I am not well, can't cope and my husband is giving me a hard time
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I have had a hellish few days
Firstly, had an abusive neighbour almost hit my husband for asking him to stop making noise on a day he wasn't meant to make noise.
My mother and his mother are ill
Now I am ill and find it hard to cope
I know he has a lot to cope with but I am still ill and they are going to make noise all day today. I have nowhere to go to relax.
My husband is being a pig towards me because I can't cope. He has been a pig to me when I was ill before when there has been less on our plate.
I am at my wits end. .
Firstly, had an abusive neighbour almost hit my husband for asking him to stop making noise on a day he wasn't meant to make noise.
My mother and his mother are ill
Now I am ill and find it hard to cope
I know he has a lot to cope with but I am still ill and they are going to make noise all day today. I have nowhere to go to relax.
My husband is being a pig towards me because I can't cope. He has been a pig to me when I was ill before when there has been less on our plate.
I am at my wits end. .
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The neighbour was doing building work on a day when they shouldn't have, if i remember rightly...
He goes round there to work as he has an office set up there, so he is looking after her as well.
My mother in law is in Yorkshire, miles from here. We went up there last week to see her in hospital before her op - she seems to be stable now.
We have had to cope with the building noise right above us for 3 months - when they do it within the allowed hours, it is hard enough but had a battle getting them to start at the right time and they have snuck in times when they aren't allowed to do work - Bank Holiday Friday being a day they aren't allowed to work.. They are very aggressive when making enquiries about their progress and asking them to start at the right time. The managing agent has been useless, yet they clamp down on everyone else who breaks the rules. We get the full brunt of their noise, another neighbour gets some but not so bad. We accept people refurb places but they pushed it. When they first begun, she promised to update us and seemed approachable. Since then, she hasn't and we had to almost blackmail her to get her contractors to start at the right time.
My mother got ill last week whilst we were away but sorted her out and she is recovering.
I was coping until I got ill, then my husband gives me a hard time about it. I want to keep away from my mum if I have something contagious as well.
Is this the 'you can't do building work on Good Friday' arguement?
If this work has been going on for months, then I do sympathise but the Good Friday thing not so much, many people have to work as normal.
If I remember rightly, you have a son, but he's grown up? What's keeping you in that poisonous environment? Maybe it's time to start thinking about an exit strategy.
The rules of the block don't allow work at the weekends or Bank Holidays. I don't make the rules here.
My son got it in the neck for drilling one hole on a Saturday afternoon way back, yet these people get away with working at weekends and Bank Holidays. We feel you should be able to do some work on Saturday afternoons and Bank Holidays but they say you can't. We had to prohibit our contractors working on those days.
I expect to have peace on those days when they say you can't make noise on those days.
You are right, I have been talking about this before but when I get so low, it is hard to leave. I get to the point of feeling I will fail and go under if I leave.
He has been a lousy husband who has put me through hell since early in the relationship but as I was so young, I thought it was normal.
He lets people walk over him, yet horrible to me. He undermines me when I try to deal with anything. He spoils everything that is enjoyable. He is horrible then once I cry, he will be nice to me. He has a way of making me out to be the bad guy because I can't cope with his behaviour when I feel unwell. I feel so tired so much as the tension of being with him is so high. He drains me to the point of not being able to do anything.
Also, there is always a reason it isn't the right time. Lack of money, family problems, no jobs.
My son has grown up, so less of an issue.
I am now worried about my mother's health as she has one kidney which is very dodgy. My mother in law has cancer, so the family problems are preventing me from leaving.
We have just come back from going away.
He says he is too busy to take a break for just us, especially as we have just taken time out of work and spent some money.
I wanted to go away with him for a while whilst the work was at it's worst but he was too busy. We would have to come back to it as well.
Every time I suggest we have time to ourselves, he is too busy, yet he finds time for his mum - I don't hold it against him caring for his mum but never has time for us.
We have had stress from neighbours in the past. We had a couple of years where there weren't any problems but he still made it tense. Then neighbour problems came back when the new neighbours moved next door to our last house. We moved out as the lease expired and now our new neighbours are being unreasonable. The neighbours below complain about us walking around the flat.
We have been down south for 5 years. We had a house big enough for us all but it was short term. He got a place but got thrown out for having noisy parties then rented the flat we now own and got thrown out but we bought it and let him stay. We even gave him a job but he fouled that up.
He has now moved out and we moved into the flat - he has a good job. He still runs out of money and my mum is all soft about him being short, yet moans about how he treats her.
My husband moans about his behaviour yet didn't stand up to him when he lived at home.
I say he, my son is now a she/daughter as she is transsexual.
Failing that what about a 2 week on, 2 week off job? I have a friend who goes and cares for elderly people on their own. She lives in 2 weeks and then gets 2 weeks off while someone else goes in. During the 2 weeks you're away he might begin to appreciate just how much you do when you're there.
My friend loves it because they're usually very well off and also have cleaners so she has none of that to do. She is more of a companion. She might take them out for a drive, play board games, watch TV together, make a simple meal for them both, have a wander in the garden .... whatever they want to do but need help with really.
Oh well, food for thought.:)
I know this isn't a complete solution to the problems you are facing but I think you need to get wrapped up and take a bus/or drive out into the countryside and take a walk. I know it sounds simplistic, but sometimes the simple things are the best ones. take youe mobile and tall someone (not your husband) where you are going. Leave a note if you havce to, that way if anyone is worried and goes looking for you they will not think you've run away with the postman. I think a walk in the woods, near to nature can be very theraputic, you don't need to walk quickly aor very far, just stop every little while to listen to the wind and birds in the trees, keep an eye open there are lots of wild flowers and trees coming into leaf.
My current illness is temporary but in the past had hormonal problems that made it hard to cope with work and my husband being horrible at home.
When I did get my degree years ago, it was the recession. The constant rejection and my home life being so bad made me very depressed. Then I got pregnant with my son.
The rejection days still haunt me.
Your suggestion sounds interesting.
I would have to live alone before I could do any form of work, as when I worked, I found it difficult coming home to my husband bringing me down especially when coping with feeling tired or hormonal. I eventually had to give up work as he brought me down so much, my work suffered. Like I say it isn't the first time he has given me hell when I am unwell and not coping.
I would need some time to build myself up to do anything as I am too depleted for anyone right now.
That sounds lovely but worry about being attacked. I usually walk on the beach which is well populated but the weather has been too terrible to get out.
As for the more drastic solutions, I understand that it is incredibly difficult to just walk out of a long-term relationship, but it seems to me that you are stuck in a vicious circle of emotional abuse and depression, and that neither your nor your husband are good for each other. I don't see why you need to stay in the relationship just because your mother and mother-in-law are ill - there's no reason why you can't still care for them if you are no longer with your husband.
I understand that money issues can weigh heavily on the decision to leave, but where there's a will, there's a way. It seems to me that you MUST get out of this destructive relationship, not just for your own well-being, but also your husband's.
In the shorter term, do you not have any friends you could stay with for a little while, just to get a bit of space to get your head together and make some longer-term plans for the future? Hell, if I was in your position, I would even consider renting a room in a cheap B&B for a week or two.
There are lots of places with other people around that you can walk, for example, public parks, botanical gardens. Even just go to a museum and wander around there, or take a book and go and sit in a cafe for a couple of hours.
Years ago, when I had a young baby and was in tears because she wouldn't stop crying, the health visitor asked me what I WANTED to do (as opposed to what I thought I should do) - I said I just wanted to put the baby in her cot and shut the door for 15 minutes. She said, go ahead, you've checked everything, put her down and have a cup of tea, when you've done, she'll either have stopped crying, or you'll be better able to deal with it. It was a life-saver and I've never forgotten it, it gave me back control. Sometimes we just need to create a space, however small, to get our perspective back.
You get to be there as she recuperates and get some space away from him and the noise.
Then don't go back!
I think you'll find that women's aid organizations exist to help women who are in extreme physical danger from their partners, which the OP doesn't seem to be. Places are limited, and they're not for people who just want a rest (for a start, they're not exactly restful places, they're full of very troubled women and their small children).
I stayed with my daughter but she works shifts and it didn't work out.
I don't want to infect my mum with whatever is wrong with me. Had a high temperature today and had a bad headache - I think I picked something up from the hospital the other day. She is suffering enough at the moment but think she is on the mend now.
Thankfully, it was quiet today but couldn't relax because they can make noise today.
Can't wait till tonight to get some peace and hopefully I will sleep better.
All this has made me think about what I am going to do with my life, but need to get well enough to do something about it!
we just try to keep out of his way as often as we can when hes in a bad mood. try not to say anything that annoys him
No-one else is allowed to even breathe funny in our block.
The owner was more defensive about her feral builder than caring about our health and stress
I am so upset because I lived in the block as a child and people knew how to behave and it was run better. The setting is out of this world and the location is close to the beach and town but it is getting ruined by vile people. I don't want to be driven out but not sure how much I can take of the management company condoning rule breaking from this one person, yet clamp down on any minor misdemeanor others do.
My husband still has a bad habit of saying he is more ill than me whenever I reach my limit of coping. I can cope with anything if I feel OK but been dragged down for 3 years by outside circumstances and him being vile when at a really low ebb pushes me too far!
I/We have a lot to deal with - I am worried about my mum leaving it a week to get medical help, when she could have got help sooner. She is waiting for an operation to help her. My mother in law has cancer and just had emergency surgery. We run our own business and picking up the pieces where our daughter didn't pull her weight.
I offered to stay with her but as we live so close, she said she would call us if she got worse. She likes her own space and to be honest, she has never been a tidy person, so her place is rather horrible to stay at. We tidy it up but within a hour, it is disgusting again. One of the reasons I left home was her squallor and she has a habit of rooting through my things when I am out and throwing out what she considers to be rubbish without checking with me.:mad:
My daughter's place is a tip as well and hates us touching anything, so dare not tidy it up. I go round there when she is out on days to escape the noise in the week out of desperation.
My mother in law is OK for a couple of days but my husband says she gets really bossy and interferring after that. Her place is small anyway and a long way from us. He is put off living close to her as she would be harder to cope with than my mother, according to him.
He has bad psoriasis which is not responding to any treatment. He is grossly obese as well. Any attempts to lose weight have failed as well.
He is obviously affected and stressed too so make allowances but he still has no right to be nasty when I can't cope!