Feeling lonely
vintage_girl
Posts: 3,573 Forum Member
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Not sure what advice I'm after, I just want to vent.
I moved away quite far for work, it's a great opportunity career-wise, but the trouble is I don't know anyone.
I've been here 6 months and still don't have any friends.
I work for a small company where everyone is much older and has a family, so going out with them isn't an option.
The town I live and work in has hardly any young people in it, most of them move away to bigger cities so even when I join a club there aren't any people my age there. Everything here is geared for either young kids or middle aged people.
I live with my bf, which helps, but we have different work schedules so it can be hard to spend time together. I end up spending lots of time by myself, which is fine for a bit but after a while I get really restless.
I'm a real people person and its a big shock to go from having a large group of friends and partying all the time at uni to this.
For example now I'm facing a whole weekend by myself and I'm dreading it.
I get so jealous when I see pictures of my old friends on Facebook, living it up in London and other cities, while I'm stuck in a small town with no social life.
I wanted to rack up a few years of work experience, as this is my first 'proper' job, but I don't know how much longer I can stand the loneliness.
I'm starting to have doubts about my relationship too, but if I end it I'll have literally no one here.
Sorry for the rant
I moved away quite far for work, it's a great opportunity career-wise, but the trouble is I don't know anyone.
I've been here 6 months and still don't have any friends.
I work for a small company where everyone is much older and has a family, so going out with them isn't an option.
The town I live and work in has hardly any young people in it, most of them move away to bigger cities so even when I join a club there aren't any people my age there. Everything here is geared for either young kids or middle aged people.
I live with my bf, which helps, but we have different work schedules so it can be hard to spend time together. I end up spending lots of time by myself, which is fine for a bit but after a while I get really restless.
I'm a real people person and its a big shock to go from having a large group of friends and partying all the time at uni to this.
For example now I'm facing a whole weekend by myself and I'm dreading it.
I get so jealous when I see pictures of my old friends on Facebook, living it up in London and other cities, while I'm stuck in a small town with no social life.
I wanted to rack up a few years of work experience, as this is my first 'proper' job, but I don't know how much longer I can stand the loneliness.
I'm starting to have doubts about my relationship too, but if I end it I'll have literally no one here.
Sorry for the rant
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Comments
I lived in Hull with my ex for 4 years but worked in Leeds & York, I made friends no probs but the issue was it was so hard to socialise with them living so far away. My ex used to make me feel bad about the fact that I had no friends and I went to local classes but had nothing in common with the locals (a lot of them were chavs anyway).
In the end he proved so unsupportive that we split (other stuff happened too but this was a contributory factor). What kind of doubts are you having, if you're already talking about ending it they must be important and significant, don't ignore them.
Does your man know how you're feeling? And have you got friends where you come from?
I used to live in Hull too! Small world.
Yeah my bf knows how I feel about living here. He's very supportive, takes me out when he can and keeps telling me things will get better, and that we won't be here forever.
I can't really move at the moment though, as everything is linked. I moved here to be with him, as he's tied up here for the next few years.
At the time I was sure it was the right choice and we were making long term plans, including getting married eventually.
I was really lucky to get the job I have, I'm in a competitive field and with so much graduate unemployment and me having little experience I couldn't be fussy about the location.
If I move now I risk not getting something like this again, and it would also mean breaking up with my bf (we've done the long distance thing but don't want to do it again).
I'm not sure that I want to break up with him, it seems very drastic and a bit of a waste. I'm just having niggling doubts about whether he's the right person for me long term.
I do have friends from back home and I see them every few months, but it's not the same.
I just feel kind of stuck, at least for the moment.
Yeah I'm planning to stay on for at least a year. I like the job, so it would be a shame to lose it.
I did have a few friends come up to visit, which was nice. I'm into sport, so I'm signed up for one club. It's good and takes my mind off things, but as I say everyone there is much older.
There isn't really a lack of things for me to do - just a lack of company.
As for the doubts about my relationship, I'll have to think about it a bit more. I just wanted to have a moan really
Aw thanks! I'm sure they will, just need to figure things out.
Whereabouts are you?
You have mentioned in your OP about "partying at uni" and having had a large group of friends. Well, the partying could continue! Have you tried investigating whether there's an Inter Varsity Club nearby?
You may need to go to a larger nearby town to find a club but I know from having a friend who used to be a very active member of the Manchester IVC that many of their events are organised locally and in member's homes. He only used to go into Manchester occasionally for IVC events.
I certainly think it would be worth your while to make a few enquiries. It could prove to be just what you need.
I would also add that I don't think there's anything wrong with socialising with older people. You might be surprised how much fun older people can be. :cool:
Think carefully about the sort of things you enjoy doing and go to the library or do some research on the net about things that are happening locally.
Is there any possibility of meeting other couples through your partner's work if that's not an option in your own job?
The idea of volunteering is a good one too - there are loads of charities looking for help with fund raising or running events.
Haha no I really like Scotland, it's just the lack of people my age that makes me feel a bit isolated. I'm in the Borders but don't want to say exactly which town on here.
That's actually a good idea, I've just Googled it and there is one. Thanks for that, I'll look into it!