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what do you think about "male lesbians"?
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Hi DS readers,
I've recently made friends with a very lovely man who describes himself as a "male lesbian". For anyone unfamiliar with the term, here is "male lesbian" described in the Urban dictionary:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=male%20lesbian
I never was such good friends with a man who likes to be femminine, before, and it's got me thinking about the issues faced by male lesbians; men who want to stay at home being provided for by a woman, men who want to be protected from the harsh grind of life, men who like to wear their hair long and in pretty colours and wear flamboyant clothes, etc. My friend has very poor psychological and physical health, and he bitterly complains all the time that people pick on him because he looks femminine, (with his frilly lace shirts and long curly hair); and that women get much more support than men from society for their health problems, ie,, with access to counselling and therapies on the NHS, and with doctors and people believing in their health problems. When I've mentioned all the support I had from my wonderful GP in the past when I had fairly severe health problems along his own lines, and mentioned the support friends have got, he's said, "women always get all the sympathy and support, but because I'm a man, it's always like, oh he's just a lazy git!"
I'm sure all his health issues are genuine, and I really feel for him! Previously I always thought chronically ill and victimised men had things very, very easy in comparison with women in the same position; that sickly boys, heterosexual/bisexual ones at least, and bi/het men with serious mental health issues almost always are magnets to sympathetic women and spend their whole lives with devoted female nurses glued to them and fighting all their battles for them, while chronically ill women, (as I have been in the past; I have somatisation disorder) just get left alone, not attracting support from either women or men. But this has made me think and as I have I've realised I myself know some instances of femmininen men being hated.
One of my best friends is a total male lesbian hater. Her brother is one and she's always saying how much she pities, and how angry she is, for our other female friends who are partnered to femminine-seeming men whom they financially support. We both have this other friend who is married to a man who might be called a male lesbian - he;s certainly very femminine-looking and acting anyway. For years he hasn't had a job, for he suffers from chronic fatigue syndrome. Sometimes he has the energy to walk to the bus stop to meet her from work, or to the pub - he has very long platinum-blonde hair, and always comes with his little poodle dyed with different colours, in his teddy bear pygamas. They seem ecstatically happy together, and this other friend has told my male-lesbian hating friend that she's very happy with her partner, and doesn't want her sympathy, because she's totally happy working 3 jobs with no money coming in from a partner. But my friendA still says how sorry she feels for friend b, and says the partner is a monster who's manipulated our friend into feeling sorry for him by faking his illness, and that it's terrible our friend has to work all the hours God sends just to get some sort of a break from nursing him! Recently another different friend turned up to the pub with a femminine-looking man, and gave him some money for his drinks, and my male-lesbian-hating friend absolutely exploded at this man, after saying really loudly, "I see you're still paying for everything, Carole" ...
So again then in my own family, my father had a male lesbian side when he'd take to his bed with his bad back and his palpitations and so on, and my maternal grandmother absolutely hated him because of it and was always going on at him that he was a faker, insulting him and saying "What sort of a man do you call him? My daughter deserves better than this!"
So what do you people think about male lesbians? Do you hate them? Do you think they're just fine human beings like any other type of variant person? Do you think men who are in relationships with women, or want to be, should always play the part of a protector and a provider, always earn a wage, always wear conservative clothes and hairstyles - and are disgusting or terrible bad people if they don't? Do you believe it's fine if it suits a man-woman couple, for the man to be financially provided for, pampered, cherished and protected by his woman, while she plays a dominant and strong role mainly, or is that in some way undesirable?
I personally feel male lesbians have the right to be like that.
I've recently made friends with a very lovely man who describes himself as a "male lesbian". For anyone unfamiliar with the term, here is "male lesbian" described in the Urban dictionary:
http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=male%20lesbian
I never was such good friends with a man who likes to be femminine, before, and it's got me thinking about the issues faced by male lesbians; men who want to stay at home being provided for by a woman, men who want to be protected from the harsh grind of life, men who like to wear their hair long and in pretty colours and wear flamboyant clothes, etc. My friend has very poor psychological and physical health, and he bitterly complains all the time that people pick on him because he looks femminine, (with his frilly lace shirts and long curly hair); and that women get much more support than men from society for their health problems, ie,, with access to counselling and therapies on the NHS, and with doctors and people believing in their health problems. When I've mentioned all the support I had from my wonderful GP in the past when I had fairly severe health problems along his own lines, and mentioned the support friends have got, he's said, "women always get all the sympathy and support, but because I'm a man, it's always like, oh he's just a lazy git!"
I'm sure all his health issues are genuine, and I really feel for him! Previously I always thought chronically ill and victimised men had things very, very easy in comparison with women in the same position; that sickly boys, heterosexual/bisexual ones at least, and bi/het men with serious mental health issues almost always are magnets to sympathetic women and spend their whole lives with devoted female nurses glued to them and fighting all their battles for them, while chronically ill women, (as I have been in the past; I have somatisation disorder) just get left alone, not attracting support from either women or men. But this has made me think and as I have I've realised I myself know some instances of femmininen men being hated.
One of my best friends is a total male lesbian hater. Her brother is one and she's always saying how much she pities, and how angry she is, for our other female friends who are partnered to femminine-seeming men whom they financially support. We both have this other friend who is married to a man who might be called a male lesbian - he;s certainly very femminine-looking and acting anyway. For years he hasn't had a job, for he suffers from chronic fatigue syndrome. Sometimes he has the energy to walk to the bus stop to meet her from work, or to the pub - he has very long platinum-blonde hair, and always comes with his little poodle dyed with different colours, in his teddy bear pygamas. They seem ecstatically happy together, and this other friend has told my male-lesbian hating friend that she's very happy with her partner, and doesn't want her sympathy, because she's totally happy working 3 jobs with no money coming in from a partner. But my friendA still says how sorry she feels for friend b, and says the partner is a monster who's manipulated our friend into feeling sorry for him by faking his illness, and that it's terrible our friend has to work all the hours God sends just to get some sort of a break from nursing him! Recently another different friend turned up to the pub with a femminine-looking man, and gave him some money for his drinks, and my male-lesbian-hating friend absolutely exploded at this man, after saying really loudly, "I see you're still paying for everything, Carole" ...
So again then in my own family, my father had a male lesbian side when he'd take to his bed with his bad back and his palpitations and so on, and my maternal grandmother absolutely hated him because of it and was always going on at him that he was a faker, insulting him and saying "What sort of a man do you call him? My daughter deserves better than this!"
So what do you people think about male lesbians? Do you hate them? Do you think they're just fine human beings like any other type of variant person? Do you think men who are in relationships with women, or want to be, should always play the part of a protector and a provider, always earn a wage, always wear conservative clothes and hairstyles - and are disgusting or terrible bad people if they don't? Do you believe it's fine if it suits a man-woman couple, for the man to be financially provided for, pampered, cherished and protected by his woman, while she plays a dominant and strong role mainly, or is that in some way undesirable?
I personally feel male lesbians have the right to be like that.
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Comments
I don't have the time to watch Corrie but not all male lesbians wear women's clothing according to what I've been reading on the web. My friend wears femminish but not women's clothing. They just like playing a femminine role but not necessarily wearing women's clothes. Like women but don't want to behave like a man with one, but like a lesbian (in and/or out of bed). But they interpret lesbian to mean like lipstick or femmey lesbian not the other types, (are a bit inaccurate there).
I seen some feminine clothes that are worn by men- it is called posh designer clothes.
What do you mean like behave?
I am like cleaning, cos I can't bear dirt or things that look messy in my home. If you know what I mean? I am not obsessed and do it everyday but as long as the house looks nice, it is ok...The typical example of man, is they like to live in their own filth.
What do you mean by behaviour?
Is that lesbian?
Lazy transvestites by the sound of it.
Boom!!
I can see it now. Strange.
well they mostly like to be rewarded for being soft and being emotional. That's the basic point. That's what my new friend's like. He wants to be allowed to cry - when he's not drunk - and get hugs and sympathy from a woman - to have "a big strong woman" to fight his battles with people, and sort out all his problems, and bring home the only wage. To be allowed to be too fragile to cope emotionally with things. And to be allowed a huge interest in music and pretty things, but not necessarily women's clothing.
I don't think you sound femminine yourself. Cleaning is just a small superficial thing.
My mate will sort of wear men's clothes but then add a feather boa, or he'll wear a suit with a frilly lace blouse. Little femminine touches. Likes velvet and fancy materials.
I think I must be a lesbian too.
Did you just make that up Bob?
It's brilliant.
*S&M between consenting adults is of course acceptable too.
well my friend and my friend's husband seem pretty real to me. And I'm bisexual, and I really am a) real and b) bisexual.
I may or may not have been joking.
Thanks Elphie.
I agree the phrase "male lesbian" doesn't really make sense, but I guess I meant by this thread more, what do people think about very-femminine-acting heterosexual men or very femminine-acting bisexual men with women.
Oh ok. That is a male lesbian.
Thanks, was worried there for a minute.
A feather boa? Really? Why would he add that? In many ways, he is David Walliam alter ego...
Why can't a man who is effeminate still be a man, without having to call him the (frankly ridicilous) term "male lesbian?"
If the woman is happy with her man being feminine-acting then I don't see the issue. I mean of the straight women I know, they're very much a "man should be a man" but whatever floats your boat and none of us should really judge somebody's relationship if it's otherwise healthy.