Son's body image and my wife

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  • humdrummerhumdrummer Posts: 4,487
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    Mmmmmm, hairy men, like waking up next to a teddy bear or rampant wolf, depending on mood ;)

    Not your problem, not your sons problem, totally your wifes hang-up and she needs to know that.

    As for seeing your son naked and all those odd comments, that's healthy, normal and natural. We all prance about upstairs in a state of undress when getting ready/showering. My 13 year old even squatted on the bed while I applied germaline to a spot in a sensitive area. I'm ok with it, he's ok with it. I would rather it be that way tbh.
  • thefairydandythefairydandy Posts: 3,235
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    Christa wrote: »
    Because it's gross & you can get rid of it easily, whereas fat you can't.

    As a woman who shaves her legs, a very accessible part of the body, I can say it's a pain in the arse to get rid of unwanted hair!

    Your example is poor as you can get rid of fat permanently, but hair will grow back unless you take extreme measures.

    OP, I'm afraid your son may well get bullied slightly if he's different, because that's what kids do. It will probably tend towards the more envious, teasing end, which I experienced as I too began puberty aged 10, and had b-cup boobs when I started secondary school. However, I never had a single comment about the birthmark on my back, so maybe your son will be lucky.

    What is great is that you're showing him a positive model of how to deal with such things, and you should make it clear to your wife that you want her support in this.
  • FearFactorFearFactor Posts: 2,547
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    spimf wrote: »
    Men should be hairy and proud, make sure your son knows that :D

    If you all go swimming together, ask the wife privately beforehand not to make any snide remarks in front of your son, and also if you're feeling particularly blunt on the subject, to get a grip and realise that people frankly have better things to do thank poke fun at back hair ;)

    My lovely friend speaks much sense here, as did Elanor in her wonderfully eloquent post.

    am I the only one slightly worried that the OP knows his 11 year old son has " quite a lot of pubic hair " ?

    Yep looks like it.
    Christa wrote: »
    Because it's gross & you can get rid of it easily, whereas fat you can't.

    Sure you can, stop shoving food in your cakehole and do some exercise. If you stick to it you'll stay slim forever :)



    OP your wife is in the wrong, and as Oscar posted early on I wouldn't be surprised if her real reason for not wanting to join you in the pool is to do with her own body image/self confidence and nothing to do with you.
    I very much doubt anyone is pointing and commenting on your hairy back - do people really have the time to worry about such things (apart from maybe kids)?
    Your wife certainly shouldn't talk about this in front of your son as it may well cloud his thinking.
    You say you've always been hairy and she likes it in private but not in public. I find that quite offensive. She might as well say "You can be my husband, but you mustn't tell anyone and we can't be seen together. It can be our little secret." I'm outraged on your behalf.

    You sound like a great dad, and a really positive role model for your son. Keep it up ;):)
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 17,060
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    I used to be grossed out by hairy backs, then I developed a crush on a guy who was terribly hairy all over, chest, back, shoulders, even upper arms! The person who has chosen you as their partner should love you enough to accept you as you are.

    If you want to pacify her you could kill off the hair follicles with electrolysis, or wear a thick dark t-shirt when you go swimming. But as you say, you have your sons body image to consider - you really don't want your wife's words to have a negative impact on how he sees himself. Maybe she hasn't considered that. If I were you I would sit down with her when your son is out and explain that to her.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 17,060
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    Beau_Soir wrote: »
    That's my point though. She is being quite insensitive and rude, to both you and your son, so if the shoe was on the other foot, I'm sure she would have quite a lot to say!

    Two wrongs, etc, etc. They're in a marriage not the playground. It's better he tries to talk her round than start a war of words, that won't be great for their son either.
  • monkeydave68monkeydave68 Posts: 2,421
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    Christa wrote: »
    Get a wax...

    he isn't playing for the other team
  • Slarti BartfastSlarti Bartfast Posts: 6,607
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    OP, did you have any negative experiences when you were young like you are worried your son might have? If so maybe you could think how you dealt with it and pass that on. Having said that I imagine a hairy/early pubescent lad would be an envy to other boys rather than a point of humour, but that in itself may lead to negativity from some insecure boys who might wish to knock him down. If you're worried, maybe you could hand-down a few comebacks he could utilise should anyone at his new school give him grief - I'm sure something which drew attention to the fact that they were little boys while he is growing into a man would shut them up pretty quickly.
  • Auld SnodyAuld Snody Posts: 15,171
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    am I the only one slightly worried that the OP knows his 11 year old son has " quite a lot of pubic hair " ?

    Also, if you're worried about your hairy back, then I'd go for laser hair reduction on it. It's very good. Ive had it myself.

    You would need an industrial James bond type laser to tackle a hairy back:D
  • ChristaChrista Posts: 17,560
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    FearFactor wrote: »
    Sure you can, stop shoving food in your cakehole and do some exercise. If you stick to it you'll stay slim forever :)
    I'm 7 & 1/2 stone but thanks for the advice. :D

    If there's one thing I've learnt from this forum is that people find it hard to lose weight. I don't really understand why/how people get fat in the first place but I can see that once they do it's difficult for them to get rid of it. Partly because obesity seems to be related to mental health problems, food addiction, eating disorders etc.

    So no I don't agree that fat is as easy to get rid of as body hair which takes 5 mins to wax.

    It's important that his wife accepts him as he is, but I don't think it's necessary to go out in public really hairy.

    Sorry, but that's how I feel.

    To be honest, obesity & hairiness are two of many reasons I don't like public swimming pools.
  • Beau_SoirBeau_Soir Posts: 1,811
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    Christa wrote: »

    To be honest, obesity & hairiness are two of many reasons I don't like public swimming pools.

    Come now Christa, we know that isn't the sole reason. Fat, hairy or thin, they are still commoners and I can't imagine you intermingling with them.
  • Beau_SoirBeau_Soir Posts: 1,811
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    Jerrica09 wrote: »
    Two wrongs, etc, etc. They're in a marriage not the playground. It's better he tries to talk her round than start a war of words, that won't be great for their son either.

    It was an example, I wasn't suggesting he actually do it! You clearly have to be very literal with some people on here:rolleyes:
  • ChristaChrista Posts: 17,560
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    Beau_Soir wrote: »
    Come now Christa, we know that isn't the sole reason. Fat, hairy or thin, they are still commoners and I can't imagine you intermingling with them.

    Common isn't on my list, but bogey & verruccas are...

    Infection is no respecter of socio-economic background. :D
  • Beau_SoirBeau_Soir Posts: 1,811
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    Christa wrote: »
    Common isn't on my list, but bogey & verruccas are...

    Infection is no respecter of socio-economic background. :D

    Don't forget poo!!:eek::D
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 17,060
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    Beau_Soir wrote: »
    It was an example, I wasn't suggesting he actually do it! You clearly have to be very literal with some people on here:rolleyes:

    I know, I know:p
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 2,151
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    Auld Snody wrote: »
    You would need an industrial James bond type laser to tackle a hairy back:D

    no you wouldnt! ive had my full back done.

    Admittedly it wasnt mega hairy to begin with... but it was enough to bother me a lot.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 6,924
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    Does your wife think she is perfect?
  • TrevorFowlerTrevorFowler Posts: 170
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    OP, did you have any negative experiences when you were young like you are worried your son might have? If so maybe you could think how you dealt with it and pass that on. Having said that I imagine a hairy/early pubescent lad would be an envy to other boys rather than a point of humour, but that in itself may lead to negativity from some insecure boys who might wish to knock him down. If you're worried, maybe you could hand-down a few comebacks he could utilise should anyone at his new school give him grief - I'm sure something which drew attention to the fact that they were little boys while he is growing into a man would shut them up pretty quickly.

    Thanks for all the replies so far and they have been encouraging. The quoted reply took my eye. I wasn't the first boy in my year to enter puberty, but I was in the first third or so. TBH, I was aware I was becoming very hairy and I was bothered about it (being different from most others) and it took me some time to come to terms with being hairy. With hindsight, I felt I had wasted a lot of time worrying unnecessarily over it and do not want our son to go through the same.

    My wife is OK with my hairiness in private, but perhaps thinks I'm too immodest about it. She does shave her armpits but I've made it clear to her that it doesn't matter to me. It's her body and her choice. What I find far more attractive is a sense of self-confidence that does not depend on trying to change what is normal and natural.
  • 4smiffy4smiffy Posts: 2,161
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    Thanks for all the replies so far and they have been encouraging. The quoted reply took my eye. I wasn't the first boy in my year to enter puberty, but I was in the first third or so. TBH, I was aware I was becoming very hairy and I was bothered about it (being different from most others) and it took me some time to come to terms with being hairy. With hindsight, I felt I had wasted a lot of time worrying unnecessarily over it and do not want our son to go through the same.

    My wife is OK with my hairiness in private, but perhaps thinks I'm too immodest about it. She does shave her armpits but I've made it clear to her that it doesn't matter to me. It's her body and her choice. What I find far more attractive is a sense of self-confidence that does not depend on trying to change what is normal and natural.

    What an excellent outlook, if I may say so.
  • lea_uklea_uk Posts: 9,639
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    OP, you've got the right attitude :)
  • TheMaskTheMask Posts: 10,219
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    Tell the wife that you will cover up at all times and tell the son to aswell as long as she shaves her head ..:p
  • benayounbenayoun Posts: 135
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    Thanks for all the replies so far and they have been encouraging. The quoted reply took my eye. I wasn't the first boy in my year to enter puberty, but I was in the first third or so. TBH, I was aware I was becoming very hairy and I was bothered about it (being different from most others) and it took me some time to come to terms with being hairy. With hindsight, I felt I had wasted a lot of time worrying unnecessarily over it and do not want our son to go through the same.

    My wife is OK with my hairiness in private, but perhaps thinks I'm too immodest about it. She does shave her armpits but I've made it clear to her that it doesn't matter to me. It's her body and her choice. What I find far more attractive is a sense of self-confidence that does not depend on trying to change what is normal and natural.


    OP, I swim most days. Yep. I notice people who are very hairy, as in "he/.she's a bit hairy". but only as I pass by. I would also note that "nice to see father and son enjoying time together". Neither thought would last longer than the length I'm swimming, if that.

    All in all, we are all a little fat/thin/hairy etc etc. Tell your mrs that folk aint that interested in her/you/son, most of us are there to enjoy ourselves and/or be a little fitter.
  • Judge MentalJudge Mental Posts: 18,593
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    benayoun wrote: »
    OP, I swim most days. Yep. I notice people who are very hairy, as in "he/.she's a bit hairy". but only as I pass by. I would also note that "nice to see father and son enjoying time together". Neither thought would last longer than the length I'm swimming, if that.

    All in all, we are all a little fat/thin/hairy etc etc. Tell your mrs that folk aint that interested in her/you/son, most of us are there to enjoy ourselves and/or be a little fitter.

    I think that's so true - if we notice other people it's very fleeting - and not at all judgemental (in spite of my username!). People come in all shapes, sizes, colours etc. I tend to be so pathetically grateful that nobody is pointing and laughing at my wobbly bits that I wouldn't for a second dream of thinking negative things about anyone elses.

    It's true that hairy blokes are not everyone's cup of tea from a sexual point of view but I can't believe that it's anything other than a tiny tiny proportion that would feel repulsed by seeing someone very hairy in a swimming pool. I can't remember a single time where I was in a public place swimming where I gave anything other than a passing thought to my fellow swimmers - other than to marvel at some lovely muscles or bronzed loveliness. The rest of us mortals just get on with life.
  • AquajaneyAquajaney Posts: 518
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    Just a thought and I could be totally off mark but is it possible that she has an issue with her body image at the pool and she is using you as an excuse not to go.
  • Beau_SoirBeau_Soir Posts: 1,811
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    Aquajaney wrote: »
    Just a thought and I could be totally off mark but is it possible that she has an issue with her body image at the pool and she is using you as an excuse not to go.

    About 68 posts late with that suggestion I'm afraid
  • stud u likestud u like Posts: 42,100
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    Christa wrote: »
    Because it's gross & you can get rid of it easily, whereas fat you can't.

    Why is body hair gross? It is normal and natural to have body hair.

    It sounds like you need to seek counselling. People who moan about body hair tend to have issues with ageing and growing up.
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