You sound like you're back to square one: reading too much into things.
Whether he has a girlfriend or not is irrelevant. He has told you he is straight and not interested in you and you should respect that. Perhaps he made up the girlfriend to stop you pursuing him. Perhaps not. Either way, he just wants a friendship.
It's a shame you didn't carry on with the break as you could have used the time to get over him.
Although his text was ticked to say it has been read, I think he was trying to let you off the hook easily when you said you had been a fool, and said he hadn't read it to spare your feelings and allow you to retain your dignity.
Whatever his persuasion I think he doesn't want some great emotional scene from you and a load of angst. He may probably go on about having to have a wife etc not to hide his potentially gay feelings, but to keep reinforcing to you that he is not interested.
Loving someone who doesn't love you back is agony, but as an earlier poster said you have to try and rise above your feelings if at all possible and keep this person as a good friend.
Although his text was ticked to say it has been read, I think he was trying to let you off the hook easily when you said you had been a fool, and said he hadn't read it to spare your feelings and allow you to retain your dignity.
Whatever his persuasion I think he doesn't want some great emotional scene from you and a load of angst. He may probably go on about having to have a wife etc not to hide his potentially gay feelings, but to keep reinforcing to you that he is not interested.
Loving someone who doesn't love you back is agony, but as an earlier poster said you have to try and rise above your feelings if at all possible and keep this person as a good friend.
Thank you, yea you are right i feel. I just need to stop looking into everything, stop being an idiot and be happy. He's been fine with today and it's cool.
To the person above, he never actually said he was not interested or what he felt. The only thing he said in summer was that he had nothing to be angry about.
I posted on here earlier in the year about falling in love with my very good friend. Well he was great about it, although straight, and everything has been really good but my feeling won't go. It is just getting to me so much, everytime i get a message or reading too much into anything he says.
I've told him tonight that i need a few months away to clear my head and reminded him we were friends before i fell for him. I'm hoping he will wait, but i'm upset although i know deep down i had to do this or it would have ended up tearing me apart.
When someone's in love with a friend - and I've been there personally - it can be too much to cope with. I don't think you should feel any guilt about ending a friendship in those circumstances. If you are in love with a friend, in a sense, it is not a friendship for you anyway, as you're not really experiencing that person in that way, not really appreciating them as a friend, (although you might think you are), as you're looking at them all the time through the lense of love and the possibility of love developing.
I've seen people become very bitter and very vindictive and very nasty and into destructive behaviours like self medicating and addictions due to the strain of being in love with a friend. I don't think it was their fault, I just think the strain was too much for them. It can be better to step away, although I agree a text is not the best way to do it.
To be honest, most friendships end at some point anyway so I never see any point in putting them before love. You could suffer agonies of unrequited love for this guy for a few years, and then his lifestyle might change and suddenly he'll be the one doing the friendship ending, although probably in a more by degrees gradually sort of way, as per what usually happens in life with even the best friends. Then you are left with, what, the memories of several years spent wasted in suffering, years which you'll probably only want to forget - a bad time in your life.
It could be too that this guy is a bad friend who's messing you about, not being fair on you, not being honest with you, playing games with you - but you may well not be able to see this as it is so hard to accurately assess someone you're in love with. He may not be in behaviour the great friend you think he is.
So if you want to let him go, I'd say go for it, look after yourself and do that. It will be hard and hurt but with effort you can heal and have more peaceful times and hopefully then happy times and meet the right person for you.
When someone's in love with a friend - and I've been there personally - it can be too much to cope with. I don't think you should feel any guilt about ending a friendship in those circumstances. If you are in love with a friend, in a sense, it is not a friendship for you anyway, as you're not really experiencing that person in that way, not really appreciating them as a friend, (although you might think you are), as you're looking at them all the time through the lense of love and the possibility of love developing.
I've seen people become very bitter and very vindictive and very nasty and into destructive behaviours like self medicating and addictions due to the strain of being in love with a friend. I don't think it was their fault, I just think the strain was too much for them. It can be better to step away, although I agree a text is not the best way to do it.
To be honest, most friendships end at some point anyway so I never see any point in putting them before love. You could suffer agonies of unrequited love for this guy for a few years, and then his lifestyle might change and suddenly he'll be the one doing the friendship ending, although probably in a more by degrees gradually sort of way, as per what usually happens in life with even the best friends. Then you are left with, what, the memories of several years spent wasted in suffering, years which you'll probably only want to forget - a bad time in your life.
It could be too that this guy is a bad friend who's messing you about, not being fair on you, not being honest with you, playing games with you - but you may well not be able to see this as it is so hard to accurately assess someone you're in love with. He may not be in behaviour the great friend you think he is.
So if you want to let him go, I'd say go for it, look after yourself and do that. It will be hard and hurt but with effort you can heal and have more peaceful times and hopefully then happy times and meet the right person for you.
Not really no. When you give advice, you really need to understand that most people are not like you and therefore what applies to you may not necessarily apply to them.
Thank you for the advice above but we seem to be ok now. Here's how latest texts went :
Him: U should really stop drinking by yourself
Me: lol yea i know
Him: Tit
Me: How was your friend?
Him: Seeing her at half 7
Me: Ahh, well its just a quiet fri night
Him: Why drink then?
Me: Cos it makes me feel better
Him: It hides your problems, its like running away
Me: Well how do i deal with them then?
Him: With a face like that F knows
Me: lol
Him: Come Tmz?
Not really no. When you give advice, you really need to understand that most people are not like you and therefore what applies to you may not necessarily apply to them.
Of course I'm not just going by myself, but from what I observe of relatives, friends and acquaintances also.
I'm in my forties. I've no idea what age the OP, is but I have witnessed that friendship seems a lot different to many people in their 30s and 40s than in their 20s. So many of the inseparable couples of yesteryear haven't been speaking for years and years and criticise each other to other people. People settling down in marriage, and having children and not having any time for the friends of the past who are single and childless - I know two seriously broken hearts regarding that. We will have to agree to disagree; I don't see people surrounded by the ever faithful friends of yesteryear so I would say it's a mistake to become too dependent regarding relying on friends.
Thank you for the advice above but we seem to be ok now. Here's how latest texts went :
Him: U should really stop drinking by yourself
Me: lol yea i know
Him: Tit
Me: How was your friend?
Him: Seeing her at half 7
Me: Ahh, well its just a quiet fri night
Him: Why drink then?
Me: Cos it makes me feel better
Him: It hides your problems, its like running away
Me: Well how do i deal with them then?
Him: With a face like that F knows
Me: lol
Him: Come Tmz?
And so on. Everything is fine now.
that's great. But being in love with a friend really can be absolutely soul destroying.
To the person above, he never actually said he was not interested or what he felt. The only thing he said in summer was that he had nothing to be angry about.
So have you ever told him how you feel? If so, what was his reaction? If not, then I am assuming he has guessed from your behaviour?
So have you ever told him how you feel? If so, what was his reaction? If not, then I am assuming he has guessed from your behaviour?
I've never said directly what i feel. In the summer i told him i had a letter to give him and it was important. I ripped it up when at this and he just said that he's not gay, without me saying actually how i felt.
I asked him why he made me come all that way, as we live a bit of a distance, if he knew what it was. He never answered.
First off, brace yourself - cos this is going to be harsh, direct and blunt - but please read it all as it is meant with kindness.
(Edited to add - reading back this is REALLY blunt, but meant with good intention !!)
Back off !!!
Leave the poor sod alone and stop pestering him, most of all stop reading into every thing he says and stop posting your 'private' texts on here.
Been there, done that (well I never posted transcriptions of private conversations for public dissection - for which you actually seek affirmation from someone that there is a hidden meaning and he feels the same about you - go on, be honest !!).
(Sorry - said this would be harsh and blunt).
For whatever reason, the guy isn't interested - be he gay, straight or otherwise.
You have two choices -
1) stay as 'just friends', accepting that it goes no further and that you will have to live with how that will tear at your heart.
2) cut loose now, drift apart, and keep him as a happy memory of 'what might have been'.
Option 1 - gets harder and harder to do (trust me) and you will likely end up getting on his nerves with constant, even if unintentional, hints at becoming 'closer'. Eventually he will either tell you to do one, or will ensure that the relationship/friendship 'drifts' - or he will end up in a long term relationship which you will resent, as much as you love him. Long short and tall - you will get hurt.
Option 2 - it will hurt for a bit, you may even stay in touch but it will be different and you will start to feel 'less' for him. You may even find that it is you that finally cuts the strings and moves on. You will never forget him or what you have felt for him, but it will ultimately be easier - on you, and on him, in the long run.
Sorry, as I am sure none of this was what you wanted to hear, but believe me when I say I am not being a bitch, I am not being cruel for the sake of it, and that I have been through this (more than once - we never learn, hey !!).
Unrequited love is one of the most painful things to deal with - it never gets easier, it never gets better and no matter how many times you go through it, you will always believe 'this time it will be different'.
Let this guy, however lovely he is, go - whilst you are craving his affection you will miss a thousand opportunities to meet the man of your dreams as you are holding a candle to a man you are not going to 'get'.
What I do think, is that you sound like a loving and caring person, a good person and someone who can and will meet a lovely man that you will have a great life with - just don't let that man walk on by whilst you are smitten with someone who will never be 'the one'.
Hate me if you like for saying this, and I am sure that there will be people saying that I am 'speaking for me' or 'bitter and twisted' from my own experiences.
Well I am speaking for me, and from my own experiences, many of which I would love to be able to change.
I wish you well - I would love this guy to actually be 'the one', but I really feel that it is unlikely. Go out and meet the man that wants you as much... no, wants you even more than you want him. You deserve him !
First off, brace yourself - cos this is going to be harsh, direct and blunt - but please read it all as it is meant with kindness.
(Edited to add - reading back this is REALLY blunt, but meant with good intention !!)
Back off !!!
Leave the poor sod alone and stop pestering him, most of all stop reading into every thing he says and stop posting your 'private' texts on here.
Been there, done that (well I never posted transcriptions of private conversations for public dissection - for which you actually seek affirmation from someone that there is a hidden meaning and he feels the same about you - go on, be honest !!).
(Sorry - said this would be harsh and blunt).
For whatever reason, the guy isn't interested - be he gay, straight or otherwise.
You have two choices -
1) stay as 'just friends', accepting that it goes no further and that you will have to live with how that will tear at your heart.
2) cut loose now, drift apart, and keep him as a happy memory of 'what might have been'.
Option 1 - gets harder and harder to do (trust me) and you will likely end up getting on his nerves with constant, even if unintentional, hints at becoming 'closer'. Eventually he will either tell you to do one, or will ensure that the relationship/friendship 'drifts' - or he will end up in a long term relationship which you will resent, as much as you love him. Long short and tall - you will get hurt.
Option 2 - it will hurt for a bit, you may even stay in touch but it will be different and you will start to feel 'less' for him. You may even find that it is you that finally cuts the strings and moves on. You will never forget him or what you have felt for him, but it will ultimately be easier - on you, and on him, in the long run.
Sorry, as I am sure none of this was what you wanted to hear, but believe me when I say I am not being a bitch, I am not being cruel for the sake of it, and that I have been through this (more than once - we never learn, hey !!).
Unrequited love is one of the most painful things to deal with - it never gets easier, it never gets better and no matter how many times you go through it, you will always believe 'this time it will be different'.
Let this guy, however lovely he is, go - whilst you are craving his affection you will miss a thousand opportunities to meet the man of your dreams as you are holding a candle to a man you are not going to 'get'.
What I do think, is that you sound like a loving and caring person, a good person and someone who can and will meet a lovely man that you will have a great life with - just don't let that man walk on by whilst you are smitten with someone who will never be 'the one'.
Hate me if you like for saying this, and I am sure that there will be people saying that I am 'speaking for me' or 'bitter and twisted' from my own experiences.
Well I am speaking for me, and from my own experiences, many of which I would love to be able to change.
I wish you well - I would love this guy to actually be 'the one', but I really feel that it is unlikely. Go out and meet the man that wants you as much... no, wants you even more than you want him. You deserve him !
This = hitting the proverbial nail on the proverbial head.
I've never said directly what i feel. In the summer i told him i had a letter to give him and it was important. I ripped it up when at this and he just said that he's not gay, without me saying actually how i felt.
I asked him why he made me come all that way, as we live a bit of a distance, if he knew what it was. He never answered.
His reaction shows he does not reciprocate your feelings. If he liked you, he would be with you. Since you have decided to continue the friendship (which I think will be painful and unbearable in the long run), the best thing you can do is convince yourself there is zero chance of it ever developing into anything else. Unfortunately that is the reality.
His reaction shows he does not reciprocate your feelings. If he liked you, he would be with you. Since you have decided to continue the friendship (which I think will be painful and unbearable in the long run), the best thing you can do is convince yourself there is zero chance of it ever developing into anything else. Unfortunately that is the reality.
Yea you are right, you are all right. I went to see him today as he said for me to visit and everything was fine. Only i know me and i know in time i will get over it. He's a great friend so i'm going to cherish that.
Comments
Whether he has a girlfriend or not is irrelevant. He has told you he is straight and not interested in you and you should respect that. Perhaps he made up the girlfriend to stop you pursuing him. Perhaps not. Either way, he just wants a friendship.
It's a shame you didn't carry on with the break as you could have used the time to get over him.
Whatever his persuasion I think he doesn't want some great emotional scene from you and a load of angst. He may probably go on about having to have a wife etc not to hide his potentially gay feelings, but to keep reinforcing to you that he is not interested.
Loving someone who doesn't love you back is agony, but as an earlier poster said you have to try and rise above your feelings if at all possible and keep this person as a good friend.
Thank you, yea you are right i feel. I just need to stop looking into everything, stop being an idiot and be happy. He's been fine with today and it's cool.
To the person above, he never actually said he was not interested or what he felt. The only thing he said in summer was that he had nothing to be angry about.
When someone's in love with a friend - and I've been there personally - it can be too much to cope with. I don't think you should feel any guilt about ending a friendship in those circumstances. If you are in love with a friend, in a sense, it is not a friendship for you anyway, as you're not really experiencing that person in that way, not really appreciating them as a friend, (although you might think you are), as you're looking at them all the time through the lense of love and the possibility of love developing.
I've seen people become very bitter and very vindictive and very nasty and into destructive behaviours like self medicating and addictions due to the strain of being in love with a friend. I don't think it was their fault, I just think the strain was too much for them. It can be better to step away, although I agree a text is not the best way to do it.
To be honest, most friendships end at some point anyway so I never see any point in putting them before love. You could suffer agonies of unrequited love for this guy for a few years, and then his lifestyle might change and suddenly he'll be the one doing the friendship ending, although probably in a more by degrees gradually sort of way, as per what usually happens in life with even the best friends. Then you are left with, what, the memories of several years spent wasted in suffering, years which you'll probably only want to forget - a bad time in your life.
It could be too that this guy is a bad friend who's messing you about, not being fair on you, not being honest with you, playing games with you - but you may well not be able to see this as it is so hard to accurately assess someone you're in love with. He may not be in behaviour the great friend you think he is.
So if you want to let him go, I'd say go for it, look after yourself and do that. It will be hard and hurt but with effort you can heal and have more peaceful times and hopefully then happy times and meet the right person for you.
Not really no. When you give advice, you really need to understand that most people are not like you and therefore what applies to you may not necessarily apply to them.
Him: U should really stop drinking by yourself
Me: lol yea i know
Him: Tit
Me: How was your friend?
Him: Seeing her at half 7
Me: Ahh, well its just a quiet fri night
Him: Why drink then?
Me: Cos it makes me feel better
Him: It hides your problems, its like running away
Me: Well how do i deal with them then?
Him: With a face like that F knows
Me: lol
Him: Come Tmz?
And so on. Everything is fine now.
Of course I'm not just going by myself, but from what I observe of relatives, friends and acquaintances also.
I'm in my forties. I've no idea what age the OP, is but I have witnessed that friendship seems a lot different to many people in their 30s and 40s than in their 20s. So many of the inseparable couples of yesteryear haven't been speaking for years and years and criticise each other to other people. People settling down in marriage, and having children and not having any time for the friends of the past who are single and childless - I know two seriously broken hearts regarding that. We will have to agree to disagree; I don't see people surrounded by the ever faithful friends of yesteryear so I would say it's a mistake to become too dependent regarding relying on friends.
that's great. But being in love with a friend really can be absolutely soul destroying.
So have you ever told him how you feel? If so, what was his reaction? If not, then I am assuming he has guessed from your behaviour?
I've never said directly what i feel. In the summer i told him i had a letter to give him and it was important. I ripped it up when at this and he just said that he's not gay, without me saying actually how i felt.
I asked him why he made me come all that way, as we live a bit of a distance, if he knew what it was. He never answered.
First off, brace yourself - cos this is going to be harsh, direct and blunt - but please read it all as it is meant with kindness.
(Edited to add - reading back this is REALLY blunt, but meant with good intention !!)
Back off !!!
Leave the poor sod alone and stop pestering him, most of all stop reading into every thing he says and stop posting your 'private' texts on here.
Been there, done that (well I never posted transcriptions of private conversations for public dissection - for which you actually seek affirmation from someone that there is a hidden meaning and he feels the same about you - go on, be honest !!).
(Sorry - said this would be harsh and blunt).
For whatever reason, the guy isn't interested - be he gay, straight or otherwise.
You have two choices -
1) stay as 'just friends', accepting that it goes no further and that you will have to live with how that will tear at your heart.
2) cut loose now, drift apart, and keep him as a happy memory of 'what might have been'.
Option 1 - gets harder and harder to do (trust me) and you will likely end up getting on his nerves with constant, even if unintentional, hints at becoming 'closer'. Eventually he will either tell you to do one, or will ensure that the relationship/friendship 'drifts' - or he will end up in a long term relationship which you will resent, as much as you love him. Long short and tall - you will get hurt.
Option 2 - it will hurt for a bit, you may even stay in touch but it will be different and you will start to feel 'less' for him. You may even find that it is you that finally cuts the strings and moves on. You will never forget him or what you have felt for him, but it will ultimately be easier - on you, and on him, in the long run.
Sorry, as I am sure none of this was what you wanted to hear, but believe me when I say I am not being a bitch, I am not being cruel for the sake of it, and that I have been through this (more than once - we never learn, hey !!).
Unrequited love is one of the most painful things to deal with - it never gets easier, it never gets better and no matter how many times you go through it, you will always believe 'this time it will be different'.
Let this guy, however lovely he is, go - whilst you are craving his affection you will miss a thousand opportunities to meet the man of your dreams as you are holding a candle to a man you are not going to 'get'.
What I do think, is that you sound like a loving and caring person, a good person and someone who can and will meet a lovely man that you will have a great life with - just don't let that man walk on by whilst you are smitten with someone who will never be 'the one'.
Hate me if you like for saying this, and I am sure that there will be people saying that I am 'speaking for me' or 'bitter and twisted' from my own experiences.
Well I am speaking for me, and from my own experiences, many of which I would love to be able to change.
I wish you well - I would love this guy to actually be 'the one', but I really feel that it is unlikely. Go out and meet the man that wants you as much... no, wants you even more than you want him. You deserve him !
His reaction shows he does not reciprocate your feelings. If he liked you, he would be with you. Since you have decided to continue the friendship (which I think will be painful and unbearable in the long run), the best thing you can do is convince yourself there is zero chance of it ever developing into anything else. Unfortunately that is the reality.
Yea you are right, you are all right. I went to see him today as he said for me to visit and everything was fine. Only i know me and i know in time i will get over it. He's a great friend so i'm going to cherish that.
Grindr for me