The Missing C4
BellaRosa
Posts: 36,549 Forum Member
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On now.
This is about 3 families who have had someone just disappear.
One has just turned up
But how do you cope! It must be horrendous 
It's awful that I think they said 2,000 people go missing a year never to be found and they get no help yet one family are getting the royal treatment and costing us loads >:(
Anyone who goes missing should have equal treatment from the police and government.
This is about 3 families who have had someone just disappear.
One has just turned up
But how do you cope! It must be horrendous It's awful that I think they said 2,000 people go missing a year never to be found and they get no help yet one family are getting the royal treatment and costing us loads >:(
Anyone who goes missing should have equal treatment from the police and government.
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Comments
Seem like the brother didn't want contact anymore
Sadly eventually my sister took her own life, but she was at home when she did it so at least we were able to put her to rest, God bless her. Still miss her so much, she was like a 2nd mum to me, she was quite a lot older than me (but I've now passed the age she got to which is an odd feeling).
My heart goes out to anyone who has someone missing like that. Oddly, my aunt also had a child who went missing many years ago, he has never been found though she found evidence that he was still alive and living in another country to her.
Nice to see there's always time for a moan on DS.
Don't know what this 'royal treatment' case is you're referring to, don't want either.
Apparently 14% of police time is spent on missing persons cases.
According the one of the wife's featured 99% of missing persons cases are solved within 12 months.
The Police dive team spend 12 days checking the lake looking for her husband.
i could hazard a guess ;-)
Anyway, that aside, such a sad programme, what a hellish half existence their family members are left living.
I thought that myself actually, that there was more to the story than the family were telling us.
Either way, it is very sad, for all involved. I hope that Tim's wife and the sister of the Turkish/British lady gets some closure soon, I couldn't imagine what the feeling of "not knowing" what happened must be like, it surely must be hell for the relatives.
So sorry to hear about your sister. I cannot imagine how you can 'cope' when this happens. If that is the right word.
Did your sister explain why she kept disappearing? Or do you not mention it. Sorry if that is rude to ask.
I hope your aunt can be reunited with her child. It is the not knowing is the hardest things to deal with
Tim was quite a bizarre one, waited for his wife to get in the bath and just walks out the house and drives off. Maybe he had some sort of breakdown?
It's horrible, the not knowing, absolutely horrible. She also had other mental health issues. Dissoc. disorders can be caused by childhood abuse, which leaves me with a lot of questions, so I also scan my family of origin and family friends who might have caused it, I never had any problems but there was a 9 year gap between us so who knows who may have been around in my sister's childhood that wasn't in mine. And maybe it wasn't that at all, I'm the only person in my family of origin who hasn't had mental health issues, though mostly it was depression, not as extreme as my sister's. Since her illness I've ended up being a mental health professional, no surprise really I guess.
My sister had the most wonderful sense of humour when she was well, and even at times when she was ill, I always remember her telling me she went to see her acupuncturist between "flights", she was foreign and declared to my sister "N (sister's name) you are revolting"!!!! My sister thought this hilarious.
Only one thing worse than her flights and absences was having to go and tell my 80 year old mother that my sister had died in such tragic circumstances, but as mum said, at least we now know she's safe.
As for my aunt, she'd be in her 90s now (like my mum) but we think she's passed away - she lived abroad and we've no way of knowing what's happened to her either as she just stopped phoning mum 2 years ago (and they were very close, she was actually mum's cousin but as mum was an only child and they all grew up in the same household, she was like a sister). I've tried to contact her other children but with no success. I guess in eternity, she may well be reunited with her missing son.
I think the sister got it right, though, when she tried to tell her that he's left her. Some people are just plain cowards in that way. It's a shame that she can't move on and get on with her own life.
Also, I think the vast majority of adult disappearances are voluntary or suicides and the police suspect this and that's why there isn't as much fuss made as what there would be if they think foul play is involved. I've also heard that if someone who's disappeared has been found they have the right not to have their relatives told they've been found. I don't know how true that is, though.
Def. the sister could be right though, but if you read my post about my sister's psych disorders, there can be a myriad of less obvious reasons why people go missing, not all of them rational.
I have never heard of that before. It sounds absolutely horrendous to have to deal with. It's odd that in missing people cases, not this programme, that that explanation has never been mentioned. That does explain a lot and it is nothing to be ashamed of if a member of the family suffers from it. I now wonder if the missing people on this show were sufferers but none knew?
Your poor sister sounded like she wanted out of life. We never know what torment others are suffering and some will not open up. I do find people who suffer from mental heath do have a great sense of humour but are being eaten away inside.
It is awful for those who are left behind.
I had a friend who was asking me about depression and how good was the treatment from the doctors (yes, another sufferer here) and I thought it was for his wife as their daughter was a nightmare. I didn't think much of it as this couple have 'everything' as the saying goes.
A week later he hung himself. I blamed myself for some reason as I could have helped him more if he had confided in me. I was positive about the help you get but feel he did not want anyone to know he suffered from depression. Like most of us do.
Thank you for explaining about your sister.
I was sorry to read about your sister and aunt. I think mental health issues were the case with the other two stories in last night's show. I wondered with the guy from Blackburn whether it was anything to do with living with and helping to look after his parents. That can be very stressful.
I've now come to a place of saying it was her choice, yes made during a time of illness and irrationality but it wasn't my fault, it's taken me a long time to say that, partly because for most of my life I seem to have lived with people who have developed mental health issues and you start to wonder if you are a catalyst, a carrier, if you will! I'm now a psychotherapist myself, so work with others going through similar and know that i've now done a lot more good than harm. Just wish I'd known earlier what I know now, maybe I could have helped other family members more. But as you say, if they don't open up...
I hope you find some help for your depression, it's such a debilitating illness
I think that as long as the missing person hasn't committed a crime and isn't underage, it's perfectly legal for them to disappear. If the person doesn't wish to go back to their old life and loved ones, the police have to inform the relatives that the person has been found safe and well and doesn't wish to resume contact/come home.
I think Ezra (the lady in Ireland) ended her life at that beauty spot. I really felt for her sister, but that seems the most likely explanation, especially given that her phone signal was last picked up there and there is CCTV footage. Also, in both the other cases there have been sightings (and one of the missing men was found), but in Ezra's case...nothing.
I think Tim's friend is right about him planning his disappearance. It made me wonder if he arranged to meet someone by the lake and continued his journey with them. It seemed an odd place to leave his car, but would make sense if he was meeting up with someone there. But then you have to ask, why didn't he let his wife know rather than just leaving her not knowing? A note in the car would have done, or even a text.
There's a job waiting for you at Christmas Cracker Jokes HQ.
I know I shouldn't but being married to a control freak makes you blame yourself for everything. I divorced him 9 years ago and it is still hard to rid myself of thinking that way.
Then there is the 'if only' guilt, knowing full well that if they wanted to end their life they will do it no matter what. Oh no. So sorry.
I sometimes think I am the kiss of death with people. If I wish them well something goes wrong. I know I am not and it is just coincidence.
You are doing good work and in some ways it must help you. And the saying of 'You can only help those that want help' say's it all sadly.
Thank you. Meds don't help neither did counselling/CBT/ Physiatrists etc so trying it may way now.
I agree re: Ezra. It was very sad though and would be much better for her sister if she could get some closure. I know people don't think straight in such situations (I have been suicidal myself) but I wish they would just leave a note, or something, to help the family know what has happened.
It could be a similar situation with Tim, but I guess we just don't know. If he did just disappear for other reasons (e.g. to start a new life) again it seems difficult to conceive he wouldn't realise the amount of suffering that would inflict on his wife. I can't imagine being the wife in that scenario, it must be heartbreaking.
Very sad programme but I think it's important to watch. It did make me consider working for a missing person's charity so I'm looking in to it.