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splitting bills with partner
Hello
I'm thinking about moving in with my Boyfriend in a few months and just wondered how you guys split finances? Do you just split everything 50/50? I earn around 13,000 a year, while he earns nearly 20,000…. Should he pay a higher share of the bills or not?
I'm thinking about moving in with my Boyfriend in a few months and just wondered how you guys split finances? Do you just split everything 50/50? I earn around 13,000 a year, while he earns nearly 20,000…. Should he pay a higher share of the bills or not?
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The only thing I pay that he doesn't give me anything for is the Virginmedia TV package, but he often pays for more shopping than I do so it usually works out even in the end!
When I first got together with the girl who is now my wife, she moved into the house that I owned, and was still buying with a mortgage.
We agreed, at my suggestion, that as I was earning considerably more than her, I would pay virtually everything, mortgage, rates, (now Community Charge), insurances, house/buildings/contents, both vehicles Road Fund Licences and insurance of both vehicles, servicing costs etc.
Utility bills, gas, water, electricity, phone, vacations, flights, rental of houses/cars while on vacation, all these and more, down to me.
Eating out at least twice per week, me again, and quite right too IMO.
The weekly supermarket trip for food, household requirements etc., ALL down to her, this would include razor blades, toothpaste, shaving foam, new heads for electric tooth brushes, the whole nine yards.
We've done this for years now, and it suits us both.
I think that's a decision you have to reach between the two of you.
My sister and her husband put all of their money into one joint account, despite her earning a few grand more than him. Once it's in the pot it's 'their' money and they don't think of who contributed how much. They just see it as their joint income. My sister doesn't mind contributing more than him, as any money they have left over is usually spent on the children.
Me and Mreluf38 have kept our own bank accounts for over a decade. We split everything 50/50 - he pays the mortgage and insurance, I pay everything else. (Except mobile phones) We pay for our own cars. From when we started living together we've always split things 50/50; but during periods (such as when I was teacher training) when one was earning considerably more than the other, the higher-earning one would tend to pay for 'treats' like takeaways and days out. As I went on to earn more than him for a few years, this system has balanced itself quite well for us.
Now we're having a baby and I will only be on SMP, we've agreed to go down the shared account route, with us both paying all our income into one account. He'll be contributing more than me, but as I'll be at home with baby, it's only fair.
My parents have always kept their own bank accounts and split everything 50/50. Once they've paid their bills they keep whatever income is left over for their hobbies. They've done this for nearly 40 years, despite the fact that Mum has always earned more than Dad. It works for them.
In all of these cases, we've split everything 50/50. As there isn't a huge income discrepancy it's never been a huge problem - the higher earner might have a bit more disposeable cash at the end of the month, but it's never caused resentment or left the other cash-strapped. In your case, it might be different.
Me and my partner earn pretty much the same, but I have a regular salary whereas he can be paid weekly / monthly or even on completion of a job (once he waited 3 months to be paid) it all depends on who he is working for and what he is doing.
On this basis the main bills come out of my account and OH pays me a weekly or monthly amount depending on how he is being paid.
We've been doing things this way for many years now and it works for us. Things had to change slightly when I was on maternity leave but we had savings to cover us.
I think if one of us earned significantly more than the other we would be looking to split bills to reflect this.
We currently pay 50/50 though.
Also we have separate bank accounts too.
If you go out for a meal and all eat the same you don't ask to pay less just because you earn less than the others at the table (I hope)
While not about partners, the above post rang a bell with me.
A few years back I was in New York City, visiting a girl that I knew.
One day we arranged to meet for lunch at a diner near her office, and some of her work colleagues came along.
I can't remember what the check came to then, let's hazard a guess at $101.00, with the tip we agreed $120.00.
Mentally dividing that by the eight diners, I put $15.00 on the table.
Suddenly people were saying, "I only had a soda and a Danish, so and so had a Greek salad and a glass of wine, I'm only kicking in $10.00, they should ante up at least $18.00."
I said to my friend, "I can't have this, I'm off, meet me tonight and tell me if I owe any money."
I'd only had a coffee and a cream cheese bagel, about $7.50 then.
My point is this: If you are going to have separate finances I really advise that you maintain high levels of personal security and recognise the other person who lives with you has a lot of opportunity to intercept your correspondence and manipulate your bills/accounts.
I realise this doesn't sound like romance or love's young dream but anyone who maintains separate finances in a relationship really does need to make sure they are actually separate and protected. If you are going to share details openly I can't see point in separating things to be honest.... may as well split every single bill down the middle..
Work out what your need to cover ALL essentials each month, bills, food, fuel, etc and any joint purchases for the house etc. Then work out how much you would both each need to transfer into a joint account whilst leaving both of you the SAME money in your individual accounts to be spend how you want.
This has always worked well for us. All essentials are always covered but you also have your own personal money to save or spend as you wish.
"What's his is hers"
"What's hers is her own"
works like this in most marriages.
We calculated the monthly bills, added a couple of hundred to it and then each contributed half that amount - I think it was around £600 each - to that account. All joint bills came out of this account, as did food & grocery shopping. We sometimes paid for the occasional meal out from it too when it was looking healthy.
What we had left from our pay was our own, which paid for mobile contracts, individual gym subscriptions, hair cuts, our own hobbies, clothes etc.
But that's what worked for us. I have friends who split the bills up so she pays the electric, gas, council tax, he pays rent and car insurance. I have other friends who have one bank account between them and both get paid into it. It's a very individual decision and you have to make sure that you're both comfortable with whatever method you decide.
1 Add BOTH your take home salarys together. (eg 13k plus 20 k = 33k
2. Find the percentage of each of your salarys ( 13k divided by 33k = 40% approx)
3. So for you it's 40% of your total monthly bills. ( eg 40% of £1400. = £560)
So you would pay £560. Partner. 60% which would be £840
840 plus 560 = 1400
Some couples I know are very stringent about finances and feel they should work out exact percentages of everything, others are much more relaxed about it all and don't really mind if it's not exact.
I'm in the latter category, but this also means I agreed to split everything 50/50 with my previous partner even though he was earning much more than me... because I saw it as a joint venture and joint costs. We weren't particularly bothered about splitting everything exactly 50/50 rigidly, but everything more or less worked out that way. Not his fault if he earns more than me, doesn't mean he then is responsible for more of the water or gas we used. In fact I probably used way more water etc than him so why should he pay more than half? His earnings are his to spend and enjoy and if he's doing well at work then his money is for him, not to enable me to pay less for what I've actually used. I'm responsible for my costs, no-one else should have to pay them but me. All just my personal opinion! :-)
I think there are other factors as well, which might include:
- how long you've been together
- what other finances you are splitting or not
- other financial benefits you get from one another (e.g. if one of you has a car and does all the driving for you both, pays for petrol etc)
- If you're both similar in your outlook/opinions I think it's generally fine. If one of you is stingy with your money and the other isn't, or if one of you is in debt and the other is a saver, then these things are more likely to cause problems than the actual split of money IMO. I would focus on ascertaining you're on the same page about finances and your attitude towards them.
I do personally think finances are not a thing to get hung up on - for me it's weird to be so focussed on it, but I understand for others that they find it very important. If it's the start of a relationship it can be tricky territory, but good to get something agreed in theory as soon as possible.
Our friends have a joint account but move £300 each into a personal account each payday, which is their spending money for the month.
One of my colleagues splits everything exactly 50/50 with her boyfriend, so that if one of them buys a pint of milk they will request half the cost from the other... seriously!
I don't think there's any right or wrong, you have to do whatever makes for a happier relationship. If paying 50/50 would make you resent that your partner has more disposable income left after bills (a perfectly natural feeling) then you should definitely work out a 'pro rata' system with him where he pays a higher proportion of shared costs.
Have you spoke to your man about what he thinks is best?
I am exactly the same as you, both incomes are 'our' money. But we are married and have lived together for six years. I earn more than the wife now, but at the start she was earning far more than me.
Your colleague sounds like my brother and sister in law. She gets embarrassed by it and for example if we are going out for a group meal, she will give him the money beforehand, as she finds it humiliating him asking for money infront of everyone.
I have friends who buy their own food/milk/coffee etc. Despite being together for 5 years, living together for 4, they treat their house as more like a houseshare arrangement rather than a couple living together as a unit. They buy their own groceries, cook their own meals independently of each other, even have their own bedrooms separate rooms. It works for them and fair enough, but it baffles me completely.
its not his fault you earn less money, why should he pay more
Can't argue with that, Unless one of you spends less nights there per week then it has to be 50/50
But by pooling resources you can both have a better life. Depends whether he's happy spending his spare cash on himself, but I'd rather mine went towards (mostly) things which are joint, such as house, holidays, car etc - no reason why those must be kept at the level which the lower-income partner can afford.
I completely agree with this. if you're going to be splitting bills 50/50, he will have to learn to live within your means, rather than his.
if he wants to live a slightly more expensive lifestyle, I think he's got to be prepared to chip in a bit more.
at the end of the day though, it's an immensely personal decision. there's no right or wrong way to do it and what works for some people, doesn't work for others!
the best thing to do is to sit down and discuss it before you move in together, so everything is clearly laid out and doesn't lead to arguments later down the line.
good luck!
you either go 50-50 or work out the appropriate percentages based on income.
simple
50/50 seems reasonable to me, it's not as though you're married and by the time he pays tax, NI, student loans and pension all at a higher rate than you, you may find his take home pay isn't vastly more than yours anyway.
If you're living as friends then you both earn what you earn and that's that. 50 50 is for friends, not couples. When you live as a couple things move onto a different level.
What's fair and how you distribute your incomes is personal and up to each couple. We have our own money and our own bank accounts and this works for us. We can spend money without consulting each other and we can buy each other presents.
What is important is that you talk to each other and set up something that works and that you're both happy with. You also both need to live within your means. Arguing about money is not what you need, and money worries is a nightmare.