Grandma's friend stuck in care home?
So my grandma has a 96 year old friend. She is a lovely lady but obviously being very old, she has gone a bit dotty.
She has these strange moments where she thinks her husband and parents are still alive, and occasionally gets in to trouble. Nothing too serious, I mean she's never hurt herself, but anyways
The trouble is she has no family at all, therefore nobody can look after her at home when she gets in to trouble. The closest person she has is her late husbands friend but she can't keep caring for her I guess.
So the friend had to put her in a home. So I went to visit her today and I'm so annoyed because frankly she's far too well to be in a home! Yes she's a bit dotty but other people in the home are so ill and properly damaged.
She's so aware of everything. She seems to know exactly what's going on and understands situations very well. She's far too 'with it' to be locked up like that!
It's horrible watching her in the home. She can't talk to any of the fellow people there with her because they're so far gone. And se can't speak to any of the nurses or staff as they're unaware how 'with it' she is and treat her awfully, like she's barking mad or something. They don't let her leave the building, not even go in the garden, they don't tell her where abouts she is (as in how far away they are from her home, she doesn't know this because she was taken to a different home that was even worse before this one). It's awful!
Surely there must be a way to get her out of the home? I'm genuinely worried for her
She has these strange moments where she thinks her husband and parents are still alive, and occasionally gets in to trouble. Nothing too serious, I mean she's never hurt herself, but anyways
The trouble is she has no family at all, therefore nobody can look after her at home when she gets in to trouble. The closest person she has is her late husbands friend but she can't keep caring for her I guess.
So the friend had to put her in a home. So I went to visit her today and I'm so annoyed because frankly she's far too well to be in a home! Yes she's a bit dotty but other people in the home are so ill and properly damaged.
She's so aware of everything. She seems to know exactly what's going on and understands situations very well. She's far too 'with it' to be locked up like that!
It's horrible watching her in the home. She can't talk to any of the fellow people there with her because they're so far gone. And se can't speak to any of the nurses or staff as they're unaware how 'with it' she is and treat her awfully, like she's barking mad or something. They don't let her leave the building, not even go in the garden, they don't tell her where abouts she is (as in how far away they are from her home, she doesn't know this because she was taken to a different home that was even worse before this one). It's awful!
Surely there must be a way to get her out of the home? I'm genuinely worried for her
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In the absence of family support, a care home may be the best option to ensure her safety.
However if you have concerns about the way she is being treated by the staff, the obvious first step is to make an appointment to meet with the manager of the care home and discuss the situation.
if she is self funding her placement social services don't need to be involved and there's not much you can do.
It seems to me she'd benefit being in a more residential wing of a home, with people who have milder dementia, or at least residents she could interact with, play games with etc, there will surely be homes in the vicinity that can cater to her.
I've often seen new clients arrive with family adamant that they're just a little confused and that they couldn't cater for them at home to find once they arrived, they were aggressive, prone to falls, wondering during night etc. It's commonly known that some families will 'down play' illnesses to get relatives into a home they want that might not be as equipped to handle them. But then that's just from m my experiences working in care as a student about 10 years ago.
I agree with rae roo really.
I'd go via Yosemite's suggestion - meet with the management of the home to discuss her entertainments, and to hopefully change their perception of her.
As has already been said she probably has dementia and the key issue is whether she has "capacity" to make decisions that are good for her.
I'm guessing this is your first experience of such a situation - it's distressing but.... The lady may be in the best place with no family to step in.
The quality of the care home is a separate matter.
Carers were coming to her house, arranged by the friend, but they decided to put her in a home instead. Not sure why as it was a lot happier for her when caters were coming to her.
I'm afraid the money is coming from her, 40k a year, but against her own will. They tricked her in to visiting the home, her friend told her she was taking her out for lunch or something and the friend has since organised payment. Not sure how legal this is given it's against her will to pay for it?
I think you're right. The most extreme situation she faces when living alone was when she walked out at night to a nearby road. But yes, this care home is too much. Everyone else is very badly ill. All of them had lost all sense and many can hardly move. My grandmas friend still has a more regular mindset, she can communicate with people and is quite sharp etc, just gets lost and confused at times. She knows exactly what the situation is though and how she is being perceived. It's horrible seeing her locked up with nobody to talk to literally at all, not even being allowed in the gardens, being treated awfully.
She genuinely needs to go to another care home at least
I'd love to but I live 2 hours from my grandmother and only stay up here a few times a year for about 1-2 weeks
She must have been assessed by social services as needing that level of care otherwise they would have suggested home carers go in once, twice or three times a day. They obviously considered how she was living and assessed that she was not safe in her own home.
Social services have a duty of care and have to act the right way and. under certain circumstances they say someone must have 24 hour supervision for their own safety.
Is she there for respite care until domiciliary care can be arranged for her to return home? As you are not the next of kin you will not be aware of any of this so it is difficult to guess the facts.
The carers might well have seen that she was not able to manage for herself.
You can't "trick" people into care homes - her GP would be consulted.
She walked out at night into the road??
If she needs to go to a better care home that's another matter.
All the planning and preparation went on without her
They told her she was going for lunch or something along those lines and took her in to the home.
Need to look at deprivation of liberty safeguards if she's being 'kept in' as well
First question is whether she has mental capacity to decide where she lives. If she does, she decides and that is the end of it.
If she does not, and cannot consent to being in the home, the home needs to apply to the local authority for a standard authorisation to deprive her of her liberty in the care home.
If the OP is still worried, a mental capacity assessment can be arranged on the specific point in question.
Other related points are, does she have a power of attorney? If not, and she wants to haveone, it should be arranged asap, whilst she has mental capacity, if indeed she does. Otherwise, she could end up in the court of protection.
Expert legal advice from someone who knows what they are doing in this area of law is essential.
There will be paperwork on this but you, as friends grandchild really have no right to see it or know about it. A solicitor would likely be involved if there is no family and the GP will be too. A GP will not allow someone to just be put away without good cause.
How do you know all this into? Is it from the friend or grandma?
And regarding the not knowing where she is... That will be a result of the dementia.... There are many people like this person who lives in a loop and that loop can be anything from 2 minutes to hours, but if you don't get in the loop they will appear lucid. They listen and say yes and no at the appropriate time and you think they are fine, but they will have no memory of the conversation after it's finished.
Dementia is a fascinating disease and we all have so much to learn about it. Can I suggest you look for a local dementia friends group and go to a meeting and listen ....
They are 'tricked' all the time. The usual ploy is to say they are just going there for a break.
Is the OP sure that there isn't anyone else as sharp as her? Sometimes the less able are encouraged to spend more time in the communal areas and the more able prefer to spend time in their rooms. This was the case with my Dad. He and the others with all their faculties called themselves the 'compos mentis club'. ;-)
I would raise the issue with the staff if you feel she is not getting enough stimulus.
But dementia can be deceptive as already said. I used to be a Care Homes Inspector. I was on a visit and chatting to a resident who seemed to be firing on all cylinders. She was complaining about the food. Of course the food may still have been awful but it didn't do much for my confidence when she looked out the window and said 'You get a lovely view of the sea from here'.
We were in the middle of Leeds.
i know she may be able to get home help but not 24hr aday. In the home she has that.
Wont the home let you take her out on days out ?
So how does that work, then? Does someone have power of attorney, or is the court of protection involved? You can't just take 40k out of someone's account without some fairly hefty legal apparatus, and if you believe that somehow that's been bypassed, you should go to the police and report a theft.
The care home costs can be contributed to, or it might be fully funded by the patient/resident.
http://www.ageuk.org.uk/home-and-care/care-homes/paying-for-permanent-residential-care/
Social Services will means-test the patient/resident, and if they're in the position to pay all the fees, then that's that, by law. There's some clause about the person needing full-time care, and if that's proved then Soc Servs will pay towards the care home. I can't remember everything about it, but in a nutshell, in some circumstances Soc Servs can sell a person's house to fund the long-term care (unless the spouse is still living in it, that sort of thing).
So, it's likely the £40k was against the old lady's wishes, but Soc Servs have the power to take it for her care.
My MIL is assessed as being capable of making the decision that she wants to stay in her own home with support from carers, family and friends. The family part is my husband who is on call 24/7 which affects my life very badly and the 'friends' is one neighbour in her late 70s who takes over our role on the rare occasions we need a day off from the constant calls.
The carers go in 4 times a day but MIL wants someone there all the time and rings us up to 20 times a day because she's lonely. What she wants is for us to move in with her but there's no room for us there and if we did, she'd kick up a fuss if we ever wanted to go out of the house together. We never get an unbroken night's sleep because she'll ring at 3 am and ask why it's so dark in the middle of the afternoon or she's awake and watching TV and rings to ask us if there's anything on worth watching. I work full-time and the broken nights are exhausting me - the social worker's response was that I should perhaps sleep in another room. >:(
Because he doesn't 'officially' care for her on a full-time basis, we get no carers allowance and therefore there's no respite care for her. The only way we can afford to carry on living here so he's easily available to go across to hers almost every day of the week (taking at least 4 hours for the travelling and costing us £4 a day) is because I'm still working nearly 3 years after I should have retired. So she seems to have the right to stay at home - in one room, refusing to even be wheeled into the bathroom, and demanding company either in person or on the phone 24/7 - and we don't have any rights at all - not even to retire and move to the coast like we always planned and saved for. I didn't do without stuff so I could save just to use the money to keep her at home when she can't cope.
If you're going to keep talking about getting your friend out of the care home, OP, be prepared to do some hard work and have your life disrupted. Or will that not be your responsibility because you can leave her family to do it?
At best a number of half truths here but also much which is simply untrue.
I repeat- the issues here are quite straightforward but the OP needs seriously good expert legal advice as I said before.
In the interests of clarity and correct information for any advice seekers, put me straight then.
Bear in mind I went through the whole thing not that many years ago myself.