A man walks in to a bar...
JimothyD
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A man walks in to a bar with his pet Alligator. He asks the barman if he serves Lawyers. The barman says yes, so the man says "I'll have a pint of mild and my gator will have a Lawyer".
A White Horse walks in to a bar. The barman says "I've got a beer named after you!" The horse says "What, Bill?"
Do you have any other mildly amusing/mildly tedious true stories about people walking in to bars?
A White Horse walks in to a bar. The barman says "I've got a beer named after you!" The horse says "What, Bill?"
Do you have any other mildly amusing/mildly tedious true stories about people walking in to bars?
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Or....
A man walks into a bar and sees a sign that reads:
Cheese Sandwich: £1.50
Chicken Sandwich: £2.50
Hand Job: £10.00
He checks his wallet and beckons to the sexy bartender.
"Are you the one who gives the hand jobs?" he asks.
"Yes," she purrs. "I am."
"Well, wash your frickin' hands," says the man. "I want a cheese sandwich!"
"What's wrong, Celine? Why such a long face?"
ba-doom-tish
A neutron walks into a bar. He ordered a drink, and the barman said "for you mate, no charge."
Barman says "No"
Duck - "Got any bread"
Barman - "No"
Duck - "Got any bread"
Barman - "No, we have no bread"
Duck - "got any bread"
barman - "we haven't got any bl**dy bread"
Duck - "Got any bread"
Barman - No, are you deaf. We haven't got any f...ing bread, ask me again and I'll nail your beak to the bar"
Duck - "Got any nails"
Barman - "No"
Duck - "Got any bread"
'Dunno,' replied the man. 'It's driving me nuts'.
"Pint of your strongest bitter and a bag of pork scratchings please."
"Certainly sir."
**necks beer and eats pork scratchings**
"Another pint of your strongest beer and a bag of pork scratchings."
"Certainly sir."
**necks beer and eats pork scratchings**
"Another pint of your strongest beer and a bag of pork scratchings."
"Certainly sir."
**necks beer and eats pork scratchings**
"Another pint of your strongest beer and a bag of pork scratchings."
"Certainly sir."
**necks beer and eats pork scratchings**
"Do you sell shorts?"
"We certainly do sir."
"Give us a pair - I've just shit meself."
The man goes back to his car and gets the jump leads from his boot and ties them round his neck.
He goes back into the bar and again asks for a drink. The bar man looks at him, looks at the jump leads round his neck and says "OK as long as you don't start anything"
Oo look at the tumbleweed..........
The barman says, 'Is this some kind of joke?'
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ub3Cm0V_Z8w
That one always makes me laugh
A bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender, ‘I’ll have a whisky and ……… soda.’
The bartender says, ‘Why the big pause?’
Dunno,’ says the bear. ‘I’ve always had them.’
That one was posted a few days ago.
A horse walks into a bar and the barman says 'Why the long face'.
"Nonsense" the young man replies "He's a big softie, here I'll prove it"
With that, to the amazement of the punters, the young man whips out his penis, and places it between the alligator's jaws, before hitting it over the head with a large mallet. The reptile just gave a shake, and yawned.
"There you are see. Perfectly tame" the young man smiled "Now, would anybody else like to try?"
"I'll have a go love" a little old lady said getting up "just don't hit me so hard with that hammer"
It was an iron pub.
Err ... hang on I think I've told that one wrong
The man sips his beer, glances at his snot sandwich and announces 'Ewwwww! I'm not eating THAT!'
'But you ordered it!' protests the bartender.
'It's disgusting', replies the man. 'There's a hair in it!'
Great thread OP
Not bad
'yes, sir'
'well then, you shouldn't have made so many'
"Piss off! We don't serve your kind in here!"
The piece of string walks down the street to another bar and goes in, but even before he can order....
"Get out! We don't serve string in here, this is a respectable establishment, take your business elsewhere!"
So the string walks out - stops in the middle of the street and ties a knot in himself....and reaches up and tousles one end. Then he walks into the last pub in the town...
...where the barman looks him up and down, and says suspiciously -
"Hey - you're not a piece of string, are you???"
"No - I'm a frayed knot!"