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Coping Tips? Long Post, Sorry! How Did You Cope?
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My beautiful cat Muffin is 16 and a half, and has been getting slower over time- he's on thyroid, kidney and some kind of heart pills and a little bit of aspirin because of arthritis in his back legs.
We've had him since I was 8 and I love him so much- I knew this would happen eventually but had been putting it out of mind.
I think he's starting to go. Last Christmas (18 months ago) we all thought we would lose him, as did the vet, but miraculously he pulled through and has been fine ever since! The vet is a lovely man and was thrilled, he said that sometimes mysterious things happen and pets survive against the odds!! I have been trying to remember how lucky we have been to get an extra 18 months with him, but it's still so hard!
I keep veering between wanting to let him go, but then I get all selfish again and want him to stay with us longer. I can't put into words how much I love him- I genuinely don't know how I'll cope without him. He's just fading, he's not actively showing signs of illness, but I've got a horrible feeling... He's more wobbly than he's ever been and is just quiet.
I can't cope now seeing him getting older- for ages I even denied that he's considered an older cat! I said he was just middle aged. My friend's cat lived until the age of 20, so I had been expecting a few more years with him, but I suppose Muffin has had a good innings himself! I just can't cope with this- the house will feel so empty and pointless without him here, and I'll have nothing to love! I need something to love. That sounds so stupid and selfish and I apologise, but this cat is everything to me! He's so perfect in every way. And I can't deal with losing him and seeing him getting weaker. He's been here for everything I've ever known- I really can't remember much of life without him.
My Dad thinks he's feeling a bit under the weather- my Dad is so pessimistic about the whole thing. He wouldn't hesitate to take Muffin to the vets and get their opinion- he wouldn't let me go last time when we thought he wouldn't come home. My Mum was no comfort, she just went off by herself to cry and said nothing. I'm totally alone here dealing with this- I would usually go to Muffin and sit with him if I was upset but what can I do? I know it's just as hard for my parents but I've literally not known anything else but being with Muffin since I was a child. I'm so terrible at dealing with this- I know I sound horrible and selfish, but he's my everything. I'm an only child and didn't have many friends in school, so he was everything to me growing up. He still is everything to me!!
In a way I'm glad it's something that we can see coming- we've lost two cats in the past very quickly (one was hit by a car when he and Muffin were 8, and the other was before Muffin's time- I'm still not 100% clear what happened to him) and so it's not something that's happening out of the blue, which is sort of a blessing and sort of a curse too.
How did you cope upon losing a beloved pet? I don't know what I'll do without him- he's like a part of my identity!! I've got so many pictures and videos of him it's crazy. But I can't take any when he might be leaving us, it just doesn't feel right. He's so precious and perfect, I can't believe he might be fading.
What can I do??! He is old, he's wobbly on his back legs and is just 'old'. He feels old, before it didn't even seem like he was, but now he acts old. It's so weird and horrible. I wish I could do something, I feel like a little kid in that I just have no idea how to cope or what to do!! I sort of hoped he could be with us forever, which is so stupid but I just couldn't deal with the idea of him leaving us. He is perfect and I can't believe our time together might actually be finally coming to an end. I can't deal with the idea of him being taken to the vets if/when it comes to that- it'll all just end for him!! At least if he's with us he's still alive, after he gets taken to the vets there'll be nothing at all for him.
At this moment in time it's just a growing feeling for me, he's not got any appointments to go to the vets; in fact my Dad has just come back with some more pills for him. My Dad reckons he's under the weather and Muffin has been acting very old these last few days. Maybe I'm just coming to terms with the fact that he's old- I so hope he starts perking up again soon otherwise my Dad might take him to the vets to see what the vet has to say. I trust the vet, as I say, he's a lovely man and Muffin likes him too!! The vet didn't do anything last Christmas, so hopefully he won't do anything any time soon. He's clearly not into making rash decisions, otherwise Muffin wouldn't be with us now.
I have no idea what's going to happen- he seems old and tired. I want him to perk up- I want him to be young again!! How daft does that sound. I have no idea what to do and it kills me that there's nothing at all I can do about it!! That's the worst- normally if something is wrong, I try and figure out a way to fix it. But there's nothing at all I can do, just watch and hope he feels better. He's not getting any younger though and it's devastating me. I have no idea what to do. What will I do without him??
I'm really sorry for sounding so selfish and horrible; I genuinely have no idea how to deal with this.
Please tell me how you did it?
Thanks in advance for any responses- thanks especially if you managed to read through all of this!
We've had him since I was 8 and I love him so much- I knew this would happen eventually but had been putting it out of mind.
I think he's starting to go. Last Christmas (18 months ago) we all thought we would lose him, as did the vet, but miraculously he pulled through and has been fine ever since! The vet is a lovely man and was thrilled, he said that sometimes mysterious things happen and pets survive against the odds!! I have been trying to remember how lucky we have been to get an extra 18 months with him, but it's still so hard!
I keep veering between wanting to let him go, but then I get all selfish again and want him to stay with us longer. I can't put into words how much I love him- I genuinely don't know how I'll cope without him. He's just fading, he's not actively showing signs of illness, but I've got a horrible feeling... He's more wobbly than he's ever been and is just quiet.
I can't cope now seeing him getting older- for ages I even denied that he's considered an older cat! I said he was just middle aged. My friend's cat lived until the age of 20, so I had been expecting a few more years with him, but I suppose Muffin has had a good innings himself! I just can't cope with this- the house will feel so empty and pointless without him here, and I'll have nothing to love! I need something to love. That sounds so stupid and selfish and I apologise, but this cat is everything to me! He's so perfect in every way. And I can't deal with losing him and seeing him getting weaker. He's been here for everything I've ever known- I really can't remember much of life without him.
My Dad thinks he's feeling a bit under the weather- my Dad is so pessimistic about the whole thing. He wouldn't hesitate to take Muffin to the vets and get their opinion- he wouldn't let me go last time when we thought he wouldn't come home. My Mum was no comfort, she just went off by herself to cry and said nothing. I'm totally alone here dealing with this- I would usually go to Muffin and sit with him if I was upset but what can I do? I know it's just as hard for my parents but I've literally not known anything else but being with Muffin since I was a child. I'm so terrible at dealing with this- I know I sound horrible and selfish, but he's my everything. I'm an only child and didn't have many friends in school, so he was everything to me growing up. He still is everything to me!!
In a way I'm glad it's something that we can see coming- we've lost two cats in the past very quickly (one was hit by a car when he and Muffin were 8, and the other was before Muffin's time- I'm still not 100% clear what happened to him) and so it's not something that's happening out of the blue, which is sort of a blessing and sort of a curse too.
How did you cope upon losing a beloved pet? I don't know what I'll do without him- he's like a part of my identity!! I've got so many pictures and videos of him it's crazy. But I can't take any when he might be leaving us, it just doesn't feel right. He's so precious and perfect, I can't believe he might be fading.
What can I do??! He is old, he's wobbly on his back legs and is just 'old'. He feels old, before it didn't even seem like he was, but now he acts old. It's so weird and horrible. I wish I could do something, I feel like a little kid in that I just have no idea how to cope or what to do!! I sort of hoped he could be with us forever, which is so stupid but I just couldn't deal with the idea of him leaving us. He is perfect and I can't believe our time together might actually be finally coming to an end. I can't deal with the idea of him being taken to the vets if/when it comes to that- it'll all just end for him!! At least if he's with us he's still alive, after he gets taken to the vets there'll be nothing at all for him.
At this moment in time it's just a growing feeling for me, he's not got any appointments to go to the vets; in fact my Dad has just come back with some more pills for him. My Dad reckons he's under the weather and Muffin has been acting very old these last few days. Maybe I'm just coming to terms with the fact that he's old- I so hope he starts perking up again soon otherwise my Dad might take him to the vets to see what the vet has to say. I trust the vet, as I say, he's a lovely man and Muffin likes him too!! The vet didn't do anything last Christmas, so hopefully he won't do anything any time soon. He's clearly not into making rash decisions, otherwise Muffin wouldn't be with us now.
I have no idea what's going to happen- he seems old and tired. I want him to perk up- I want him to be young again!! How daft does that sound. I have no idea what to do and it kills me that there's nothing at all I can do about it!! That's the worst- normally if something is wrong, I try and figure out a way to fix it. But there's nothing at all I can do, just watch and hope he feels better. He's not getting any younger though and it's devastating me. I have no idea what to do. What will I do without him??
I'm really sorry for sounding so selfish and horrible; I genuinely have no idea how to deal with this.
Please tell me how you did it?
Thanks in advance for any responses- thanks especially if you managed to read through all of this!
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When I lost a very special cat Kimmy I was really upset,but you just have to focuss on the positives and think about how well loved and cared for your cat was and that they knew this etc. I hold the memories of my cat with me and i have now 2 others to focus on. I admit that nothing takes the place of a very special cat but all you can do really is cherish them while they are here and remember them fondly and give your kindness to other animals.
I loved my late Tabitha so much that for years I dreaded how I would ever cope with her death. I brought my uncle's cat to be put to sleep when she was dying and I thought at the time that I could never make that visit with my Tabitha. When the time eventually came I just had to get on with it and the reality wasn't nearly as horrific as what I had imagined.
I had just over 2 weeks to reconcile myself to the fact that my Tabitha had a terminal illness and was unlikely to live long despite all the intensive efforts of the vet. During that time I gave her as much love as I possibly could and took photographs - yes, they don't show my beautiful cat at her best but I like to look at them now and actually wish I had taken more because I often 'relive' those last days with my late cat.
You are obviously very young but I don't think it matters how old or young you are, the pain and grief really hurts and the only coping mechanism that really helps is the knowledge that you did your best for your cat.......
Good luck and take care when the time comes.
When she died I was massively upset, but I think I did a lot of my grieving before.
Take comfort in the fact you are given and will have gave an animal a loving happy home.
Time is a great healer as they say, getting another cat to look after is always a way to ease the pain a little. I cannot get another one at the mo but when i retire to the Lake District i will have a couple. Oh yes.
God I hope he perks up again. I keep thinking about how he pulled through last time, and think maybe he'll get a new lease of life like he did before... And then I remember how old he is acting, and keep going back to not wanting to be selfish, and feeling annoyed that I should be dealing with this better- I really should be more mature over this and stop being so selfish!-, and all sorts.
Right. I'm going to get a pizza, have a bottle of beer and try and take my mind off this for the evening with some cheesy Eurovision. I gave him another cuddle and the way he looked at me... his eyes were just so old looking!! God I hope he perks up and is just scaring me again like last time.
Thank you again for the responses- they really are a huge comfort. I sob reading them, but they are so helpful! Thank you.
My gorgeous cat Muffin passed away this morning. I found out at 1:30 that the vet put him to sleep at about 10:30 this morning, exactly one month before his 17th birthday. It was his kidneys and heart.
I've been hysterical all afternoon. It doesn't get easier even if you suspect it is coming. I am still in shock- didn't know he was as poorly as he apparently was in the last few weeks. Knew he was needing meds for a while but had sort of been in denial over his age. Exhausted. I can't believe this has happened. I wish I could have been there for him but I'm away at university. Last saw him about 10 days ago. Hope he doesn't feel like I let him down. Will be travelling back tomorrow to be with family. Can't believe time is going on without him. Sorry not making much sense with post- shattered. He was the most perfect cat ever. He was beautiful. Shattered.
Thanks again for your kind responses to my earlier post- they have been of help to me again today. Thank you.
You wouldn't want him to be in pain, so you did the right thing.
Have some grief counselling if you reckon you need it.
I'll be thinking of you.
Pinskter, I am very sorry for your loss and I do understand how you feel, even though you may think nobody else on the planet knows what you are feeling right now.
I hope you will remember not only the good times you had together over such a long period, but also remember that Muffin was very lucky to have had you. He could have been with someone else who did not look after him as well as you. I hope you will remember that now he is in a much better place. He will never get old, he will never get sick, he will never get hurt, and he will always be safe.
I don't know what your beliefs are, but I believe that every creature and animal has a soul and that they will be waiting for us one day. If you google the Rainbow Bridge you may find some support and guidance there.
Do understand how you are feeling is normal, it is natural, and that you would not want Muffin to go on and suffer - very few people have that privilege themselves!
It is corny, but time does heal, and whilst you feel better in time, it does not mean that you love Muffin any less. It is a natural reaction eventually, you will begin to look at this in context and remember his whole life, rather than the last few months or weeks. After all, how we pass on is not as important as we have lived.
Take care of yourself, you sound like a wonderful sensitive and good person.
I'm so sorry to hear of your loss.
I missed this thread earlier in the year, and didn't notice that it was a few months ago. My cat is 'only' 15 and she is already starting to look and act older, so when I read your first post, I automatically started thinking about how I would (will) feel when Holly has to go.
You have lost a member of your family (which I fully believe pets are) so of course you are devastated and you will grieve for her. Take care, luv xx
And so do you. That is the second lovely post I've read of yours.
if you make me cry again tonight i will hunt you down only joking you are indeed a lovely person xxx
Thank you HollyC and Sallygill1961!
It is good to know that there are some really nice people on here. Thank you both,
x
There's nothing to thank me for - you are lovely. Your post above shows that.
I'm so sorry to read that your lovely Muffin has died, although as you say it did look as if it was coming. Your post really struck a chord and brought tears to my eyes because it reminded me of the lovely cat I grew up with who died when I was away at university. I too was an only child.
So, I really sympathise and can still remember how awful it felt to know that I wasn't there when our Amber died.
That old cliche is true though - in time it does become more bearable. You won't ever forget Muffin who will always hold a special place in your heart because of being there throughout so much of your childhood. However, in time it wont hurt quite so much and you will be able to remember what a lovely life you gave him and the companionship you shared and even smile thinking about his funny little ways (I'm assuming he had some - most cats do).
Right now you are in a very painful place - all I can say is just go with it, don't be surprised by the strength of your emotions and be kind to yourself. It really does hurt - but the hurt will lessen in time.
common sense told me to run i picked him up and he snuggled in i was hooked i knew we needed ossie and he needed us i took him home then left him with my oh whilst i got his supplies after a few days we booked him at the vets the vet said he was underweight had cat flu worms and fleas and gave him antibiotics but his chances were not good we took ossie home and cared for him like a baby everytime he got ill we took him straight to the vet.
in the meantime we moved 200 miles and if we went shopping ossie came too he had a pet pushchair and loved the car we found a brilliant vet nr our new home and he became fond of ossie too his top weight was 3.5 kg he was at the vets at least monthly and in the end he ended up on convalescent food constantly.
until one day he wasnt well and the vet said it wasnt good it never occured to me we would only get 3.5 yrs with himeventually after 6 days staying at the vets we were advised to pts as he was on the brink of organ failure i agreed obviously it was right for him.
i had him cremated and his ashes are on my bedside table i now have 2 very robust cats a ragdoll and a ragamuffin sometimesthey have knocked ossie flying i just apologise for them and put him bk i feel he would understand you cope howevers best for you in our case i got 2 more cats about 8 weeks on i know ossie was much loved and wanted for nothing and thats a comfort i hope you are ok OP xxx
Today and last night have been very rough- the first day without him, the first night. It has been a nightmare, still can't believe it. Travelled back last night in the end- glad I did. Family all devastated, friends and family wonderful. Still feels like awful, hideous nightmare. His stuff is gone from his room, house feels empty. Apparently he just wasn't Muffin these last few days. Heart, kidneys and thyroid all packed in quickly. Very peaceful sleep for him. No fuss about going to vets. Best thing for him. He was very quiet and poorly last few days, just not Muffin. Devastated, but glad it was peaceful for him with my dad. Beautiful cat.
Thank you again so much for your kind replies, very much appreciated. Love and hugs to all your lovely pets.
Sallygill1961 - what an inspiring story. Do you know how many stories I see in the papers everyday and on the tv involving animal cruelty, and then I read something like your story and it makes me realise that they are good people out there who do treat animals with respect and give them love and a safe home, no matter whether they are healthy or sick, young or old.
Many cats (and other animals) are not lucky to have someone like you looking after them. It is inspiring. If only more people were as kind as you.
Pinkster - it seems to me that his passing whilst heart breaking for you and your family, was peaceful and a release from illness. How many humans can expect the same thing? It kind of makes you think doesn't it. I know you are devastated, but I do sense from your post that you are seeing the silver lining - your cat is now at peace and is not suffering. ]Just spend time thinking that your cat is free from suffering. When you do think about that, you will surely realise that your cat will have been incredibly grateful.
During her last few months her bladder had weakened and her balance so I was constantly in and out of the garden with her. The loss of her was like gaping hole. To help I also moved her things out of sight so as not to set me off. It was hard and I'm crying now writing this, even though I've been without her since February. It will never go away. Just make sure you keep your mind busy and try not to let it get you too far down. It will ease over time. Remember also that friends and family are a big help and if you need to seek them out.
It took me weeks and weeks to finally start living properly again. Just let it take it's course and never forget the good times.
thankyou ossie was a beautiful little lad and i always said i would never let him suffer i also promised him we would bring him home so i did x