I'm pleased she's not married - am I bitter?

SirMickTravis · 22/04/13 - 17:11

So here we go. There was this girl I was crazy about in University, I eventually managed to tell her but well, she wasn't interested. Later on she started dating a strange bloke who used to supply the drugs. I didn't much approve of her drug habits but there you go. Anyway she clearly fell for this guy and they dated for a long time. Drove me crazy. So here we are 10 years later and I decide to look her up on Facebook. It turns out she still hasn't got married at 31 and I was quite pleased about it. She was always the sort who wanted to get married and have kids. I've noticed looking on facebook how few of my university contemporaries are settled down and married. Funny thing that.

Incidentally the drug dealer student boyfriend now has quite a good job in finance, whereas I sadly don't. I wonder if I'm being a bit snide about it all.

mildredhubble · 22/04/13 - 17:14

Perhaps she changed her mind. I never wanted to get married. I am now 33, married with 1 child and 1 on the way.

People change, life changes, priorities change.

elliecat · 22/04/13 - 17:16

she's only 31, she still has plenty of time to get married. You don't know what she has been doing in the past 10 years.

Miss XYZ · 22/04/13 - 17:22

Maybe she doesn't want to get married now. I wanted to get married when I was younger and even got engaged. Anyone looking me up on facebook will see I'm not married and might form an opinion on that. But all these years on I'm still with the same man and we have a good and happy relationship. We've just never bothered getting married and that's through choice. Being unmarried doesn't mean someone is unhappy, priorities change in all kinds of ways as we go through life.

Delta Tango · 22/04/13 - 17:23

Is this going to be one of those 31 page threads?

Sid Law · 22/04/13 - 17:23

I think you have too much time on your hands and are dwelling on what might have been in the past.

Forget about her/him, move on, decide what you want out of life and do something to make yourself happy.

Jane Doh! · 22/04/13 - 17:24

Delta Tango wrote: »

Is this going to be one of those 31 page threads?

Yes.

Or no,

stoatie · 22/04/13 - 17:25

Yes, you're bitter.

Delta Tango · 22/04/13 - 17:25

Jane Doh! wrote: »

Yes.

Or no,

Hello Miss Doh.

Ænima · 22/04/13 - 17:26

"I didn't approve of her drug habits"... who are you, her dad?

If a girl turns you down and starts going out with another guy, you move on, you don't hang around like a bad smell.

If you are pleased she's not married, it just shows you are still hanging on after all this time. It sounds a wee bit immature, sorry. Perhaps you should forget her, her ex boyfriend, his job etc... and stop caring

[Deleted User] · 22/04/13 - 17:26

I don't know if it's odd - but it seems strange to me.

People make their own life choices - wishing them well or ill because you weren't one of them is simply outside my experience.

I don't want to speak to or see my ex-husband - but I'd rather he were happy than otherwise. - and would get no pleasure if that weren't the case.

husted · 22/04/13 - 17:30

Being single or married isn't a measure of success. Or failure.

So no need to feel superior either way.

stoatie · 22/04/13 - 17:32

"I don't approve of your drug habits. Will you go out with me?"

I'm flummoxed as to how come it didn't work out.

Bex_123 · 22/04/13 - 17:37

stoatie wrote: »

"I don't approve of your drug habits. Will you go out with me?"

I'm flummoxed as to how come it didn't work out.

I did wonder that too...

OP, you do sound bitter to be honest. And I'm afraid the fact that she is not married is no way linked to how happy she is, she could be the happiest person ever.

And as for her ex boyfriend, I suppose that just shows you that sometimes, what people are like between the ages of 18 and 21 does not define them for the rest of their lives. Funny that.

SirMickTravis · 22/04/13 - 17:41

Ænima wrote: »

"I didn't approve of her drug habits"... who are you, her dad? If a girl turns you down and starts going out with another guy, you move on, you don't hang around like a bad smell.

If you are pleased she's not married, it just shows you are still hanging on after all this time. It sounds a wee bit immature, sorry. Perhaps you should forget her, her ex boyfriend, his job etc... and stop caring

We were part of the same group of friends. I couldn't really ignore her. As for the drugs, well they aren't good for you. I don't generally think much of drug dealers, even small time ones.

gashead · 22/04/13 - 17:43

I don't think you're bitter, so you can rest easy on that. You are sad, obsessive and experiencing schadenfreude, but not you're not bitter. HTH

SirMickTravis · 22/04/13 - 17:44

Bex_123 wrote: »

I did wonder that too...

OP, you do sound bitter to be honest. And I'm afraid the fact that she is not married is no way linked to how happy she is, she could be the happiest person ever.

And as for her ex boyfriend, I suppose that just shows you that sometimes, what people are like between the ages of 18 and 21 does not define them for the rest of their lives. Funny that.

I don't think it's about her not being happy, it's the fact that her relationship(s) haven't worked out.

stoatie · 22/04/13 - 17:46

SirMickTravis wrote: »

I don't think it's about her not being happy, it's the fact that her relationship(s) haven't worked out.

You are assuming because someone isn't married, their relationships haven't worked out? Do they even HAVE Facebook in the 19th century?

Pull2Open · 22/04/13 - 17:48

I would say yes, there is bitterness there, you clearly haven't let her go! Have you married and settled yourself?

[Deleted User] · 22/04/13 - 17:49

stoatie wrote: »

You are assuming because someone isn't married, their relationships haven't worked out? Do they even HAVE Facebook in the 19th century?

dance cards ?

Bex_123 · 22/04/13 - 17:49

SirMickTravis wrote: »

I don't think it's about her not being happy, it's the fact that her relationship(s) haven't worked out.

But why does her not being married mean her relationships haven't worked out?

Even on this thread, someone has said they've been with someone years and are very happy but not married. And it's not exactly uncommon. I could name loads of people the same.

Madge · 22/04/13 - 17:56

Yes, you are bitter.

You are also not very nice.

[Deleted User] · 22/04/13 - 17:58

This is the Facebook equivalent of watching someone's house to see if they have any visitors. It's a bit stalky, to be honest.

stoatie · 22/04/13 - 17:59

Well it certainly looks like you got your answer, OP.

SirMickTravis · 22/04/13 - 18:00

Bex_123 wrote: »

But why does her not being married mean her relationships haven't worked out?

Even on this thread, someone has said they've been with someone years and are very happy but not married. And it's not exactly uncommon. I could name loads of people the same.

I can't see any evidence of her being in a long term relationship. Looks like she's single. She may be happy. But I'm pleased she's not with the drug dealer.

[Deleted User] · 22/04/13 - 18:01

10 years on why do you care? Is there nothing going on in your life?

Hey there!

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I'm pleased she's not married - am I bitter?

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