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Should I talk to my mom?
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I know that I am probably going to come across as an absolute b**ch in this topic but I feel like I need to do this.
My mom is quite overweight. She's always talking about how she can't get nice clothes and how ugly she feels and it upsets me that she feels this way about herself. She's got a very pretty face and lovely personality.
The thing is, she's always saying she'll go on a diet or she's on a diet but she never sticks to it. She'll eat a lot of cake and then just go "Oh, why'd I do that?". She's always talking about how depressed she is but she doesn't even try.
Before, I'd just roll my eyes and think "haha, what is she like?", but since I've been doing biology at college I've been really scared for her. We've done about fats and heart problems and I've realised how bad it actually is.
I understand that it can be hard to lose weight, especially considering she has a thyroid problem, but she doesn't help herself at all and I just don't understand why. She's been to the doctors and weight watchers but she stops going because she knows she's put on weight.
I've been thinking about it a lot lately. All I can see when I look at her is her weight and I get really angry with her when she's greedy. I don't want to but I'm terrified her obesity will take it's toll and she won't live to see my niece grow up or live to see my own children being born or everything else that happens in my life. I cry when I think about it, not just for those reasons but for her sake as well.
I really want to have a serious conversation with her about it but I'm worried I'll upset her and she'll be angry with me. I only want to help but I'm too scared of making things worse. She's the kind of person that tells people everything, so I'm worried she'll tell all my family and they'll be angry too.
Should I try talking to her or should I leave it? I just don't know what to do. I want her to be happy but I don't want to upset her.
My mom is quite overweight. She's always talking about how she can't get nice clothes and how ugly she feels and it upsets me that she feels this way about herself. She's got a very pretty face and lovely personality.
The thing is, she's always saying she'll go on a diet or she's on a diet but she never sticks to it. She'll eat a lot of cake and then just go "Oh, why'd I do that?". She's always talking about how depressed she is but she doesn't even try.
Before, I'd just roll my eyes and think "haha, what is she like?", but since I've been doing biology at college I've been really scared for her. We've done about fats and heart problems and I've realised how bad it actually is.
I understand that it can be hard to lose weight, especially considering she has a thyroid problem, but she doesn't help herself at all and I just don't understand why. She's been to the doctors and weight watchers but she stops going because she knows she's put on weight.
I've been thinking about it a lot lately. All I can see when I look at her is her weight and I get really angry with her when she's greedy. I don't want to but I'm terrified her obesity will take it's toll and she won't live to see my niece grow up or live to see my own children being born or everything else that happens in my life. I cry when I think about it, not just for those reasons but for her sake as well.
I really want to have a serious conversation with her about it but I'm worried I'll upset her and she'll be angry with me. I only want to help but I'm too scared of making things worse. She's the kind of person that tells people everything, so I'm worried she'll tell all my family and they'll be angry too.
Should I try talking to her or should I leave it? I just don't know what to do. I want her to be happy but I don't want to upset her.
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She could go on a diet and you go without something you like a lot.
Might help her knowing your not just criticising but willing to help.
Thanks for replying. I've tried that before, saying we'll cut out cakes and chocolate. A couple of times she's even suggested it but she still always gives up after about a week or so.
I think you should mention your concerns to your mother. At the very least she will want to know if you are worried. Mothers need to know what their childen are worried about. It's our job to sort that out!
She probably finds it difficult to stick to a diet because she's depressed. She needs some support.
Thank you for replying
I think I'll talk to her when she comes back from shopping then. I'm just worried that I'll upset her and make things worse
Thanks
How do I support her with the diet? I feel a bit mean when I say "you shouldn't be eating that". Sometimes she says that just one won't hurt, but I don't really know how to respond to that.
Swimming is very good exercise! You could start going once a week and maybe increase it some weeks?
As for the diet perhaps you could help her by insisting that she doesn't buy cakes and sweets all the time. She probably buys them because of other family members and if you all get together and try and cut down then you'd be helping her. Perhaps view them as treats which she can still have once in awhile.
One cake might not harm her, but it starts off as one cake, then there's another and it just goes on.
I know it can be very difficult to loose weight with a thyroid problem , as I know someone who struggles. They do plenty of exercise and don't stuff themselves but the weight doesn't seem to go.
I don't think we'll be able to go in the week because my mom has work and I don't get back from college til 5:30. Will once a week still be good?
She says she only buys crisps and cakes for my dad so maybe I'll ask him to cut down too so we can help her.
That's what I was worried about, that she'll put so much weight on that she won't be able to lose it. I don't want her to go down to a size 10, but will she still be able to lose even just a bit of weight?
Yes once a week would still be good, but you can go later on in the evening or even early in the mornings to fit around work/college.
I think you can loose weight, it's just that it's a lot harder to shift it.
Oh okay
^ This is what I was going to suggest, maybe find a sport or martial art or something that you could both enjoy doing together. If she gets unhappy about her weight, maybe suggest a martial art of some sort- I started Judo in my early teens, when like all others I had lot of inner anger, and I found it harder to hate myelf when I'd taken a few good throws and winded myself, and even harder to hate myself when I'd spent my evening throwing someone twice my weight around
Maybe I'm weird and it's just me, but I would highly recommend a martial art- maybe something like kickboxing? I imagine it burns more fat and works on cardiovascular more than Judo itself does.. Plus you'll be doing some self-defence! Maybe suggest it to her in these terms- fun, cardiovascular, self-defense, meet new people, etc.
I hope it goes okay for you!
I know other posters have suggested exercise, but if she is as much overweight as you say, she's probably too self conscious at present.
I would suggest she go to Weight Watchers; you could even offer to pay the attendance fees for her. I lost nearly 4 stones by going there and I didn't feel self conscious because there were far fatter people than me there and they were nearly all women. Then after she has lost some of her weight she will be more able (and will feel more inclined) to exercise.
I would suggest going to salsa dancing, having a walk every weekend, swimming as has been suggested, taking over the cooking and making some tasty low-calorie meals...does she use the internet at all? www.myfitnesspal.com is great with a lovely supportive forum there, with people of all ages.
Good luck, you are such a sweetheart.:)
Sorry if my opinion is a waste of your time, but I still stand by what I said. It worked for me.
You grin and jokingly go "ohh, that resolution to cut down *item* not going so well then?"
also maybe offer to cook a couple of times a week so that you can make a low cal/low fat meal
talk to your dad, maybe he could dress up getting less junk food as trying to look after his cholesterol?
She's lucky you care so much though and I'm sure she would be very heartened by the concern you are showing her.
my son gets on my case about losing weight etc and I do try but its not easy - if it was Weightwatchers and the like wouldnt be billion dollar businesses. Anyway my advice would be dont nag, never nag, just support, be interested, be caring and keep encouraging.
you sound like a lovely caring person x
In your original post you say that your Mum is overweight and then refer to her 'obesity'. How overweight is she and is her health likely to be badly affected?
Being overweight is different to being obese and to be fair, most people I know gain weight as they get older.
She has been to the doctors, was her GP concerned enough to recommend anything? Maybe her meds are affecting her appetite? Is she perhaps menopausal?
You say Your Mum talks about feeling ugly, you are going to have to be very careful if you do talk to her not to reinforce what sounds like low self-esteem. That could make her overeating worse; not to mention it could really hurt her.
What is your Mum good at? I think you said she works? Think about the things she does well and make sure you praise her for them as well as telling her how pretty she is from time to time.
My feeling is that she needs to start thinking more positively about herself, and you telling her you are concerned about her weight at this point might do more harm than good.
I think you are going to have to think very carefully about what you are going to say, maybe she has a friend or a sister that you could voice your concerns to who might be able to advise you.
I completely understand that you want your Mum to feel and look better and I commend you for it, but your Mum is a grown woman with a family and a career, I think that the motivation to change has to come from within her, and that her low self esteem makes her think there isn't any point.
I guess what I am trying to say is, try to encourage that before you go in with guns blazing about your concerns for her health and make sure you don't hurt her. Good luck