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Things that NEVER happen in porn

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  • Speak-SoftlySpeak-Softly Posts: 24,737
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    #27
    exlordlucan wrote: »
    You never see a dog on the bed.

    ...............except on specialist sites.:eek:
  • EVILSPEAKEVILSPEAK Posts: 980
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    #28
    Nobody ever cums inside the woman, they always have to spray they're ectoplasm over her face, tits, lady parts etc etc.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 9,720
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    #29
    No one says "is it in yet?"
  • User68571User68571 Posts: 3,901
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    #30
    exlordlucan wrote: »
    Do many do that anyway?

    From experience....yes! Virtually all have at some point...imo
  • User68571User68571 Posts: 3,901
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    #31
    exlordlucan wrote: »
    You never see a dog on the bed.

    True....but I have seen the odd video or two where an amateur performer is hammering themselves silly and a cat walks past....kinda ruins the moment!
  • BumbleSquatBumbleSquat Posts: 7,176
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    #32
    Elissa Richards wrote: »
    True....but I have seen the odd video or two where an amateur performer is hammering themselves silly and a cat walks past....kinda ruins the moment!

    I saw one where the couple were going at it and a cat walked into the shot, stood looking at them for about 30 seconds and no joke, stared down the camera lens, then walked off looking so unimpressed.

    Natually all the comments on the video were all about the judgemental cat!
  • mellybumpsmellybumps Posts: 368
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    #33
    Nobody ever says "Ewww, why are you SPITTING on me?!"
  • User68571User68571 Posts: 3,901
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    #34
    BumbleSquat wrote: »
    I saw one where the couple were going at it and a cat walked into the shot, stood looking at them for about 30 seconds and no joke, stared down the camera lens, then walked off looking so unimpressed.

    Natually all the comments on the video were all about the judgemental cat!

    I'm sure there's a joke about an unimpressed pussy in there somewhere...:o;)
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,835
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    #35
    Nobody ever gives themselves a little clean before putting clothes on to go to an important business meeting.
  • a_c_g_ta_c_g_t Posts: 1,665
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    #36
    A condom being put on. Or the woman saying "Sorry love that's an outlet only not an inlet"

    "I aint sleeping on that damp patch!"

    Once I tried to get into a postion I saw once on a porn movie I did my soddin back in!!
  • MoonyMoony Posts: 15,093
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    #37
    Libitina wrote: »
    The plumber actually finishes mending the washing machine.

    To be fair - it doesn't happen often in real life either :D
  • MandarkMandark Posts: 47,940
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    #38
    A man turning down a woman's advances. They sometimes say "No!" or try to stop their trousers being pulled down but it doesn't last for long!!
  • MandarkMandark Posts: 47,940
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    #39
    EVILSPEAK wrote: »
    Nobody ever cums inside the woman, they always have to spray they're ectoplasm over her face, tits, lady parts etc etc.
    It happens quite a lot for the 'cream pie' shots!!
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 11,471
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    #40
    No one ever says 'I'm not in the mood for sex. Let's just cuddle instead'
  • John DoughJohn Dough Posts: 146,492
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    #41
    The 'music' never fails to start does it?:o
  • Delboy219Delboy219 Posts: 3,193
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    #42
    A huge argument, and the guy finishing himself off, to Babestation.
  • John DoughJohn Dough Posts: 146,492
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    #43
    exlordlucan wrote: »
    You never see a dog on the bed.

    Have you never seen the 'Adult channels' on Sky?;):eek:
  • pinkyponk34pinkyponk34 Posts: 1,244
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    #44
    EVILSPEAK wrote: »
    Nobody ever cums inside the woman, they always have to spray they're ectoplasm over her face, tits, lady parts etc etc.

    Yeah , I'm no expert on that sex thing, but that always troubles me too, just as he's about to climax a thought crosses his mind that the lady might enjoy his yucky jizz in her hair and up her nose.

    Also I've yet to see a, ahem, to coin a phrase , an unfirtunate "chocolate on his biscuit" incident . ;)
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 11,934
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    #45
    The girls never say "Really? Are you serious? OK, I'll give it a go, but you don't really look like a stereotypical lesbian to me".
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 3,396
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    #46
    Elissa Richards wrote: »
    The women doesn't immediately rush to the toilet with her hand cupped under her fufu to stop 'reproductive mucus' spilling on the floor after the deed is done.

    You say foofoo too? LOL
  • welwynrosewelwynrose Posts: 33,666
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    #47
    The bloke never collapses on the woman and starts snoring
  • cnbcwatchercnbcwatcher Posts: 56,681
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    #48
    Speak-Softly wrote: »
    ...............except on specialist sites.:eek:

    Don't even go there :eek::eek::eek:
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 11,934
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    #49
    And no one ever says, "Will you bloody hurry up and finish! CSI Miami's starting in five minutes!"
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 11,471
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    #50
    The woman never complains of having a headache or ever has to say to the guy 'It doesn't matter, it happens to everyone, it's not a big deal'
  • Stevie_DonaldStevie_Donald Posts: 394
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    #51
    a_c_g_t wrote: »
    A condom being put on. Or the woman saying "Sorry love that's an outlet only not an inlet"

    "I aint sleeping on that damp patch!"

    Once I tried to get into a postion I saw once on a porn movie I did my soddin back in!!

    You see that a lot more now than in "vintage" porn
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