So pretty much 50% of the population likes porn and now this thread is saying the other 50% of people like porn so why is it always being attacked? Perhaps its just a minority of loud feminists, or maybe women like watching porn but dont like their partners watching porn? I have a feeling most women dont watch porn but a few do and most dont like the idea of men being able to jack off to someone that isnt them
A friend once was invited to a 'lads night' with a new colleague and wanting to be sociable he went along. It was at this guys flat and they had some beers, watched some sports, and then some porn! He said it was very, very awkward.
As a woman have seen porn films mainly in my early 20s, it would be with a big group of people all drinking and merrily taking the micky out of it. To be honest it was revolting and put me off. Much later being divorced and back on the dating front I found a lot of guys seemed addicted to it. They were the ones who lacked tenderness sexually, it was all about their performance, not good at all. In the end found that I was happier with a partner who doesn't watch porn but likes it when sex turns up in a normal film.
There is probably a genre of porn that i might like, maybe Tantra orientated, or something sensual and tastefully produced with a victorianna setting and lots of romance and tenderness, but just the thought of having to wade through the other stuff to find it completely puts me off looking.
I recently read that data from porn sites that track user's video tastes indicates that porn featuring many men and one woman is popular with women.
That tends to be at the harder end of the spectrum when there is one woman and multiple blokes. Private use to do a lot of these kind of scenes (not my cup of tea). Yet it is normally assumed women like the softer stuff. Think there are a lot of misconceptions about this subject.
So pretty much 50% of the population likes porn and now this thread is saying the other 50% of people like porn so why is it always being attacked? Perhaps its just a minority of loud feminists, or maybe women like watching porn but dont like their partners watching porn? I have a feeling most women dont watch porn but a few do and most dont like the idea of men being able to jack off to someone that isnt them
I don't like my OH watching it (luckily he doesn't)
I don't like my OH watching it (luckily he doesn't)
Why is it lucky he doesn't watch porn ?
Do you mean lucky for him because you would split up with him, or because you would give him a hard (sorry) time, or be jealous and make him feel bad..?
This is what messes people and relationships up. Stipulations about things which are not in themself harmful. If your OH passed up sex for porn, then sure. But you have said you don't like him watching it..ergo, transference of your preferences onto him..regardless of whetrher he does/does not want to view porn.
That is either in the ballpark of insecurity regarding your relationship OR a prediliction towards control where you have to feel that nothing else excites him bar you.
So let's gear down from there. IF he sees a beautiful woman in the street, and happened to mention she's beautiful (much as he likes porn), but not a patch on you. Would that be unacceptable ? If he thought it, but didn't say it for fear of your reaction would that be better ?
If someone loves you, is attracted to you, puts you first then to my mind you allow breathing space for individuality. Fair enough - if you discover they enjoy watching something that..(you get the idea), then that's a different matter.
The more a person tries to impose edicts of acceptability about that which is not actually causing harm, the more harm the authoritarian causes by their edicts - stated/implied/inferred.
Do you mean lucky for him because you would split up with him, or because you would give him a hard (sorry) time, or be jealous and make him feel bad..?
This is what messes people and relationships up. Stipulations about things which are not in themself harmful. If your OH passed up sex for porn, then sure. But you have said you don't like him watching it..ergo, transference of your preferences onto him..regardless of whetrher he does/does not want to view porn.
That is either in the ballpark of insecurity regarding your relationship OR a prediliction towards control where you have to feel that nothing else excites him bar you.
So let's gear down from there. IF he sees a beautiful woman in the street, and happened to mention she's beautiful (much as he likes porn), but not a patch on you. Would that be unacceptable ? If he thought it, but didn't say it for fear of your reaction would that be better ?
If someone loves you, is attracted to you, puts you first then to my mind you allow breathing space for individuality. Fair enough - if you discover they enjoy watching something that..(you get the idea), then that's a different matter.
The more a person tries to impose edicts of acceptability about that which is not actually causing harm, the more harm the authoritarian causes by their edicts - stated/implied/inferred.
I don't mind him finding someone attractive, I would rather he didn't tell me (unless it's someone we know and/or regularly see) but I have to admit that I do ask him, sometimes I like the answer sometimes I don't
Some men can't get their head around that not all men like porn. My husband doesn't like porn either. We've been together 21 years now, he's not fibbing, he has no interest in it at all. It's not because he's hiding it from me, neither of us are the type to hide stuff, it's not because he doesn't want to hurt my feelings because he knows I couldn't give a crap if he did want to watch it. We've both watched it and both went 'nah, it's grim".
Some men can't get their head around that not all men like porn. My husband doesn't like porn either. We've been together 21 years now, he's not fibbing, he has no interest in it at all. It's not because he's hiding it from me, neither of us are the type to hide stuff, it's not because he doesn't want to hurt my feelings because he knows I couldn't give a crap if he did want to watch it. We've both watched it and both went 'nah, it's grim".
I don't mind him finding someone attractive, I would rather he didn't tell me (unless it's someone we know and/or regularly see) but I have to admit that I do ask him, sometimes I like the answer sometimes I don't
You sound thus far very much like my ex.
You may take my replies with a grain of salt..or less. As a guy in his position, what you are describing is a mental minefield. He certainly cares for you..I'm good at extrapolation, kind of my thing - so let's just leapfrog here.
His initial choice - and yours - was to be together, and unless you are sitting on a pot of gold he knew about, then guessing it was because he *wanted* to be with you..still does...and vice versa it seems.
Sometimes though..insecurity can come into the middle of something real good..or with potential at least..and blow it clean out of the water.
You said "I have to admit that I do ask him, sometimes I like the answer sometimes I don't
So two things.
First when asking him, you already have a preference regarding his answer. That's someone up shit creek right there..and sooner or later they either lie, or begin to resent it. Typically both merge with time.
Do you ever see guys who you think..no matter how private..."He's cute/hot/sexy" etc ?
And then if your fellow was to switch this approach on you, and ask you randomly about men you passed in the street. You see where I'm going with this..it's a fuse..maybe a slow burner, but a fuse and in time without the effort to talk, accept that you are both bloody human, and commitment doesn't equal a lack of awareness about others you see..then it will burn until a blowout occurs. And those kind of blow outs are the kind that end relationships stone dead in the water.
As I say..what do I know. If you though ? I'd talk to my partner, tell him I trusted him (if true..and genuinely know he will never cheat on you), and state up front that jealousy or insecurity affects how you think.
He'll know this already..'really..!!'...But you speaking about it with him means it's no longer something he feels is bottled up within himself, and afraid to talk about.
Now pay me goddamit. This wisdom was carefully scratched from the bottom of my favourite beer mat over a number of years.
I think erotic films are nice and are far more sexy.
Hard core porn is just bloody ugly really!
In fairness, and not that I'm a connoisseur or anything, there is a lot of hardcore porn available which is of an "erotic" nature or female friendly. They tend to use very good looking actors, both male and female, and the sex depicted is of a more romantic / erotic tone than the usual stuff.
Amateur porn can be oddly enjoyable too..and sometimes the best comedy ever...which given actual British 'comedy' efforts that end up on the Beeb etc these days., is not saying much.
No graphic detail - just a line from an actual flick I saw recently, where it ended a few seconds after the 'accomplished actress' paused mid workout & asked him "Did you come..?"
Mortified much. Not sure if the poor sod ever had sex again - never mind let it be filmed.
You may take my replies with a grain of salt..or less. As a guy in his position, what you are describing is a mental minefield. He certainly cares for you..I'm good at extrapolation, kind of my thing - so let's just leapfrog here.
His initial choice - and yours - was to be together, and unless you are sitting on a pot of gold he knew about, then guessing it was because he *wanted* to be with you..still does...and vice versa it seems.
Sometimes though..insecurity can come into the middle of something real good..or with potential at least..and blow it clean out of the water.
You said "I have to admit that I do ask him, sometimes I like the answer sometimes I don't
So two things.
First when asking him, you already have a preference regarding his answer. That's someone up shit creek right there..and sooner or later they either lie, or begin to resent it. Typically both merge with time.
Do you ever see guys who you think..no matter how private..."He's cute/hot/sexy" etc ?
And then if your fellow was to switch this approach on you, and ask you randomly about men you passed in the street. You see where I'm going with this..it's a fuse..maybe a slow burner, but a fuse and in time without the effort to talk, accept that you are both bloody human, and commitment doesn't equal a lack of awareness about others you see..then it will burn until a blowout occurs. And those kind of blow outs are the kind that end relationships stone dead in the water.
As I say..what do I know. If you though ? I'd talk to my partner, tell him I trusted him (if true..and genuinely know he will never cheat on you), and state up front that jealousy or insecurity affects how you think.
He'll know this already..'really..!!'...But you speaking about it with him means it's no longer something he feels is bottled up within himself, and afraid to talk about.
Now pay me goddamit. This wisdom was carefully scratched from the bottom of my favourite beer mat over a number of years.
There are reasons I don't think he fancies me but I won't go into them
I can honestly say I've never saw someone in the street and thought they were cute/hot but on TV/in films etc I have
There are reasons I don't think he fancies me but I won't go into them
I can honestly say I've never saw someone in the street and thought they were cute/hot but on TV/in films etc I have
Nor should you go into them. Look Ebony (sod the rest of the thread momentarily..no offense OP), you know better than anyone how you feel. It's not for me or this place to get an insight..but if you love this guy, then he needs to hear it from you.
IF you are right, and he doesn't fancy you..then we both know that time won't fix that issue, simply complicate it until a point arrives where carrying on is untenable.
Re BiB..Unusual distinction..but the net result holds true to the analogy I posed initially..so OK...if not in the street, then someone you saw in a film.
I don't know you or your partner, just as I don't know who fancies who..if anyone. The only thing I DO know, is that you don't like where you're at in yourself.
Until you tend to that, then nothing positive can or will develop. Ease up on yourself, and talk to him as I said. If a way forward..? Excellent..But if real doubt is lingering then it may be a case of ending or suspending things..until you both get yourselves in a place where comfortable in yourselves...No way for comfort with another without that first.
Comments
Did they all have a group wank afterwards?
There is probably a genre of porn that i might like, maybe Tantra orientated, or something sensual and tastefully produced with a victorianna setting and
That tends to be at the harder end of the spectrum when there is one woman and multiple blokes. Private use to do a lot of these kind of scenes (not my cup of tea). Yet it is normally assumed women like the softer stuff. Think there are a lot of misconceptions about this subject.
A study completed recently (well 2013/14) indicates women love gay and lesbian porn
No, of course we don't. Everyone knows that. :kitty:
I don't like my OH watching it (luckily he doesn't)
Why is it lucky he doesn't watch porn ?
Do you mean lucky for him because you would split up with him, or because you would give him a hard (sorry) time, or be jealous and make him feel bad..?
This is what messes people and relationships up. Stipulations about things which are not in themself harmful. If your OH passed up sex for porn, then sure. But you have said you don't like him watching it..ergo, transference of your preferences onto him..regardless of whetrher he does/does not want to view porn.
That is either in the ballpark of insecurity regarding your relationship OR a prediliction towards control where you have to feel that nothing else excites him bar you.
So let's gear down from there. IF he sees a beautiful woman in the street, and happened to mention she's beautiful (much as he likes porn), but not a patch on you. Would that be unacceptable ? If he thought it, but didn't say it for fear of your reaction would that be better ?
If someone loves you, is attracted to you, puts you first then to my mind you allow breathing space for individuality. Fair enough - if you discover they enjoy watching something that..(you get the idea), then that's a different matter.
The more a person tries to impose edicts of acceptability about that which is not actually causing harm, the more harm the authoritarian causes by their edicts - stated/implied/inferred.
Classic.
I don't mind him finding someone attractive, I would rather he didn't tell me (unless it's someone we know and/or regularly see) but I have to admit that I do ask him, sometimes I like the answer sometimes I don't
Some men can't get their head around that not all men like porn. My husband doesn't like porn either. We've been together 21 years now, he's not fibbing, he has no interest in it at all. It's not because he's hiding it from me, neither of us are the type to hide stuff, it's not because he doesn't want to hurt my feelings because he knows I couldn't give a crap if he did want to watch it. We've both watched it and both went 'nah, it's grim".
I think erotic films are nice and are far more sexy.
Hard core porn is just bloody ugly really!
I think men as well would get turned on watching two women at it, though I can't see the same being said for women watching two men at it! ^_^
Oh yeah I forgot "all men watch porn innit" lol
Soggy Biscuit.
You sound thus far very much like my ex.
You may take my replies with a grain of salt..or less. As a guy in his position, what you are describing is a mental minefield. He certainly cares for you..I'm good at extrapolation, kind of my thing - so let's just leapfrog here.
His initial choice - and yours - was to be together, and unless you are sitting on a pot of gold he knew about, then guessing it was because he *wanted* to be with you..still does...and vice versa it seems.
Sometimes though..insecurity can come into the middle of something real good..or with potential at least..and blow it clean out of the water.
You said "I have to admit that I do ask him, sometimes I like the answer sometimes I don't
So two things.
First when asking him, you already have a preference regarding his answer. That's someone up shit creek right there..and sooner or later they either lie, or begin to resent it. Typically both merge with time.
Do you ever see guys who you think..no matter how private..."He's cute/hot/sexy" etc ?
And then if your fellow was to switch this approach on you, and ask you randomly about men you passed in the street. You see where I'm going with this..it's a fuse..maybe a slow burner, but a fuse and in time without the effort to talk, accept that you are both bloody human, and commitment doesn't equal a lack of awareness about others you see..then it will burn until a blowout occurs. And those kind of blow outs are the kind that end relationships stone dead in the water.
As I say..what do I know. If you though ? I'd talk to my partner, tell him I trusted him (if true..and genuinely know he will never cheat on you), and state up front that jealousy or insecurity affects how you think.
He'll know this already..'really..!!'...But you speaking about it with him means it's no longer something he feels is bottled up within himself, and afraid to talk about.
Now pay me goddamit. This wisdom was carefully scratched from the bottom of my favourite beer mat over a number of years.
In fairness, and not that I'm a connoisseur or anything, there is a lot of hardcore porn available which is of an "erotic" nature or female friendly. They tend to use very good looking actors, both male and female, and the sex depicted is of a more romantic / erotic tone than the usual stuff.
I'm female and erotic porn bores me and gay porn is the best
No graphic detail - just a line from an actual flick I saw recently, where it ended a few seconds after the 'accomplished actress' paused mid workout & asked him "Did you come..?"
Mortified much. Not sure if the poor sod ever had sex again - never mind let it be filmed.
I agree with this. I watched some once and found it incredibly unrealistic and boring.
There are reasons I don't think he fancies me but I won't go into them
I can honestly say I've never saw someone in the street and thought they were cute/hot but on TV/in films etc I have
Nor should you go into them. Look Ebony (sod the rest of the thread momentarily..no offense OP), you know better than anyone how you feel. It's not for me or this place to get an insight..but if you love this guy, then he needs to hear it from you.
IF you are right, and he doesn't fancy you..then we both know that time won't fix that issue, simply complicate it until a point arrives where carrying on is untenable.
Re BiB..Unusual distinction..but the net result holds true to the analogy I posed initially..so OK...if not in the street, then someone you saw in a film.
I don't know you or your partner, just as I don't know who fancies who..if anyone. The only thing I DO know, is that you don't like where you're at in yourself.
Until you tend to that, then nothing positive can or will develop. Ease up on yourself, and talk to him as I said. If a way forward..? Excellent..But if real doubt is lingering then it may be a case of ending or suspending things..until you both get yourselves in a place where comfortable in yourselves...No way for comfort with another without that first.
Good Luck...and sorry again OP
hehe