I'm not sure if this has been covered earlier, but why not suggest the gathering is at the boyfriend's, and then he can invite who he wants?
He wasn't keen cos he wanted a quiet one as well apparently. How it got out of hand from there I don't know. I suspect the friends are putting a bit of pressure on him and he's trying to keep everyone happy and unfortunately failing miserably from all angles from the sound of it.
In all honestly, if he was serious about you and your relationship he should be past the whole "the lads come first" bullshit by now.
Sounds like it to me as well. If I was him I would have been inclined to ask one or two of my friends who had girlfriends to come along, to at least keep a good mix.
Sounds like it to me as well. If I was him I would have been inclined to ask one or two of my friends who had girlfriends to come along, to at least keep a good mix.
Exactly.
When you meet someone you are serious about you change and that person starts to take priority.
It doesn't sound like this guy has quite got there yet.
Sounds like it to me as well. If I was him I would have been inclined to ask one or two of my friends who had girlfriends to come along, to at least keep a good mix.
That's the exact thing I'm trying to promote here but it seems they all have to be together. Quite cute really if they were still 8....
I agree with most of the posters here..Although based on your replies, it seems that you still want to have the event to go ahead?? Teddybear99 gave good advice if you do decide to cancel the event.
As you're the host, you have every right to invite/decline anyone to your event.I would seriously re-consider if a boyfriend of mine were to give such an ultimatum. Give an inch and they'll take a mile comes to my mind.
I take it that a few of the uninvited are single? His mates knowing that they aren't welcomed in the first place, you never know what mischief they'll be up to in your home..smoking, peeing in your bathtub (heard this once in a pub), etc.
IF you do decide to do the event and succumb to your boyfriend's demand, I would defintely lock my bedroom doors if I were you..
How firm are you if they want to smoke in the house, get rowdy, etc. Will YOU be able to throw them all out. Just hope that they are a bunch of sensible, happy drunks and not angry/depressive/agressive ones..
Personally, I would rather just cancel the event and just go down the pub and have a pint with your bf and your mates..You'll get to ring the new year with your boyfriend and get to see first hand his mates behaviours..And not worry about your home getting destroyed in the process..
Yeah, that's what's becoming more and more apparent sadly
Or he is trying to do right by everyone and is getting caught up in a web of his own good intentions.
Incidentally, you are not being unreasonable - I would not expect to be pressured over someone I did not want in my home either. I would dig my heels in too.
I agree with most of the posters here..Although based on your replies, it seems that you still want to have the event to go ahead?? Teddybear99 gave good advice if you do decide to cancel the event.
As you're the host, you have every right to invite/decline anyone to your event.I would seriously re-consider if a boyfriend of mine were to give such an ultimatum. Give an inch and they'll take a mile comes to my mind.
I take it that a few of the uninvited are single? His mates knowing that they aren't welcomed in the first place, you never know what mischief they'll be up to in your home..smoking, peeing in your bathtub (heard this once in a pub), etc.
IF you do decide to do the event and succumb to your boyfriend's demand, I would defintely lock my bedroom doors if I were you..
How firm are you if they want to smoke in the house, get rowdy, etc. Will YOU be able to throw them all out. Just hope that they are a bunch of sensible, happy drunks and not angry/depressive/agressive ones..
Personally, I would rather just cancel the event and just go down the pub and have a pint with your bf and your mates..You'll get to ring the new year with your boyfriend and get to see first hand his mates behaviours..And not worry about your home getting destroyed in the process..
I agree, the advice was good. Going out is a good idea in theory but logically, I have a couple of out of towners coming hoping for a quiet one. Also, as I may have mentioned, I'm not handy for anywhere so getting home after would be a bit of a nightmare. I think I'll re-evaluate in the morning but it's looking like it'll be a party without boyfriend. Two years ago I agreed to babysit for new year, bloody wish I'd done that this time!
Or he is trying to do right by everyone and is getting caught up in a web of his own good intentions.
Incidentally, you are not being unreasonable - I would not expect to be pressured over someone I did not want in my home either. I would dig my heels in too.
Yeah, he could well be. It's just too bloody complicated for something that's meant to be lighthearted and fun!
I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. After all it is YOUR party and should invite who you want. Not have guests inviting others too without your permission.
He wasn't keen cos he wanted a quiet one as well apparently. How it got out of hand from there I don't know. I suspect the friends are putting a bit of pressure on him and he's trying to keep everyone happy and unfortunately failing miserably from all angles from the sound of it.
There are two options (or compromises, I suppose) --
1. ask if he would be 100% responsible for his friends at your party, such as willing to sort his friends out as soon as they get out of hand. There's always a possibility he'll promise now and doesn't deliver during the party because he sounds like he cares a lot about what they think.
2. suggest he could spend half the evening with his mates and join your party alone before midnight. There's a chance he won't turn up in the end.
Otherwise, if you back down now and let his friend have their way, he'll let them do it again in the future, so stand firm or do whatever you feel right doing. He'll learn your boundaries, but entirely up to him to accept those boundaries. Of course, you'll learn what his priorities are. And up to you whether you like those.
Comments
He wasn't keen cos he wanted a quiet one as well apparently. How it got out of hand from there I don't know. I suspect the friends are putting a bit of pressure on him and he's trying to keep everyone happy and unfortunately failing miserably from all angles from the sound of it.
I thought as much.
In all honestly, if he was serious about you and your relationship he should be past the whole "the lads come first" bullshit by now.
Why not try this OP, and then later add you will be asking all your friends along?
Seems a good solution imo.
Sounds like it to me as well. If I was him I would have been inclined to ask one or two of my friends who had girlfriends to come along, to at least keep a good mix.
I did consider that but to be honest, travelling here after the pubs close would be a lot of hassle, plus I worry he'd go out and stay out!
Exactly.
When you meet someone you are serious about you change and that person starts to take priority.
It doesn't sound like this guy has quite got there yet.
Even better, why not suggest all the uninvited folks go over to Barry_Johnsons house, I'm sure he'd be happy to have them all
That's the exact thing I'm trying to promote here but it seems they all have to be together. Quite cute really if they were still 8....
Yes, that's exactly it.
He does sound very immature.
Yeah, that's what's becoming more and more apparent sadly
As you're the host, you have every right to invite/decline anyone to your event.I would seriously re-consider if a boyfriend of mine were to give such an ultimatum. Give an inch and they'll take a mile comes to my mind.
I take it that a few of the uninvited are single? His mates knowing that they aren't welcomed in the first place, you never know what mischief they'll be up to in your home..smoking, peeing in your bathtub (heard this once in a pub), etc.
IF you do decide to do the event and succumb to your boyfriend's demand, I would defintely lock my bedroom doors if I were you..
How firm are you if they want to smoke in the house, get rowdy, etc. Will YOU be able to throw them all out. Just hope that they are a bunch of sensible, happy drunks and not angry/depressive/agressive ones..
Personally, I would rather just cancel the event and just go down the pub and have a pint with your bf and your mates..You'll get to ring the new year with your boyfriend and get to see first hand his mates behaviours..And not worry about your home getting destroyed in the process..
Or he is trying to do right by everyone and is getting caught up in a web of his own good intentions.
Incidentally, you are not being unreasonable - I would not expect to be pressured over someone I did not want in my home either. I would dig my heels in too.
I agree, the advice was good. Going out is a good idea in theory but logically, I have a couple of out of towners coming hoping for a quiet one. Also, as I may have mentioned, I'm not handy for anywhere so getting home after would be a bit of a nightmare. I think I'll re-evaluate in the morning but it's looking like it'll be a party without boyfriend. Two years ago I agreed to babysit for new year, bloody wish I'd done that this time!
Yeah, he could well be. It's just too bloody complicated for something that's meant to be lighthearted and fun!
Ha trust me it's not! Though by the potential guestlist it might as well be....:rolleyes:
You could put it on there to announce no one without an invite can come in....
Then spend all day tomorrow with cardboard, glitter and some stickers? I kinda like that idea
Or suggest an alternative address.....
There are two options (or compromises, I suppose) --
1. ask if he would be 100% responsible for his friends at your party, such as willing to sort his friends out as soon as they get out of hand. There's always a possibility he'll promise now and doesn't deliver during the party because he sounds like he cares a lot about what they think.
2. suggest he could spend half the evening with his mates and join your party alone before midnight. There's a chance he won't turn up in the end.
Otherwise, if you back down now and let his friend have their way, he'll let them do it again in the future, so stand firm or do whatever you feel right doing. He'll learn your boundaries, but entirely up to him to accept those boundaries. Of course, you'll learn what his priorities are. And up to you whether you like those.
Oh no! That's what I'm hoping to avoid. I'm not one of these delicate pretty criers. I'm one of those sniffing puffy eyed messes!
Takae - thanks for the advice, I'm pretty sure I've figured out the priorities by now and let's just say I'm not sure I like them!
Sorry, just joking.
Parties are a minefield really. You can choose to only invite specific people and limit numbers, etc - but there will often still be gatecrashers.
If I was having the party, I'd only invite who I wanted there - and sod anyone who didn't like it basically.