I lost touch with a friend about 12 years ago, because she stopped writing. Recently she got back in touch and seemed to want to pick up where we left off. At first I was pleased about it, but then I started to think that so much had happened since then, and all we really had in common was the past. To be honest, I get sick of reminiscing about old times after a while, so I'm happy to let the friendship die again.
You've got to realise that some friendships exist purely due to the situation you are in at the time, I.e it might be the person you walk(ed) to school with, sat on the school bus with, worked the same shift at work with, sat next to in lectures at uni with etc and once that routine is broken (such as leaving school/college/uni or changing jobs) it's hard to keep that 'magic' that keeps a friendship going.
For example even though I keep in touch with several people in my old job, I've now been gone over a year and already am out of the loop with who works there, who does what job and what the gossip is and that has an effect on what conversations you can have.
Ditto. I was in one job for 3 1/2 years. I've been out of that job 1 1/2 years now and although I do see old work colleagues from that job from time to time, I find I hear less gossip from that job now than I did when I initially left that job.
I lost touch with a friend about 12 years ago, because she stopped writing. Recently she got back in touch and seemed to want to pick up where we left off. At first I was pleased about it, but then I started to think that so much had happened since then, and all we really had in common was the past. To be honest, I get sick of reminiscing about old times after a while, so I'm happy to let the friendship die again.
Nail on head.
That's all old friends ever seem to want to do - talk about what happened decades ago, which, after a few minutes, becomes boring. It seems difficult to establish a new rapport with them, based on current reality.
I'm honestly no longer interested in what we got up to at age 14 in 1987. It's irrelevant ancient history. If we're going to be friends again, let's do so immersed in the present, not the past.
But in truth we've both moved on long since, and become vastly different individuals to the immature, spotty faced little twits we were back then.
It is sad, yes. I used to take things personally and found that sorta thing upsetting but now I just try to ignore it, I don't want to feel down.
I think with the friendships I make, I'm always the one who puts more effort into it and keeps the conversations going etc. It makes me sad to have to be the one who initiates everything, it's draining. Recently I've let people go, and stopped speaking to them - why should I put all the effort in if they're not going to bother to do so.
It is sad, yes. I used to take things personally and found that sorta thing upsetting but now I just try to ignore it, I don't want to feel down.
I think with the friendships I make, I'm always the one who puts more effort into it and keeps the conversations going etc. It makes me sad to have to be the one who initiates everything, it's draining. Recently I've let people go, and stopped speaking to them - why should I put all the effort in if they're not going to bother to do so.
But you don't have to be the one who initiates everything. You can think 'sod it' and not bother.
I don't understand why people persist with something if they feel this way. What's in it for you?
But you don't have to be the one who initiates everything. You can think 'sod it' and not bother.
I don't understand why people persist with something if they feel this way. What's in it for you?
Well I have thought 'sod it' now, in the past every once in a while a friend would maybe pop up and say something but there's not much of a balance. I can't be bothered with that now, been making new friends recently but I think it's gonna be like a carousel -people constantly changing. Tis hard to get to used to but that's just the way it is.
Well I have thought 'sod it' now, in the past every once in a while a friend would maybe pop up and say something but there's not much of a balance. I can't be bothered with that now, been making new friends recently but I think it's gonna be like a carousel -people constantly changing. Tis hard to get to used to but that's just the way it is.
That constant change is much better for me. You meet someone, they tell you their (usually dull life story) you spend some time in their company if you absolutely have to then move on. Repeat.
Once in a while if you are very lucky you meet an interesting person (I call them colourful people as most of us are grey and boring) and that's fun but nothing lasts for ever. I like that though.
Once in a while if you are very lucky you meet an interesting person (I call them colourful people as most of us are grey and boring) and that's fun but nothing lasts for ever. I like that though.
No what you mean like the guy next to you on the plane ,bus,train whatever - you meet ,you chat,, you may even have a pretty interesting time
...then you get off .
An interesting encounter was had - bring on the next one .
Do blokes over 40 have proper friends? I used to have quite a few "close" mates but life has moved on and now I don't bother with anyone outside my family (well hardly anyway).
I'm 61 and have a long term close friend who is also female....we've been friends for 33 years!
I don't really have any close male friends....except for guys I know from my car repair business...other guys who are also garage owners...we usually help each other out when we need it.
I have some people who I've tried to keep in touch with, but each request to chat and keep in touch with properly has been ignored, so nothing else to do but let go.
Over the years I have lost touch with lots of people. It used to bother me but now I realise people come and go from your life all the time. My OH and family are constant and that is what matters.
I have reconnected with a couple of old school friends on social media but although they have said we should meet up, I have not taken it any further. We are all in our late 50's and I knew these girls when I was 13/14. We have all changed a great deal since those halcyon days and we have chatted so much about old times online I doubt there would be anything left to say should we actually meet. I don't believe I have anything in common with them except we attended the same school over 45 years ago!:o
I have also changed jobs a great deal during my career and lost touch with many colleagues. However, I still see the girls I worked with about 10 years ago. We all worked together under great stress on a busy medical ward in a local hospital. We all bonded well and supported each other. One individual retired last week and she was the last one working on the ward from our time. We meet up about 5-6 times a year and on big birthdays.
I also retired from my full time job just over a year ago. I still keep in touch with the girls from my team. We usually meet up the first Tuesday in every month. Not everyone gets to every meet up, but we all usually see each other regularly.
Sometimes it is good to move on....but we still have our memories! :D:o:);-)
I had some friends from school/college who I was friends with for about 10 or more years until last year they decided to fallout with me out of the blue last year by sending abusive messages which I was shocked at the time as I didn't know what I did to deserve it but I now release that a true friend would never send abusive messages to you through a social networking site.
Not having my birth family ( all dead and gone) and friends moving on , I have made my friends from my 3 kids and their partners and my husband's family .
Friends , neighbours and acquaintances aren't as important to me because I've forged deep lifelong friendships with nephews, nieces, cousins, sisters in law etc... I've in invested my time in them with more satisfying results
What an interesting read. I do sometimes wonder if we remained friends with school mates, work makes, uni mates, club mates, fb mates, etc etc when would we have time to go to work, to shop to do anything other than socialize. I think it is probably a natural and necessary thing to loose contact and move forward?. I think as you get older you become more choosy about who you give your limited spare time to - and develop less friendships but also invest more in the few special ones you keep and cherish.:)
It's sad to lose touch with someone you love but I guess it's their choice. They would have kept in contact if it was important to them, still hurts like hell though
To be honest I've slightly been thinking the opposite recently. I'm still in regular contact with 6/7 of my closest friends from school, but I only really still connect with 3 of them. When we're together as friends, I feel like the group don't really respect or show much interest in me. I show interest in them, even if they don't follow the same interests as me. I have a far more easy relationship with my newer friends, and they seem a lot more keen on me.
To be honest, I hate 'reunions'. I don't need a reunion with my real friends. Why would I give up my limited time to meet up with people I can't summon the interest to see regularly? With the internet, it's hardly a challenge to stay in touch.
It's sad to lose touch with someone you love but I guess it's their choice. They would have kept in contact if it was important to them, still hurts like hell though
Yes, it is sad when people lose interest in staying in touch. Although their indifference can be upsetting, we can sometimes feel closer to people who were close when in touch than to people we know now.
Life is like a train people get on and people get off as you go on your journey through life some family and friends stick with you for most of if not all of your journey.
Remember people change, they move away, they get new jobs, change friends in their social circle etc that is life. All you can do it try your best to be a good friend and hope you stay friends.
Comments
Ditto. I was in one job for 3 1/2 years. I've been out of that job 1 1/2 years now and although I do see old work colleagues from that job from time to time, I find I hear less gossip from that job now than I did when I initially left that job.
Nail on head.
That's all old friends ever seem to want to do - talk about what happened decades ago, which, after a few minutes, becomes boring. It seems difficult to establish a new rapport with them, based on current reality.
I'm honestly no longer interested in what we got up to at age 14 in 1987. It's irrelevant ancient history. If we're going to be friends again, let's do so immersed in the present, not the past.
But in truth we've both moved on long since, and become vastly different individuals to the immature, spotty faced little twits we were back then.
Of course they do.
I think with the friendships I make, I'm always the one who puts more effort into it and keeps the conversations going etc. It makes me sad to have to be the one who initiates everything, it's draining. Recently I've let people go, and stopped speaking to them - why should I put all the effort in if they're not going to bother to do so.
I feel like that too. I also feel sad that what I thought was very important at the time want really.
But you don't have to be the one who initiates everything. You can think 'sod it' and not bother.
I don't understand why people persist with something if they feel this way. What's in it for you?
Well I have thought 'sod it' now, in the past every once in a while a friend would maybe pop up and say something but there's not much of a balance. I can't be bothered with that now, been making new friends recently but I think it's gonna be like a carousel -people constantly changing. Tis hard to get to used to but that's just the way it is.
That constant change is much better for me. You meet someone, they tell you their (usually dull life story) you spend some time in their company if you absolutely have to then move on. Repeat.
Once in a while if you are very lucky you meet an interesting person (I call them colourful people as most of us are grey and boring) and that's fun but nothing lasts for ever. I like that though.
No what you mean like the guy next to you on the plane ,bus,train whatever - you meet ,you chat,, you may even have a pretty interesting time
...then you get off .
An interesting encounter was had - bring on the next one .
I'm 61 and have a long term close friend who is also female....we've been friends for 33 years!
I don't really have any close male friends....except for guys I know from my car repair business...other guys who are also garage owners...we usually help each other out when we need it.
I have some people who I've tried to keep in touch with, but each request to chat and keep in touch with properly has been ignored, so nothing else to do but let go.
I have reconnected with a couple of old school friends on social media but although they have said we should meet up, I have not taken it any further. We are all in our late 50's and I knew these girls when I was 13/14. We have all changed a great deal since those halcyon days and we have chatted so much about old times online I doubt there would be anything left to say should we actually meet. I don't believe I have anything in common with them except we attended the same school over 45 years ago!:o
I have also changed jobs a great deal during my career and lost touch with many colleagues. However, I still see the girls I worked with about 10 years ago. We all worked together under great stress on a busy medical ward in a local hospital. We all bonded well and supported each other. One individual retired last week and she was the last one working on the ward from our time. We meet up about 5-6 times a year and on big birthdays.
I also retired from my full time job just over a year ago. I still keep in touch with the girls from my team. We usually meet up the first Tuesday in every month. Not everyone gets to every meet up, but we all usually see each other regularly.
Sometimes it is good to move on....but we still have our memories!
Friends , neighbours and acquaintances aren't as important to me because I've forged deep lifelong friendships with nephews, nieces, cousins, sisters in law etc... I've in invested my time in them with more satisfying results
To be honest, I hate 'reunions'. I don't need a reunion with my real friends. Why would I give up my limited time to meet up with people I can't summon the interest to see regularly? With the internet, it's hardly a challenge to stay in touch.
Yes, it is sad when people lose interest in staying in touch. Although their indifference can be upsetting, we can sometimes feel closer to people who were close when in touch than to people we know now.
Remember people change, they move away, they get new jobs, change friends in their social circle etc that is life. All you can do it try your best to be a good friend and hope you stay friends.