Your clothes plan sounds fine, don't worry. If you're going to a graveside though, think about your shoes. It's likely to be muddy so flats or wider heels will make you feel more confident.
My best advice is to check with the family as to what they'd prefer. My mum went to a funeral in Bristol a few months ago and asked if a black skirt and black T-shirt would be appropriate and they said 'no problem'.
Your central point. That it doesn't matter what people think is fundamentally wrong. That is the only thing that matters.
What "other people" think is the "only thing that matters."??
When I pop my clogs I'd love to think that my friends and loved ones simply made the effort to be there to remember me and remember me with fondness.
Who wants a miserable gathering of people mourning in black observing "longstanding" mourning traditions?
At my mum's funeral some time back my kids made upbeat speeches about her and the family gathered together later and laughter by far outweighed misery and mourning.
The fact that you were there was all we asked.
Two years ago I attended a "Humanist" funeral and it was a marvellous celebration of a lovely person's life.
What "other people" think is the "only thing that matters."??
When I pop my clogs I'd love to think that my friends and loved ones simply made the effort to be there to remember me and remember me with fondness.
Who wants a miserable gathering of people mourning in black observing "longstanding" mourning traditions?
At my mum's funeral some time back my kids made upbeat speeches about her and the family gathered together later and laughter by far outweighed misery and mourning.
The fact that you were there was all we asked.
Two years ago I attended a "Humanist" funeral and it was a marvellous celebration of a lovely person's life.
I've attended many up beat funerals too. And have dressed accordingly. At my funeral I would expect people to dress accordingly too.
But in doing so you are doing what the relatives wish. Which cuts both ways. If the deceased and their family were a particular religion for example that required a certain dress at the funeral it would be disrespectful not to go along with that. Just as be to not wear shorts and a t-shirt if those were the expressed wishes of the family. You may think wearing black is old fashioned, but some people are old fashioned, as is their right.
In this context the only thing that matters is what other people think.
What "other people" think is the "only thing that matters."??
When I pop my clogs I'd love to think that my friends and loved ones simply made the effort to be there to remember me and remember me with fondness.
Who wants a miserable gathering of people mourning in black observing "longstanding" mourning traditions?
At my mum's funeral some time back my kids made upbeat speeches about her and the family gathered together later and laughter by far outweighed misery and mourning.
The fact that you were there was all we asked.
Two years ago I attended a "Humanist" funeral and it was a marvellous celebration of a lovely person's life.
Hear hear. That's exactly the point I was making.:)
at my gran's funeral a woman turned up in jeans. she said sorry about the jeans i didn't have a black skirt. i remember thinking hmmm did you not have literally anything else because it would have been better.
not that i was bothered but i did notice.
My darling dad died last year and I can honestly, hand-on-heart, say that I did not notice what anybody was wearing at his cremation, though I'm positive that some people turned up dressed 'inappropriately', given that he had a lot of rather unconventional friends. Neither me nor my mum cared less what people looked like - what we remembered, and enormously appreciated, was the effort people made to be there, on a horrible, stormy weekday, some of them from very far away, and the lovely things they said about Dad.
Seriously, it doesn't matter what you wear or what other people think that's the issue here.
that some people like to have funerals that are not sombre these days? and that rather than the black jacket and trousers OP was thinking of wearing she should wear whatever she likes to the funeral of someone she doesn't know?
as i've said before some people do like to have not sombre funerals. and if that is what they want then that is what you should do. it is not for you to decide it unilaterally.
I wear what my mam would have wanted me to wear, black suit/tie/shoes freshly ironed white shirt, cream long burberry mac if it's inclement
because to me it shows respect.
my wife would wear similar, black but with a bright non patterned coloured blouse, its no less formal but adds a splash of light in the gloom
Apart from funerals I haven't worn a suit since my wedding day, 40 odd years ago
but it's the one occasion I think that other peoples feelings are as important as my own as regards dress
and if I didn't I'd here my mam going "you're not going out like that are you"
My best advice is to check with the family as to what they'd prefer. My mum went to a funeral in Bristol a few months ago and asked if a black skirt and black T-shirt would be appropriate and they said 'no problem'.
.....and if they say it doesn't matter, wear smart black clothes (a white blouse is fine). Casual wear might be seen as disrespectful, so best to play safe. A funeral is not the place to flash your individuality around, it's about someone else and their life/death, and the wishes of their family are paramount. (Just keep your head down, and hope they've picked a hymn you know the words to, lol.)
I wish we were more like Mexico when it comes to death they celebrate their life instead and have a big party. I'm sure those passed would much rather see the left behind smiling as they remember their lives with joy rather than sorrow
.....and if they say it doesn't matter, wear smart black clothes (a white blouse is fine). Casual wear might be seen as disrespectful, so best to play safe. A funeral is not the place to flash your individuality around, it's about someone else and their life/death, and the wishes of their family are paramount. (Just keep your head down, and hope they've picked a hymn you know the words to, lol.)
Comments
What don't you understand Pippa?
Which bit of English has made you think I'm not fluent?
What "other people" think is the "only thing that matters."??
When I pop my clogs I'd love to think that my friends and loved ones simply made the effort to be there to remember me and remember me with fondness.
Who wants a miserable gathering of people mourning in black observing "longstanding" mourning traditions?
At my mum's funeral some time back my kids made upbeat speeches about her and the family gathered together later and laughter by far outweighed misery and mourning.
The fact that you were there was all we asked.
Two years ago I attended a "Humanist" funeral and it was a marvellous celebration of a lovely person's life.
I've attended many up beat funerals too. And have dressed accordingly. At my funeral I would expect people to dress accordingly too.
But in doing so you are doing what the relatives wish. Which cuts both ways. If the deceased and their family were a particular religion for example that required a certain dress at the funeral it would be disrespectful not to go along with that. Just as be to not wear shorts and a t-shirt if those were the expressed wishes of the family. You may think wearing black is old fashioned, but some people are old fashioned, as is their right.
In this context the only thing that matters is what other people think.
Hear hear. That's exactly the point I was making.:)
My darling dad died last year and I can honestly, hand-on-heart, say that I did not notice what anybody was wearing at his cremation, though I'm positive that some people turned up dressed 'inappropriately', given that he had a lot of rather unconventional friends. Neither me nor my mum cared less what people looked like - what we remembered, and enormously appreciated, was the effort people made to be there, on a horrible, stormy weekday, some of them from very far away, and the lovely things they said about Dad.
seriously that was your point when you said:
that some people like to have funerals that are not sombre these days? and that rather than the black jacket and trousers OP was thinking of wearing she should wear whatever she likes to the funeral of someone she doesn't know?
as i've said before some people do like to have not sombre funerals. and if that is what they want then that is what you should do. it is not for you to decide it unilaterally.
and you ask if i'm fluent in english.
because to me it shows respect.
my wife would wear similar, black but with a bright non patterned coloured blouse, its no less formal but adds a splash of light in the gloom
Apart from funerals I haven't worn a suit since my wedding day, 40 odd years ago
but it's the one occasion I think that other peoples feelings are as important as my own as regards dress
and if I didn't I'd here my mam going "you're not going out like that are you"
Well, yes...
OP, I'd agree that ALL black would be too much. Go with the white blouse and black trousers & jacket - it certainly won't look too "officey".
Best post yet!