hard. Damned hard. Nobody should ever underestimate that. Perhaps the mother knows she is doing the wrong thing but is caught in a spiral of loneliness caused by lack of experienced support leading to inability to cope which causes stress that explodes into maltreatment. Then she realises what she's done and becomes even more stressed out because she feels inadequate..... it's a terrible downward spiral. She needs somebody to help stop the tailspin she's falling into.
I hope that this woman can get the help she needs because right now, for whatever reason, it sounds like she's at the end of her tether.
Well said. A good and very reasonable and compassionate post.