This is Most Definitely Not An Appreciation Thread **Part 21**
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perdiedumpling wrote: »I'm always torn. Do you give him a good one who will make him work for his money, or do you give him a crap one because it doesn't matter if he has a good one, he won't bother anyway?
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Now better pop back for the booze, the help and chaises ....
Perhaps this would be a good time to re-post the thread manifesto?
Good idea Camis.
Thanks mods.
As we have a new part of the thread it's time for a reiteration of the DOT Manifesto for those who are too drunk and can't remember or are newby de-lurkers.
________________
What is a Non-App thread?
Well, it's the anti-thesis of an App thread, where you can come to have moan or a laugh, shamelessly take the mick out of the show that we all love. And make up nicknames.
It's somewhere where you can air little niggles and that is !!!11!!! free, where people don't deliberately misconstrue, don't use up the whole of DS's supply of capital letters and use smilies for their intended purpose.
You can say all the things that would get you thrown out of an App thread.
We welcome anyone with a witty comment and an attitude.
Why does X pull such weird faces?
What on earth has Y got on her head, and is it dead?
Is Z wearing that dress for a bet, and how much did she lose?
What would Bruce have done if.....?
Basic T&Cs of this thread (which have no legal basis whatever)
• Bring a sense of humour with you, and a bottle.
• Don't come on here for a whine about another thread please
You can *just* about say anything on here, just be amusing.
• You don't have to be drunk - just act like it.
• If you think we are all horrible, try another thread.....
....But you'll be back by the semi-final when it all goes wild out there
For all the pish taking the posters in here, we actually love the show as much (if not more, truth be told) than a lot of people 'out there'
We do our best not to be cliquey but admit that we can lapse into "Non-App Speak"...if you don't understand a nickname or a reference, just ask.
You don't have to be a whisky drinking middle aged woman of Irish extraction with a cat or two. It just helps.
PS - DOT stands for Drunken Old Tart.
(Young Teetotal Ladies and Men are also welcome)
Thank you Mod Towers.
If anyone can work out what they actually mean ^_^ :kitty:
Before Botox
:kitty:
After Botox
^_^
Moi?
(where's the innocently whistling smiley from my other forum?)
I´m quite partial to a !!!1!!! from time to time. ^_^ = uber smug smilie?
Should we dig out Strictly Bingo as well?
For Posterity and our new zelebs, the original Strictly Cliche Bingo from 2011. Some names may have to be replaced but you get the gist (plus bonus points if you can make Erin cry still applies if you ask me!):
STRICTLY CLICHE BINGO - for your entertainment
Hello fellow Strictly fans!
For your viewing pleasure, the Non Appreciation Thread brings you STRICTLY CLICHE BINGO!
Made for your entertainment, it is wonderfully crafted to bring you the ultimate do's and don'ts of Strictly.
Print it, Laminate it and play at home.
Use it as a drinking game (amounts at your discretion, too much alcohol will....yada yada yada)
Play along in this thread and spot Bingo! offences on ITT or the Main Show.
Send it too your favourite pro or celeb to warn them of the pitfalls of SCD.
The person to send it to ITT will receive Triple Bonus Points.
From the Non App Thread we wish you much ENJOYMENT.
♥♥♥STRICTLY CLICHE BINGO CARD♥♥♥
Mention Dead Relative who would have loved to see you do this.
Bring cute ickle kids to training - bonus points if they are your own.
In absence of ickle kids, grandkids are acceptable. Opting for nephews and nieces may be seen as trying too hard and could lead to a deduction of points.
Get a man-flu/cold in a tough week - wear loads of scarves and get bonus points.
Create a nickname/funny teamname/weird pronunciation of your name - bonus points if the latter is awarded to you by Bruno. Extra points if Craig uses your name and fabulous in syllables.
Have famous friends in the audience who can be mentioned ad nauseam during a live show and who - of course - you are mortified to dance in front of.
Nans in the audience are vote-winners - dead nans in the audience lead to maximum points on the bingo.
Complain about your heavy workload on top of your SCD schedule. - bonus points for video evidence.
If possible, create a bit of a showmance but make it believable. If you are already involved or your partner is, opt for a bromance with a fellow contestant who also never thought they'd do this show but still signed on.
Be competitive but keep it to yourself, too much of a good thing rubs viewers the wrong way.
Have a birthday, and be over excited and 'surprised' by a single, half filled balloon, preferably brought in by your TV husband/wife/mum/dad and a plate of stale nibbles. A life-changing birthday can last a few weeks. If you cannot have a birthday then a wedding could work
Invent your own dance step that you use in every dance whether it goes or not ... see Tittarubba, The Prancing Pony and The Hello Ducky Shimmy. Only advised to those who reach the latter parts of the competition, say past-Wembley.
Have a wound. Jade Johnson levels of wounding are not to be encouraged but a slight flesh wound, possibly involving an Ugg boot and packet of frozen peas could work. A bandage that can be revealed is always a go-er, although bleeding blisters are a bit off putting. Try to avoid taking a bye (infectious illness is the only excuse for this and you have to come back the next week still bearing the scabs). Just slotting in an operation on your day off is also good. Extra points are given if you can manage to wound your pro.
During the week, go visit a salsa club, or an AT night, or a tea dance to really get the feel of a dance. Then do not do anything authentically salsa-y, tangoish or foxtrotty on Saturday night.
If you are a man famous for playing a team sport, make sure you have at least one clip of you returning to your club so your team mates can josh you and then when you're out of the room say "seriously I think he's really brave" in the tone of someone who's just going for a tour of duty in Kandahar. This also works for soap actors/actresses and helps producers find their next contestants (/victims)
If you are forced to fill VT time by visiting a school to perform in front of a schoolclass you have absolutely no connection to you are not securing the ovarian vote. Be worried and decline as it will not work. If you are connected to the kids, go for it because cute kids equal bonus points.
Hammer home your superfan credentials, mentioning ad nauseum how you can't believe your luck at getting to wear the same dress as your toilet roll dolly and swoon in the arms of a rather toned hot dancer on a Saturday. While this might give you bingo points, it will work adversely on your votes if express it too much
Have fun, mention how much fun you're having at every available opportunity, prove how much fun you're having by doing monkey impressions during rehearsals and by laughing inanely on ITT. Too much fun will lose you votes though, everything in moderation
If you're not having fun and you feel the public are picking up on this, have a cry, stomp out of the training room camera in tow and make your pro have a strop. Bonus points if the pro isn't James or Brendan. Extra points if you make your male pro cry. Triple bonus points for making Erin or Natalie cry.
Have a huge argument for the VT - make out you JUST CAN'T DO IT!! and your partner is expecting too much from you. Crying adds bonus points, as does leaving the room and slamming the door. Extra bonus points are considered for crouching down outside with head in hands and partner understandingly rubbing your back/arm. Points are only awarded if you miraculously pull it off on the night to make it look suspiciously like you could do it anyway and the strop was for the sole purpose of the VT!
If you are emerging through the ranks as a judges favourite/contender, appear humble and modest. The Prayer Hands of Thanks can be useful in this, but overuse can cause irritation and lose you votes. Also used is the hand over heart while mouthing thank you at the glowing comments with a simpering look intended to convey suprise at doing well but be aware that doing the "aw shucks what little me good??" routine will backfire majorly if you're clearly and always have been brilliant and can lead to a deduction of points plus the dubious Internet honour of being called "smug"
Have a journey, don't mention this journey, don't mention it as "j-word" either. "Rollercoaster" is skating close to the edge but won't lose you points. Extra points for being upfront about previous dahnce experience, though this might lose you votes.
Give it 110% or larger, anything less than 110% will make you seem like a slacker. Bonus points for using quantaties larger than 1000%
Rediscover your confidence through the twin mediums of dance & reality tv. Confidence may have been lost via divorce (the more the better, double bonus points available if you've been married more times than Patsy Kensit), having had an enforced career break due to babies, illness etc, or having had too many 21st birthdays. If you find yourself being this character within the Strictly cast, mention you are "Doing it for the Girls/Divorcees/Single Mums/Geriatrics with full control over their Private Parts", these are high points scorers but might fare less with voters if used too much. Triple bonus points if you are Doing it for the Lads.
Aim for Wembley, but don't mention it until two weeks beforehand, you might appear desperate. Don't mention getting to Blackpool, it's the final so you might come accross too confident.
Beware of War Drobe! Manage to piss them off and feel their wrath. Avoiding the Natalie Cassidy memorial bow will get you bonus points. Don't question them too much but stay true to your own fashion sense, be it good or bad. Whichever it is, will either get you votes or lose you votes based on viewers discretion.
Humour Brucie, he sure won't humour you. Bear with Tess, there's a point in there somewhere...surely...otherwise show her your guns. Hand guns are not cool and will lead to point deduction.
Be funny with Zoe on ITT but know when to stop - prolonged hilarity when the moment has passed, been cremated and scattered over the White Cliffs of Dover will lead to point deduction.
Finally just be yourself, or the best version of yourself, or the version of yourself you want the world to see without being fake, dammit your career depends on this shit!
Bound to be some we can add to this for the current crop... But considering this lot so far are bland/nice/bland & nice I'm uninspired...
For those in bands, gain a bit of that sportsman! vibe by bringing in your bandmates. Band/team mates can and will dance with your pro. Bonus points if they are better than you.
If he doesn't pass the audition, I don't care that much. I think my bedpost might pine if I release him from there for too long anyway.
Just thought I'd mention it. He mixes a mean Sidecar, pours the Champagne just so and is terribly good at pints for those that might want to slum it occasionally. His charming repartee is also rather wonderful and now he's scrubbed up since his vampire days, he's really very presentable. (He was certainly exceptionally presentable when done up in sparkly wrapping and ribbons for Christmas a couple of years back.)
Anyway... just an idea.
I think the suggestion of Ioann Gruffydd may have be lost in the move. Just to here him say " love " in his real accent can set my heart a flutter for a week of more
(It's a well established fact my taste can, sometimes, veer towards the niche end of the market
Failing that, I'll just engage the services of Alan Rickman for the duration as on call bar staff.
I got there first!
Did she go to stage school and therefore study dance..........and therefore might she have an advantage over others who are true 'beginners?'
Same question regarding The Saturday.
I need to know the full picture so I can decide whether to unappreciate.