Quitting work and taking a chance
Ok, so I'm not usually one for seeking advice, but I'm considering doing something either really brave or really stupid and I could do with hearing the experiences (good or bad) or those who have done something equally brave/stupid.
The story is this; my dad died a couple of months ago and he was by best friend and the only person I really related to. It has upturned my life and left me without any real purpose or interest in the future. I've also working in IT for 14 years and am currently working for a small IT consultancy company. For the past few months, I've found it practically impossible to deal with other people's problems. eg. I can't cope with calls from clients who are angry that their computer isn't as fast as they'd like it to be. I just want to tell them to bugger off because I have bigger problems to deal with.
But I don't do that, because I'm too polite! I just freeze up, which isn't all that much better. To make matters worse, my colleague (the only other IT support guy in the company) decided he was going to take a month off work (even though I warned him I didn't think I could cope right now) and I'm left to cover his work, as well as my own. I'm not sure I can actually cope with it, as my stress levels are so high, I think I'm likely to have a nervous breakdown if anything serious happens.
Due to my dad's death, I happen to have a large amount of money at my disposal right now. I could quite easily go without working for the next two to four years. Possibly even longer. I've also always had a passion for writing and have wanted to try and publish a novel for some time. Work always got in the way, though and the past few years I've been to tired to do it in my free time. My dad was also a great fan of the work I'd tried to write.
So, right now, I am considering simply quitting work. Not in a nasty way - I'd still try and stick it out so that the company can get a replacement in and do a proper handover. But I think it might be a good idea to get rid of the stress of work and learn to live "not for payday." It would also give me time to recharge, do work to the house (which sorely needs it) and try my luck at writing a novel. Of course, I also have to whittle away the money my dad left to me, rather than putting it in to some sort of investment.
I know the obvious answers are the following;
1. Take a chance and do what you dream. You only regret what you never try to accomplish; and,
2. Don't let despair take you. Put the money to good use and don't waste it. It will be better in the long run.
The fact is, though, I feel like I will either quit with my sanity intact or quit because I have a nervous breakdown. But I have also weathered all sorts of stress in the past if I had a good reason to aim for.
So I guess what I really want to know is if anyone has ever made that similar choice (to quit the mundane, but reliable life in favour of trying for their dream) and whether their experience was good or bad. Am I thinking like a naïve teenager or am I being mature in doing what is best for my emotional health?
I'm not sure if there's any good answer to this that anyone can give. I would just be good to hear any similar stories.
The story is this; my dad died a couple of months ago and he was by best friend and the only person I really related to. It has upturned my life and left me without any real purpose or interest in the future. I've also working in IT for 14 years and am currently working for a small IT consultancy company. For the past few months, I've found it practically impossible to deal with other people's problems. eg. I can't cope with calls from clients who are angry that their computer isn't as fast as they'd like it to be. I just want to tell them to bugger off because I have bigger problems to deal with.
But I don't do that, because I'm too polite! I just freeze up, which isn't all that much better. To make matters worse, my colleague (the only other IT support guy in the company) decided he was going to take a month off work (even though I warned him I didn't think I could cope right now) and I'm left to cover his work, as well as my own. I'm not sure I can actually cope with it, as my stress levels are so high, I think I'm likely to have a nervous breakdown if anything serious happens.
Due to my dad's death, I happen to have a large amount of money at my disposal right now. I could quite easily go without working for the next two to four years. Possibly even longer. I've also always had a passion for writing and have wanted to try and publish a novel for some time. Work always got in the way, though and the past few years I've been to tired to do it in my free time. My dad was also a great fan of the work I'd tried to write.
So, right now, I am considering simply quitting work. Not in a nasty way - I'd still try and stick it out so that the company can get a replacement in and do a proper handover. But I think it might be a good idea to get rid of the stress of work and learn to live "not for payday." It would also give me time to recharge, do work to the house (which sorely needs it) and try my luck at writing a novel. Of course, I also have to whittle away the money my dad left to me, rather than putting it in to some sort of investment.
I know the obvious answers are the following;
1. Take a chance and do what you dream. You only regret what you never try to accomplish; and,
2. Don't let despair take you. Put the money to good use and don't waste it. It will be better in the long run.
The fact is, though, I feel like I will either quit with my sanity intact or quit because I have a nervous breakdown. But I have also weathered all sorts of stress in the past if I had a good reason to aim for.
So I guess what I really want to know is if anyone has ever made that similar choice (to quit the mundane, but reliable life in favour of trying for their dream) and whether their experience was good or bad. Am I thinking like a naïve teenager or am I being mature in doing what is best for my emotional health?
I'm not sure if there's any good answer to this that anyone can give. I would just be good to hear any similar stories.
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Comments
The reason why I say don't quit is it is always easier to get a job when you already have one, and although you may think you have enough money for the next 2 to 4 years there is no guarantee that you will get a job at the end of that time
I agree with this advice. Alternatively you should visit your doctor, tell him/her that you are feeling stressed and depressed. A colleague of mine was signed off work for about 6 weeks with these symptoms after her father died.
My advice, as from others, would be to first talk your GP and take some time out sick before you make a decision. You are grieving and it is the worst time for making life changing decisions. However, for some , it is the best time. Take some time out to work it out.
Good luck.
If you are worried about being off for a long time, ask for a stress risk assessment and ask to reduce your hours then.
Yes, you can take a year or two off, but realistically you eventually need to get another job, or set yourself up as a consultant or something, as your novel is unlikely to make you any money.
(I decided to leave my full-time employment, but carried on doing some support work on a self-employed basis. I had enough savings to last me about a year, if I had no further income. In the end it took nearer three years before I started making reasonable money. I was also writing something, but software rather than fiction, and it eventually paid off.
That was over 20 years ago; I've been self-sufficient ever since, and it's a good feeling.)
How old are you?
It you are stressed then get a note from your Doctor and get time off related to stress. Then use that that to analyse whats going on with you and also explore your options. I know people who have been out of work for years or are on much lower and less qualified jobs and are not happy. Instead of thinking present...start thinking and working towards a future.
Your Dad has left you comfortably off so just do what your heart is telling you. Write your novel, go travelling, learn something new, chill out. Just do it. I'm taking it you have nobody else depending on you, as you don't mention them. If you can't do what you want now, when can you?
Best of luck and let us know when the novel is out!;)
It didn't say it was their company.
Its not my company. I also haven't worked for the same company for 14 year - I've simply worked in IT for 14 years. I've been at my current job for 5 1/2 years. It is also a very small company with only three employees - and only two of them are actual IT engineers. Taking long term leave, even if backed up by a Doctors note, wouldn't work as the company couldn't support itself on only one engineer (and I'm the senior engineer. The other guy couldn't half the stuff I do). So if I did that, I'd be pretty much killing the company. I like my boss as he's a nice guy and I wouldn't want to do that to him (or the other engineer, either, for that matter).
Unfortunately, the only realistic options I have are to either quit or suck it up and carry on. Or get another job, I guess but I don't think that would make things any better.
EDIT: oh and I'm 34!
Of course times are harder now and it's more difficult to find another job but it worked for me and opened up my whole life.
The difference is you would be staying at home. A lot of the time, when you finish work, you promise yourself you are going to do all sorts of things - but good intentions and all that..... Got the T shirt on that one! Time (and money) whittle away so easily.
I would be getting into a different environment for a while - but you're not me - else you would be doing it.
Any chance of them giving you a couple of months unpaid sabbatical?
It's a bad time to quit because you won't be earning much interest on your inheritance. I think you should go down the seeing your GP and getting time off sick route rather than give your job up because you're obviously not thinking straight at the moment. Give yourself time to come to terms with your Dad's death before you jump off the deep end.
You only need 30 years' of contributions for a full pension. Or pay a voluntary rate of about £14 pw. All the more reason to spend some of it now, then! Carrying on working won't make the interest any higher (and it doesn't sound like the sort of sum where you can live off the interest; I think the OP was intending to use some of the capital amount to live on).
In general terms about quitting your job, I would say that you should look to make the changes to your life you want first and then quit your job only when it becomes necessary. If there are things you've always wanted to do then just do it and work at the same time. If after a while you feel you need the extra time to dedicate to your other activities then you can reassess your job then , but don't quit until you've proven to yourself that you have the dedication to actually go through with it.
In terms of being a published writer, the chances of you making it are similar to going on the x factor and getting to the final 10. It's really not a very likely scenario.
Can you suggest to your boss going out for a lunchtime snack or a drink and having a chat with him? Say there is something you'd like to have a word about. He may have no inkling just how stressed and near the edge you are feeling. You are a very valuable employee by the sound of it and you could explain that you are finding it difficult to cope with stress since your father died and have even thought of giving up work altogether. He may suggest some solution you hadn't thought of. Or tell you to take a couple of weeks off when the other one returns. He might even offer you a pay rise or a share in the company to make it attractive for you to stay on. Even telling him about it will probably relieve some of the pressure you are feeling.
When I was made redundant I had 6 wonderful months of doing whatever I wanted and living off my (generous) redundancy pay. Later, I set up in business by myself and never looked back.
You probably won't write another "Harry Potter" but you won't know unless you try. Having some cash in reserve gives you a brilliant opportunity to try new ideas. Go for it, young man!
I didn't get out of the rat race until I was over 50. Far too late really. Yes, arrange to pay your pension contributions and spend your money wisely.
(Come here and stay on Crete for a few weeks. That will give you a different perspective! I'll look after you.)
My husband quit working at the end of August for a company he had been at for 5 years, because the MD was an idiot and made life as difficult as possible for everyone for every reason. His parents are ill and he wanted to also make sure they were sorted. It was starting to affect him ,getting depressed etc so he quit. 10 weeks later he starts a new job on Monday
Do what you need to do to make yourself happy, and if that means leaving to pursue a hobby that won't make you money but will make you happy, do that for a while.
Check this strip out by Bill Watterson, the creator of Calvin and Hobbes
http://zenpencils.com/comic/128-bill-watterson-a-cartoonists-advice/
I wish I'd been less cautious when I was younger and just listened to my heart.
I think you should go for it but can I suggest a compromise?
I do agree that life changes can make you re-evaluate your lot and I am so sorry for your loss. However I would think about bereavement counselling either through your GP or take a look at cruse.org.uk . I have suffered the loss of a child and your words in your opening post compelled me to reply to you. I don't know how you feel (I hate it when people say that!) but I do appreciate that it's hard to find empathy in others situations when it feels so banal. But we each have our own tidal waves and who knows what crisis the failing of a PC might lead to for the person on the phone. To a point I think loss can make us cast ourselves in iron and that can be unhealthy. It may well be that your dad's passing is the right reason to move but perhaps you can use this to explore consulting or training instead?
I have been published, in poetry and a short story both based on my grief but after I had completed an Open University degree in creative writing. I am not suggesting that you take an entire degree but that a short creative writing course with a recommended school might help to shape your future.
Take good care of you.
I think you should ask for a sabbatical. Publishing a novel is something you can attempt during that time knowing you have a job to go back to, and can continue working on part time when do you go back on a phased return if you wish.
Making rash decisions like quitting altogether when you aren't yourself is best avoided. Proceed with caution.
They can hire temporary staff.
Whatever you decide to do, I wish you the very best. It is tough dealing with grief and the annoying and tiring things life brings.
“Life is short, break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably, and never regret anything that made you smile. Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”
An event like your father's passing is bound to make you think hard about many things and lack a sense of direction. I was working as a City lawyer in the late 80s and found myself on the treadmill of conventional wisdom expectations. When all the mugs were buying houses in 1988, I went to South America for 3 1/2 months on one of these 20 people on a lorry trips. I watched "The World's Most Dangerous Roads" with Phil Jupitus and Marcus Brigstocke in Bolivia a while ago and the other day on Dave - as they drive across the Bolivian salt pans, MB was saying how amazing it all was etc. and I thought "yes, mate, I know - I went there in 1988 and camped out in minus 20!".
So, I would suggest you go on the Dragoman site and pick a trip - maybe 4-6 weeks as you haven't done it before - or go to the Adventure Travel Show in London at the end of January and just try something new. Although these days, you cannot escape modern tech, you will still be far enough away to see what really matters.
I came back and got a job quite quickly and you are in an industry where you can temp your way back to permanent employment. When I had my next round of job interviews, the female rec con asked about the "gaps" - I had a year out after uni (as frankly, I was exhausted) during which I went to Tanzania for a month. When I then said about South America upon leaving the law, she responded "But you had done that before" - puzzled, I thought, "No, never set foot in the place". I expect she is like most people I know now - spent 30 years at the grindstone with am life's ambition of playing golf or going on a sanitised cruise. I still bore people with SA now.
It is easy to follow the conventional wisdom as most above recommend - but no-one who followed the CW ever achieved anything.
Don't think about writing a novel - it is a very crowded area and hard to make your mark despite a mountain of work. I have written some small factual books - the money is poor and you find out that many "names" should be getting environmental prizes for recycling rubbish. You can do that when you have nothing better to do.