I'm ok with friends staying one night but I do find it an imposition if it is any longer. Similarly I would never stay more than the odd night if invited to stay at a friends place.
They were invited by your wife, so of course you are being unreasonable. But as your wife invited them she should entertain them whilst you chill out at the in-laws. You could perhaps have a meal and night out with them. As Henry says, you might even find you enjoy it.
Things on facebook get distorted so easily and people are too polite about it.
Chances are the wife got the message and though "crap, ive been invited to mr and mrs OPs house. Ive got a newborn and they expect me to travel down there and stay at theirs. Awkward but i dont want to offend her by saying no"
Then she told her husband who probably thought "great, travelling all that way with three kids to spend a weekend off in someone elses house. Great. But my wifes arranged it now so i will just have to put up with it".
Chances are none of the 4 adults actually want it to happen but are too polite to say anything.
I would feel exactly the same and not want to be either party.
Things on facebook get distorted so easily and people are too polite about it.
Chances are the wife got the message and though "crap, ive been invited to mr and mrs OPs house. Ive got a newborn and they expect me to travel down there and stay at theirs. Awkward but i dont want to offend her by saying no"
Then she told her husband who probably thought "great, travelling all that way with three kids to spend a weekend off in someone elses house. Great. But my wifes arranged it now so i will just have to put up with it".
Chances are none of the 4 adults actually want it to happen but are too polite to say anything.
I would feel exactly the same and not want to be either party.
None of the four? This is not likely.
The way I read the OP, was that his wife made a general offer (i.e. no date specified), and the guest couple themselves are now wishing to take it up.
If they really didn't want to go, all they had to do was use the excuse of new baby upheaval, and then cart out the old 'Its been too long, we must catch up soon!' (and then conveniently just never get round to it) for the next twenty years.
OP, your wife owes you one!
But seriously, it's only one weekend, and you never know, you might have fun, spend some time with the older two kids maybe, take them out? You'll be like the 'cool uncle' for the weekend!
The way I read the OP, was that his wife made a general offer (i.e. no date specified), and the guest couple themselves are now wishing to take it up.
If they really didn't want to go, all they had to do was use the excuse of new baby upheaval, and then cart out the old 'Its been too long, we must catch up soon!' (and then conveniently just never get round to it) for the next twenty years.
OP, your wife owes you one!
But seriously, it's only one weekend, and you never know, you might have fun, spend some time with the older two kids maybe, take them out? You'll be like the 'cool uncle' for the weekend!
The op said his wife offered half jokingly so i was thinking along the lines of her making a comment about them staying but not thinking it would be taken seriously. Not an offer like "you will have to visit one day", which would be an invite. She said it thinking it wouldnt come across as a direct invitation.
But the female friend couldve interpreted it as an invite and assumed they were wanted so didnt want to disappoint them especially if they havent seen each other in ages.
It just seems a bit odd that when you have a newborn you would want to travel to stay at someones house (with them staying elsewhere) especially when you havent seen them in a while.
This really is what I am thinking too. It's a weekend, your wife is not working so can take care of the arrangements. You might find your houseguests take your mind off your work for a while, which is no bad thing.
However you'd also be right to say to your wife that you'd rather these arrangements were discussed before any firm plans were made, so I'm sure in the future it won't happen again. It'll be fine!
Also, maybe your wife is a bit bored with not working just now, and would welcome the additional company, other than just having a stressed out husband around.
Sometimes you can't be nice when you have to put your own health first.
When I'm under stress, the very thought of having a whole family to stay in my home would finish me off.
He can be 'nice' at a later date, maybe he needs someone else to be nice to him?
What I gather from the opening post was not that it was affecting his health but more the fact that it was an intrusion into his "chill time" which he has in the evenings and weekends.
So effectively he's moaning about losing 2 days worth of "chill time" out of an entire year! Rather unreasonable in my view.
What I gather from the opening post was not that it was affecting his health but more the fact that it was an intrusion into his "chill time" which he has in the evenings and weekends.
So effectively he's moaning about losing 2 days worth of "chill time" out of an entire year! Rather unreasonable in my view.
Yes, he did say he wanted 'chill time' but also said 'I am very busy and stressed at work'.
Having your fingernails removed.
A knitting needle being pushed into your ear. A pickaxe in the scrotum.
Lemon juce or vinegar being squirted into your eyeball.
And many, many more...
.............those S&M Party’s can be a real ball-ache at times.
Yes, he did say he wanted 'chill time' but also said 'I am very busy and stressed at work'.
As are a great many people, sometimes it's a short term thing, sometimes it just "goes with the job". It is 2/3 days out of his life, it will pass in the blink of an eye, and then he can go back to his "chill time". He likes these people, it may well turn out to be a lot of fun. You can't put life on hold because of a stressful job.
What I gather from the opening post was not that it was affecting his health but more the fact that it was an intrusion into his "chill time" which he has in the evenings and weekends.
So effectively he's moaning about losing 2 days worth of "chill time" out of an entire year! Rather unreasonable in my view.
Not really.
If he has a stressful job and works mon-fri then he gets two days a week to chill. If this visiting family is causing stress then he has 5 days of work stress followed by 2 days of family stress followed by 5 more days of stress before he gets any rest.
Sometimes unwanted guests in your home can cause more stress than being at work. Especially if the kids are playing up, you lose your privacy or as the wife suggested your forced out of your own home for the weekend. I would find that pretty stressful.
The visiting family could stay in a nearby b&b or travelodge and meet up with the mum during the day and the op could catch up with them in the evenings. That way they spend time together while not being under each others feet and still have their own down time. That would be a fair compromise i would say.
Yes, he did say he wanted 'chill time' but also said 'I am very busy and stressed at work'.
Which doesn't always have to result in ill health which seemed to be your point.
But if you read the opening post you will see he talks mainly about being "annoyed", annoyed at the fact his wife invited them without consultation and the fact that he will have to entertain them.
I didn't read that it was going to stress him out, I read more along the lines that he doesn't want the bother.
If he has a stressful job and works mon-fri then he gets two days a week to chill. If this visiting family is causing stress then he has 5 days of work stress followed by 2 days of family stress followed by 5 more days of stress before he gets any rest.
Sometimes unwanted guests in your home can cause more stress than being at work. Especially if the kids are playing up, you lose your privacy or as the wife suggested your forced out of your own home for the weekend. I would find that pretty stressful.
The visiting family could stay in a nearby b&b or travelodge and meet up with the mum during the day and the op could catch up with them in the evenings. That way they spend time together while not being under each others feet and still have their own down time. That would be a fair compromise i would say.
I get that, but his wife did invite them to their home, so its a bit shitty to then ask them to book a hotel.
But as I said before, we are talking about 1 weekend in 52 that he isn't able to "chill". And if he can't put up with the annoyance of it for just one weekend, for his so called "friends", then frankly I see that as unreasonable which was the original question.
Comments
Go away for the weekend yourself or out with your mates on a two day bender or something.
How did your wife 'half joking' invite people to stay for the weekend?
They don't know that you were not aware of the offer. They didn't just tell you they were coming and give you no choice etc
Its a single weekend out of 52, your wife invited them, its not like they have dumped themselves on you.
If you can't be hosts to friends for one single weekend then frankly they deserve better friends.
Chances are the wife got the message and though "crap, ive been invited to mr and mrs OPs house. Ive got a newborn and they expect me to travel down there and stay at theirs. Awkward but i dont want to offend her by saying no"
Then she told her husband who probably thought "great, travelling all that way with three kids to spend a weekend off in someone elses house. Great. But my wifes arranged it now so i will just have to put up with it".
Chances are none of the 4 adults actually want it to happen but are too polite to say anything.
I would feel exactly the same and not want to be either party.
Your wife should have asked you first. It is only a weekend but I'd be concerned they'd think it's ok for them to stay more weekends after.
The way I read the OP, was that his wife made a general offer (i.e. no date specified), and the guest couple themselves are now wishing to take it up.
If they really didn't want to go, all they had to do was use the excuse of new baby upheaval, and then cart out the old 'Its been too long, we must catch up soon!' (and then conveniently just never get round to it) for the next twenty years.
OP, your wife owes you one!
But seriously, it's only one weekend, and you never know, you might have fun, spend some time with the older two kids maybe, take them out? You'll be like the 'cool uncle' for the weekend!
The op said his wife offered half jokingly so i was thinking along the lines of her making a comment about them staying but not thinking it would be taken seriously. Not an offer like "you will have to visit one day", which would be an invite. She said it thinking it wouldnt come across as a direct invitation.
But the female friend couldve interpreted it as an invite and assumed they were wanted so didnt want to disappoint them especially if they havent seen each other in ages.
It just seems a bit odd that when you have a newborn you would want to travel to stay at someones house (with them staying elsewhere) especially when you havent seen them in a while.
1) Spend the whole time between now and the visit sulking with your wife, and then spend the whole weekend sulking about it
2) Enjoy a weekend with friends up
My recommendation - Go for 2. No real point expending negative energy on stuff you can't change..
Tell them sorry, but it is not a suitable time and that you will have to put it off until upu are not under stress.
Don't do things you will resent just to please others, especially as you weren't consulted to start with.
This really is what I am thinking too. It's a weekend, your wife is not working so can take care of the arrangements. You might find your houseguests take your mind off your work for a while, which is no bad thing.
However you'd also be right to say to your wife that you'd rather these arrangements were discussed before any firm plans were made, so I'm sure in the future it won't happen again. It'll be fine!
Also, maybe your wife is a bit bored with not working just now, and would welcome the additional company, other than just having a stressed out husband around.
But doing something nice for someone else even though you may not like it is called being a nice person
..... and what you have to do when you have a partner also...?
Sometimes you can't be nice when you have to put your own health first.
When I'm under stress, the very thought of having a whole family to stay in my home would finish me off.
He can be 'nice' at a later date, maybe he needs someone else to be nice to him?
What I gather from the opening post was not that it was affecting his health but more the fact that it was an intrusion into his "chill time" which he has in the evenings and weekends.
So effectively he's moaning about losing 2 days worth of "chill time" out of an entire year! Rather unreasonable in my view.
Yes, he did say he wanted 'chill time' but also said 'I am very busy and stressed at work'.
.............those S&M Party’s can be a real ball-ache at times.
As are a great many people, sometimes it's a short term thing, sometimes it just "goes with the job". It is 2/3 days out of his life, it will pass in the blink of an eye, and then he can go back to his "chill time". He likes these people, it may well turn out to be a lot of fun. You can't put life on hold because of a stressful job.
Not really.
If he has a stressful job and works mon-fri then he gets two days a week to chill. If this visiting family is causing stress then he has 5 days of work stress followed by 2 days of family stress followed by 5 more days of stress before he gets any rest.
Sometimes unwanted guests in your home can cause more stress than being at work. Especially if the kids are playing up, you lose your privacy or as the wife suggested your forced out of your own home for the weekend. I would find that pretty stressful.
The visiting family could stay in a nearby b&b or travelodge and meet up with the mum during the day and the op could catch up with them in the evenings. That way they spend time together while not being under each others feet and still have their own down time. That would be a fair compromise i would say.
Which doesn't always have to result in ill health which seemed to be your point.
But if you read the opening post you will see he talks mainly about being "annoyed", annoyed at the fact his wife invited them without consultation and the fact that he will have to entertain them.
I didn't read that it was going to stress him out, I read more along the lines that he doesn't want the bother.
I get that, but his wife did invite them to their home, so its a bit shitty to then ask them to book a hotel.
But as I said before, we are talking about 1 weekend in 52 that he isn't able to "chill". And if he can't put up with the annoyance of it for just one weekend, for his so called "friends", then frankly I see that as unreasonable which was the original question.