“Women are all a little deranged, but why Nigella would wish to be with me is beyond human understanding.”
Perhaps they have a very fiery, complicated relationship but in PR terms if this was just a 'silly tiff' then for Nigella and the kids to leave the marital home seems to invite more speculation. Surely it would be better to have a united front and say the papers are making something out of nothing than to issue separate statements from his n' hers spokesmen?
“Women are all a little deranged, but why Nigella would wish to be with me is beyond human understanding.”
Perhaps they have a very fiery, complicated relationship but in PR terms if this was just a 'silly tiff' then for Nigella and the kids to leave the marital home seems to invite more speculation. Surely it would be better to have a united front and say the papers are making something out of nothing than to issue separate statements from his n' hers spokesmen?
Agree, Sensei. Bad move. A dire attempt at damage control imo. Apart from the arrogance and the implied 'morons making something out of nothing' dripping off it, all it does is raise more red flags.
Tell you something: if anyone held my neck like that while attempting to emphasize a point
I WOULD KNOCK THEM THE F@?K OUT. Simple (self-defence yur honour)
abuser always have an excuse the sad thing is that they believe their own tripe. As said by someone earlier, it's not about money it's about her having the self belief to leave. I hope she comes around to that way of thinking soon.
can someonel tell me how i can block the troll?
You can put them on ignore..
Tap their name .. A list comes up..
Tap view their profile and at the top on the profile are two options ..one is ..put on ignore list.. Tap that
Don't see anything remotely funny about your post.
And I don't see anything interesting about Nigella and her husband to be honest. She married the guy who is 20 + older than her, obviously this wasn't the first time the guy was violent, and yet she decided to stay with him and put up with his abusive ways. If she wanted to, she could have left him and live happily with someone else, someone who would love her and cherish her. She chose to stay with the guy who beats and abuses her. Her choice, I'm not going to sit and cry about it. Maybe Nigella and Rihanna should exchange telephone numbers, as it seems they both like to be abused.
These photos, this thread, plus a book I've recently read have meant I've revisited memories of my ex husband and his mental and emotional cruelty. He was [looking back] depressed about a health issue which is why he was simmering with anger deep down. The constant snipes, the criticisms, the control was all peppered with words of love and affection - and of course I had sympathy for his health problem - kept the situation going for a very long time as my confidence was eroded.
I had no family to help, he kept us short of money, so nowhere to go. I tried to get help, he denied we had a problem. The end came when a neighbour told me how he treated our 2 sons when I was at work. I snapped. No way was he going to affect the wellbeing of my children, no way. I told him to go, thank god he went [he had lost interest in the home, me and the family by then anyway].
What I went through isn't a patch on what other women have suffered, and I was never worried about physical abuse nor was I terrified of him but the effects on myself, my life and future relationships have been appalling. My sons have good, successful lives now though.
I have great empathy for women who have suffered any form of abuse, they deserve understanding and support not knocking. Walk a mile in their shoes before doing that.
And I don't see anything interesting about Nigella and her husband to be honest. She married the guy who is 20 + older than her, obviously this wasn't the first time the guy was violent, and yet she decided to stay with him and put up with his abusive ways. If she wanted to, she could have left him and live happily with someone else, someone who would love her and cherish her. She chose to stay with the guy who beats and abuses her. Her choice, I'm not going to sit and cry about it. Maybe Nigella and Rihanna should exchange telephone numbers, as it seems they both like to be abused.
What happened to Rihanna after her then husband abused her? They got back together, after all the fuss in the media, court orders and everything. She knew that he was an abusive type and she has decided to get back together with him.
As for Nigella, she is an independent 53 years old women experienced enough to see the abusive nature of her husband. She is also old enough to know better. If she decided to keep living with the abuser, then no other explanations other than she likes it. Same goes for Rihanna.
And I don't see anything interesting about Nigella and her husband to be honest. She married the guy who is 20 + older than her, obviously this wasn't the first time the guy was violent, and yet she decided to stay with him and put up with his abusive ways. If she wanted to, she could have left him and live happily with someone else, someone who would love her and cherish her. She chose to stay with the guy who beats and abuses her. Her choice, I'm not going to sit and cry about it. Maybe Nigella and Rihanna should exchange telephone numbers, as it seems they both like to be abused.
If you're not interested why comment in the first place?
What is the connection to him being 20 years older & allegedly abusive ?
Do you have evidence that he has been violent in the past?
I find your attitude regarding her choosing to stay with an abusive partner deeply offensive & very unsympathetic to both men & women in similar situations.
As for saying her & Rihanna like to be abused, words fail me.
As I have previously said I'm fortunate enough never to have been in an abusive relationship so therefore I can't really comment on how it feels to be in such a horrific position but equally I know I would feel nothing but compassion for anyone who must live in fear, day in day out.
so a playful tiff involves putting your hand around a woman's throat? that is acceptable behaviour? he will get away with it, he has friends in high places!
I understand that this is a very emotive subject but it is curious why anyone who is not just financially independent but positively well off would choose to stay in an abusive relationship, especially as they don't even have children together.
There must be a time when a solvent person is emotionally strong enough to see the future and reject what's on offer.
This in no way is aimed at anyone who feels trapped by lack of money as that is a different story altogether. This is not meant to be controversial it's just that lack of money or downright poverty is usually the main reason for feeling 'trapped'. I know some people have got uppity about the money aspect but wouldn't most people get out of an abusive relationship if they were suddenly hugely wealthy. Doesn't money give you choices that poverty doesn't, in whatever capacity that might be.
I am a long time fan of Nigella and wish her well.
What happened to Rihanna after her then husband abused her? They got back together, after all the fuss in the media, court orders and everything. She knew that he was an abusive type and she has decided to get back together with him.
As for Nigella, she is an independent 53 years old women experienced enough to see the abusive nature of her husband. She is also old enough to know better. If she decided to keep living with the abuser, then no other explanations other than she likes it. Same goes for Rihanna.
Rihanna has never married, it was her boyfriend. They have never officially got back together, although she does tease that is the case by uploading on Instagram photos of her with him.
Have you ever considered that suffering abuse can give the victim low self esteem, that they can't just suddenly snap out of it and see the truth that they are in an abusive relationship? After a while it can be seen as normal behaviour, have you heard of 'Stockholm syndrome'?
I understand that this is a very emotive subject but it is curious why anyone who is not just financially independent but positively well off would choose to stay in an abusive relationship, especially as they don't even have children together.
There must be a time when a solvent person is emotionally strong enough to see the future and reject what's on offer.
This in no way is aimed at anyone who feels trapped by lack of money as that is a different story altogether. This is not meant to be controversial it's just that lack of money or downright poverty is usually the main reason for feeling 'trapped'. I know some people have got uppity about the money aspect but wouldn't most people get out of an abusive relationship if they were suddenly hugely wealthy. Doesn't money give you choices that poverty doesn't, in whatever capacity that might be.
I am a long time fan of Nigella and wish her well.
Victims of domestic violence don't always stay just through lack of choice. Often they stay because they are so afraid of their abuser they are scared to leave.
How often do we read about women who left abusive partners amd they were found and attacked again, even killed? Women with children are in an even more vulnerable position because the abuser can threaten to hurt the children, or even work on turning them against their mother.
They end up so mentally worn down they don't see a way out, and like Nigella in those pictures, focus on finding a way to manage the abuse and placate the abuser.
I'm sure CS didn't see a problem with those pictures, why would he, he's not the one being held by the throat/nose. I'm pretty sure he doesn't have enough empathy to imagine himself in her shoes. I'm also certain Nigella wouldn't dare try 'emphasising' a point by grabbing his throat. I hope she files for divorce, because he clearly has no intention of trying to change.
If you're not interested why comment in the first place?
What is the connection to him being 20 years older & allegedly abusive ? Do you have evidence that he has been violent in the past?
I find your attitude regarding her choosing to stay with an abusive partner deeply offensive & very unsympathetic to both men & women in similar situations.
As for saying her & Rihanna like to be abused, words fail me.
As I have previously said I'm fortunate enough never to have been in an abusive relationship so therefore I can't really comment on how it feels to be in such a horrific position but equally I know I would feel nothing but compassion for anyone who must live in fear, day in day out.
Yes, he has been violent in the past. Husbands don't go around chocking their own wives if they weren't violent and mentally disturbed even. That is not normal behaviour.
I didn't mean to offend anyone, especially women who were or still are in an abusive relationship - If i did, I'm sorry. If you were in an abusive relationship, would you leave your husband and try to find your happiness with someone else, or would you stay with an abusive man and let him hit you, chock you and emotionally abuse you?
What happened to Rihanna after her then husband abused her? They got back together, after all the fuss in the media, court orders and everything. She knew that he was an abusive type and she has decided to get back together with him.
As for Nigella, she is an independent 53 years old women experienced enough to see the abusive nature of her husband. She is also old enough to know better. If she decided to keep living with the abuser, then no other explanations other than she likes it. Same goes for Rihanna.
Age isn't a factor in being able to 'see' the abusive nature of someone. Nor is money, social background, or education. Nigella was subject to psychological and sometimes physical abuse when she was a child, from her mother. She has spoken about that in the past. Our attitudes to a great many things, but especially relationships, are formed from a young age. As you grow older, it is exceptionally difficult to break those attitudes instilled in you as a child. It usually requires therapy, at the very least, but also the will to do so. The reason it's such a vicious circle is that childhood victims of domestic abuse usually lack the will to change it, because psychologically they believe that on some level they deserve it.
That isn't to say that only past victims of DA are the only ones to experience it. But there are many, many studies to show that there is a strong prevalence between people who suffered it as a child, and people who suffer it as an adult. It's why victims of sexual abuse, as children, will often find it hard to form meaningful sexual relationships as an adult. We wouldn't question that, would we? So why are people questioning Nigella for being in an abusive relationship? You never truly know somebody, in terms of what they've experienced, until you've lived in their shoes. It's not just a case of saying 'If she doesn't like it she should walk away.' Rationally, she should know this, but psychologically there is a WHOLE lot more at work than one simple solution.
I understand that this is a very emotive subject but it is curious why anyone who is not just financially independent but positively well off would choose to stay in an abusive relationship, especially as they don't even have children together.
There must be a time when a solvent person is emotionally strong enough to see the future and reject what's on offer.
This in no way is aimed at anyone who feels trapped by lack of money as that is a different story altogether. This is not meant to be controversial it's just that lack of money or downright poverty is usually the main reason for feeling 'trapped'. I know some people have got uppity about the money aspect but wouldn't most people get out of an abusive relationship if they were suddenly hugely wealthy. Doesn't money give you choices that poverty doesn't, in whatever capacity that might be.
I am a long time fan of Nigella and wish her well.
I do see your point that it would make it easier for Nigella to leave considering she's in a far better position financially than a lot of people in this type of situation but we don't know the damage he's done on her mentally, maybe she just doesn't have the emotional strength to walk away?
Age isn't a factor in being able to 'see' the abusive nature of someone. Nor is money, social background, or education. Nigella was subject to psychological and sometimes physical abuse when she was a child, from her mother. She has spoken about that in the past. Our attitudes to a great many things, but especially relationships, are formed from a young age. As you grow older, it is exceptionally difficult to break those attitudes instilled in you as a child. It usually requires therapy, at the very least, but also the will to do so. The reason it's such a vicious circle is that childhood victims of domestic abuse usually lack the will to change it, because psychologically they believe that on some level they deserve it.
That isn't to say that only past victims of DA are the only ones to experience it. But there are many, many studies to show that there is a strong prevalence between people who suffered it as a child, and people who suffer it as an adult. It's why victims of sexual abuse, as children, will often find it hard to form meaningful sexual relationships as an adult. We wouldn't question that, would we? So why are people questioning Nigella for being in an abusive relationship? You never truly know somebody, in terms of what they've experienced, until you've lived in their shoes. It's not just a case of saying 'If she doesn't like it she should walk away.' Rationally, she should know this, but psychologically there is a WHOLE lot more at work than one simple solution.
An excellent post,_elly001 ..I hope everyone takes the time to read it.
Yes, he has been violent in the past. Husbands don't go around chocking their own wives if they weren't violent and mentally disturbed even. That is not normal behaviour.
I didn't mean to offend anyone, especially women who were or still are in an abusive relationship - If i did, I'm sorry. If you were in an abusive relationship, would you leave your husband and try to find your happiness with someone else, or would you stay with an abusive man and let him hit you, chock you and emotionally abuse you?
Is this just what you think to be true or do you have actual proof to back it up?
Of course at the moment when I'm not in that position, I would say yes I would leave an abusive relationship but that is so very easy to say when everything is clear in your head & you don't have a partner who is emotionally wearing you down, playing mind games & turning you into a shadow of the person you once were. It's not a black & white situation.
I understand that this is a very emotive subject but it is curious why anyone who is not just financially independent but positively well off would choose to stay in an abusive relationship, especially as they don't even have children together.
There must be a time when a solvent person is emotionally strong enough to see the future and reject what's on offer.
This in no way is aimed at anyone who feels trapped by lack of money as that is a different story altogether. This is not meant to be controversial it's just that lack of money or downright poverty is usually the main reason for feeling 'trapped'. I know some people have got uppity about the money aspect but wouldn't most people get out of an abusive relationship if they were suddenly hugely wealthy. Doesn't money give you choices that poverty doesn't, in whatever capacity that might be.
I am a long time fan of Nigella and wish her well.
I fully understand what you are saying I think. But I guess there is nothing more complex and unfathomable as human relationships and motivation. For abusive relationships to become entrenched I would say the abuser comes to understand (and probably spots very early on) the weak points in their partner/wife/husband and through their manipulation and control shuts off all other sources of support so that the abused person becomes emotionally reliant on them alone. I guess someone can be wealthy - and indeed be from a privileged background to start with - but if what they really want is someone else to validate their existence because they have low self worth then they are vulnerable to abuse. It is hard to see the facts about your life and how you could escape a toxic relationship when the poison and manipulation has been successfully dished out to you for a long time.
Nigella needs to issue some sort of statement to clarify the situation.
Sadly, I suspect that Saatchi's version of events is one they're both agreed to go with in the hope that it will all die down and/or some big news story will break and take the heat off them. I may be wrong but I don't think she's going to say or do anything publicly.
Comments
“Women are all a little deranged, but why Nigella would wish to be with me is beyond human understanding.”
Perhaps they have a very fiery, complicated relationship but in PR terms if this was just a 'silly tiff' then for Nigella and the kids to leave the marital home seems to invite more speculation. Surely it would be better to have a united front and say the papers are making something out of nothing than to issue separate statements from his n' hers spokesmen?
Agree, Sensei. Bad move. A dire attempt at damage control imo. Apart from the arrogance and the implied 'morons making something out of nothing' dripping off it, all it does is raise more red flags.
You can put them on ignore..
Tap their name .. A list comes up..
Tap view their profile and at the top on the profile are two options ..one is ..put on ignore list.. Tap that
Wtf. John Diamond who tragically died of cancer her previous husband was only 7 years her senior. She's 53 not 28.
And I don't see anything interesting about Nigella and her husband to be honest. She married the guy who is 20 + older than her, obviously this wasn't the first time the guy was violent, and yet she decided to stay with him and put up with his abusive ways. If she wanted to, she could have left him and live happily with someone else, someone who would love her and cherish her. She chose to stay with the guy who beats and abuses her. Her choice, I'm not going to sit and cry about it. Maybe Nigella and Rihanna should exchange telephone numbers, as it seems they both like to be abused.
I had no family to help, he kept us short of money, so nowhere to go. I tried to get help, he denied we had a problem. The end came when a neighbour told me how he treated our 2 sons when I was at work. I snapped. No way was he going to affect the wellbeing of my children, no way. I told him to go, thank god he went [he had lost interest in the home, me and the family by then anyway].
What I went through isn't a patch on what other women have suffered, and I was never worried about physical abuse nor was I terrified of him but the effects on myself, my life and future relationships have been appalling. My sons have good, successful lives now though.
I have great empathy for women who have suffered any form of abuse, they deserve understanding and support not knocking. Walk a mile in their shoes before doing that.
Just wow.
What happened to Rihanna after her then husband abused her? They got back together, after all the fuss in the media, court orders and everything. She knew that he was an abusive type and she has decided to get back together with him.
As for Nigella, she is an independent 53 years old women experienced enough to see the abusive nature of her husband. She is also old enough to know better. If she decided to keep living with the abuser, then no other explanations other than she likes it. Same goes for Rihanna.
If you're not interested why comment in the first place?
What is the connection to him being 20 years older & allegedly abusive ?
Do you have evidence that he has been violent in the past?
I find your attitude regarding her choosing to stay with an abusive partner deeply offensive & very unsympathetic to both men & women in similar situations.
As for saying her & Rihanna like to be abused, words fail me.
As I have previously said I'm fortunate enough never to have been in an abusive relationship so therefore I can't really comment on how it feels to be in such a horrific position but equally I know I would feel nothing but compassion for anyone who must live in fear, day in day out.
There must be a time when a solvent person is emotionally strong enough to see the future and reject what's on offer.
This in no way is aimed at anyone who feels trapped by lack of money as that is a different story altogether. This is not meant to be controversial it's just that lack of money or downright poverty is usually the main reason for feeling 'trapped'. I know some people have got uppity about the money aspect but wouldn't most people get out of an abusive relationship if they were suddenly hugely wealthy. Doesn't money give you choices that poverty doesn't, in whatever capacity that might be.
I am a long time fan of Nigella and wish her well.
Rihanna has never married, it was her boyfriend. They have never officially got back together, although she does tease that is the case by uploading on Instagram photos of her with him.
Have you ever considered that suffering abuse can give the victim low self esteem, that they can't just suddenly snap out of it and see the truth that they are in an abusive relationship? After a while it can be seen as normal behaviour, have you heard of 'Stockholm syndrome'?
Victims of domestic violence don't always stay just through lack of choice. Often they stay because they are so afraid of their abuser they are scared to leave.
How often do we read about women who left abusive partners amd they were found and attacked again, even killed? Women with children are in an even more vulnerable position because the abuser can threaten to hurt the children, or even work on turning them against their mother.
They end up so mentally worn down they don't see a way out, and like Nigella in those pictures, focus on finding a way to manage the abuse and placate the abuser.
I'm sure CS didn't see a problem with those pictures, why would he, he's not the one being held by the throat/nose. I'm pretty sure he doesn't have enough empathy to imagine himself in her shoes. I'm also certain Nigella wouldn't dare try 'emphasising' a point by grabbing his throat. I hope she files for divorce, because he clearly has no intention of trying to change.
Yes, he has been violent in the past. Husbands don't go around chocking their own wives if they weren't violent and mentally disturbed even. That is not normal behaviour.
I didn't mean to offend anyone, especially women who were or still are in an abusive relationship - If i did, I'm sorry. If you were in an abusive relationship, would you leave your husband and try to find your happiness with someone else, or would you stay with an abusive man and let him hit you, chock you and emotionally abuse you?
12 milllion for a house pretty much opposite an Oxfam and starbucks.
http://goo.gl/maps/nRzBY
Age isn't a factor in being able to 'see' the abusive nature of someone. Nor is money, social background, or education. Nigella was subject to psychological and sometimes physical abuse when she was a child, from her mother. She has spoken about that in the past. Our attitudes to a great many things, but especially relationships, are formed from a young age. As you grow older, it is exceptionally difficult to break those attitudes instilled in you as a child. It usually requires therapy, at the very least, but also the will to do so. The reason it's such a vicious circle is that childhood victims of domestic abuse usually lack the will to change it, because psychologically they believe that on some level they deserve it.
That isn't to say that only past victims of DA are the only ones to experience it. But there are many, many studies to show that there is a strong prevalence between people who suffered it as a child, and people who suffer it as an adult. It's why victims of sexual abuse, as children, will often find it hard to form meaningful sexual relationships as an adult. We wouldn't question that, would we? So why are people questioning Nigella for being in an abusive relationship? You never truly know somebody, in terms of what they've experienced, until you've lived in their shoes. It's not just a case of saying 'If she doesn't like it she should walk away.' Rationally, she should know this, but psychologically there is a WHOLE lot more at work than one simple solution.
I do see your point that it would make it easier for Nigella to leave considering she's in a far better position financially than a lot of people in this type of situation but we don't know the damage he's done on her mentally, maybe she just doesn't have the emotional strength to walk away?
Is this just what you think to be true or do you have actual proof to back it up?
Of course at the moment when I'm not in that position, I would say yes I would leave an abusive relationship but that is so very easy to say when everything is clear in your head & you don't have a partner who is emotionally wearing you down, playing mind games & turning you into a shadow of the person you once were. It's not a black & white situation.
I hope I'm wrong but sadly I think if she does, it will be one that backs up his version of events.
I fully understand what you are saying I think. But I guess there is nothing more complex and unfathomable as human relationships and motivation. For abusive relationships to become entrenched I would say the abuser comes to understand (and probably spots very early on) the weak points in their partner/wife/husband and through their manipulation and control shuts off all other sources of support so that the abused person becomes emotionally reliant on them alone. I guess someone can be wealthy - and indeed be from a privileged background to start with - but if what they really want is someone else to validate their existence because they have low self worth then they are vulnerable to abuse. It is hard to see the facts about your life and how you could escape a toxic relationship when the poison and manipulation has been successfully dished out to you for a long time.
Sadly, I suspect that Saatchi's version of events is one they're both agreed to go with in the hope that it will all die down and/or some big news story will break and take the heat off them. I may be wrong but I don't think she's going to say or do anything publicly.