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Wedding speeches
Brucie Bonus
Posts: 482 Forum Member
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My friend is getting married. I am an usher. As my longest standing friend I asked if I could make a speech. He said that is fine but best ask the best man. That was fine as we were all old school friends together! My question is how long should I speak for? He is such a dear friend I wanted to make a tribute to him and his wife to be with a few anocdotes. Anyone also made a speech who wasn't a best man or father of the bride? Thank you.
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To be frank and honest, if there has been a brides father, possibly even a brides's speech, the groom and then the best man, when you get up to share some more anecdotes, people will think its a bit odd and say "Who's this no-mark?"
Maybe ask the best man if you can lead the toast instead?
Pay tribute to him and the bride?
What for?
It's a wedding not a eulogy.
If you want him to know how much you care then perhaps keep it private rather than making it about you.
Perhaps an effusive message in a wedding card would be more appropriate?
Seriously though...keep it very short and consult with the best man...maybe he could ask you to do a sixty second slot as a part of his speech...if you are friends with him as well you could make work quite well.
Unless of course what you really want is a bigger role for yourself...in which case ask to be the chief bridesmaid
Though I don't want to dampen you lovely enthusiasm for this wedding, I must say I agree that even with the agreement of your friend and his best man, you're putting your desire to make a speech above the wishes of the couple (if they wanted you to do a speech they'd have asked, which is a bit different from agreeing to it) and the other people there.
However...
1) At my sister's wedding, the best man spoke for 25mins. My dad spoke for 5 bless him, the groom for 10 and my sister for 5. Speech fatigue is a real thing and length is not representative of quality. Keep. It. Short.
2) Anecdotes - again, the best man at my sister's wedding told three long winded anecdotes, one that only people who were at the stag do would understand, all of which covering the same topic more or less. Anecdotes should be short and inclusive - everyone should 'get' it without 10 mins of preamble explaining it and don't shock the grannies. If the best man is doing anecdotes, cross reference it with his to make sure it isn't too samey.
3) How long should you speak for? 2-3 minutes, if that. It doesn't even have to be as fleshed out as an anecdote, it could be as simple as 'I've known since he first started dating x that this was the real thing etc, wish them a long and happy life together'.
You can sve the big tribute for them to privately read in the guest book.
I wouldnt have thought the speech would be an issue. My husband was best man at a wedding where the groom couldnt decide between his two close friends so had two best men. They both had to do a speech (neither of them wanted to so were hoping the other would!). And as far as i know that worked out ok. I think they both did short speeches though so it sort of worked out the same as having one long speech.
So long as you and the best man dont cover the same things it should be ok. Have you known the groom longer? If youve known him longer then maybe stick to ancedotes that the best man wouldnt cover so you dont end up awkwardly talking about the same things.
I think there are 2 better options.
1. Do a joint speech with the best man (if both he and the groom are agreeable to this). I have seen this done a few times and it can work well. When i was best man at a bilingual wedding i had the head usher come up and do part of the speech in French.
2. Ask if you can say a few words at the ceremony instead. You often get sisters/friends etc coming up to read a poem or say something nice about the bride and groom.
Yeah, usher is a literal description - you usher people to their seats! You can't expect little kids to do that. That's another helpful thing you can do on the way btw - offer to be a point of access for guests arriving at the venue. The couple can give everyone your number and if there are any stray lost or late guests then you can help them out.
On the other hand, the father of the bride's speech was superb.
Actually, I can see nothing wrong with anyone making a speech, provided it's short and coordinated with others'.
The 'protocol' for the wedding celebration is just a guide; the bride and groom can change it in whatever way they want.
Worked well.
Perhaps that could work for you and the groom/best man/et al OP:)
You put him in a difficult spot and he wouldn't offend you.
He's under enough pressure himself without a (well intentioned) friend inadvertently adding to it.
Your idea may now be adding to the best man's pressure.
Be a really good friend and put your heart into the part he wants you to play.
He wants you to be part of his big day. Just do that for him.
My son, his best man and his ushers spent enough time in the post wedding party bonding and hugging each other to everyone's amusement.
Enjoy the day for him:)
It's a nice idea but write what you want to say in the card, people at a wedding reception just want to get the speeches over with ASAP.
Many, many moons back my best friend asked me to be his best man.
I hadn't seen him in 18 months as we'd gone to different colleges - no mobiles, no internet back then - just letters
I was chuffed but surprised as his mother disapproved of most of his friends, including me.
Long story short, I heard no more and didn't even get an invite.
We met up around thirty years later at a school reunion.
We still had a massive bond and he put my wife and I up at his house and we were happy to see each other.
I never asked him but I noticed there were no wedding photographs amongst the many on display.
I was glad we met again.
Life's too short to sweat the small stuff.
My cousins getting married soon to a man whos recently divorced. He has chosen a close friend to be best man, the same bloke who was best man for him in his previous wedding!
Surely he cant stand up and say what a great couple they are, how they are suited to each other and how it will last, when it was only a few years ago he said the exact same thing about another woman!
Surely in this case it would be more appropriate for him to be given an usher role?