Thought it warranted a bump since the stories this week have been "interesting"
Strictly Bitchy! By Alotta Bullshine
BBC bosses were in CRISIS talks last night after it emerged that none of their professional dancers can actually stand each other and that the we-all-love-each-other-it’s-one-big-family routine trotted out without fail over SEVENTEEN series is actually a PACK OF LIES. We can EXCLUSIVELY reveal that the fallouts began when nubile boobylicious babe Olive Jordan, 19, was called “an over made-up, overrated bint” by Peruvian new girl Karen Bower, 42. This prompted Olive’s husband, Strictly’s resident prick, James 39, to respond on Twitter with a picture of him burning an effigy of Karen and threatening her with death.
Karen’s husband, Kelvin 17, – who we believe originates from Hull, SENSATIONALLY reacted to the threats by setting fire to James’s hair on the live show.
However, there are more than just these couples causing RUCTIONS on set. Ukrainian sex pot Kristal Rhianoff, who is dancing with footballist and nine time winner of the World’s Best Arse Award, Benjy Coren, FURIOUSLY accused Spaniard Iveta Locomotion 35, of being “a frumpy, sexless prude.” Iveta, who is still receiving counselling from the events of the previous series, decided to prove busty Kristal wrong and danced the entire show wearing nothing but a diamond encrusted merkin.
Not to be outdone, new boy Alijaz Somethingorother, 19, RUTHLESSLY attacked fellow Russian Artem Chinthingy 46, by labelling him a “toothy orange twa*t” before BRUTALLY pushing him down the stairs. Show insiders have also EXCLUSIVELY revealed that Vincent and Flavoursome’s departures from this year’s series may have something to do with aged dancer Anthony De Bexley, 85. Neither of the Portuguese tangoists has been seen and a missing persons report may or may not have been filed.
Head judge, Ben Goodlady, 93, was not surprised by the fallouts when we failed to ask him. “I’m not surprised.” He probably said. “Even us judges don’t get on. There’s not a day goes by where I don’t have to punch Bruno in the balls and the reason Craig has the walking stick is nowt do with a hip replacement let me tell you!” Although he would not be drawn, Goodlady was hinting that former Hip Hop Dance judge, Darcey Brussels, 40, may have been responsible for Craig’s injury when she CRUELLY reversed her Range Rover across his legs several times.
It is now understood, largely by us, that the show may have to be PREMATURELY called to an end as BBC producers fear the violence amongst the dancers may escalate and kill fossilised presenter Bruce Forshit for ever meaning his gets-dressed-in-the-dark co-host Tress Daly, wife of Jamaican international footballist Omar, the job fulltime. “It is a horror too far that one!” They apparently said.
Are you surprised that competitive people are not always friends? Have you ever been chinned by Anya or Janette? Then contact us on 0890099488484999494 or Tweet @thisisnotarealpaper
Popular show Strictly Come Prancing was in turmoil this evening with SHOCKING revelations about professional KevinfromGrimsby, affectionately known as KFG
Our intrepid reporters have uncovered his birth certificate which gives his true name as KevinFromCleethorpes.
He had to change his name after a protracted legal battle with fast food chain KFC.
Their spokesman, a Colonel Saunders, said that KevinFromCleethorpes was in danger in causing damage to their brand by negative association
"I mean- look at the lad, he's tiny, clearly never had a Chicken MegaBucket in his life"
Apparently the pocket sized dancer originally wanted to change his name to KevinFromScunthorpe but was dissuaded from doing so because of the ballroom dance tradition of shortened names used as nicknames.
Popular show Strictly Come Prancing was in turmoil this evening with SHOCKING revelations about professional KevinfromGrimsby, affectionately known as KFG
Our intrepid reporters have uncovered his birth certificate which gives his true name as KevinFromCleethorpes.
He had to change his name after a protracted legal battle with fast food chain KFC.
Their spokesman, a Colonel Saunders, said that KevinFromCleethorpes was in danger in causing damage to their brand by negative association
"I mean- look at the lad, he's tiny, clearly never had a Chicken MegaBucket in his life"
Apparently the pocket sized dancer originally wanted to change his name to KevinFromScunthorpe but was dissuaded from doing so because of the ballroom dance tradition of shortened names used as nicknames.
Popular show Strictly Come Prancing was in turmoil this evening with SHOCKING revelations about professional KevinfromGrimsby, affectionately known as KFG
Our intrepid reporters have uncovered his birth certificate which gives his true name as KevinFromCleethorpes.
He had to change his name after a protracted legal battle with fast food chain KFC.
Their spokesman, a Colonel Saunders, said that KevinFromCleethorpes was in danger in causing damage to their brand by negative association
"I mean- look at the lad, he's tiny, clearly never had a Chicken MegaBucket in his life"
Apparently the pocket sized dancer originally wanted to change his name to KevinFromScunthorpe but was dissuaded from doing so because of the ballroom dance tradition of shortened names used as nicknames.
It has emerged that Strictly Go Prancing, the BBC's flagship show, is being hit by a new lawsuit. Manufacturers of remote controls are unhappy at the departure of the show's host Bruce Foresight (108). The director of ACME Remotes told us "This will hit business hard. Foresights presence had millions of viewers pummelling the FF button into oblivion every week, leading them to need multiple replacements. Now that he's left there will be no need for people to treat their remotes so roughly and they therefore will not need replacements. We've had no choice but to sue for loss of earnings."
Bosses at the BBC have tried to placate the situation by poaching sexy Irish dancer Tristan Macarena from their sister show Prancing With The Zlebs. An insider said "Now we will have hoards of women pummelling the rewind button instead to watch him over and over. No remote will be safe from such an onslaught."
Only time will tell if such measures will be enough.
It has emerged that Strictly Go Prancing, the BBC's flagship show, is being hit by a new lawsuit. Manufacturers of remote controls are unhappy at the departure of the show's host Bruce Foresight (108). The director of ACME Remotes told us "This will hit business hard. Foresights presence had millions of viewers pummelling the FF button into oblivion every week, leading them to need multiple replacements. Now that he's left there will be no need for people to treat their remotes so roughly and they therefore will not need replacements. We've had no choice but to sue for loss of earnings."
Bosses at the BBC have tried to placate the situation by poaching sexy Irish dancer Tristan Macarena from their sister show Prancing With The Zlebs. An insider said "Now we will have hoards of women pummelling the rewind button instead to watch him over and over. No remote will be safe from such an onslaught."
Only time will tell if such measures will be enough.
First of the year! The show hasn't even started but KMC is on the ball!:D
Anyhow, my contribution (might not be as good as my previous attempts)
Fury on the Dancefloor.
By Truly Ridiculous-Darling
Fans and dancers alike are apparently furious after the introduction of a guest judge to the panel on hit Thursday night show, Strictly Dance Stars. Aged whirler Antony De Bexley, is reportedly furious that pudding-faced guest judge, 70s whiner Dommy Osborne, described his choreography on Saturday as “utter dogsh*t” Similarly, antique faffer Tim Winnalot, (78) was unhappy with some of Osborne’s comments. “What the f*** does he know?!” Tim blasted in his famous Cockney accent. “If ever I see him again I’ll chin him!”
Even radio DJ Scott Bills (21), described by ballet judge Prancy Bussell (50) as “a waste of blood, skin and organs” was told he resembled an “oompa loompas arsehole” by Osborne and he is now seeking compensation from terrified BBC bosses for cruel and unusual treatment. Bizarrely however, Osborne was full of praise for nobody Mark Wright’s Superman themed dance which was described by the show’s host, Tress Daley (58) as “akin to an epileptic fit only not as entertaining”
Mark’s Turkish partner Karen Bower is currently being treated for snow blindness after the sun reflected from Mark’s teeth during rehearsals. Mr White, famous for absolutely nothing, was apologetic when we spoke to him. “Soz” he said. Antony De Bexley, (88) has suffered a similar fate when the newly installed gnashers of his partner, Jude Burray, mother of Welsh tennis ace Rafa Nadal, caused him temporary vision loss. “To be honest” Antony told us “I’m quite happy not to be able to see. Especially when Jude dances.”
The show’s current favourite is alleged singer and part-time Santa’s elf, Frankie FromTheSaturdays, (21). Frankie, who recently gave birth to triplets and is married to footballist and all round bad guy, James Milner, delighted audiences with her expert ability to swish her skirt and immobilise her facial muscles in spite of her partner, Kelvin’s (12) gurning like a giraffe on ecstasy in front of her. “That takes some determination” Frankie might have said.
Are you furious? Let us know and we’ll exaggerate it. Contact us on 0890099488484999494 or Tweet @thisisnotarealpaper
Prancing Shocker: Woman Uses Reproductive Organs Without Our Knowledge! By U. Kipp
Controversy has hit the cast of ELC's Strictly Come Prancing today, as we can exclusively reveal that professional prancer Krinkly Ribenasoff has been using her reproductive organs without telling the media first.
At least, we assume so, because she was recently papped holding hands with her celebrity partner from last series, international chess player Bland Coldtits. As we all know, holding hands with someone is a surefire sign that they enjoy smashing pissers together.
It has also been rumoured that Ribenasoff - who recently celebrated her 72nd birthday by climbing Mt. Colinsalmon - has been trying to get her hands on this year's celebrity partner as well. In the show's first ever same-sex coupling (behaviour which we at the Heily Daily in no way condone - the combination of Claude Twizzlefringe and Toss Daly [91 in November] is bad enough), she has been paired with Simone Blue from the hit girl group The Webs. According to reports, Ribenasoff is already 'head over heels' for Blue. The news will come as a devastating blow to the singer, who just last week had to compete in a deadly Dansoff, dueling to the death with professional Irish woman Jennahienach O'Leprechaun-Guinness-Flanaganahan. Blue reportedly left the Mr Bean actress a 'bloodied corpse'.
Ribenasoff previously dated Sergeant Jonny Floorcleaner, her partner for the show's sixth series, and a finalist of series nine, former Neighbours star Kylie Minogue. We recently interviewed another of her partners, celebrity box-packer Joy Calzone, who managed to resist her charms.
'I managed to resist her charms', Calzone told us in an insightful exclusive interview. 'I spent the whole series in a steel chastity belt in an attempt to stop her trying to procreate with me'.
Ribenasoff was not available for comment, but we imagine she was last seen hurling her crotch at random passers by or something, there's no time to check facts.
Anyhow, my contribution (might not be as good as my previous attempts)
Fury on the Dancefloor.
By Truly Ridiculous-Darling
Fans and dancers alike are apparently furious after the introduction of a guest judge to the panel on hit Thursday night show, Strictly Dance Stars. Aged whirler Antony De Bexley, is reportedly furious that pudding-faced guest judge, 70s whiner Dommy Osborne, described his choreography on Saturday as “utter dogsh*t” Similarly, antique faffer Tim Winnalot, (78) was unhappy with some of Osborne’s comments. “What the f*** does he know?!” Tim blasted in his famous Cockney accent. “If ever I see him again I’ll chin him!”
Even radio DJ Scott Bills (21), described by ballet judge Prancy Bussell (50) as “a waste of blood, skin and organs” was told he resembled an “oompa loompas arsehole” by Osborne and he is now seeking compensation from terrified BBC bosses for cruel and unusual treatment. Bizarrely however, Osborne was full of praise for nobody Mark Wright’s Superman themed dance which was described by the show’s host, Tress Daley (58) as “akin to an epileptic fit only not as entertaining”
Mark’s Turkish partner Karen Bower is currently being treated for snow blindness after the sun reflected from Mark’s teeth during rehearsals. Mr White, famous for absolutely nothing, was apologetic when we spoke to him. “Soz” he said. Antony De Bexley, (88) has suffered a similar fate when the newly installed gnashers of his partner, Jude Burray, mother of Welsh tennis ace Rafa Nadal, caused him temporary vision loss. “To be honest” Antony told us “I’m quite happy not to be able to see. Especially when Jude dances.”
The show’s current favourite is alleged singer and part-time Santa’s elf, Frankie FromTheSaturdays, (21). Frankie, who recently gave birth to triplets and is married to footballist and all round bad guy, James Milner, delighted audiences with her expert ability to swish her skirt and immobilise her facial muscles in spite of her partner, Kelvin’s (12) gurning like a giraffe on ecstasy in front of her. “That takes some determination” Frankie might have said.
Are you furious? Let us know and we’ll exaggerate it. Contact us on 0890099488484999494 or Tweet @thisisnotarealpaper
We have some hot new gossip from the training rooms of hit TV show Strictly Done Prancing.
This Saturday for the Halloween special we can look forward to..
Radio DJ Nott Skills will be dancing to Incy Wincy Spider alongside his Russian Pro Partner Joannova Cliftonoff (who will be dressed as Little Bo Peep sponsored by the Disney store)
The insider info is that Joannova hopes that giving him eight legs to dance with will increase the chance of any two actually moving in sync with each other.
Amid fears that it's set to be the coldest winter since the last ice age, the Daily Speedy can exclusively reveal the plans being drawn up to utilise Max Branson (Jake Woody from popular soap Notquitecockneys to melt the snow. Mix, 73, will be dropped at snowbound locations where he will twerk the snow until it melts.
It is hoped that the collective hot flushes caused by Mex's raunchy moves will increase the national temperature by 4 degrees in a 100 mile radius of his bum.
Probably because the actual journalists are excelling themselves this year and have gone through parody and come out in the other side
It's Gonna Be a Winter Sizzler!!
Amid fears that it's set to be the coldest winter since the last ice age, the Daily Speedy can exclusively reveal the plans being drawn up to utilise Max Branson (Jake Woody from popular soap Notquitecockneys to melt the snow. Mix, 73, will be dropped at snowbound locations where he will twerk the snow until it melts.
It is hoped that the collective hot flushes caused by Mex's raunchy moves will increase the national temperature by 4 degrees in a 100 mile radius of his bum.
Don't know what put this gem of a thread back into my mind but with the search function fixed on DS, I decided I'd have a look for it.
There are some cracking posts here and I thought some posters might like to
a) read back
and
b) concoct a few for the current generation
Hope Fades For Mouthy DJ
By Sirius Lee Bonkers
Reports have reached the Daley Tossoff that stunning Radio 4 presenter Brick Hopeless has been banned from all media for the foreseeable future. Our On The Spot source, Don Wooden stated that every television station in existence (and some that haven't even been thought of yet) have put a ban on the sultry star after her graceless remarks following her exit from popular show Strictly Bum Lancing on Saturday. Ms Dope (19), who went out following a dance off against Shorn Ofhisdignity (8 inches and counting), made various allegations against the show and its participants, among them that head judge Surely Biased (29... what?) regularly pissed in her tea and that the dance off may or may not have been fixed after the producers may or may not have spoken to the judges or possibly the presenters or at least the Man in the Hat or maybe not.
Following Dim Woofwoof's claims, the Tossoff contacted as many stations as we could be arsed to possible. BBC ZList stated that this was not true and that Mr Hole was welcome to audition for its new celebrity reality show, "I'm Tied To a Lamppost With a Ball Gag In My Mouth, Get My Agent On the Phone Now!", DaveJarJarBinks said to give them a few years and they might think about reissuing this series of Strictly and The (Not Very) Adult Channel said they'd be happy to sign her up so long as she had a haircut cos "that barnet'll cover all her best bits".
Mr Wonton also contacted Surly Malice (okay will admit to 35 but that's as far as I go) for comment. Her precise words were, "No of course I didn't hate the talentless tart, now piss off you revolting little oik."
Thank you for digging up this thread. I think I've just shed a bucket load of tears. My kids haven't a clue what I'm laughing at and I just can't explain it!!!!! Some brilliant posts. I wish I was half as articulate and creative 😂😂
Don't know what put this gem of a thread back into my mind but with the search function fixed on DS, I decided I'd have a look for it.
There are some cracking posts here and I thought some posters might like to
a) read back
and
b) concoct a few for the current generation
Hope Fades For Mouthy DJ
By Sirius Lee Bonkers
Reports have reached the Daley Tossoff that stunning Radio 4 presenter Brick Hopeless has been banned from all media for the foreseeable future. Our On The Spot source, Don Wooden stated that every television station in existence (and some that haven't even been thought of yet) have put a ban on the sultry star after her graceless remarks following her exit from popular show Strictly Bum Lancing on Saturday. Ms Dope (19), who went out following a dance off against Shorn Ofhisdignity (8 inches and counting), made various allegations against the show and its participants, among them that head judge Surely Biased (29... what?) regularly pissed in her tea and that the dance off may or may not have been fixed after the producers may or may not have spoken to the judges or possibly the presenters or at least the Man in the Hat or maybe not.
Following Dim Woofwoof's claims, the Tossoff contacted as many stations as we could be arsed to possible. BBC ZList stated that this was not true and that Mr Hole was welcome to audition for its new celebrity reality show, "I'm Tied To a Lamppost With a Ball Gag In My Mouth, Get My Agent On the Phone Now!", DaveJarJarBinks said to give them a few years and they might think about reissuing this series of Strictly and The (Not Very) Adult Channel said they'd be happy to sign her up so long as she had a haircut cos "that barnet'll cover all her best bits".
Mr Wonton also contacted Surly Malice (okay will admit to 35 but that's as far as I go) for comment. Her precise words were, "No of course I didn't hate the talentless tart, now piss off you revolting little oik."
WHY!!! I am crying with laughter right now. Brick Hopeless
With the ongoing confusion around Kevinfromhull, we now hear that Ali Baba is not actually from Slovenia as previously claimed. We understand that that he originates from Welshest Wales and is actually married to Amy Showbizface not Jean Mouthopenallthetime. When quizzed on this he said “look boyo, I am not Welsh and neither is my nephew. You’re a twmffat”.
Comments
Brilliant .........
Our intrepid reporters have uncovered his birth certificate which gives his true name as KevinFromCleethorpes.
He had to change his name after a protracted legal battle with fast food chain KFC.
Their spokesman, a Colonel Saunders, said that KevinFromCleethorpes was in danger in causing damage to their brand by negative association
"I mean- look at the lad, he's tiny, clearly never had a Chicken MegaBucket in his life"
Apparently the pocket sized dancer originally wanted to change his name to KevinFromScunthorpe but was dissuaded from doing so because of the ballroom dance tradition of shortened names used as nicknames.
It has emerged that Strictly Go Prancing, the BBC's flagship show, is being hit by a new lawsuit. Manufacturers of remote controls are unhappy at the departure of the show's host Bruce Foresight (108). The director of ACME Remotes told us "This will hit business hard. Foresights presence had millions of viewers pummelling the FF button into oblivion every week, leading them to need multiple replacements. Now that he's left there will be no need for people to treat their remotes so roughly and they therefore will not need replacements. We've had no choice but to sue for loss of earnings."
Bosses at the BBC have tried to placate the situation by poaching sexy Irish dancer Tristan Macarena from their sister show Prancing With The Zlebs. An insider said "Now we will have hoards of women pummelling the rewind button instead to watch him over and over. No remote will be safe from such an onslaught."
Only time will tell if such measures will be enough.
First of the year! The show hasn't even started but KMC is on the ball!:D
Especially if you compare the made-up stuff we've posted with these actual "real life" stories in the press: http://forums.digitalspy.co.uk/showthread.php?t=2017213&page=4
http://forums.digitalspy.co.uk/showthread.php?t=2013556
Anyhow, my contribution (might not be as good as my previous attempts)
Fury on the Dancefloor.
By Truly Ridiculous-Darling
Fans and dancers alike are apparently furious after the introduction of a guest judge to the panel on hit Thursday night show, Strictly Dance Stars. Aged whirler Antony De Bexley, is reportedly furious that pudding-faced guest judge, 70s whiner Dommy Osborne, described his choreography on Saturday as “utter dogsh*t” Similarly, antique faffer Tim Winnalot, (78) was unhappy with some of Osborne’s comments. “What the f*** does he know?!” Tim blasted in his famous Cockney accent. “If ever I see him again I’ll chin him!”
Even radio DJ Scott Bills (21), described by ballet judge Prancy Bussell (50) as “a waste of blood, skin and organs” was told he resembled an “oompa loompas arsehole” by Osborne and he is now seeking compensation from terrified BBC bosses for cruel and unusual treatment. Bizarrely however, Osborne was full of praise for nobody Mark Wright’s Superman themed dance which was described by the show’s host, Tress Daley (58) as “akin to an epileptic fit only not as entertaining”
Mark’s Turkish partner Karen Bower is currently being treated for snow blindness after the sun reflected from Mark’s teeth during rehearsals. Mr White, famous for absolutely nothing, was apologetic when we spoke to him. “Soz” he said. Antony De Bexley, (88) has suffered a similar fate when the newly installed gnashers of his partner, Jude Burray, mother of Welsh tennis ace Rafa Nadal, caused him temporary vision loss. “To be honest” Antony told us “I’m quite happy not to be able to see. Especially when Jude dances.”
The show’s current favourite is alleged singer and part-time Santa’s elf, Frankie FromTheSaturdays, (21). Frankie, who recently gave birth to triplets and is married to footballist and all round bad guy, James Milner, delighted audiences with her expert ability to swish her skirt and immobilise her facial muscles in spite of her partner, Kelvin’s (12) gurning like a giraffe on ecstasy in front of her. “That takes some determination” Frankie might have said.
Are you furious? Let us know and we’ll exaggerate it. Contact us on 0890099488484999494 or Tweet @thisisnotarealpaper
© Complete bollix productions
By U. Kipp
Controversy has hit the cast of ELC's Strictly Come Prancing today, as we can exclusively reveal that professional prancer Krinkly Ribenasoff has been using her reproductive organs without telling the media first.
At least, we assume so, because she was recently papped holding hands with her celebrity partner from last series, international chess player Bland Coldtits. As we all know, holding hands with someone is a surefire sign that they enjoy smashing pissers together.
It has also been rumoured that Ribenasoff - who recently celebrated her 72nd birthday by climbing Mt. Colinsalmon - has been trying to get her hands on this year's celebrity partner as well. In the show's first ever same-sex coupling (behaviour which we at the Heily Daily in no way condone - the combination of Claude Twizzlefringe and Toss Daly [91 in November] is bad enough), she has been paired with Simone Blue from the hit girl group The Webs. According to reports, Ribenasoff is already 'head over heels' for Blue. The news will come as a devastating blow to the singer, who just last week had to compete in a deadly Dansoff, dueling to the death with professional Irish woman Jennahienach O'Leprechaun-Guinness-Flanaganahan. Blue reportedly left the Mr Bean actress a 'bloodied corpse'.
Ribenasoff previously dated Sergeant Jonny Floorcleaner, her partner for the show's sixth series, and a finalist of series nine, former Neighbours star Kylie Minogue. We recently interviewed another of her partners, celebrity box-packer Joy Calzone, who managed to resist her charms.
'I managed to resist her charms', Calzone told us in an insightful exclusive interview. 'I spent the whole series in a steel chastity belt in an attempt to stop her trying to procreate with me'.
Ribenasoff was not available for comment, but we imagine she was last seen hurling her crotch at random passers by or something, there's no time to check facts.
And very much liked
Snort, LOL etc etc
We have some hot new gossip from the training rooms of hit TV show Strictly Done Prancing.
This Saturday for the Halloween special we can look forward to..
Radio DJ Nott Skills will be dancing to Incy Wincy Spider alongside his Russian Pro Partner Joannova Cliftonoff (who will be dressed as Little Bo Peep sponsored by the Disney store)
The insider info is that Joannova hopes that giving him eight legs to dance with will increase the chance of any two actually moving in sync with each other.
It's Gonna Be a Winter Sizzler!!
Amid fears that it's set to be the coldest winter since the last ice age, the Daily Speedy can exclusively reveal the plans being drawn up to utilise Max Branson (Jake Woody from popular soap Notquitecockneys to melt the snow. Mix, 73, will be dropped at snowbound locations where he will twerk the snow until it melts.
It is hoped that the collective hot flushes caused by Mex's raunchy moves will increase the national temperature by 4 degrees in a 100 mile radius of his bum.
Probably because the actual journalists are excelling themselves this year and have gone through parody and come out in the other side
There are some cracking posts here and I thought some posters might like to
a) read back
and
b) concoct a few for the current generation
Hope Fades For Mouthy DJ
By Sirius Lee Bonkers
Reports have reached the Daley Tossoff that stunning Radio 4 presenter Brick Hopeless has been banned from all media for the foreseeable future. Our On The Spot source, Don Wooden stated that every television station in existence (and some that haven't even been thought of yet) have put a ban on the sultry star after her graceless remarks following her exit from popular show Strictly Bum Lancing on Saturday. Ms Dope (19), who went out following a dance off against Shorn Ofhisdignity (8 inches and counting), made various allegations against the show and its participants, among them that head judge Surely Biased (29... what?) regularly pissed in her tea and that the dance off may or may not have been fixed after the producers may or may not have spoken to the judges or possibly the presenters or at least the Man in the Hat or maybe not.
Following Dim Woofwoof's claims, the Tossoff contacted as many stations as we could be arsed to possible. BBC ZList stated that this was not true and that Mr Hole was welcome to audition for its new celebrity reality show, "I'm Tied To a Lamppost With a Ball Gag In My Mouth, Get My Agent On the Phone Now!", DaveJarJarBinks said to give them a few years and they might think about reissuing this series of Strictly and The (Not Very) Adult Channel said they'd be happy to sign her up so long as she had a haircut cos "that barnet'll cover all her best bits".
Mr Wonton also contacted Surly Malice (okay will admit to 35 but that's as far as I go) for comment. Her precise words were, "No of course I didn't hate the talentless tart, now piss off you revolting little oik."
Like finding an old comfy pair of slippers.
WHY!!! I am crying with laughter right now. Brick Hopeless
With the ongoing confusion around Kevinfromhull, we now hear that Ali Baba is not actually from Slovenia as previously claimed. We understand that that he originates from Welshest Wales and is actually married to Amy Showbizface not Jean Mouthopenallthetime. When quizzed on this he said “look boyo, I am not Welsh and neither is my nephew. You’re a twmffat”.
Although it's sad to see so many posters who aren't here any more