I thought grief was supposed to get better
Amazee-Dayzee
Posts: 1,809 Forum Member
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My dog of 9 years had to be euthanized on Wednesday because he couldn't walk anymore. We were barely able to get him in the car and when we took him to the vet, they gave us a choice: evasive tests which may not prolong his life or just let him go. We chose to let him go and I have been a roller coaster of emotions ever since. I had to go back to school today and I passed his outdoor pen. Just looking at it makes me feel so sad. I know Max is in a better place now and he is at peace but it just hurts. Not only that but I feel some guilt for not noticing something sooner.
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Everyone is different. Take as much time as you need. You shouldn't "have" to feel better in a certain amount of time. You feel better when you feel better, two days is way too soon though.
I am very sorry about your boy but I am absolutely sure you did you absolute best for him with the information you had at the time, if we all look back we can think of things we wish we did better or different but it doesn't help and we have to understand we did our best as we saw it.
And at the last you were there for him and he will have known that.
You need now to take care of yourself and let yourself have time to grieve and feel whatever you do. You will feel better with time but you will never be quite the same again they really leave a huge paw print on your heart I have found.
You'll have moments of sadness even years down the line that will completely catch you off guard.
I still can't eat chicken nuggets cos my dog had my last 2 when we got them from the chip shop.
My dog died 12 years ago.
My dog of 8 years died last year and it was pretty sudden (we think...we didn't see no warning signs). He just keeled over from a heart attack, it was one of the most saddest moments of my life. Naively and probably in a state of confusion/shock/hope we took him to an emergency vet who of course said he had died. Because we were so attached to him we did the right thing of letting the vet cremate him, because like my mum said, "If I'd have bought him home, I would have just been sat there cuddling him all day". It's so hard to let go.
I tell you what though, when we came back without him that day, we walked in and all his stuff was still here, it absolutely broke my heart. The next few days after that were just hazy, just sort of doing stuff you have to do because you have to do it. But after a few weeks you do start to feel stronger.
It's always worst at first, and I promise it will get better, though it's always sad
I think that some people underestimate how much having and losing a pet affects the family. As some of you may already know, my cat Winnie got hit by a car in November 2011. I was absolutely devastated, she was my baby and I suspect that you feel exactly the same about your dog. They really do become a part of the family and it can affect you just as much as the loss of a human.
It does get easier, honestly. I was quite lucky in the sense that Winnie had kittens and we kept one, so I still have a small part of Winnie in her kitten (now fully grown) Bungle. The house did feel empty without Winnie even though we'd not had two cats for very long. I think that the emptiness is the worst part of grief. Maybe you could consider getting another pet at some point? Maybe it would help? Not straight away though, give yourself time to grieve.
Take as long as you need.
Take care ((hug))
That gets my vote, we were in deep trouble unable to move on from losing Duncan early this year but bringing Betty into our home and hearts has been the best healing we could have done.
It's a reflection of how much they were loved, how much it hurts when they are gone
Some people can not bear the though of another pet afterwards, feeling it is like a betrayal almost, whereas others desperately need another to fill the huge void left behind. I am definitely one of the latter, (which is one reason I've had 80 odd over the years), although nothing will ever fill the hole one has left, and could nor would never replace one, I do find it a comfort to have another little bundle to care for. I feel that my pets would be perfectly happy with me giving another little one the same chance and love they themselves had off me, and that they would be more upset if I didn't do so, as there are so many out there needing homes.
With the benefit of hindsight we would all do things differently in all areas of life, but we are not fortune tellers, we cannot turn back time, and you have to remember you were not a nasty cruel person, you loved your dog, so dont look for things to beat yourself up over, its easy to do but please try not to.
As for the grief, it never really goes away just as when we lose a close human, but we learn to live with it and eventually put it in its correct box and at some point we remember with fond thoughts and not just with the pain of loss.
When you knew he was ill you did what you had to do for him as he could not do that himself, and I am sure he thanks you for that , for releasing him from any pain and suffering .
It's better in that it is not all consuming and that mostly I go about my life without thinking about it. I tend to put such experiences in a special box. Mostly the box goes unopened but if I do lift the lid, it is back with me like it was yesterday.
That's very well put.
As previously said, you don't get over it, you learn to live with it.
I hope this helps in a little way....my thoughts are with you and anyone that has had a loss in their life.....
It took some soul searching as to whether to get another spaniel. We loved Bessie so much and did not want to replace her but I missed having a dog around as did we all. So we got a puppy and she is now 7 months old and has brought some happiness back to us. We will never forget our lovely first spaniel and although I do not get as upset as I did at the start (however I did the other day out of the blue...that sort of thing will happen) I think of her a lot and the memories are just wonderful. You will be fine. May sound a little maudlin but a late relative of ours had a memorial service some time ago and being a dog lover himself someone had written a little note on the back of the service card that read "when you leave this life all the dogs that you have ever owned come racing towards you to greet you in heaven" .
My cat passed 4 years ago and I thought I couldn't go on, he was 19 and I couldn't remember him not being there. It does get easier, I do still have moments where I get sad and guilty and I still can't really talk about him but they are few and far between. We actually got a new kitten this year and I always said I could never have another one but you have to remember the good times with them.
We had 4 years of "we will never have another dog,it will never be the same"
but we had the last 12 months of "maybe one day" and recently it finally felt right,
dont get me wrong-it was not easy, Jakes lead and harness was still hanging up on the peg where its always been-when we got back from the vets that day 5 years ago, my other half hung it there and said that was where it would stay as if it was waiting for him to come home. (oh god im crying again now)
but today, we have Merlin, the most beautiful blue merle border collie ever seen. but we know his big brother Jake will be looking down on him.
The grieving will never leave you, but as time goes on you will remember more of the happier times of his 9 years than his final days.
Take care xx
Have just googled...gorgeous!