Am I being unreasonable?

tellywatcher73tellywatcher73 Posts: 4,181
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I was buying a new car recently and have a close family member who has an old, unreliable car. My old car was due its MOT but I knew it didn't need much done to it and the car itself was worth about £1700. To cut a long story short, I said the family member could have the car but they'd have to get it MOT'd, thinking it would give them a fairly decent car that would do them a few years. They took it, put it through the MOT and then immediately sold it. TBH I'm quite annoyed about it as I could have put the car through the MOT myself and traded it in against my new car. They don't seem to think they'e done anything wrong and now I'm doubting myself if I'm even right to be annoyed. I'm not made of money myself and it took all my savings to buy the car I have now but if I'd traded the car in I could have had a little bit of cash left. I just thought I was doing the person a good turn.
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  • Jimmy ConnorsJimmy Connors Posts: 117,512
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    There is a school of thought that says, once you have given something, they can do as they please .... but I have to admit I'd be quite pissed off if I were in your shoes.

    They have effectively made a profit from your good turn. As you say, you could have traded the car against your new one.
  • Philip WalesPhilip Wales Posts: 6,373
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    I think you have every right to be annoyed, I know if I gave someone a gift and they went and sold it I'd be pretty miffed. All I can say is no lifts for them when their car breaks downs!!
  • susie-4964susie-4964 Posts: 23,143
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    Did you make it very clear that you were giving them the car for their own use because theirs was dodgy? If so, I'd tackle them on it, and I might even be tempted to demand half the profit. You probably won't get it, but the person needs to know that they acted badly and that you're very hacked off about it.
  • NaturalWorrierNaturalWorrier Posts: 649
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    You are not being unreasonable.

    If they had said to you "oh we want to sell that car once you give it to us", you would never had given it to them.

    You have every right to feel annoyed.
  • tellywatcher73tellywatcher73 Posts: 4,181
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    There is a school of thought that says, once you have given something, they can do as they please .... but I have to admit I'd be quite pissed off if I were in your shoes.

    They have effectively made a profit from your good turn.

    That is what was confusing me, as I did give them the car and obviously couldn't tell them what they could do with it but they knew why I was giving it to them and I kind of feel they took it under false pretences.
  • KidMoeKidMoe Posts: 5,851
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    Nah, you have every right to be annoyed by that, cheeky as hell.
  • susie-4964susie-4964 Posts: 23,143
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    That is what was confusing me, as I did give them the car and obviously couldn't tell them what they could do with it but they knew why I was giving it to them and I kind of feel they took it under false pretences.

    Well, you now know what they're like. Next time they want any financial help, just say that you've reached your charitable donation limit for the next 100 years, and unfortunately you're unable to help!
  • glasshalffullglasshalffull Posts: 22,291
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    You are not being unreasonable...and you've learned a £1700 lesson for the future when it comes to this relative.
  • Jimmy ConnorsJimmy Connors Posts: 117,512
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    That is what was confusing me, as I did give them the car and obviously couldn't tell them what they could do with it but they knew why I was giving it to them and I kind of feel they took it under false pretences.

    You have every right to be annoyed. They must have had it in their mind to sell it on when you offered it to them (they kept that quiet)

    I am afraid I would definitely have to have it out when them. It would annoy me until I did.
  • tellywatcher73tellywatcher73 Posts: 4,181
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    Thanks :) I actually feel a bit better now, I really thought I was being unreasonable about it. I'll definitely think twice in future but won't let it put me off helping anyone else out, just this person!
  • susie-4964susie-4964 Posts: 23,143
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    Thanks :) I actually feel a bit better now, I really thought I was being unreasonable about it. I'll definitely think twice in future but won't let it put me off helping anyone else out, just this person!

    That's the problem, isn't it? You do something nice for someone and they take advantage. I still do try to help people when I can, but as I've got older, I've become a lot more cynical, and I'm not as generous and naive as I used to be.
  • JELLIES0JELLIES0 Posts: 6,709
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    Reminds me of a work colleague who was fairly recently married at the time. He was pleading poverty and one of his workmates gave him his old washing machine in order to help take the strain off his over stretched finances. Just a few weeks later he very proudly told his generous mate that he had sold his washing machine at a profit.

    You have been taken advantage of and have every right to be annoyed.
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 1,704
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    Not unreasonable at all, I would be fuming if in your shoes. They took advantage of your generosity.

    Do have it out with them, if you don't you may find yourself simmering inside with anger and resentment (I easily hold a grudge if I feel like I've been taken advantage off and this sort of thing would seriously turn red with anger if I didn't say anything, learn from my mistake- give them what for!)
  • tellywatcher73tellywatcher73 Posts: 4,181
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    striing wrote: »
    I think it depends whether your conversation with the relative made it clear you thought you were doing them a favour by giving them a car that they could use in place of their current car (did they consider their current car to be as unreliable as you do?) or whether the conversation could have been interpreted as the relative doing you a favour by taking the car off your hands and putting it through the MOT - in which case it wouldn't be unreasonable for them to get the funds from it.

    It was made quite clear and it was also me that gave them their old car about 8 years ago. I told them the car was in good condition and I had a mechanic take a look at it first so I knew it would only cost around £100 for the MOT and if they paid that they would have a good reliable car at which point they told me they had just taxed their old car. I said they could claim a refund on that if they wanted as I would leave the tax disc on my old car and they said they would. There was no mention of selling the car on at all.
  • lem ramsaylem ramsay Posts: 1,076
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    Yes, that wasn't nice. I would be annoyed too!
  • RandomSallyRandomSally Posts: 7,068
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    JELLIES0 wrote: »
    Reminds me of a work colleague who was fairly recently married at the time. He was pleading poverty and one of his workmates gave him his old washing machine in order to help take the strain off his over stretched finances. Just a few weeks later he very proudly told his generous mate that he had sold his washing machine at a profit.

    You have been taken advantage of and have every right to be annoyed.

    I worked with someone who was pleading poverty and saying how her and her kids weren't able to have a holiday that year. We had a caravan at the time and I said they could use it and the only cost would be replacing the gas canister if it ran out, otherwise no worries.
    Went up to hand over the keys and show them the ropes etc. She then regaled us with how she was off to Corfu for two weeks when she and the kids had finished at the caravan, the daughter had just had a week's holiday in Spain with a friend and the boy was going off to Disneyworld in America for two weeks with his Dad. I felt rather taken advantage of but thought 'well maybe she'd been desperate to have a holiday together' to find out when I went back after a week to get the key that she'd buggered off with her new man for the week and left her cousin with her kids.
    Add to that the gas was totally empty and unchanged and the kitchen area was left filthy I never, ever let anyone else use it again.
  • tellywatcher73tellywatcher73 Posts: 4,181
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    striing wrote: »
    Sounds like they had a plan in mind when they said they'd taxed their old car. Don't give them anything else.

    Did you ask them why they sold the car?

    (No you're not being unreasonable.)

    TBH I haven't been to see them since I found out they sold it and they haven't contacted me. I have ended up out of pocket in dealings with them before but in much smaller amounts that I have just written off. They knew how much the car was worth and I guess they just saw a way of getting easy money.
  • PotkettlePotkettle Posts: 2,302
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    TBH I haven't been to see them since I found out they sold it and they haven't contacted me. I have ended up out of pocket in dealings with them before but in much smaller amounts that I have just written off. They knew how much the car was worth and I guess they just saw a way of getting easy money.

    You say that you have had similar happen in the past. Why did you not learn from that? If I had been taken for an idiot in the past, I would not go back for more of the same.

    I too would be really annoyed. BTW, how much money did they make on it and did they buy another car?
  • tellywatcher73tellywatcher73 Posts: 4,181
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    Potkettle wrote: »
    You say that you have had similar happen in the past. Why did you not learn from that? If I had been taken for an idiot in the past, I would not go back for more of the same.

    I too would be really annoyed. BTW, how much money did they make on it and did they buy another car?

    Before it was just a few pounds here and there over the years that I thought they had just forgotten to give me and didn't want to chase them for. As far as I know they still have the older car I gave them and my other relative said they got £1500 for the car which deducting the £100 for the MOT is a £1400 profit. I was offered £1700 for the car by a neighbour if I had MOT'd it and had the option of trading it in against my new car.
  • logansdadlogansdad Posts: 1,068
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    You've every right to be annoyed! We helped out a relative who was pleading poverty while trying to buy their first house, we gave them some money to help out and they went and bought a complete home cinema system with it!!
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 410
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    i'd be annoyed
  • [Deleted User][Deleted User] Posts: 16,986
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    That's some way to reward your generosity.

    Keep it in your vaults for when they are in need of a helping hand/

    Bloody cheek.
  • gertrude hubblegertrude hubble Posts: 1,271
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    I'd be hacked off if a close family member did that to me. Depending on how close they were eg a brother I would say something to them and I'd tell Mum and Dad too;). I'm really annoyed on your behalf
  • CroctacusCroctacus Posts: 18,216
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    I'd be well pissed off and they'd never get another thing from me, not a Christmas card card, a birthday card, nothing.
  • Dan100Dan100 Posts: 2,383
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    Thought I'd wandered in to Mumsnet for a moment. The AIBU section is always game for a laugh.
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