Abuse when going out?
![[Deleted User]](https://w1.vanillicon.com/v2/17818c9e62912eb52da222494ffabc94.svg)
[Deleted User]
Posts: 5,742 Forum Member
✭
I wasn't sure whether to post this in advice or in general discussion. Do you get abuse when you go out? I seem to get it every time I go out? 
which is the reason why I am asking. If you were going to abuse someone why would you do it? What makes someone look like an easy target??
which is the reason why I am asking. If you were going to abuse someone why would you do it? What makes someone look like an easy target?? 0
Comments
Are you saying various (different) people hurl abuse at you or that the same person / people keep abusing you?
Is this abuse physical?
Also it could be the venues, avoid the clubs that chavs go to that play Dubstep, DnB, UK Garage, Bassline and crap like that and choose a classier standard of bar
Agree. Knowing exactly what these people are saying about you would help a lot.
yep definitely. I'm not overweight cos i went to my doctor about it but i know I've gained at least a stone in the past year, so I know I'm not slim. But I didn't think I was so big that at least one person would always make a comment and notice me in the street. Like when I walked home from the hospital the other day which takes about 45 mins, someone shouted something out their car at me but I didn't hear what it was about but it always happens when I walk. And the other day in manchester 2 guys in their car slowed down and said heyy is that you doing exercise. It made me want to punch them, and there were women across the road who were about 45, slightly overweight wearing dresses showing all their cellulite and I was there really dressed down with no flesh showing yet I was the 1 who got the abuse. I must look like an alien or something. Just ranting
Perhaps on that particular day the amount of idiots around was slightly more than usual.
That's really unpleasant for you.
Some things to consider though:
1. You may have some heightened awareness bordering on paranoia that every comment is directed at you personally. It could be they're shouting at somebody else (just a thought!) This isn't meant to be getting at YOU by the way, I reckon most people have felt like this at some stage in their lives.
2. If guys are slowing down to shout at you maybe they actually fancy you and this is there perverse way of showing it.
I have really low self confidence which is why I asked this question really because I feel that other people get the vibe that I am insecure and perhaps that is why they aim the insults at me. But I would feel so embarassed if I "walked tall" and pretended to be confident and then I still got insulted. When I was at the hospital a group of guys wolf whistled at me but it was quite obvious they were taking the piss. It's stuff like that that makes me feel like absolute crap. When the people shout the insults it's like yeah would you rather I sit on the sofa watching tv doing no exercise at all. I'm trying to make a difference to my body and they're stopping me. Sorry ranting again. It's alright I'll get over it i think.
i cant tell you hope to cope, me i grew a thick skin and chinned a few of them, though nowadays i either walk on by and stare them down depending on my mood.
You're probably letting your poor self image tell you this rather than the facts. Trust me, guys don't wolf whistle sarcastically. You're clearly a lot more attractive than you're giving yourself credit for.
I know it's horrible but just try your best to ignore the idiots and maybe even wear some earphones and listen to music so you won't even hear what they say.
Agree. Appearance is more important to younger people. Many people as they get older stop caring about their appearance so abusing them isn't going to have any effect. Also, younger women are seen as more vulnerable than older women.
Anyway, as she got to the bus stop some lads (very young - 14 - 16 I would say) started shouting horrible things at her (to be honest, I only caught the tail end of some of the remarks).
She held her own. Gave back as good as she got, but won because she did it in a dignified way - not bad language, but quick, clever put downs, and retained a nonchalant air about her as if to suggest 'play along little boys'.
It struck me that this had clearly happened to her before.
The point to this story, is that it doesn't make it right, but it seems it happens to all sorts of people. She was clearly confident and strong (or at least appeared that way) and so dealt with it well (in fact dealt with it so well, that I joked to her 'I think you won that round !!' - to which she smiled).
I remember being so jealous of her calm self confident demeanour, and the fact that she seemed unphased and was not going to allow her night to be spoilt.
I guess, what I am trying to say, is try not to take it to heart. I have had horrible things shouted at me in the past and it does hurt, and knocks you for six as it destroys what little self confidence you have.
Some people are just a*seholes and make themselves feel better in their pathetic little lives by trying to make other people feel bad. You will always be 100 times better than people like that.
Do bear in mind though, that a lack of self confidence can make you feel that people are aiming things at you, even when they are not.
So I kept calling the police on them for the slightest thing.
yes I do. I think it's just life - very sadly - just lots of cruel people being about.
No - their attacks would be much more subtle and personal - i.e. they'd wait until they got to know the person first.
instead walk tall, no rounded shoulder or head down, head up and be proud of who you are, if people dont like who or what you look like then its their stupidity, its not all about the wrappings its the content inside thats beautiful. try to learn to love yourself then others will see you for what your really like.