Friend advice sorry it's long
andys corner
Posts: 1,664 Forum Member
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Hi all hope someone can help. I am 31 and my friend is 32, we have been friends since starting high school together 20 years ago. Even then we were hugely different, he was confident and popular, I did better in lessons. Through high school we were inseparable and same for the first year at college, even though our courses were in different buildings, I stayed on as my course was 2 years and he went off and got a job. We kept on touch a fair bit, the trend continued I was more reliable, organised with money etc, he would spend all his wage on payday but would always land on his feet, plus being more confident and outgoing he had loads more friends than me. He was 20 and I was 19 when we had our first falling out, he had been engaged and split from her, I started going out with someone, they really disliked each other and one day I made an excuse to not meet up and went out with the girlfriend, I found out that day she had been cheating on me, words were exchanged and we didn't speak much for a few months. We would exchange numbers if these changed then a couple of years later I found out he was going out with someone I worked with, then he got a job with me. The girlfriend took a dislike to me and spread lies which he believed. I was annoyed at this and he then got engaged to her, they had a son together. As time went on he realised this situation wouldn't change. I was 27 and he was 28 when they split, she had cheated on him, made him do things that lost him another job where all 3 of us worked and he was back on touch regularly again. This carried on for about a year until contact was less and less frequent, usually asking if where he was sacked from had jobs going. Then suddenly a revelation, engaged again and getting married in Africa. I saw him about a year ago in town, vowed to keep in touch, he would text if he wanted a job reference etc, this meeting it was me with the drama- I had met someone and was engaged and getting married. We met a few months ago and he is getting divorced, she cheated on him and he lives at his mums, conversations are usually by text or what'sapp and end in him going silent, he asked who was best man at the wedding, because it's someone else he sulked, I asked if he was staying single after all this situation, he sulked, I won't go with him to meet a woman from a flirt/chat room thing (not a dating site, I suggested he try that instead) he sulks.
Am I a terrible friend?
Am I a terrible friend?
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Comments
I am posting from my phone. Recently when I ask a question or offer advice that's the last I hear from him
But I think longterm friendships often wax and wane. And sometimes they just come to a natural end. Doesn't mean either one or both of you are bad friends or bad people. Maybe it's just time to move on.
Mrs Mackinstish seems to have the concentration of a goldfish, has nothing useful to add but can't stop herself writing pointless comments.
Christian_Grey sounds like the sort of imbecile who thinks he's above all of this but can't resist reading, tries to make smart comments but just comes over as absurd.
My what a charmer you are. Have you read How To Win Friends And Influence People?
Don't know when my username changed to "Mackinstish", looks like your own concentration could be called into question, but then you're clearly trolling and you're not very good at it.
Andy's Corner. As you go through life, friendships will evolve, some will fall by the wayside, others will be there for the duration. All friendship is a "trade off" anyway, no friend is perfect, you just have to decide what you're prepared to put up with in order to get the good bits out of the relationship.
It's best to move on and let him be. When he's happier and more sorted he may want to get in touch. If you're whatsapping him and he doesn't reply, there's not much you can do.
Stop and see what happens.
Absurd? How will I cope at this insult from a random off the Internet! I think I may cry myself to sleep..
Me too. I'm cut to the quick.
Ironic he's posting in a thread about friendship, I think it might be a bit of an alien concept for him.
Perhaps we should feel honoured that he chose to write about us in of the four posts he's made since August. We must have really moved him
I was thinking that as well...he's probably having a lie down after all that typing and venting his spleen
Andy, how about write on a piece of paper good points and bad points, see which list is longer...maybe your answer will be right there. :-)
And who even sulks at 32
This is the script from "Beaches" isn't it?
No, you're not a terrible friend.
Why wouldn't they say they went to high school?? I'm 30 and nearly 20 years ago, I too started high school... Is it an alien concept that some schools are actually called high schools or am I really missing the point?
My brother-in-law is 37 and still sulks. I know for a fact he is not the only one. I used to sulk when I was about 19; the other day my best friend from uni and I were laughing about my immaturity back then (we're now in our 30s). I really don't know why adults sulk - it's really childish - but many still do it because it works as a weapon.
Didn't you know, it's only since High School Musical became popular that actual real life High Schools have been recognised as actual real life educational establishments.
However, I can confirm, as a 39 year old lady, that it was during my early secondary school life that the local "secondary modern" boys and girls schools decided to merge under the one heading of "High School" - so that would have been when I was about 12, 27 years ago - therefore, someone at 31 would have been highly likely to attend the establishment in it's new identity. Indeed, my younger brother did in fact attend that school when it was (and still is) a High School, and he is, in fact, 31 - case closed