Tell her that you obviously cannot keep up with such a full on friendship and if she needs such time spending on her, that you are not that type of person any more and she should find another person to talk to every day and socialise with constantly,. You only have the head space for one call a week and one or two outings a month. Sorry you cannot give her any more of your time than this.
Hi MsWilder, perhaps we should introduce our friends to one another?! Meaning no disrespect to you (or to myself) it sounds as though these friends of ours are just desperate for companionship - someone to accompany them to where THEY want to go, as opposed to wanting to arrange something which is mutually enjoyable. Has she ever asked you what you want to do with your weekends, or do you just do what she wants all the time?
Your friend actually sounds quite rude and mean. If she talks about 'wasting her time trying to get you out' again I'd tell her that you're not a project and you can arrange your own social life!
I understand exactly where you're coming from. She does seem pretty desperate a lot of the time. She never seems content and is always trying to get conversation going with people (however pointless and inane). Thing is, she never takes it personally if/ they don't respond.
What I always found with her is that when she needed/wanted to go somewhere, she'd come straight to me because she knew I was reliable and would usually come out places with her. When the roles were reversed though, she'd hardly ever return the favour. She'd either say she was coming and then give an excuse at the last minute or she'd turn up for five minutes and then disappear. The worst stunt she ever pulled was when I was in a particularly bad spell of my ill health. I'd arranged a meet-up with a few friends, her included, but when the day came I didn't really feel up to it. However, she'd been excited for it the whole week and had even said she'd taken the day off work especially to see me. So I pushed myself out, because I didn't want to let anyone down, and met up with my other friends, She turned up (late) with her on/off boyfriend in tow and said that she had to nip somewhere for half and hour. That was the last I saw of her for the rest of the day. That's the last time I ever put myself out for her. I never saw her after that until the other week. Now she thinks because I met up that once with her that I'm going to be keen to do it regularly. When she invites me out now, it's always tailored to what she thinks I want to do and, in a way, she doesn't believe I'd say no to things I'd like to do. Which is true, but I like doing things when I want, not when she does.
I'm reassured that there are so many others who have experienced this kind of person. I was worried that I was overreacting and that I'd sound like a bit of a bitch. But everyone's replies have pretty much confirmed what I felt I had to do, and I shall be doing that pretty soon because I've had another, random, apology text for her kicking off the other week. I'm going to use this as an opportunity to do some straight, blunt talking and I hope that she gets it. If not then I'll officially give up!
She was sexually active at a young age, and dated probably 10 - 15 boys in our school year, as well as those she met outside of school. I remember mistaking this never-ending stream of boyfriends for popularity and wishing I could be like her. I don't now. All her boyfriends have treated her like cr@p, and it's because she lets them. She brings out the prude in me because I'm sad that she thinks that sex is the only way to get a man interested in her.
I know, I know, I'm judgemental.
No, I think you're honest. I don't demand perfection from my friends but I don't blind myself to who they are either. Providing they're not unacceptable in some very fundamental way - sexist, racist, otherwise bigotted, etc - I'm very live and let live providing I really like them. But I don't push what may be less appealing aspects of their nature out of my mind - it's just a compromise against what does make the friendship work.
You're right - your friend isn't entertaining... she sounds rather unhappy and doomed to bad relationships. I had a flatmate like that many years ago - time after time she set herself up to be taken for granted or plain disrespected and she never did understand why it all went wrong. She had no respect or regard for herself so why should anyone else?
However, I had another flatmate (not at the same time fortunately!) who loved sex, didn't pick up random men but did acquire *uck buddies like most of us acquire pairs of shoes and if she had an itch she simply got someone to scratch it. A metaphorical itch, not medical.
She was a life-enhancer, you felt good being in her company, she was genuinely endlessly entertaining and I fondly remember one evening when she and her amour of the night comandeered the bathroom... the noise (him) was worthy of a daft and OTT sex scene in a movie and I never looked at Mike (wonder if he's a forum member?) in the same way again.
No, I think you're honest. I don't demand perfection from my friends but I don't blind myself to who they are either. Providing they're not unacceptable in some very fundamental way - sexist, racist, otherwise bigotted, etc - I'm very live and let live providing I really like them. But I don't push what may be less appealing aspects of their nature out of my mind - it's just a compromise against what does make the friendship work.
You're right - your friend isn't entertaining... she sounds rather unhappy and doomed to bad relationships. I had a flatmate like that many years ago - time after time she set herself up to be taken for granted or plain disrespected and she never did understand why it all went wrong. She had no respect or regard for herself so why should anyone else?
However, I had another flatmate (not at the same time fortunately!) who loved sex, didn't pick up random men but did acquire *uck buddies like most of us acquire pairs of shoes and if she had an itch she simply got someone to scratch it. A metaphorical itch, not medical.
She was a life-enhancer, you felt good being in her company, she was genuinely endlessly entertaining and I fondly remember one evening when she and her amour of the night comandeered the bathroom... the noise (him) was worthy of a daft and OTT sex scene in a movie and I never looked at Mike (wonder if he's a forum member?) in the same way again.
But that's all a bit off-topic...
Yeah... seems that we're turning this into a thread comparing our weird and wonderful friends. At least I know it's not just me that attracts them!
I think it was Sarah Millican who said 'In every friendship group there's a ****. If you don't know who it is in your group, chances are it's you.' Thank goodness for tarty friends!
Comments
I understand exactly where you're coming from. She does seem pretty desperate a lot of the time. She never seems content and is always trying to get conversation going with people (however pointless and inane). Thing is, she never takes it personally if/ they don't respond.
What I always found with her is that when she needed/wanted to go somewhere, she'd come straight to me because she knew I was reliable and would usually come out places with her. When the roles were reversed though, she'd hardly ever return the favour. She'd either say she was coming and then give an excuse at the last minute or she'd turn up for five minutes and then disappear. The worst stunt she ever pulled was when I was in a particularly bad spell of my ill health. I'd arranged a meet-up with a few friends, her included, but when the day came I didn't really feel up to it. However, she'd been excited for it the whole week and had even said she'd taken the day off work especially to see me. So I pushed myself out, because I didn't want to let anyone down, and met up with my other friends, She turned up (late) with her on/off boyfriend in tow and said that she had to nip somewhere for half and hour. That was the last I saw of her for the rest of the day. That's the last time I ever put myself out for her. I never saw her after that until the other week. Now she thinks because I met up that once with her that I'm going to be keen to do it regularly. When she invites me out now, it's always tailored to what she thinks I want to do and, in a way, she doesn't believe I'd say no to things I'd like to do. Which is true, but I like doing things when I want, not when she does.
I'm reassured that there are so many others who have experienced this kind of person. I was worried that I was overreacting and that I'd sound like a bit of a bitch. But everyone's replies have pretty much confirmed what I felt I had to do, and I shall be doing that pretty soon because I've had another, random, apology text for her kicking off the other week. I'm going to use this as an opportunity to do some straight, blunt talking and I hope that she gets it. If not then I'll officially give up!
You're right - your friend isn't entertaining... she sounds rather unhappy and doomed to bad relationships. I had a flatmate like that many years ago - time after time she set herself up to be taken for granted or plain disrespected and she never did understand why it all went wrong. She had no respect or regard for herself so why should anyone else?
However, I had another flatmate (not at the same time fortunately!) who loved sex, didn't pick up random men but did acquire *uck buddies like most of us acquire pairs of shoes and if she had an itch she simply got someone to scratch it. A metaphorical itch, not medical.
She was a life-enhancer, you felt good being in her company, she was genuinely endlessly entertaining and I fondly remember one evening when she and her amour of the night comandeered the bathroom... the noise (him) was worthy of a daft and OTT sex scene in a movie and I never looked at Mike (wonder if he's a forum member?) in the same way again.
But that's all a bit off-topic...
Yeah... seems that we're turning this into a thread comparing our weird and wonderful friends. At least I know it's not just me that attracts them!
I think it was Sarah Millican who said 'In every friendship group there's a ****. If you don't know who it is in your group, chances are it's you.' Thank goodness for tarty friends!